Chapter Text
Mordecai always slept the best after just the right amount of beers, and tonight’s sleep was one of those nights. He shifted in his sleep as he dreamed about coming across a bubbling creek during a peaceful walk in the woods. The water was beautiful, but he had to admit the noise it made didn’t seem quite right… as he was lulled out of his sleep, he realized it was actually the familiar sound of Rigby taking a ridiculously big bong rip, which would soon be followed up with violent coughing. So not exactly sparkling creek, more just dirty bong water.
Mordecai rolled over and desperately tried to will his way back to sleep, until the night before started coming back to him… Benson’s new rule…
“Rigby!” Mordecai shot up in bed. “Stop, Benson said we can’t smoke inside anymore!”
Rigby’s rip cut short, he only let out one quick cough. “What, like we’re supposed to smoke outside in the park?”
“We also can’t smoke on park grounds during opening hours,” Mordecai responded glumly. “Don’t you remember?”
“Yeah, and Benson was drunk!” Rigby protested. “He didn’t mean it.”
“No dude, we were drunk. He wasn’t. It’s a Wednesday.” Mordecai pulled himself out of bed.
“God, at least open the window,” he sighed, walking over and pushing it open. “And give me the bong.”
Rigby gave Mordecai his full attention for the first time now, suddenly suspicious. “No,” he said, pulling it closer.
Mordecai rolled his eyes. “I just want a hit.”
“Oh.” Rigby handed it over.
“Well, if we can’t smoke inside or outside for like, most of the day… what are we gonna do??” Rigby cried, watching Mordecai clear the bowl.
Mordecai set the bong down and kept fiddling with the lighter, flicking it on and off. “Dunno. Honestly I think that’s kinda the point. But we seriously have to cut it out after this.”
“Dude. What’s Benson gonna do, fire us?”
Mordecai blinked at Rigby. “Yeah, dude.”
“Oh. Well, shit.”
They sat in silence for a minute, until Rigby started packing another bowl.
“Seriously!?” Mordecai cried.
“No, I have an idea. We’ll just smoke a lot right now, make it last the whole day. We’ll do it outside!”
“Dude, you know that’s not gonna work at all and we’re just gonna be way too high for like two hours and then sober and like, kinda tired for the rest of the day, right?”
“Yes. However… do you have a better idea?”
“…No.”
“Sick, let’s go.” Rigby jumped up. “Bring the grinder, will ya? There’s a ton in there.”
An hour later Mordecai and Rigby dragged themselves to the morning meeting, and immediately Benson was glaring at them. Or maybe, Mordecai reasoned, feeling himself grin a little. Maybe it was just in his head, and everything was fine. Yeah, he liked that idea.
“Mordecai and Rigby!” Benson snapped. “If you ever show up to your job. That you’re getting paid for. This stoned ever again, you’re fired!!!” He shouted.
Fuck.
It seemed like too much time passed before Rigby said, “Wait, is it that obvious?”
Benson turned red. “Yes, you idiots.”
“Well what are we supposed to—“
“Got it!” Mordecai jumped in, cutting off Rigby’s whining. “Sorry, ahh, no this is totally our bad. But never again. You’re right. Uhh… boss. You’re right boss.”
Mordecai almost saluted the man. He had to put effort into not lifting his hand up to his forehead like some kind of chump.
“You know who else shows up to work totally stoned?” Muscle Man chimed in, already chuckling. “My mom!!!”
Benson groaned and started running through the agenda for the day, none of which Mordecai paid attention to.
“Now get to work!” Benson finished, promptly getting in a cart and driving away.
“…Okay, but seriously.” Rigby said. “What are we supposed to do?”
“Yeah, I dunno.” Mordecai replied. “And also, like, specifically today. What was our job?”
The ever-reliable Skips turned to them. “You guys are just supposed to rake up leaves all day.”
Rigby raised his eyebrows. “Oh, rake up leaves? Is he taunting us or something?”
“No. That’s all he trusts you to do in your current state. And always.” Skips deadpanned.
“Well that’s great,” Rigby said, dripping with sarcasm.
“Skips, you got any advice for our predicament?” Mordecai asked.
“Just get a hobby.”
“Hey, we have plenty of hobbies!” Rigby protested.
“Then do them.”
“We will!” Rigby called after Skips, who was already leaving.
“We’re gonna hobby so hard, he’ll see.” Rigby muttered angrily.
“Hmm. Hmm.” Mordecai nodded.
Skips actually had a point, but so did Rigby. They could hobby! They could hobby hard. They were gonna start hobbying so hard, they wouldn’t even remember weed existed.
Well… at least until the park closed for the nights.