Work Text:
“Crosshair?”
Crosshair doesn’t bother turning over to look at Hunter, content to just continue staring at the wall. He tries to remain as still as possible, hoping that he can prevent Hunter from catching on to the fact that he’s crying. He cups a hand over his mouth to stifle any noises and tenses up to prevent his shoulders from shaking, but he can’t prevent a choked, gasping noise from escaping.
He feels the bed dip next to him and a hand being placed on his shoulder.
“Hey…” Hunter starts. “Talk to me, Cross.”
It had taken about a week after the destruction of Tantiss for it to fully hit him. He knew that Tech was gone, he had cried and had had a heart to heart with Echo on the beach, but that had been it. Everything had been nonstop and with everything happening so fast he didn’t have much time to actually let it sink in, let alone to properly mourn and grieve. Then, he had been walking around with Omega and had seen some flower that his twin would have probably liked and known about, so he had turned over his shoulder to call out for him.
It was only a couple of seconds before he remembered. That Tech was de-
He felt like he had been punched in the gut, like he had had the wind knocked out of him. He had nearly crumbled to the ground, and would have if he hadn’t gripped the railing and Omega hadn’t rushed over to support him. He doesn’t remember much after that, but there’s flashes of feeling like he couldn’t breathe and gasping for air, Wrecker carrying him back to their house, himself repeating Tech’s name over and over again, and he thinks he might have been physically sick at some point. He remembers Hunter’s concerned face and Echo putting him to bed and then sitting there rubbing his shoulder until the sedative Hunter had given him took effect.
Or maybe he had cried himself to sleep, he isn’t fully sure; he had been an absolute wreck .
“Cross, it’s been two days,” Hunter starts. “You need to eat.”
No, he doesn’t. He’s perfectly fine with just sipping broth in his bed, content to not consume real food because Tech will never be able to eat again and it’s all his-
Crosshair closes his eyes and takes some deep breaths.
His stomach hurts, like it had been hurting for most of the time since he escaped from Tantiss due to a combination of new food issues, intense psychological trauma, and overwhelming grief and guilt. It’s rare for him to go a single week without throwing up now; he had already had a pretty sensitive stomach before Tantiss, but now it was a complete mess . Echo had discussed looking into how he could get some special anti-nausea meds for Crosshair, since he didn’t want his youngest brother losing any more weight.
“Tech would want you to eat…” Hunter says, and Crosshair turns around and immediately snaps.
“Well Tech isn’t here now, is he?” Crosshair sneers, words so full of venom and anger that Hunter jerks back as if he’d been slapped. However, he can’t take Crosshair’s harshness seriously when he immediately deflates and looks up at him with the saddest, wettest eyes and lets out a small sob.
“Aw, Cross…” Hunter coos, immediately pulling his little brother close to him. Crosshair immediately clings onto Hunter and buries his face into his shirt as his eyes flood with more tears and his body is wracked with gut-wrenching, uncontrollable sobs. Hunter rubs his back as he continues to shake and cling onto Hunter’s shirt, which grows wetter by the second.
“He’s dead, he’s dead,” Crosshair sobs. “Oh Force, Hun- Hunter-“
“I know, Cross, I know,” Hunter soothes, trying not to cry himself. “Shh, just let it out.” Hunter says nothing after that, just focuses on holding his baby brother close to his chest and letting him cry.
“Hey, Cross, brought you something to eat.”
Crosshair tiredly looks up from his spot on the bed to see Wrecker standing next to him holding a tray and looking at him with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.
“Not hungry,” Crosshair grumbles. It’s not exactly a lie, since he does feel vaguely sick at the thought of consuming anything, but his stomach does occasionally growl from the lack of food.
Of course it chooses that exact moment to betray him by growling loudly.
“Ha guess I was right to get you something from the market,” Wrecker chuckles, placing the tray on Crosshair’s nightstand and sitting down next to him on the bed. “Echo warned me to not get anything too heavy for you, since it could make you sick, but I got him to compromise and let me get you a pastry. But you can only have it if you feel alright after eating the soup Echo made. The kid also made you some tea. Apparently it has a lot of nutrients and electrolytes. I tried some and it’s not half bad.”
“Not eating,” Crosshair asserts, glaring at his brother. Wrecker looks sad and hurt, and Crosshair almost feels bad enough to just give in immediately.
Almost being the key word.
“Cross, this ain’t healthy for you,” Wrecker explains softly in the voice he usually reserves for Omega or a sick or upset brother. “You lost too much weight on Ta- over there. Remember what the doctor said and what Echo told you.”
“Too bad,” Crosshair sneers before turning around to face away from Wrecker, hoping that will get him to leave.
There’s a few moments of silence, and Crosshair allows himself to be hopeful that Wrecker is getting ready to leave when suddenly Wrecker breaks the silence.
“I watched… as Tech shot the cable… and then fell.”
Crosshair feels his blood run cold as tears prickle his eyes.
“He wanted to get you back so bad,” Wrecker continues, and Crosshair hears how his voice shakes as he sniffles. “He missed you so much; even though he had Echo and Omega to sit with him and listen, it wasn’t the same. He wasn’t as chatty as he used to be. Wasn’t as much of a menace either, though I guess the racing was pretty menace-like. You would have been encouraging him if you were there.” Wrecker lets out a wet chuckle and Crosshair can tell the big guy is crying without even looking at him. “The point is… Tech did what he did because he wanted you to be with us again. I had to watch him accept his death and watch him fall. And you…just laying here and not eating ain’t gonna bring him back. His death won’t mean anything if you die too.”
“It would still mean something!” Crosshair turns abruptly to yell. “How could you even say that? It got you guys out! It kept the kid safe! If I didnt survive it would still mean something. Don't ever say it wouldn’t mean anything!”
Crosshair deflates and feels a hint of guilt when Wrecker looks as if he’s been struck, but ultimately hopes Wrecker will take the bait and yell back at him or leave or maybe smack him, he doesn’t know.
But damn Wrecker and his emotional intelligence.
“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Wrecker says, more serious than Crosshair has ever heard him. “And I know what you’re trying to do; I ain’t falling for it again. So eat your food or I’m getting Echo. Might even get Omega too.”
Crosshair scowls at Wrecker, and his older brother glares back at him. Crosshair half wants to see if Wrecker will actually do it, since he’s bluffed before about tattling on him to Echo, but he knows that whenever it comes to one of their healths or well-being, Wrecker never bluffs or plays around.
So, with a heavy sigh, Crosshair sits up and grabs a spoon.
“I thought I’d find you here.”
Crosshair turns from where he’s idly tracing shapes in the sand to look up at his oldest brother, who is currently wearing the ridiculous sunhat that he loves so much.
“Guess Hunter’ll be out of a job now that we’ve got a new tracker,” Crosshair says sarcastically.
“He’d like that; he’d finally get to be someone’s spoiled househusband,” Echo snarks back. “Imagine my surprise, when I go to check on you and see that the bed is completely empty. I thought you’d been taken in your sleep or something. Or Hunter had missed one of his hourly checks.”
“You underestimate me; they would have returned me within five minutes,” Crosshair smirks.
“I think it would be less,” Echo shoots back. “But Hunter said Wrecker spoke with you last night and somehow got you to eat. He then said he saw you leave your room this morning. I’m not sure what Wrecker said to you, but I’m glad to see that you’re up and outside. Plus it gave me some time to open the windows and air out your room. Hunter’s putting some fresh sheets on your bed and hopefully is burning the old ones.”
“Hunter probably thinks my room is the pinnacle of cleanliness, given the state of his bandana and our old barracks,” Crosshair jokes. “He’s not in any place to make judgment.”
“Maybe not, but I can,” Echo jokes back. Then, he grins mischievously before saying, “Stinky.”
“Old man,” Crosshair shoots back.
“Wow, tell me what you really think,” Echo laughs. He then turns serious and sits down on the ground next to Crosshair with a grunt before saying, “I’m glad that you’re here with us. I…know that it’s hard for you to feel that; I felt that way myself for a long time. You wonder why- why he’s gone and you’re here. But we need to honor them by continuing on.”
“How do you do it?” Crosshair asks so quietly that Echo almost doesn’t hear him.
Echo sighs and his face suddenly looks much older than Crosshair has ever seen. He takes a deep breath before responding, “It’s not easy. I’m not going to lie and say it ever will be; it still hurts so much and I feel that loss every day in different ways. You learn to continue on though. You kind of build around it and try to think mostly of the good times. Letting yourself remember them and think of them is something that I think helped the most. At first I didn’t want to think about Fives at all; it just hurt too much. But that just makes it worse, as I’m sure you remember.”
He does; it had been a couple months into Echo being with them and Crosshair had been planning to mess with Hunter when Echo had accidentally called him “Fives”. Crosshair hadn’t understood the significance of what was said, since he didn’t know who Fives was at the time other than someone who Echo would call out for during some nightmares, but Echo had immediately broken down. He had been in awful shape for a few days, to the point that Hunter had made the decision to call Rex so he could talk to Echo. They aren’t really sure what Rex said, but after a few hours, Echo had emerged from his bunk and had begun to tell them about his twin, Fives. Crosshair remembers how it had suddenly clicked for him and Tech just how Echo had been able to tell that they were twins so easily right after meeting them; he was a twin himself.
“The point is,” Echo continues, “it doesn’t go away or get ‘easier’ in the way that you might think, but you need to address it head-on, and that makes it easier to adapt and grieve and work around it so it isn’t as painful anymore. Of course there’s still the pain of the loss and bad days, as you know, but they get further and further apart. You…also get used to it. Them being gone, I mean. I used to always turn over my shoulder to tell Fives a joke or make a comment, but eventually I stopped having that instinct to do that. And that’s okay. I felt guilty for beginning to move on, and sometimes I still do, but I know if the situation was reversed I’d want him to move on too. And he did to an extent- went and adopted a couple of shinies from what Rex told me. And I’m glad that he did so he had someone to keep him company; I never would have wanted him to be sad and alone.”
“You think Tech has anyone keeping him company?” Crosshair asks, looking off into the horizon.
“Think? I know he does,” Echo says, following Crosshair’s gaze. “I asked Fives to look after him, and based on his track record, I’d say Fives added another little brother to his flock. They’re probably having a great time causing chaos, between Tech’s willingness to experiment and Fives never backing down from a challenge, they’re probably terrorizing the others who’ve marched on too. Plus, they have Hardcase and Hevy in the mix.”
“How can you be so sure?” Crosshair questions.
“I just have faith in what I know,” Echo says. “And if those who’ve marched on are anything like they were when alive, Tech’s in good hands. ‘Sides, Fives and I still have that twin connection, even though he’s not here anymore. I just…feel his presence sometimes or he’ll send me a sign. Now I’m no Jedi, but that has to count for something.”
“Mhmm,” Crosshair replies, not really knowing what to say. He then asks, “How will I know? If Tech sends a sign, I mean.”
Echo chuckles. “As cheesy as it sounds, you’ll know it when it happens.”
“Crosshair! Look!”
Crosshair had been invited, well, rather dragged out of the house, by Omega to go on a walk around Pabu. He did have to admit it was a beautiful day outside, since it wasn’t too hot or humid, and the birds were singing and he could hear the waves. Batcher was with them, of course, given her extreme reluctance to leave Crosshair’s side and her need for exercise. Omega had decided to explore a new part of the island that had beautiful plants and flowers, and was now calling Crosshair from around the corner of the path they had been on.
“What is it?” he asks. Knowing Omega, it could quite literally be anything, so he doesn't even know what to expect. Well, he knows it isn't a threat, given how Batcher is still cheerful and relaxed as she eagerly trots over towards Omega.
“Just come see!” Omega instructs, waving him over. He sighs and follows her, wondering what’s got her all excited when he suddenly stops in his tracks; in front of him is a vast array of orchids in varying shades of yellow.
“The word orchid comes from the Keerg word ‘orkhis’, which means testicle,” Tech explains, typing away on his data pad, probably something to do with the picture he just took. “That is why the procedure to remove one or both testicles is referred to as an orchiectomy. Several medical terms actually come from Keerg root words or Nital root words, actually.”
“What the fuck, Tech, I literally just sat down?” Crosshair screeches, wincing at the information his twin just shared and shuddering at the thought of having his balls removed.
“Look ahead of you,” Tech says, pointing in front of them. Crosshair isn’t sure how he missed it, but there are a bunch of orchids in front of them in many different colors.
“Huh, not bad for a flower named after balls,” Crosshair chuckles, prompting a glare from his twin.
“You may laugh all you would like, but these are fascinating flowers,” Tech says. “Obviously all flowers have their meanings behind them, as I have researched, but with orchids, like roses, each color has a different meaning. For example, white orchids symbolize purity but can also symbolize elegance and innocence, whereas pink orchids can symbolize happiness or fertility. I am partial to the yellow orchid, given the fact that it is my favorite color.”
“Do you know what that symbolizes?” Crosshair asks, chewing on a toothpick.
“Hmm, let me see if they describe its meaning in this article,” Tech replies, eyebrows furrowing as he skims through the article. “Ah yes, the yellow orchid- new life or new beginnings and is normally sent with the intent of brightening someone’s day.”
“Mhm,” Crosshair nods. He truthfully isn’t sure what to make of the meanings of these flowers, and he doesn’t really get how these flowers can have meaning, but it’s something Tech finds interesting, so he is just content to listen and take it all in. “I’d still rather not dwell too much on the origins of the word.”
He immediately realizes that he should have kept that last bit to himself by the upward quirk of Tech’s mouth, a clear sign that he was plotting something, usually something to annoy one of his brothers. Sure enough, from that day forward, Tech always brought up the connection between orchids and testicles whenever they saw an orchid, just to push his twin’s buttons.
“Crosshair?”
He’s snapped back to the present by Omega looking at him with concern, clearly worried that he’s about to have a flashback or panic attack. Her concern then turns to confusion as Crosshair reaches out to touch the flowers and then she becomes even more confused when Crosshair lets out a watery laugh, thinking about what Echo said the other day and trying to blink back tears as he looks up at the sky.
This is his sign from Tech.