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Beomgyu doesn’t know how things went to shit so fast.
One moment, he’s enjoying dinner with Yeonjun; a dinner they cooked together with lots of laughs and bickering and kisses. It cheered him up significantly after the day he had. The next moment, Soobin shows up on their doorstep only hours after he dropped the biggest bomb imaginable on Beomgyu.
He’s drunk off his ass and Beomgyu momentarily forgets all of his whirlwind feelings of anger and confusion and whatever else that kiss caused inside of him to haul him inside and park him on the couch.
Yeonjun looks miffed at the interruption and Soobin’s general state, but he still fluffs up a pillow for him and places it under his head. Soobin reaches out to grab Yeonjun’s sleeve.
“I know you hate me...” he slurs.
Yeonjun frowns. “I don’t... Soobin, what? I don’t hate you.”
“I messed everything up with Tyun and now he knows...” Soobin continues.
Beomgyu isn’t all that surprised that Taehyun sought out Soobin after witnessing the last remnants of their fight earlier. He can only imagine what went down and he feels hot anger boiling inside of him. Soobin shamelessly used Taehyun again.
And now he somehow messed up?
Yeonjun glares at Soobin at the mention of his best friend.
“What do you mean?”
“He knows everything now,” Soobin says, looking at Beomgyu. “I’m sorry... I’m so sorry, Beomie I didn’t mean to...”
“What is he talking about?” Yeonjun asks. “Why does he think I hate him?”
“I kissed him,” Soobin says before Beomgyu can attempt an explanation, his eyes half closed even though he was seemingly determined to stay awake. Beomgyu freezes and Yeonjun’s frown only deepens. “It wasn’t Beomie’s fault, though, I promise, it was all me.”
Yeonjun’s eyes land on Beomgyu, confusion evident on his face. Beomgyu’s guilt comes back tenfold. He should have told him.
“You two kissed?”
“No, I–” Beomgyu says, cutting himself off. “He kissed me, and I told him to go.”
“And you didn’t tell me because...?”
Beomgyu averts his eyes. “I didn’t know how...”
When he looks back at Yeonjun he looks at Beomgyu as though he slapped him in the face. “I see.”
“Jun–”
“No, I need to think,” Yeonjun says. “Just... I can’t do this right now.”
Beomgyu calls after him once more as Yeonjun makes his way past him and out of the apartment. He runs a hand through his hair frantically before his eyes land on Soobin again. He’s sound asleep and blissfully unaware of the chaos he just caused.
Still, he lets him sleep and hides away in his room. He paces nervously, considering calling Yeonjun and begging him to come back so they can talk about this. But he knows that Yeonjun needs to clear his head first. He’ll take a walk and then crash at Kai’s or Taehyun’s.
It’s hard to stay rational, but he knows he can’t rush Yeonjun into hearing him out.
Beomgyu wants to pull out his hair in frustration.
“I’ve been in love with you since we were seventeen...”
Soobin’s confession from this afternoon hasn’t left his mind. Paired with the kiss that took Beomgyu entirely off-guard. He’s not sure how he hasn’t seen it. But now it’s here, and it’s actively blowing up his relationship. If only he hadn’t been so stupid to keep this from Yeonjun.
He doesn’t sleep that night. Instead, he paces for a while longer, sits down, gets back up again. He checks his phone religiously every three minutes to see if Yeonjun texted. The whole situation is so messed up.
Soobin is in love with him. Soobin kissed him. Soobin has been using Taehyun the entire time.
God, Taehyun.
Soobin said he knows, and Beomgyu hasn’t even considered until now how he must be feeling about all of this. After all, Beomgyu spent enough time comforting Taehyun because of Soobin.
He opens Taehyun’s contact. This is all his fault. Taehyun had to suffer because of him, so maybe Beomgyu deserves what’s coming to him.
Beomgyu 04:14 AM
I’m so sorry.
He places his phone down and crawls onto the bed, leaning against the headboard and bringing his knees to his chest. What is he going to do now?
*
Soobin is still asleep when Yeonjun comes back the next day. After Beomgyu talked to Taehyun on the phone he felt a little more at ease, but there is still so much underlying anxiety about the talk he inevitably needs to have with Yeonjun.
When Yeonjun enters the living room he looks apologetic which makes Beomgyu want to cry. Yeonjun had nothing to be sorry for.
“I shouldn’t have run out on you like that, Beoms...”
Beomgyu shakes his head and hugs him. Yeonjun wraps his arms around Beomgyu and for a second it feels as though everything might be alright. But then Soobin stirs on the couch and Yeonjun throws a brief glance at his sleeping form, a stormy expression taking over his face.
Beomgyu takes Yeonjun’s hand and gently leads him into their bedroom, closing the door behind them.
“Can I tell you what happened?”
Yeonjun still looks a little sour, but he nods and sits on the tail end of their bed. Beomgyu remains right where he is, leaning against the door.
“You know I made lunch plans with Tyun yesterday and Soobin said he wanted to drop by briefly because of that game I lent him,” Beomgyu starts. Yeonjun only nods, fiddling with his own fingers, leg bouncing slightly.
“He looked distraught when he came by, and I asked him what was wrong. He told me he’s been bottling up a lot of feelings and I thought he was talking about Taehyun. I thought he was going to tell me that he realized that how he acted wasn’t it and that he actually did care for him. Instead, he... he kissed me and told me he’s been in love with me since we were teens...”
Yeonjun’s face twitches slightly as he tries hard not to react.
“I told him he couldn’t just drop that on me and kiss me no less,” Beomgyu continues, his voice smaller. “There was a lot of yelling on his part about how I didn’t understand how hard it was for him to see me with you and how he thought–”
Yeonjun looks up when Beomgyu cuts himself off. “How he thought what?”
“I never told you this...” Beomgyu trails off. He gets that sinking feeling in his chest that everything is about to get much worse.
“Didn’t tell me what, Beomgyu? I’m begging you...”
Beomgyu lowers his head. “I lost my virginity to Soobin.”
Yeonjun’s eyes widen slightly. “Oh...”
“We made this stupid pact when we were young. We weren’t the most popular and there weren’t that many queer kids around. Everyone was dating and doing stuff except us, so we said that if we hadn’t dated anybody by the time we graduated, we’d just... get it out of the way. And so, our graduation party rolled around and... yeah...”
“I see,” Yeonjun says quietly. “That explains a lot. So, you’re saying he thought because you two slept together before you somehow had feelings for him too?”
Beomgyu nods. “I didn’t know it meant that much to him. I didn’t know he’d already been in love with me at the time. Things just went back to normal afterwards. We spent the summer with our respective families and went to different universities, but we kept in close contact as you know. I dated that guy from the music department in my freshman year, Soobin had a girlfriend at some point. We both gathered some experiences in college and never really spoke of that night again... and then I met you.”
“Yeah...” Yeonjun says.
It sounds empty. Beomgyu hopes it’s because he’s still processing.
“Yesterday, he said that he didn’t know if I actually didn’t catch on to his feelings or if I was acting oblivious to spare him and so I didn’t have to deal with my own feelings. So there was also a lot of yelling on my part when I told him to go fuck himself. And then he left. I promise, Junie, that's all there is to it.”
“Then why didn’t you just tell me that?” Yeonjun asks, his tone almost anguished. “We’ve always been open about everything. And open-minded.”
“I was scared. Nothing like this has ever happened before, so I didn’t know how to breech the topic,” Beomgyu says. “And you looked so happy yesterday because you’d had such a good day at work and then we were having fun, and I didn’t want to risk ruining the mood and I know that ended up working out just great. But I need you to know that I’m sorry, Junie. I was up all night kicking myself for not being open because I love you and I don’t want to ever do anything that could mess that up.”
“I love you more than anything, Beomgyu, you know that. But last night, for the first time in our relationship, I couldn't trust you 100%.” Yeonjun’s eyes are brimming with unshed tears.
Beomgyu’s heart drops to his stomach. He remembers Yeonjun’s expression after Soobin first mentioned the kiss.
“If you’d told me right away, sure, I would have been extremely pissed at him. But I would have heard it from you. I would have been able to trust that you tell me these things and I would have been able to let it slide. But hearing it from him of all people... I don't know how to be okay with that.”
Beomgyu clenches his fists, nails digging into his palms to stop himself from breaking down. “So... what does that mean for us then?”
Yeonjun looks pained. “I don’t know. With everything that happened and everything you just told me... maybe we should...” His voice breaks and he turns his gaze to the ceiling, blinking away his tears and clearing his throat. “Maybe we should take a break...”
“But why?” Beomgyu asks, sounding pathetic even in his own ears. “Why can’t we talk about this?”
“We are talking about it, Beoms... I just don't know...”
“Don’t know what?” Beomgyu asks, desperation gnawing at him. The need to resolve this, the need for Yeonjun to look at him and hug him again makes him almost crazy.
“Do you have feelings for him?”
Beomgyu stops in his tracks, staring at Yeonjun like he’s grown a second head. “You did not just ask me that.”
“What am I supposed to think? You tell me you have a history and he kissed you and now he's on our couch?!”
“You know damn well that’s only because he was drunk last night! He’s my best friend. No matter how much he fucked up I would never forgive myself if I sent him away like that and something happened to him!” Beomgyu doesn’t like to raise his voice, especially not at Yeonjun but it feels like...
“Beomgyu...”
“You know what, maybe you're right,” Beomgyu tells him. “You said it yourself, you don't trust me, so why don’t we just end it while we’re at it? It feels like that’s what you’re gunning for right now anyway.”
Yeonjun looks at him, stunned. Tears are running over his cheeks and he’s still so beautiful it makes Beomgyu’s heart ache harder.
Then he nods once. “Fine. Whatever you want.”
And before Beomgyu knows it, Yeonjun is gone.
Beomgyu sinks onto the bed, next to the spot Yeonjun sat mere seconds ago. His and Yeonjun’s bed. He jokingly calls it their marital bed half of the time which always makes Yeonjun take his hands and tell him he’ll marry him someday. Like a promise.
Only that just went away.
Beomgyu didn’t think Yeonjun would actually be on board with breaking up. He doesn’t even know what rode him to say all of that. He wanted to fix it five minutes ago and instead, he suggests this?
Beomgyu curls up on the bed, vision blurring with tears when his nostrils are flooded with Yeonjun’s scent, making his absence all the more jarring.
*
Beomgyu doesn’t sleep that night. He knows that Soobin left at some point, having heard the front door. He’s glad he did so without seeking Beomgyu out. Even when Kai texts him to let him know that Yeonjun crashed at Taehyun’s and he can ease his worries about his whereabouts, Beomgyu can’t find rest.
How could everything get so messed up?
One moment they’re talking about marriage and now they’re breaking up...
Beomgyu never once imagined a life without Yeonjun ever since he met him. It took two meetings for Beomgyu to know that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Yeonjun by his side.
Despite the anger Beomgyu feels at himself for messing up the best thing in his life, he can’t help but be furious at Soobin, still.
Which is why he almost slams the door in his face when he shows up on Beomgyu’s doorstep again the next morning.
“No.”
“Beomgyu,” Soobin says, making him stop in the middle of shutting the door. He looks like shit, Beomgyu notes. And maybe that’s what causes him to cave. He opens the door completely and invites Soobin in with a reluctant nod of his head.
“I wanted to come by and apologize again. Sober, this time,” Soobin says once they’ve made it to the living room. “Sorry I just left yesterday but I woke up and nobody was around, and I was embarrassed enough as is.”
Beomgyu crosses his arms over his chest, not looking at him.
“I guess I have to make rounds to deliver all the apologies I owe...” he continues. “Gyu, will you please look at me?”
Beomgyu gives him a blank look. Soobin looks like he regrets asking.
“Listen, I was completely out of line the other day.”
“Not just the other day,” Beomgyu finally says. “You’ve been acting like a complete ass for a while now. You hurt Taehyun too, and you have been for ages.”
Soobin, to his credit, looks more apologetic than Beomgyu expected. “There’s no excuse I can make for that. I was terrible to him. And as soon as he’ll let me, I’ll apologize to him separately.”
“Okay,” Beomgyu says coldly.
Soobin comes the slightest bit closer. “I’m so sorry, Beomgyu. For kissing you, for telling you I’m in love with you... and for getting drunk and showing up here.”
“You should be,” Beomgyu retorts. “Yeonjun and I broke up.”
Soobin’s eyes widen and he takes another step closer, half opening his arms before seemingly thinking better of it. “I never meant for that to happen.”
Beomgyu glares. “Didn’t you?”
“Of course not,” Soobin insists. “I didn’t know that you didn’t tell him. You tell him everything...”
“Not everything, apparently,” Beomgyu says with a heavy feeling in his chest. “We’ve talked about previous partners before, but I never did end up telling him who I lost my virginity to.”
“I mean he already doesn’t like me, I’m sure it would have made things tense.”
“No, what made things tense is you imploding our relationship!” Beomgyu snaps and Soobin instantly sinks into himself. Beomgyu takes a breath. Yelling at Soobin, as much as he may deserve it, won’t salvage his relationship either. “I’m sorry, this is all just too much.”
Beomgyu tries to calm himself down but it’s getting harder to block out the urge to curl up and bawl.
“No, you have every right to be angry at me,” Soobin tells him, his own voice sounding choked.
Beomgyu sniffles, the dam finally breaking. “I just want him back...”
Soobin gives in to the urge to hug him this time. Ignoring the churning anger and resentment in his gut, Beomgyu lets himself cry on his best friend’s shoulder. Soobin’s hands rub soothing circles into his back, and he rests his chin on top of Beomgyu’s head.
“I’ll make it right, I promise...”
Beomgyu wants to ask him how he intends to do that but the doorbell rings, interrupting him before he can speak. He extracts himself from Soobin to open the door. Mentally, he squashes down his tiny flare of hope that it might be Yeonjun. There is no way he would ring his own doorbell.
It’s a pleasant surprise, regardless, when he finds Kai standing there. He is promptly pulled into another hug that nearly makes him sob. Kai is warm and sturdy, he smells amazing and Beomgyu has no issue letting himself melt into his comforting embrace.
“Gyu–” Kai tenses, making him pull away. He looks up and sees Kai glancing past him, his expression uncharacteristically grim.
“I was just leaving,” Soobin says, squeezing past them and down the hall.
“What was he doing here?” Kai asks carefully.
Beomgyu wipes a sleeve over his face. “Apologizing.”
Kai scoffs and the sound is so unfamiliar from him that Beomgyu almost laughs.
“I haven’t forgiven him yet, don’t worry.”
If Kai means to comment on his use of the word ‘yet,’ he doesn’t show it. He drops the topic of Soobin completely and regards Beomgyu.
“What can I do?”
Beomgyu wraps his arms around Kai again. “You’re already doing it.”
Kai smiles and continues to hug Beomgyu for as long as he needs. “It’s gonna be okay, you know.”
“I don’t know if it will be,” Beomgyu says dejectedly. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this miserable before in his life. Though he recalls a close second with the very man right in front of him.
“I’m sorry... I don’t think I can do this. As much as I want you two, I don’t think it’s right. At least not at this exact moment.”
Beomgyu inhales Kai’s scent. He’s missing Yeonjun so bad, but being comforted by Kai, he realizes he’s missing him too. Even though he’s right here.
Kai pulls away and gives him a fond look that nearly makes Beomgyu risk it all. He misses Kai’s lips, his touch...
No, he thinks, he’s just vulnerable right now and Kai is here for him, looking like this. But he’s also clearly into Taehyun. And Yeonjun basically walked out of here five minutes ago. This would only complicate things.
“You should eat something,” Kai tells him.
Beomgyu needs to get himself together, but truth is, he’s been thinking about Kai more often ever since he became a fixed part of their friend group. He went years without mourning the ‘what ifs’ and being happy with Yeonjun.
Hell, he loves Yeonjun more than anything.
Kai could have been the exception.
“Gyu...”
Beomgyu snaps out of it. “I’m not hungry.”
Kai pouts. “Please? I know this hurts right now but don’t neglect your health. C’mon I’ll make you something.”
“Okay,” Beomgyu caves with the hint of a smile.
Kai beams and heads to the kitchen. As usual, when Yeonjun is cooking, he sits on the counter. He watches as Kai rolls up his sleeves to wash his hands, his most recent tattoo coming into view.
“So...” he trails off. “How’s Tyun doing?”
Kai hums as he rummages through the fridge. “He’s doing a lot better than I first expected. He was mainly pissed off about everything.”
“What exactly is everything?” Beomgyu asks, leaning onto his palms. Uneasiness settles in his stomach. All he knows is that Soobin and Taehyun fell out after Soobin messed up somehow and now Taehyun knows Soobin’s been in love with Beomgyu the entire time. And that he was used.
Kai looks sheepish. “I’m not sure I should be the one to tell you...”
“Please, Kai. I’m scared to even look Taehyun in the eye because I don’t know what Soobin told him.”
“Well,” Kai says, still looking awkward as he begins to prep the ingredients. “Soobin didn’t exactly tell him anything. Tyun more or less put the pieces together.”
Beomgyu frowns. None of Kai’s words do anything to reassure him. “Kai, please. I can’t talk to Taehyun or Soobin about this. But it’s about me so I need to know. Please.”
He feels close to tears again. Everything is so messed up and he doesn’t even fully understand the part he’s played in it.
“Fine...” Kai says, patting Beomgyu’s thigh reassuringly. “But I want you to know it’s not your fault. It’s Soobin’s.”
Beomgyu is once again shocked at Kai’s cold tone when he utters Soobin’s name. He’s usually such an angel, never really gets mad at anyone, so for him to be this pissed off...
“After witnessing your fight and looking after you he went to check on Soobin. He had him blocked for weeks but he said he was worried. And he thought he was over him.”
Beomgyu’s heart aches for his friend. Taehyun has been into Soobin for as long as Beomgyu has known him. Guilt gnaws at him again.
“Well, I don’t have to elaborate. He wasn’t. Taehyun said they were hooking up and suddenly Soobin kinda...” Kai trails off, averting his gaze.
“Soobin kinda what?”
Kai exhales. “He said your name.”
Beomgyu stops in his tracks, eyes widening. “Like... while they were...” he trails off with a gesture. When Kai nods, Beomgyu buries his face in his hands. “Oh god...”
“Yeah...”
“This is so messed up,” Beomgyu laments.
Kai comes to stand in front of him, arms caging him on the counter. “Gyu. It’s not your fault.”
“I feel like it is...” Beomgyu says, pouting. “What kind of friend am I to be so oblivious to Soobin’s feelings?”
“Soobin made a choice. He chose to act the way he did. That’s not on you.”
“I know...”
“Good.”
“That won’t make Yeonjun come back, though. I messed up bad, Kai.”
Kai looks at him, his warm brown eyes full of conviction. “Yeonjun loves you. There’s no way you two won’t fix this.”
Beomgyu sniffles and Kai reaches up to wipe his tears before Beomgyu even processes that he’s crying again.
*
“Distract me,” Beomgyu says. His lack of sleep has him drowsy sprawled out on the couch, head resting on Kai’s thigh. He ate a few bites of the meal Kai made him before giving up, his stomach feeling too knotted to even think about food.
“Hm? How?” Kai asks.
Beomgyu shrugs and unsuccessfully tries to bite back a yawn. “Tell me about your life. The years we didn’t see each other.”
Kai chuckles fondly and pats Beomgyu’s head. “There isn’t much to tell I’m afraid.”
“Come on, there has to be something.”
“Hm... well, I fixed up the bar after getting manager. I focused on work a lot, saved some money. Nothing special, really. To be honest, I was a little lonely since we all know I’m not the best at making friends.”
Beomgyu pouts at his words. “Nobody special?”
“No,” Kai retorts. “I went on a date here and there but nothing really...”
“Felt right?” Beomgyu finishes for him.
“Yeah... and I was fine with it. I didn’t need a partner. I wanted friends, mostly. That’s not to say it wouldn’t have been nice to be with somebody.”
“So Tyun...?”
Kai laughs quietly. “I know you and noona tried to set us up.”
Beomgyu doesn’t even have the decency to be embarrassed. “We did.”
“And I really like him. I more than like him, actually.”
Beomgyu smiles, though his heart also hurts a bit at Kai’s words. He doesn’t want too much thought on the ‘why.’ Especially since he’s genuinely happy that Kai and Taehyun seem to hit it off so well.
“Have you told him?”
“Yeah,” Kai says, though he doesn’t elaborate. His tone implies a somewhat positive outcome, so Beomgyu doesn’t pry.
“Good... you deserve good things, Kai.”
“So do you, Gyu...”
*
Beomgyu is somewhat okay right up until the minute Kai has to leave for work. Still, Beomgyu assures him that he’ll be fine.
“Talk to Yeonjun, okay?” Kai urges him.
Beomgyu’s throat constricts at the mere thought, but he nods. Kai hugs him in the doorway and the Beomgyu watches as he takes off.
He pulls out his phone before he can change his mind and opens Yeonjun’s contact, saved as ‘love of my life.’ He tears up again as he texts.
Beomgyu
junie... i’m sorry
please come home
let’s talk
I love you.
Beomgyu hits send before he can talk himself out of it. It’s late so he doesn’t expect a reply. He doesn’t even think about sleep, too wired from having set himself up for rejection.
What if he blew it with Yeonjun for good? What if Yeonjun doesn’t even bother to respond and the next time they see each other is when he comes to pick up his stuff?
The rest of Beomgyu’s night is spent in similar fashion, alternating between worrying while pacing and worrying while laying down.
It’s morning and Beomgyu is dead on his feet when he finally forces himself to shower. He takes his phone to the bathroom, pathetic as he is, so he almost slips and cracks his skull open when he hears the buzzing sound against the sink.
Dripping wet and half-lathered with soap, Beomgyu checks his phone.
love of my life
i’m on my way
well almost
I love you, Beoms
so much
Beomgyu almost crumples to the tiled floor, relief washing over him. He reads Yeonjun’s messages over and over again before he remembers he was in the middle of a shower. And Yeonjun will be here any minute.
He hops back in with renewed vigor, making sure to be extra thorough, detangling his knotted hair and lathering himself with his favorite body wash.
Once he’s showered and dressed, he starts pacing around the living room again, biting his nails anxiously.
The beeping of the passcode makes him perk up and it takes absolutely everything he has not to run and hug Yeonjun. Words first.
Yeonjun walks in, looking stunning even in baggy clothes and with disheveled hair.
“Hi,” Beomgyu says breathlessly.
“Hi,” Yeonjun replies, a half-smile tugging at his lips. “Beoms...”
“I’m sorry, Junie...” Beomgyu blurts out before he can stop himself. Yeonjun catches him in his arms before Beomgyu even realizes he moved. “I’m so sorry about everything.”
“I know, my love,” Yeonjun says softly, holding Beomgyu tightly.
“I should have told you about the kiss and it’s not because of any feelings, I swear, Junie, I just–”
Yeonjun pulls back and cups Beomgyu’s cheeks. His eyes are already shining with tears again. “Breathe, Beoms...”
“I don’t want you to leave me again...” Beomgyu admits, sniffling.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Yeonjun promises. “I hate being apart from you.”
“But...” Beomgyu looks at him, brows furrowed. “You had every right to be angry.”
“And I was. I am,” Yeonjun clarifies. “Most of it is directed at Soobin, though.”
Beomgyu lowers his eyes. “Some of it is for me, too, though, right?”
“It’s hurt more than anger.”
That’s almost worse, Beomgyu thinks. The last thing he’s ever wanted was to hurt Yeonjun.
“I’m sorry,” Beomgyu says, trying to be calmer this time. “I promise you I’ll never keep anything like this from you ever again.”
Yeonjun smiles and caresses his cheeks. “I know, love.”
“I was scared of making things worse. I didn’t even know Soobin saw me like that and suddenly...” he trails off. “I was overwhelmed. That doesn’t make it right, though and I get why it hurt you to find out like this.”
Yeonjun nods slowly. “Truth is, I was imagining the worst.”
Beomgyu bites his lip to keep from sobbing.
“Hey...” Yeonjun says gently. “I love you, Beoms.”
“I love you, too,” Beomgyu cries, burying his face in Yeonjun’s chest. “Can you forgive me?”
“I’m already on it,” Yeonjun tells him, gently patting Beomgyu’s hair.
It stings a little, the implication that Yeonjun hasn’t forgiven him completely yet. But Beomgyu understands.
“For the record, I’m still okay with you kissing other people as long as you tell me about it.”
Beomgyu laughs wetly. “Same here. And I’d really have told you had I seen it coming. It just caught me off guard and with everything that already happened with Soobin and Taehyun I thought...” he cuts himself off. “I was stupid. I’m sorry...”
“I’m ready to move past it,” Yeonjun says.
“Full disclosure before we do any moving,” Beomgyu says, looking up at Yeonjun earnestly. “Soobin stopped by here and apologized to me.”
“And how’d you leave things?”
It doesn’t take much for Beomgyu to see the sour expression the mention of Soobin’s name put on Yeonjun’s face.
“In limbo. I’m so angry at him...” he trails off, hesitating.
“But... you miss him...”
“Yeah,” Beomgyu admits, unsurprised at Yeonjun being able to read him like this. “I’m sorry.”
Yeonjun shakes his head. “He’s your best friend. I get it. And I know I said I didn’t trust you, but I do. And if you choose to forgive Soobin then I’ll accept it, regardless of my own feelings towards him.”
“I’m not sure what I did to deserve you.”
Yeonjun laughs fondly. “Come here.”
Beomgyu doesn’t need to be told twice. He leans in to kiss Yeonjun, contentment flooding him at the familiarity. It’s only been a few days, but it feels like an eternity has passed since he last got to do this.
God, he loves this man so much.
“Junie...” Beomgyu mumbles against Yeonjun’s lips. He doesn’t even know what he wants to say. All he knows is that he never wants to let go of Yeonjun ever again. No matter who he does or doesn’t have feelings for, he needs Yeonjun in his life.
Yeonjun wordlessly leads him to their bedroom, and it feels so right to be here with him again after spending the past few days alone in a bed that is so blatantly theirs.
Beomgyu lets Yeonjun lie down first and climbs on top of him, kissing him again. He feels Yeonjun’s hands on his waist and groans quietly. He pulls back to pull his shirt over his head, legs straddling Yeonjun’s hips.
“Babe,” Yeonjun chuckles when Beomgyu yawns the second his shirt hits the floor.
“I’m sorry,” Beomgyu says leaning down to press a kiss to the corner of Yeonjun’s lips.
“You’re tired, we can do this later,” Yeonjun says fondly. “How long has it been since you last slept?”
“Napped a little when Kai was here yesterday,” Beomgyu admits, nuzzling the crook of Yeonjun’s neck.
“Then you’ve got some sleep to catch up on. I’ll be right here when you wake up,” Yeonjun says. “I promise.”
Beomgyu snuggles against Yeonjun’s warm body. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, darling.”
“I’m sorry I broke up with you.”
“Already forgotten,” Yeonjun tells him.
*
It’s dark outside when Beomgyu wakes up and for a split second, he wonders if Yeonjun coming back was only a dream. He pats the spot next to him, exhaling in relief when his hand lands flat on Yeonjun’s bare chest. He rolls onto his side and throws a leg and an arm over him, burying his face against Yeonjun’s shoulder.
“’M here...” Yeonjun says sleepily.
Beomgyu presses himself closer, lips finding Yeonjun’s neck. His breath hitches when Yeonjun squeezes his waist. His hand squeezes Yeonjun’s pec as he sucks a mark into the skin of Yeonjun’s neck.
Yeonjun makes a pretty little whiny sound at Beomgyu’s ministrations and slides a hand under his shirt and up his back. Meanwhile, Beomgyu is headed the other direction, his fingers trace over Yeonjun’s perky nipple before wandering over the planes of his flat stomach and down to his waistband.
“Can I?” His voice is mostly a rasp from sleepiness and disuse.
“Always,” Yeonjun tells him, promptly keening when Beomgyu wastes no time to slide his pants down enough to wrap his fingers around his rapidly hardening cock. “Fuck, Beoms...”
Beomgyu shifts, moving further down the bed and getting Yeonjun completely out of his sweats to settle between his parted legs. He lazily strokes Yeonjun’s cock, looking up to gauge his reactions. Yeonjun’s brows are furrowed, pretty lips parted in quiet whines.
Yeonjun’s breath hitches when Beomgyu’s lips trail along his cock, leaving tiny kitten licks here and there.
“You always make the prettiest sounds for me, my love,” Beomgyu tells him before wrapping his lips around the head of Yeonjun’s cock. He gags a little when Yeonjun’s hips stutter and he thrusts inside, probably deeper than he meant to.
An apologetic hand comes to run through Beomgyu’s hair. “Sorry.”
Beomgyu pulls off and kisses his head. “All good. Can you grab the lube for me?”
Yeonjun complies, one arm thrown over his head while the other reaches for the drawer in their nightstand. It doesn’t take him long to locate their frequently used bottle of lube. He holds up a condom in question, but Beomgyu shakes his head, watching as Yeonjun drops the little package back into the drawer.
Beomgyu takes his sweet time after Yeonjun hands him the lube, slicking up his fingers and circling them around Yeonjun’s entrance. He trails wet kisses along the insides of Yeonjun’s sensitive thighs, tongue swirling over the copious amounts of ink adorning his boyfriend’s skin.
He’s unnecessarily careful when he presses the first finger inside. Yeonjun keens, immediately begging for more, but Beomgyu feels no rush whatsoever. Sure, his cock is straining against the mattress, but his sole focus lies on Yeonjun right now. He pumps his finger in and out of Yeonjun’s hole, licking a stripe up the underside of his leaking cock.
“Beoms...” Yeonjun whines, desperate fingers tangling in Beomgyu’s hair. “Please, I need more.”
Beomgyu sucks the head back into his mouth at the same time he adds a second finger, lapping up the spurt of precum Yeonjun leaks as a result. Beomgyu sinks down further on Yeonjun’s cock, crooking his fingers just right. He hums pleasantly when Yeonjun’s cock twitches and swallows around it.
Yeonjun nearly sobs as Beomgyu adds a third finger, squirming on the mattress. Whether it’s from pleasure or desperation, Beomgyu doesn’t know.
“Gonna cum,” Yeonjun whimpers, hips twitching in that telltale way that indicate he’s close.
Beomgyu pulls off his cock with a wet pop and retreats his fingers. Yeonjun slumps back against the bed with a petulant whine. Beomgyu chuckles and shimmies out of his own shorts before coming up to press an apologetic kiss to Yeonjun’s lips.
“Figured you might want more,” he says with a smirk.
Yeonjun pulls him closer, locking his legs around Beomgyu’s hips. “If you don’t fuck me right now...” He slides his hands up Beomgyu’s back under his shirt, the feeling of his fingers leaving a hot trail on his skin.
“Then what?” Beomgyu grinned.
“Babe...” Yeonjun pleaded. “I need you...”
Suddenly overcome with his own feelings of desire, arousal and adoration, Beomgyu kisses him, trailing his hand along his thigh. Yeonjun’s hips cant up, grinding against him desperately.
Beomgyu reaches for the lube, finally gaining a sense of urgency as he wastes no more time, slicking himself up and pressing against Yeonjun’s entrance. He sucks in a sharp breath when Yeonjun’s nails dig into his skin as he presses inside, slowly.
Yeonjun pants, nails dragging down Beomgyu’s back. “Move...”
It was supposed to sound demanding, Beomgyu knows, but Yeonjun is so worked up, so needy, it comes out as a plea. Still, Beomgyu complies, drawing back to shallowly thrust back inside. He takes Yeonjun’s bottom lip between his teeth to keep him from biting it and hiding his noises.
Their bed creaks when Beomgyu begins to pick up the pace. Yeonjun moans unabashedly, back arching off the mattress. His cock drags against Beomgyu’s stomach, creating friction, so it doesn’t exactly surprise Beomgyu when Yeonjun cums, hard, with a shout of his name, already having been worked up from his previous ministrations.
“Keep going,” Yeonjun pants and Beomgyu groans, arousal pooling in his gut as he keeps up his pace even as Yeonjun screams hoarsely with overstimulation. He’s moved his hands to Beomgyu’s biceps now, holding on for dear life.
Beomgyu’s hips snap against him, creating lewd sounds in the quiet night. He’s close, his movements becoming more erratic and uncoordinated. Yeonjun is still hard, he realizes. He wraps his fingers around his cock, eliciting a high-pitched whine from him.
“Too much?” Yeonjun shakes his head, lips parted and tears spilling over his face as he promptly comes again.
Beomgyu is close behind this time, only needing one, two, three more thrusts before he stills and fills Yeonjun up with a fucked-out moan. He slumps down on top of Yeonjun for a moment before rolling off him, not wanting to be too heavy for him.
Yeonjun reaches for him, intertwining their fingers and Beomgyu turns onto his side to kiss him, deeply, trying to convey everything he couldn’t say with his words or actions just now.
“I love you,” he adds for good measure.
“I love you too,” Yeonjun replies, still sounding a little winded, but satisfied. “More than anything.”
Beomgyu’s heart lurches in his chest at the familiar words. He kisses Yeonjun again and draws him close. They cuddle for a while and almost fall back asleep before Yeonjun’s voice of reason kicks in and they wash up.
Afterwards, they get back into bed, stark naked, blissed out and everything is the way it’s supposed to be.
Almost.
“Hey, so...” Beomgyu starts, tracing absent-minded shapes into the skin of Yeonjun’s chest. “I don’t know if this is the right time but I kind of had a bit of a realization lately and since we talked about feelings and honesty and all that shit, I figured you should know...”
Yeonjun doesn’t move, though he tenses the slightest bit, making Beomgyu’s anxiety spike. “Know what?”
“I was with Kai yesterday... he cheered me up and maybe it was because I was missing you so much, but I don’t think that’s it. I think I still have feelings for him,” Beomgyu admits, closing his eyes, though Yeonjun isn’t able to look at him in the darkness of their bedroom.
Yeonjun’s body relaxes again. “Oh.”
“Oh?” Beomgyu repeats. “Not the reaction I expected.”
“No, I just... I thought this was gonna be about somebody else.” Soobin. He doesn’t say his name, so Beomgyu chooses to follow suit. “It’s okay, Beoms... um, you know, about Kai. I mean...”
Yeonjun hardly ever fumbles with his words, so it’s enough of an indicator to tell Beomgyu what he needs to know.
“Oh,” he says this time, perking up when he connects the dots. “Since when?”
Yeonjun contemplates, sighing wistfully. “Since always, I think...” he says. “It’s like my feelings for him were dormant, but never really gone. Ever since he told us that he couldn’t date us something has felt... incomplete.”
Incomplete.
That’s exactly it, Beomgyu thinks. When he was with Kai the previous day, he missed him more than he had during the time they weren’t keeping in touch.
“Back then when I realized that he liked me, I liked it because I liked the attention, I think,” Yeonjun continues. “But when you said you wanted to give this a try, I think I actually let myself fall for him. And you know me, I fall fast.”
“And very hard,” Beomgyu supplies.
Yeonjun hums in agreement. “So, when he came up to us and ended it before it even started, I was so scared of what would happen to you and me. So, I tried to forget. I didn’t let myself be in love with him anymore. But I can’t help but wonder if it was our fault that Kai felt like it wasn’t the right time for us. Did we not show him that we wanted him enough? Could we have done anything different? Did we have sex too soon?”
“Wow, this is really gnawing at you, huh,” Beomgyu said, splaying his palm over Yeonjun’s chest and giving it a soothing rub.
“It’s crossed my mind once or twice these past few days specifically. I never really let myself go there before.”
“We talked about Kai sometimes, though,” Beomgyu says contemplatively. He feels Yeonjun nod.
“And I was in major denial about feeling anything but plain old fondness for him,” Yeonjun replies. “But now that he’s a constant in our lives again, now that Taehyun knows everything we didn’t tell him back then... it’s like the floodgates opened...”
“I get what you mean,” Beomgyu mumbles. “He and Taehyun are really good together, though.”
“They are,” Yeonjun agrees.
“Kai is in love with him,” Beomgyu continues.
Yeonjun nods again. “Figured as much.”
Silence falls over them for a few minutes and Beomgyu thinks Yeonjun has fallen asleep before he speaks up again.
“Taehyun asked about it,” he says. “When I was at his place. He asked if I think it could have worked.”
“What did you tell him,” Beomgyu asks.
“I told him I didn’t know...” Yeonjun replies. “I wanted it to. But I’m happy with you, Beoms. I never want you to think you’re not enough for me.”
“I know that.” Beomgyu smiles and kisses Yeonjun’s cheek. “I’m happy with you too.”
Yeonjun pulls him closer again, exhaling softly when Beomgyu nuzzles him.