Chapter Text
The man that I love sat me down last night
And he told me that it's over
Dumb decision
"Escapism" by Raye
Rin promised himself a long time ago he would never go back to Okinawa.
That vow held out for the last ten years. To sit down and go through all the work he did to let those memories go would take a lifetime. It took ages just for him to stop measuring time by how many weeks it had been since he bottled sand stars on Iriomote island or kayaked the mangroves at Gesashi Bay. Rin had to redefine everything.
Now he’s sitting across from his sister with an engagement ring on her finger and he wonders if those ten years of emotional work were for naught. Rin tries to keep his expression neutral but his voice is another story. “You and Isuzu want to have your wedding in Okinawa?”
Gou nods like she can hardly contain herself. “It’s always been a dream of mine.”
Shit, that’s right. Okinawa was their childhood home and Gou had a fascination with weddings as a little girl. But I’m going to marry a mermaid princess, she clarified for their dad as they hunted for crabs on the beach. Rin had sighed in irritation but their dad nodded like this was a serious matter.
Will you move to the ocean with her, their dad asked, or will you live together somewhere close to me?
Gou looked just as concentrated. You can come visit us at the beach, can’t you? Her eyes widened. Is that too far for you, Dad? You’d still come see me, wouldn’t you?
Before Gou could have a meltdown, their dad swooped her up and laughed in delight. You couldn’t keep me away if you tried!
“Where in Okinawa,” Rin asks, focusing on her with dread.
Gou traces the snowflake design on her latte mug. “Neither of us are really interested in a hotel venue. I’ve always pictured a beach wedding and Isuzu thinks it would be exciting.”
“Isuzu thinks most things are exciting,” Rin says, trying to lighten his own mood.
Gou chuckles. “We were thinking of having the guests arrive maybe two weeks before the wedding so everyone can use the time as a vacation. Isuzu offered to pay for everything.”
“Is pro gaming that lucrative?” Now Rin’s seriously rethinking his life choices.
“Apparently so.” Gou’s smile fades as she glances at the cafe floorboards. She adjusts her cardigan like she’s preparing herself for something. “We were thinking about having the wedding in the Kunigami district.”
Rin’s heart sinks. Of course Gou wants to get married somewhere close to their old house.
“I think it’d be a lot of fun for our guests since the aquarium will be nearby,” Gou defends. “So are the castle ruins and the pineapple farms.” She pulls her sleeves over her hands, fidgeting. “We haven’t booked anything yet though, I wanted to bring it up with you and…” Her shoulders lower in defeat. “See how you feel about things. Sorry. I planned this better in my head.”
Rin gives her a doting look. “You don’t need my permission to have the wedding of your dreams, Gou.”
She smooths down her bun and looks out the cafe’s glass wall to the snowy streets of Tokyo. Pedestrians walk by with their scarves fluttering. “I know it’s a tender subject for you, nii-chan.”
“What is?” His voice dries. “Marriage? Okinawa?”
She meets his eyes. “Both.”
He rubs his thumb over where a ring used to sit on his finger. He didn’t know what to do with himself when the tan line faded. “I’ll be okay,” he reassures. “Like you said, this is your dream. I -” He braces himself. “I fully support you.”
Gou remains guarded. “How would you feel if I invited him?”
“Who?”
She raises her brows pointedly and Rin cannot breathe.
Gou worries her lip. “Isuzu and I go to Okinawa every summer. We occasionally have dinner with him.”
There’s been a few times in Rin’s life where he felt like he accidently opened the window to a reality he was never supposed to live in. This is one of those instances. “You have dinner with my ex-husband?”
Gou winces. “Not during every trip but enough times that it would be rude not to invite him.”
“Rude?”
“Rin.” She braces her elbows on the table and rests her face in her hands. “I’ve known Sousuke my entire life. Do you remember the first time Isuzu and I vacationed together? It was years ago. I told you Sousuke offered his place to us because he was away on business. We needed to save money and you said it was fine.” She crosses her arms, irritated. “You didn’t speak to me for a month afterward but either way, you gave me the go-ahead.”
“I didn’t know it had become a normal thing,” he says weakly. Every beat of his heart grows strenuous and uncomfortable. He wishes he were somewhere dark underwater.
Gou isn’t an abrasive person - never was and especially isn’t now as a sports psychologist - but ever since she met Isuzu, she’s walked through life with the confidence of someone well-loved. Rin used to be fearless like that. Their mother, too. Gou does not hesitate to look Rin right in the face as she says, “How was I supposed to tell you?”
He doesn’t have an answer. He should have all the answers for her like the man of the house always does. They were both grown when their father died yet that title branded itself to Rin the moment he found out what happened. Ever since, he’s felt like the man of a house on fire that won’t stop burning. He’s spent years trapped inside. It won’t collapse. It won’t be done and over.
Rin couldn’t even be a proper man in his marital home in Okinawa.
“You’ve made your point,” Rin relents. He gazes at her apologetically. “Invite whoever you see fit. I’ll take these next few months to prepare myself so don’t worry about me, okay? Don’t worry about anything.”
Gou ducks her head in relief, then smiles shyly. “I’ll do my best but you know how Mom gets about these sorts of things. She’s been…” Gou takes an overwhelmed breath. “Very hands-on with wedding planning.”
Rin smirks. “Me and Sousuke knew we were screwed when she took that first event planning course online. I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you now that she’s got her own business here in Tokyo.” His heart will break if he thinks about his mother standing aside by herself near the altar, reliving her own love story with each wedding.
“I caught her facetiming Seijuurou the other day! Turns out she’s calling all the groomsmen to make sure they understand exactly which shade of indigo their vests should be.” She shudders all over. “I was mortified.”
“You could always elope.”
“She would kill me,” Gou says with gravity. “She almost killed Sousuke when he suggested it for the two of you.”
Rin nods solemnly. “I probably should have let her.”
“Oh my god!” She covers her giggles and glances over her shoulder, hunkering down and looking so guilty as she laughs. “Don’t say that!”
“Relax, tell yourself I’m kidding.” He beams. “Can’t wait. Definitely won’t be savoring your misery one bit while Mom circles your ideas like a vulture.”
Rin spends the next three months in the Whitsunday Islands for Australia’s charter season. As a yacht captain offering luxury trips, there’s plenty for him to worry about. Work takes up all his concerns until he receives Gou’s wedding invitation via Facebook. Her engagement pictures are from her proposal on Kouri Island. The famous pair of heart-shaped rocks jut from the water in the background as Isuzu swings Gou around in a victorious embrace.
Rin stands right there in the middle of the captain’s cabin doing nothing but staring at his phone. This is really happening. His sister is getting married to the love of her life and Rin’s going to have to look his ex-husband in the eye for the first time in ten years.
“Oi, cap.” Chris knocks on the door after he’s already swung it open. “One of the yachties just saw a tiger shark east of the dock. David wants to take some pictures with that new waterproof camera of his. Wanna tag along?” The engineer already has his goggles and snorkels in hand.
Rin swallows. He wouldn’t have the words to respond in Japanese, much less English.
Chris looks him over, then nods at Rin’s phone. “You right?”
“Yep,” he remembers how to say. “Go ahead without me.”
“You sure, mate? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Mhm. No. I’m perfectly good.” He locks the screen and tosses his phone in the direction of his bed. It sails clear across the room and hits the wall. He and Chris stare where the phone lays.
Chris clears his throat. “If you need to talk about something…”
“I’m gonna lie down I think.” He needs a forty-eight hour nap to process a goddamn Facebook invite. It’s bad for him.
“Okay. We’ll bring you something home for dinner.” Chris pats the door twice. “Night night!” He clambors up the stairs toward the ruckus of excited crewmates.
Numbly, Rin closes the door and locks it. He retrieves his phone before curling up on his bed and biting his thumbnail in the dark. Opening the Facebook app once more, Rin goes to the wedding page and hovers over the tab to view other people invited.
Would it count as preparing himself if he looked at Sousuke’s social media or is he just a glutton for punishment? Rin hasn’t stalked his accounts in months. He only did it last time because he left a hook-up tipsy and dissatisfied.
That night, Rin felt like he deserved a little peek into what could have been. He told himself it wouldn’t affect his satisfaction with where he ended up. He was just lonely and horny and remembering the promise Sousuke made to him on their wedding night: Sousuke told him from that point on, Rin should expect to come every night before he slept.
Even now, Rin trembles like when he was underneath Sousuke and those words left his lips. Rin believed him with every bit of himself. The only instance Sousuke didn’t make him come was their first time together but Rin still loves thinking about those timid kisses and shy laughs.
“Fuck it,” he sighs. He goes to Sousuke’s page with a sense of impending doom and opens the bio section first as always.
Still works at his family’s restaurant in Okinawa. He’s single?
Rin frowns. Sousuke was engaged just a few months ago and it tore Rin to shreds that night he was fiending for a drunken fantasy. Now he doesn’t know how to feel.
There’s some jealous immaturity still alive inside him at thirty-two years old, so Rin cannot deny feeling a little smug. However, he’s mournful too. Sousuke was a wonderful boyfriend and took being married seriously. He appeared to enjoy marriage during those first few years and he certainly loved providing and taking care of Rin. Who on earth would reject that?
Well you did, Rin thinks to himself. He flinches.
Enlarging Sousuke’s profile picture doesn’t help him understand why the man now has an ex-fiancé. The picture was taken with Kisumi on a deep sea fishing trip. Sousuke is holding up an iridescent swordfish. He’s so lame. He’s so built.
Kisumi is in the background flying overboard as his own catch yanks him into the sea by his fishing pole. Sousuke, of course, dove after him and saved the day.
I’m going to dad’s for the weekend, Kisumi joked when he told Rin about the trip. You won’t revoke his visitation rights, will you? I really enjoy racking up during my two Christmases.
Rin can’t fucking stand Kisumi sometimes. He’d also die for him at any given moment.
Rin nestles his cheek against his pillow. Sousuke aged like a dream, still so burly from everyday labor. He used to come home drenched in sweat after biking around for deliveries or loading up the food truck at festivals. It shouldn’t have been so enticing but Rin couldn’t keep his hands to himself long enough to let Sousuke shower in peace. He knows good and well the man was throwing his fiance around the bed like a ragdoll. What gives?
Sousuke’s undercut is noticeably streaked with gray in the blazing sunlight of the photo. At just thirty-two, a life of hard work is already catching up to him but he wears it well, almost like it suits him. Rin smiles at the picture with a curl of affection. Gods, those crow’s feet around Sousuke’s eyes look so sweet. They make his eyes crinkle even happier.
The picture morphs as Rin’s eyes water and he sits up. Hugging a pillow to his belly, he gazes at the withered photo on his bulletin board. He and Sousuke beam in the Polaroid, just kids slathered in sunscreen. Sousuke is holding up a wimpy tuna, the first fish he ever caught while Rin displays an enormous albacore. He hasn’t caught a fish that big since. His dad crouches between them for the picture, smiling with just as much excitement.
His dad couldn’t even keep his mouth shut when Sousuke asked permission to marry Rin. He ruined all the carefully laid plans for the proposal. Sousuke never wept like he did at the wake.
After the divorce, Sousuke didn’t text on holidays or birthdays but he always texted on the anniversary of the wake. Rin asked him to stop after the third year.
How has he changed? Does Sousuke still sound like he’s drowning when he tries to talk through his feelings on the traumatic turn of events? Does he talk about it at all these days? Rin hopes more than anything Sousuke doesn’t cry alone in his room over it.
Rin rises from the bed with his pillow still hugged against him. He walks up to the photo and sighs at his dad. “Guess we’re going to Okinawa,” Rin tells him. “I’m sure you’ll be interfering along the way.”
Though Rin and his Australian crew only charter from December to March, those brief responsibilities are daunting. Some guests have saved up for their vacation for years and want to be treated like royalty with no consequences for unruly behavior. Rin’s good with hospitality as a captain but never lost his teenage attitude when it comes to stupid people. At least his crew appreciates his protective nature. Overall, the season is a success.
Rin takes up Chris and David’s suggestion for a sabbatical but he only makes it a few days surfing at Bondi. The off-time supplies too many opportunities to overthink Gou’s wedding.
Rin almost calls Sousuke to try and break the ice. How would he even start that conversation? Hey, I know we bared our souls to each other and it didn’t work out but my sister’s getting married. Can we prepare some topics to discuss while we’re around the other guests to offset the tension? Thanks. You turned out so fucking sexy by the way. Wish I could live life with your dick in my mouth. Did your pubes turn silver too?
Diabolical.
To keep his wits about him, Rin leans into his workaholic tendencies full force. He secures his boat in a Sydney storage facility and picks up temporary work in the Caribbean for shoulder season - it doesn’t offer the same monetary benefits of peak season but Rin is desperate to focus on a new challenge.
He finds a captain online who needs someone to run a two-week sailing charter so she can have a little maternity leave. She can’t cancel on guests that booked their vacation two years ago and luckily for her, Rin has an impeccable reputation - professionally that is. She flies him out and the change in scenery is exactly what he needs.
He hangs around the Caribbean after the charter, telling himself he’s just going to relax for a few days before dealing with his personal issues. He picks up a little shipyard work and delivers food to pass the time. It’s not that he’s stalling. He pursues a temporary position with a local snorkeling tour because he’s supposed to use his scuba diving certification. Why should he go home to prepare to see Sousuke again? Being in a familiar place won’t do anything but give him more to overthink.
Before he knows it, the end of June is coming up and Rin is running out of time to waste. It’s like he jolts back to reality when his phone buzzes one Saturday morning.
Rin looks around. He’s wearing a hardhat in a limestone cave. The underground air is humid from the emerald waterfall in front of him. He hears the tramway and numerous rivers. Natural rock-pillars connect the ceiling to the ground. Right, he’s on a walking tour of Harrison’s Cave. In Barbados. He misses his mom.
Rin glances at his buzzing phone and snorts. He should have known going off the grid wouldn’t stop Nagisa. He answers and can’t even get a greeting out before an appalled confrontation screeches through the line.
"Rin-Rin, you bitch! I turn my back for five minutes and you’re globe-trotting in Barbados?!”
Rin glances around nervously. Nobody in the walking tour looks familiar or gives off Nagisa Minion vibes. Rin says lowly, “How do you even know that? Did you bug my phone or some shit?”
“Maybe I’m also in Barbados,” Nagisa taunts. “Maybe I’m everywhere. What the hell are you doing? Gou’s wedding is in a few weeks!”
Rin feels faint at the reminder. He walks along, kicking some pebbles. “It doesn’t take four weeks to get to Japan by plane, you know.”
“Are you okay? I get that you’re a real international man and all but I’m starting to worry if this is like the Greenland Ice Fishing Trip of 2014.”
Rin blushes. “I was twenty-two and newly divorced. I’m neither of those things now.” He’s still running from his problems but that’s neither here nor there, right? “I’m just building up my funds. I feel bad about Isuzu trying to pay for everything with the wedding.”
“You own a superyacht,” Nagisa tells him with slow emphasis. “Cut it out. Talk to me.”
Rin works his jaw. He could hang up. He can keep lying. Neither option would be beneficial and he clearly isn’t working things out on his own.
Rin says, “Gou’s invited Sousuke to the wedding. We haven’t talked or seen each other in a long time. Happy now?”
“No, I’m concerned,” Nagisa says unabashedly. “You know none of us are picking sides, right? The ones who know the both of you, that is. Nobody’s going to gang up on you.”
“I didn’t think you would,” Rin tells him with an apologetic edge. He wanders into another cave to get away from the noisy waterfall and buy himself some time. He takes off his hardhat to wipe his grimy forehead and push his damp hair back. He settles the hardhat back on, then gathers his courage. “I’m afraid I’ll have to defend my life choices, for one thing. Sousuke never understood why I liked traveling.” Something weak and vulnerable tightens in his throat. “He’s not going to be impressed with what I’ve done with my life.”
“Rin,” Nagisa chides in that loving way that feels like a bearhug. “I don’t think that’s true but even if it were, who cares? You don’t owe him anything. You’re doing what you love and you’re amazing at it.”
“Thank you,” he chuckles, holding the phone away to sniffle. He wipes his nose and sheepishly adds, “I’ve also been worrying he’ll think I let myself go.”
Silence fills the line. “I’m going to tell you that all your feelings are valid but just know, I’m thinking you should eat shit.”
“I’ve spent too much time in the sun since I’ve been here! I’ve eaten nothing but chicken curry for months.”
“You also spend your days roping boats to docks. You surf regularly. You run eight miles with Haru-chan every morning when you visit Tokyo. I have it on good authority you could keep up with him no matter what medevial torture Nao puts in his training regiment. Which, by the way: he might announce he’s retiring at the wedding.”
“Haru or Nao?”
“Haru-chan. Pretty sure Nao will be making people suffer long past the grave.”
Rin crouches and runs his fingers through a calm pool of water. “Well, a lot of Haru’s opponents stopped boxing at twenty-eight. He’s over thirty now.” His sigh echoes across the cave. “I’ll give him a call and see how he’s fairing but I don’t see him being depressed. He’s wanted to quit for a long time.” Rin stands and wipes his fingers on his shirt. “I’ve never been able to pin down why exactly he’s kept going.”
Nagisa groans like he’s stretching. “Still, though. I’m not sure if he’s deciding to quit or if he just can’t take it anymore. There’s a difference. Just let him know we’ll be there for him.”
Rin smiles. “You’re pretty sweet sometimes, you know that?”
“And yet my boyfriend is currently bent over a microscope giving a Petri dish of prehistoric cells more attention than I’ve had in forever.”
“Forever, huh?”
“He hasn’t texted me in three hours. Forever, like I said.” Nagisa yawns. “He just got back from a research trip in the Scottish Highlands. He thinks the cells are possibly from a small marine reptile. Or the Loch Ness monster, it’s a toss up.”
“Whoa,” Rin says. “Good for Rei.”
“Yeah, it’s awesome! He needs to hurry up and bank on a scientific breakthrough so I can finally send this two-week notice I’ve kept drafted in my email for the last year.”
Rin ventures back into the cave with the tramway and meanders on the outskirts of the crowd as they take photos of the waterfall. “Who would you even send a notice to? I thought you were the one running things at the travel agency now.”
“Oh I am,” Nagisa scoffs. “I don’t know. Tourism is just wearing me down. It’s getting harder for me to forget work when Rei-chan and I go out and we have to wait an hour for a table at Akane’s restaurant. I’m happy she’s doing well but ever since Kisu-chan became a JBA ambassador and promoted her business, the place has been packed. It’s swarmed even in Okinawa’s off season! I can’t relax when I’m eating there. All I can do is pick out tourists in the crowd and profile which resort they’re staying at.”
Rin tenses and tries to sound casual. “Have you been to Sousuke’s restaurant lately?”
“Which one?”
Rin blinks. “What do you mean? Does he not still run the Yamazaki Steak and Seafood House?” Shit, Rin hopes the business didn’t go belly-up. It’s been in Sousuke’s family for the last eighty years. That would be a devastating loss.
“He still runs it,” Nagisa reassures. “He opened up a second location in Osaka last year. Kazuma manages it but Sou-chan goes up there pretty often to help out!”
Rin’s mouth pops open. The Sousuke he knew had no desire for any part of the world outside his bubble. He was like a deer; never traversing more than a few miles from his home range.
Why don’t you want to try, Rin pleaded. Are you afraid of new places? Do you have travel anxiety? I’d never let anything happen to you.
I’m happy where I am, Sousuke insisted. Why can’t that be enough? He continued dealing with the bills on the table, scrubbing a haggard hand over his face as the kitchen clock hit 1 AM. There’s nothing to dissect, Rin. Go back to bed.
Rin wasn’t satisfied. No. You’re afraid of being somewhere that you don’t have all the control. That’s no way to exist. You can’t live your life like that!
I can’t or you can’t?
Rin’s shoulders drop. “I’m - glad to hear things are going well for him.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “I’m a little shocked by all this. Now I’m not sure if I’ll even recognize him.”
“Don’t worry, he’s disgustingly mature as ever,” Nagisa sighs. He pauses. “Swear you won’t tell anyone this?”
Promises to Nagisa don’t always end well. “If I must.”
“He asks about you.”
Something sparks and flickers inside him. Warmth tingles in his fingertips.
“I won’t spill all the details,” Nagisa says. “Just trust me. He’s nervous about seeing you too.”
Whether Sousuke’s nerves are from anticipation or dread, Rin doesn’t have the courage to ask. “I thought about reaching out to him. Should I?”
Nagisa considers. “I can’t make that decision for you but this isn’t the typical ‘texting my ex’ situation. If you’re both stressing out over the same thing, maybe communicating would help.”
Trepidation slithers through him. “We weren’t exactly the best at that.” He rubs over his naked ring finger. “I’ll think it over and I’ll be home soon. Consider your meddling a mission accomplished.”
“Great,” Nagisa drawls with an obvious smile. “Love you lots. That’s a cute shirt you have on, by the way.”
“The fuck -?!”
Nagisa hangs up cackling.
After booking his plane ticket to Tokyo and double-checking the flight to Okinawa he’ll take with his mom and Haru after spending a few days in the city, Rin spends his last night in Bridgetown in a hotel near the airport. He opens his suitcase on his bed and rearranges his souvenirs, trying to decide which bracelets his friends will like. He takes one for himself and slides it on before his journal catches his eye from the suitcase’s netted pouch.
Rin opens it and touches the childhood photo of himself and Sousuke with their first catches. The lamp light glosses over the kinks and tatters in the Polaroid.
Clinging to a momentary surge of resolution, Rin pulls his laptop across the bed and pauses his playlist. He unplugs his phone from the bedside table and his fingers tremble though the passcode. Finding Sousuke’s number is easy - Rin forgot to unlist him as an emergency contact.
Rin goes to their texts and hovers over the last messages from 2018. Sousuke wrote, I’m sorry this is out of the blue but didn’t they give me some anti-inflammatories after surgery? I need to know what they were called.
Rin replied, From your surgery in 2013? Celebrex and Voltaren.
Thank you.
Rin starts tapping on the screen’s keyboard. He gives up and tries to write it out by hand in his journal. After twenty minutes of spiraling, he decides to keep things short.
Hey. I wanted to reach out ahead of the wedding since it’s been a while. I talked to Nagisa and he said the restaurant’s doing good! That made me happy. I’m happy for you. Let me know how you’re doing.
Rin makes a face. He sounds so bland and stilted. Better than resentful, he supposes. He hits send.
The text message goes from delivered to read in seconds. There’s no response until Rin is getting off a twenty-one hour flight in Tokyo.
He freezes in the middle of Haneda airport and stares down at his phone like a sleep-deprived maniac. Napping was impossible while he awaited a response. His eyes burn with exhaustion, his hair is a greasy mess under his ball cap, and Rin wants to cuss someone out. Preferably Sousuke for keeping him in a never-ending realm of stress during a turbulent flight.
Hey, good to hear from you, Sousuke writes. Sorry, work got busy.
“Oh you shit cunt,” Rin fumes with a surge of murderous indignation. Someone knocks into his shoulder and Rin glares at the businessman’s retreating figure. The asshole has the nerve to look over his shoulder like Rin is the rude one.
Rin flops down on a bench near baggage claim. He reads the rest of Sousuke’s message: I’m doing well. Nagisa told me you’re in Barbados? I don’t know where that is. Hope you’re having fun, though.
Rin’s whole body seethes with the urge to confront Sousuke. It’s a familiar raging tremble from his heart to his mind. He takes a few minutes to attempt to calm himself down. After retrieving his luggage and sitting down at the airport coffee shop with two sandwiches, Rin decides to remain cordial with his response. He types it out.
It’s in the Caribbean. I’m in Tokyo now. Visiting mom before we head down there.
Again, the message is read in an instant. Rin stares at the screen with his eyes narrowed on Sousuke’s typing bubbles. This time, he responds promptly.
That’s cool. Are you living there now? In the Caribbean.
No, he tells Sousuke. I stay in Australia most of the time but I don’t technically live anywhere right now. It probably sounds like a homebody’s nightmare. Rin eats both sandwiches in rapid succession and hugs his churning stomach.
I see, Sousuke writes. Rin thinks that’ll be the end of it until another message rises quickly. I’d tell you everything is the same around here but I still couldn’t give you directions to the house.
Rin squints. Is Sousuke flirting? He can’t be. The house. Did Sousuke never move out of the house they purchased together? He kept it in the divorce but it was nowhere near being paid off. The mortgage was ambitious and money instigated numerous arguments between them. Sousuke could have rid himself of the painful memories in those walls and got himself a nice apartment.
Rin’s stomach ices over. Did Sousuke’s fiancé sleep in the bed they shared?
That’s cool, Rin types back. He doesn’t know what’s cool. His mind is spinning. Sousuke’s typing bubbles pop up and go away for several minutes.
Sousuke tells him, I want you to know I’m looking forward to the wedding and don’t plan on bringing up anything uncomfortable for you. I appreciate you having the guts to reach out. I wasn’t sure where to start.
Thanks, Rin replies. Sorry. This is a little overwhelming.
Sousuke says, I know what you mean. I’m excited to catch up with you.
Rin feels significantly less tired at that. He licks his chapped lip and sits up straighter. Rin types, Me too. I’ll see you there, I guess?
Yeah :) let me know if you need anything. Another message shoots out. Trip-wise, I mean.
Rin’s toes dig together. Lol I know what you meant ;) see you soon.
Later, Sousuke tells him.
“And just who exactly has you smiling at your phone like that?”
Rin startles and clutches his heart as it races from airplane coffee. His mom stands over him with her arms crossed, smiling smugly. She holds up the front for two seconds before attacking him with an embrace.
Rin grunts and catches her against his chest, laughing as he hugs her back. He sways her back and forth happily. “Hi Mom,” he sighs, months worth of tension evaporating. “I missed you.”
“I’m still not sure where he stands,” Rin says as he watches a thunderstorm volley around the cityscape like flashbulbs. The rain distorts his view through the glass wall. “He knew I was nervous and made sure to tell me he wasn’t planning on hashing out the past but why’d he leave me on read for a day? What the hell was that about?”
There’s only fuming silence from the other side of the couch. Rin points his phone screen through the dark and a cushion barrels into him. “Ow?”
Haru’s glare is like blueflame when the thunderstorm flashes. “If you don’t eat a Xanax and stop talking while I’m trying to sleep, I’m actually going to run you over with all three of my cars.”
“I’m the one who hasn’t slept in more than twenty-four hours! And it’s only 7 PM. How can you have a lip ring and still live your life on grandma time?”
Haru isn’t wearing any piercings right now. Rin doubts his lip ring would even slide into place with how swollen his lip is. Dark lesions cut across his face and his right brow is pinned high up by stitches. Haru pulls the covers over his battered chest and grumbles, “Have you ever been punched in the head several times? You’d benefit from it.” He yawns and his jaw cracks. “Makes you real sleepy.”
“Haru!” Rin sits up urgently. “You shouldn’t go to sleep! You could be concussed. You might never wake up!”
Haru snorts in the dark. “God willing.”
“HARU.”
The lights flicker on and Haru contorts like an exorcism. Nao stands at the wall switch, impressed by all Haru’s twisting, then he cuts the lights off again. Nao flicks on a softer lamp in the corner and raises his brows in amusement. “Everything okay in here?”
Rin looks at Nao in distress. “Does he have a concussion?”
“Not this time,” he reassures, folding the sleeves of his luxurious turtleneck. Nao gives Haru a pointed look over his glasses. “Though you might want to consider a later flight for the wedding, Haruka. You know how long it takes for facial injuries to clear up.”
Haru shakes his head stubbornly. “I’m fine,” he grunts.
Nao studies him with that eerie smile before regarding Rin. “I’ll be heading home, then. Call me if anything changes before the flight.”
Rin nods. “Will you be at the wedding, Kirishima-san?”
“Of course. Gou was one of the brightest students in my motor learning course. I’m very proud of her.” He tips his head, planes of lavender hair flowing down. “I never taught Isuzu but Natsuya watches her streams. She seems disorderly. Probably why my husband likes her so much.” He looks at his Apple watch as it lights up and his smile softens. “He’ll be coming to the wedding as well sometime closer to the ceremony date. He’s preoccupied in the Amazon at the moment.”
Rin’s brows jump. “Doing what?”
Nao shrugs. “Exploring. Frolicking. Touching things he shouldn’t. He didn’t go on a work trip, if that’s what you mean. He tells me when he’s getting the travel itch and waits until it’s a good time for me to be by myself.”
Rin hesitates. “That sounds like it could be hard sometimes.”
Nao gives him that stare like he’s peeling Rin’s skin back. He studies him for a few uncomfortable seconds and appears to come to a conclusion of sorts. “We were long distance before I proposed. We learned how to be transparent with each other during that time.” His eyes crinkle. “Honesty is the only path to certain goals in life.”
“I see,” Rin mutters.
Nao glances at Haru as he nestles deeper into the couch, then inclines his head at Rin. “I’ll see you soon, Yamazaki-san.”
“Bye.”
Nao leaves Rin with an uneasy feeling and he curls up facing Haru. Rin whispers, “I think your coach might be a real demon. My soul is hiding in the corner right now.”
Haru doesn’t even open his eyes.
Rin says, “How do you handle all his knowing looks?”
“You mean his staring problem?”
“Yes!”
“He can’t see worth shit, Rin. It takes him a minute to focus on somebody.” He pauses. “I hadn’t considered him being a demon. I was betting on a vampire.”
Rin bites his lip. “He killed someone, didn’t he?”
Haru sighs impatiently and opens his eyes. “This isn’t new information.”
“And he was still able to get a job as a professor afterwards? Then you let him coach you!”
“The death occurred in the legal confines of the boxing ring,” Haru drones. “We all know it’s a possibility.”
Rin goes quiet.
Haru itches his crooked nose. “Just so you know, I’d be careful going to him for marital advice - or any advice you’re not willing to get your feelings hurt over.”
Rin blushes. “You’re stupid. I’m not even married.”
“You’ve been hung up on this Sousuke guy ever since Kisumi introduced me to you,” Haru says. “I didn’t need to know you when you were married to see how it’s still impacting you.”
Rin’s shoulders hunch. “You shouldn’t get philosophical with a head injury. Your brain will start eating itself.” He rubs his aching forehead. “Should I have invited a wedding date or something? Would that make me feel more confident about the situation?”
Haru picks at his black nail polish and doesn’t respond.
Rin props up on his elbow. “You are not bringing a fanboy to my sister’s wedding, Nanase.”
Haru stretches his neck, the butterfly on his throat flaring out. “I don’t have a date.”
“A plaything, then?”
Haru rolls his wrist nonchalantly. “There’s a journalist who might swing by our hotel at some point to interview me but that’s it.”
Rin claws himself across the couch and Haru bristles like a cat. Rin demands, “Who?”
“I just told you. A journalist.”
“A sports journalist?”
“No, he writes for a magazine that does editorial pieces on dirty furniture. Yes, a sports journalist, you dumbass.”
“Fine.” Rin takes out his phone in a flourish. “You don’t wanna tell me about your little boytoy, you’re not the only pro athlete I know. I’ll just ask Kisumi. He knows everybody.”
“Fuck Kisumi,” Haru says as he turns over.
Rin takes the next couple days to spend time with his mom. Gou and Isuzu are already in Okinawa and Rin hates that he missed them but he’s slowly beginning to get excited. His mother takes him to all her favorite shops in Tokyo and hangs onto his arm the entire time. He follows her around the bookstore. He lets her buy him a pair of leather sandals. Rin pays to have her wedding ring cleaned and when they leave the jewelry store she finally says, “How do you feel about seeing Sousuke again?”
Rin hefts her shopping bags along as they walk down the breezy street. “We’ve been texting. It’s cordial.”
Her eyes turn sly. “I’d expect nothing less.” She smiles at a toddler in a passing stroller, scrunching her nose at the boy. “You two were always so influenced by each other’s feelings. Like mirrors almost. It was fascinating to watch.” She squeezes his elbow. “I imagine he’s also feeling the pressure.”
They wait at the packed crosswalk. “Am I that obvious?”
“I don’t think there’s a way to do this without being anxious. It’s natural.”
Rin keeps his eyes on the crossing sign and absently rubs his ring finger with his thumb. His mother watches him do it and says, “He was part of you. You don’t have to run from that. You can’t.”
Rin sighs. “Yeah, I’m starting to figure that out.”
“If you don’t want to rekindle things with him -”
“Mom.”
“I’m just saying.” She nudges his shoulder. “He would be lucky to have you as a friend again.”
Rin’s face pinches. “Thanks.” They move with the crowd over the crosswalk and he goes quiet. Rin knows without a doubt he and Sousuke could heal their friendship. The problem is being friends and nothing more. Even before they got together, there was always something hovering beneath the surface. Waiting.
Rin’s never been able to replicate that feeling while pursuing someone new. The best he can hope for is some fun sexual tension but not even that compares to what he felt as those first curiosities arose about Sousuke. It was like torture watching him from afar and picking apart all the elements of his physique Rin hadn’t noticed before.
Rin had never been more aware of someone and once they gained the courage to act on their desires, he was never so synchronized with another person ever again.
He’s still thinking about those stolen glances across the school gym as he boards his flight the next afternoon. Rin keeps his forehead to the airplane window as his mother and Haru discuss Candy Crush strategies. Rin doesn’t join the debate since his playlist is making him extra nostalgic.
He isn’t alone in a single memory that drifts through his mind, like eating purple sweet potato tarts on the beach and surfing through lunch and dinner. Rin earned himself a broken leg when he bailed on a wave and landed in a coral reef. Sousuke babied him for weeks afterward, purchasing countless matcha drinks for Rin. The matcha on his travels never compared to the tea houses in Okinawa.
He thinks about aquarium dates and ferris wheel kisses. It might be a case of rose-colored glasses but when he steps out of Naha airport and the warm, salty breeze dances through his hair, Rin feels like he’s being reunited with a loved one. Contentment washes over him and he decides right then no matter how the trip turns out, he’s glad he came.
They pick up the rental car and know they’ve made it to the right cluster of villas when a tangerine blur pounces on Rin’s mom. Rin rips his ball cap off to pummel the stranger before someone pulls them back by the ear.
Seijuurou grins with his teeth as he snags Momotarou away. “Sorry about him, Miyako-san. You know how kids are these days.”
Momotarou says, “What are you talking about, I have my own house -”
Seijuurou all but tosses his younger brother back into the nearest house and beams at Rin’s mom. “Aren’t you looking fancy!”
She giggles and fixes her hair from Momotarou’s hug attack. “Ah thank you, Mikoshiba-san! Rin bought me this dress last summer. It’s one of my favorites.”
“I can see why.” Seijuurou doesn’t look at Rin. Haru elbows Rin in the ribs when he starts growling like a dog.
Seijuurou offers his arm to Miyako. “Gou and Isuzu are hosting at the pool tonight. I can show you around before I have to start slaving away at the grill.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you, Mikoshiba-san!”
“Guess we’ll get the bags,” Rin calls as they walk away. He and Haru are left by the car on the curb as birds chirp in the evening light. Rin bounces his knee in agitation. “Mom’s just humoring him,” he insists.
Haru simply raises his brows and takes out a cigarette. Rin snatches his lighter in a panic and hisses, “Seijuurou is only a year older than me! You’re insane if you think she’d ever actually consider -”
“I didn’t say anything.” Haru holds his hand out, cigarette hanging slack between his lips. “Give me the lighter. It’s vintage. And cursed.”
“She still wears her wedding ring,” Rin says, feeling like there’s a comet hurtling toward the earth and he’s the only one who can see it. “I’ve never asked if she’d - I mean, why would I ask? She’s never mentioned things like that before.”
“If you’re done having a one-sided conversation with yourself.” Haru’s fingers open insistently, spider web inked on his palm.
“Listen, you’d rough him up for me, wouldn’t you?”
“For free?”
“Just scare him a little! You’re still cut up, you look the part.”
He most certainly does especially when he cocks his head, silver earrings chiming. “I’ll rough you up real good right here if I’m not choking on nicotine in the next five seconds. Did you know these boots are steel-toed?”
Rin drops the lighter in his hand and pops open the trunk to start unloading. Haru leans by the car and closes his eyes against the ocean breeze to enjoy his cigarette in peace.
Soon enough, Rin drags the luggage cart into the genkan of their shared villa and a ruckus stampedes down the stairs. Nagisa leaps across the room into Rin’s arms as Kisumi dives for his legs.
They all crumble to the floor in a laughing heap and Haru stands over them looking nauseous. He sets up the lamp they knocked over before shouldering his backpack and heading for the front door. “I’ll sleep in the car.”
Kisumi snatches his ankle and brings him down too. “I gotta say,” Kisumi muses, propping his elbow on Rin’s back. “You’re pretty easy to knock down for a wrestler, Haru-chan.”
“Boxer. I’m a professional boxer, you shit goblin -”
“Aw, you should try basketball! The court gets rowdy too if that’s what you’re looking for.”
“I’m looking for your jugular at the present moment.”
A snicker from the dining area brings Rin’s attention to Asahi. Rei sits beside him at the low table looking amused under the veil of disapproval.
Proper hugs and ibuprofen are exchanged after all the tackling. Kisumi shows Rin to the room he and Haru will share. Rin loves the rugged stone walls paired with a traditional balcony screen. The decor is minimal in a calming way.
“I set up your futon for you this afternoon,” Kisumi tells him. “This place is great. I can believe I’ve lived fifteen minutes away this entire time! There’s even a safety deposit box to keep your dildos, how cool is that?”
“Heeeh.” Rin crouches over a suitcase to find his toiletries bag. “I need to hop in the shower before Haru locks himself in the bathroom scrolling through ASMR soap videos. Are you dressing cute tonight? I’m wondering if I can get away with saving my nice dinner outfit since we’re just hanging around here tonight.”
Kisumi purses his lips and leans back on Rin’s futon. He gives a coy shrug. “Depends if you care to impress anyone.”
Rin fiddles with the zipper on his bag. “This is just a thing for us wedding guests who flew in, right? Seijuurou told us he was grilling.”
Kisumi gives him a look. “Do you think Sousuke would let another man cook for you while you’re on the same island?”
Rin doesn’t know how to respond.
Kisumi continues, “ I’m certainly not eating Seijuurou’s aphrodisiac-infused barbeque. Sousuke’s a way better cook.”
“Right,” he mutters absently.
Kisumi offers a guilty pout, then crawls across the floor to sit beside Rin. “Sorry,” Kisumi mumbles. “I’m sure you’ve been anxious enough without all my prodding.”
Rin tries to smile. “Has he said anything to you about me being here?”
“Of course but he’s never said anything beyond the realm of friendliness. I couldn’t pay him to talk shit about you.” Rin believes him. Kisumi might still be friends with him and Sousuke but his loyalties are fierce and individual.
Kisumi encourages, “Go take a shower. It’ll help you relax. I can iron your outfit in the meantime!”
“You’re the best,” Rin tells him profusely, digging through his suitcase.
With his mused hair and cheeky disposition, Kisumi chides, “You never answered my question.”
“What?”
Kisumi leans forward. “Do you want to impress him?”
Rin notices the glint in his eye. “Very much.”
“It’ll be like breathing for you.” He peeks into Rin’s suitcase. “Show me what you had in mind.”
After his shower, Rin blow-dries his hair and hurries through his skin care. He jumps and shimmies into a pair of dark jeans that instantly bring forth confidence. Kisumi suggested his fitted black shirt. It’s simple but Rin feels more put-together as he slides on his gold bracelets.
Rin pauses with his jewelry pouch open on the bathroom counter. He reaches in and pulls out a braided chain of white gold. The wishbone pendant is large and acts as a ring holder for the silver band pulled through the chain.
Rin rubs across his wedding ring’s beveled texture like a worry stone. Engraved along the band are swirling ocean waves and etched into the ring’s interior is Rin’s favorite haiku:
Under the cherry blossoms
Strangers are not
Really strangers
He touches his thumb to the shrunken characters. Those words nestled their way into his heart because Sousuke had never been a stranger. He was right there for Rin’s first steps and first mistakes.
There was a time when Rin was so in love that he insisted Sousuke would recognize him in another life. Rin was so secure in his own love story, he used to daydream about reincarnation and meeting Sousuke again in a sakura- colored city street. They would share a knowing smile. They would be there for each other at night and when they were sick.
Back then, Rin thought there could never be a circumstance in which they didn’t know each other down to the bone. Perhaps that can still be true.
Kisumi barges into the bathroom. “Ready to go, sweet pea?”
Rin tucks his necklace back into the pouch. “Yep.” He squirts some body oil into his palm and rubs it over his arms and sternum as he follows Kisumi out.
Rin and his housemates exit through the backdoor to join the other wedding guests in the outdoor space shared between all the rentals. Tropical foliage blocks out the stars but the fairy-lights strung around the palm trees make up for it. Soft music accompanies the wildlife echoing through the forest. Some toddlers play in the grass area and every pavilion west of the pool is noisy with conversation.
Rin finds his sister wearing a floral dress by the snack table and she hurries to chew her mouthful of citrus candy. Isuzu is at her side in a flash to offer a drink. Gou grunts an appreciative noise and takes it.
Isuzu gives Rin her default smirk and embraces him. “It’s so nice to see you! Oh damn.” Isuzu leans back. “You smell good.”
“Thanks,” Rin chuckles. Gou hugs him more tenderly and the happiness in her eyes makes her appear childlike for a moment.
Gou brushes through her frizzy hair. “Was the flight okay? Let me know if you need extra towels in your rental. How’s your room?” She lets out a frustrated sigh when she can’t settle her hair and Isuzu pats it down for her. Gou smiles shyly and Isuzu grins with her teeth. A family trait, it seems.
“Everything’s perfect,” Rin promises, speaking of more topics than one.
Gou gazes at him with appreciation. She says, “You’re coming to the pineapple farm with everyone tomorrow, right? Address and time are on the itinerary email I sent.”
“Sure. Love pineapples.”
“Awesome.” Gou kisses Isuzu’s cheek. “I’m going to look for my mom. I’m not sure where she wandered off.”
Isuzu looks around on her tiptoes. “I thought I saw her and Sei near that thicket over there.”
Rin’s head snaps around. He then looks at Gou. She doesn’t share an ounce of his overprotective stress and departs through the crowd.
Isuzu offers Rin a drink and he takes it. A glance at the bottle reveals it’s local; from Asahi’s family brewery. Rin went all the time back in the day. He sips the pale ale and hums at the caramel sweetness.
He and Isuzu observe the party. “This is a really nice place,” he comments. “The house is great.”
“Right?” Isuzu swigs her beer. “I got a decent discount for promising to feature the place in a vlog. Lots of local vendors were down to do the same thing.”
Rin nods like he knows what a vlog is. “Let me know if I can help out at all, okay?”
“Thanks Rin-kun. I’ve been saving up for a good while. I would have married Gou in a parking lot but I wanted her to have the wedding of her dreams.”
Rin cannot start crying two weeks away from the ceremony date. “I’m so glad she has you,” he says, heavy with sincerity.
“I love her.” Isuzu tells him this like it’s the simplest thing in the world. There used to be a version of himself that knew exactly what she meant. “Ah shit. I think my cousin’s card game is getting a little heated.” She rolls her eyes. “Excuse me.”
Rin grazes the snack table. Looks like all the grilled food was already scarfed down but he isn’t left hungry. The brown sugar cookies have a tender filling and the pineapple candies are tart. Whoever catered worked hard.
Rin washes down the food with more ale and people-watches. He sways a little to the music, recognizing the song, and he closes his eyes in contentment.
Awareness prickles along his arms and his eyes blink open. He turns and his gaze moves through the cluster of people before locking with another pair of eyes.
The night air spices. Tension stretches like an arching wave over sand dunes, foam hissing, searching, reaching - like sighs between the sheets and thighs pressed together in the dark.
Sousuke approaches him and Rin’s breath is no stronger than a candle flame. He spent his lovestruck youth wondering what the two of them would look like as the years churned on. Rin pictured them both hunched over and brittle but happy.
He never realized how mesmerizing this current stage of life could be.
Sousuke’s button-up is tucked at the elbows. Ink swirls through the hair on his thick forearms. He’s still toned but there’s a plusher layer of softness now and it makes him look broader. Rin resists the urge to dip his gaze into the parted top of his shirt where Sousuke’s chest is broad and dusted with hair.
Sousuke stops in front of him. It’s not the polite distance of strangers but still respectful. Rin thinks he has enough room to breathe and a whiff of cologne makes his toes curl in his shoes. Sousuke smells like a beach day.
The man ducks his head a little, something cautious passing over his face, but he holds eye contact like a cradle of ocean water. “Hi Rin.”
The new depth in his voice, low and warm, hits Rin in the gut.
Rin’s smile is purely genuine, as is the laugh that bounces from his chest. Sousuke smiles at the sound.
“Hey Sousuke,” Rin murmurs, naturally patient as the name slides home over his tongue.
Sousuke’s posture relaxes. He sounds a touch breathless. “It’s… really nice to see you.” He gives Rin a once-over and underneath Rin’s clothes, chills follow wherever that attentive gaze lingers. “You look good.”
“Thanks.” Rin takes the opportunity to give him a slower appraisal. He wonders if his stare also feels like starfire beneath the skin. “So do you.”
“You think so?” Sousuke lowers his head playfully now, his five o’clock shadow darkening. The bits of silver in his hair catch in the fairy lights.
Rin meets his eyes. “Yes.”
Sousuke turns his face aside, failing to hide his pleased little smirk. He glances through the crowd before dipping closer with a conspiring air. “I was on my way to be introverted by the pool. Wanna come with me?”
The bass in his voice rumbles over and into Rin’s body. Rin says, “Are we going to play mermaids?”
Sousuke’s mouth twitches. “I didn’t bring my goggles.”
“I’m not gonna ruin your lone wolf image, am I?” Insecurity dims Rin’s smile. Are you really okay being seen with me?
Sousuke reads between the lines and reassures him in a light tease. “I’ll allow it.”
They head for the pool and Rin notices a few familiar heads turn from the corner of his eye. He can’t afford to look anywhere but forward to keep a grip on things.
They sit in a pair of lounge chairs close enough to smell the nostalgic odor of chlorine from the lit water. Only a few groups loiter around and nobody is close enough to eavesdrop. There are sparse distractions available as Sousuke sits facing Rin’s lounge chair. He adjusts his hips to sit comfortably and Rin can do nothing but let his face grow hotter.
How does one start the conversation? Rin thinks of casual topics. He also thinks about the fact that he took Sousuke’s whole fist as a gift to himself for his twenty-first birthday.
Better go ahead and break the ice with a goddamn baseball bat. Rin says, “So you’re still working.”
Sousuke blinks, pausing his efforts to brush the debris from his cushion. “Did you think I’d be retired this early?”
“I meant -” Rin needs to be shot. “I mean you’re still working at the same place. The restaurant. Your restaurant.”
Sousuke looks undoubtedly amused but the understanding in his eyes is deep and vast. Rin feels more secure as Sousuke speaks to him softly. “Are you all right?”
Rin's own voice shies to a whisper. “Yeah. Sorry.” He stretches out on the lounge chair and props on his side to face Sousuke, hitching his knee up comfortably. He misses it when Sousuke’s gaze follows the sudden curve from his waist to his thigh. “Seriously, though. What have you been up to?”
Sousuke takes a heavy, long drink of beer. Then he mulls over the question as he laces his stout fingers together. “I just finished up some renovations at the steakhouse. I was about to lose it, trying to cook in a work zone.” He scratches his jaw and Rin hears the faint rasp of stubble. “We’re closed on Sundays now.”
Rin’s eyes widen. “That’s big.”
Sousuke fiddles with his athletic watch. “Some employees have kids. Others take classes online.” He shrugs with self-deprecating humor. “Work-life balance, you know?”
Sousuke didn’t know a thing about that when they were married yet Rin feels no resentment. He’s proud - proud enough to push his luck a little.
“That must be a brand new policy,” Rin teases. “You told me the other day that work’s been busy.”
Sousuke downright blushes at being called out, then he chuckles. “I see you’re still in the business of taking nobody’s shit. Is this about me taking forever to respond to your first text?”
“Possibly.” Rin takes a coy sip of his ale.
Sousuke winds him with unabashed sincerity. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you hanging like that. I got nervous.”
Rin wasn’t prepared for a direct apology with no excuses. He didn’t expect Sousuke to even think about his time much less appreciate it. “Uh.” He tucks some hair behind his ear. “It’s okay. No big deal.”
Sousuke doesn’t look convinced as he smirks.
Rin dares, “What were you nervous about?” He picks at a denim rip on his thigh. “Just the idea of seeing me or…?”
“No, nothing like that.” Sousuke folds his arms over his knees. “I guess I wasn’t sure how to present myself. I didn’t know what you were expecting me to be like after all these years.”
Rin looks into his tense face and wants to be honest. “I was afraid of similar things.”
Sousuke softens. “Tell me about you. Are you doing charters with the same boat?”
“My dad’s?” Sousuke nods. “No. I had to sell it after only a year of having it in Australia. Already had a lot of wear and tear.” Rin snorts. “It was getting harder to offer luxury vacations. I kept the steering wheel though. It’s hanging up in the captain’s cabin of the new yacht.”
Sousuke’s grip on his beer bottle slacks. “You sold a boat without a steering wheel.”
“Yes.” The man’s laughter goads Rin on. “Honestly, the couple who bought it - they weren’t even fazed. They already knew it was a passion project.”
Sousuke concedes, his grin askew to reveal sweet laugh lines on one side. “I’m sure you were a convincing salesman.” He takes a swig of his beer. “So you work primarily in Australia now but occasionally do things elsewhere. Like the Caribbean.” He props his chin in hand, all his fingers bare. “Or Barbados specifically.”
Rin can’t believe Sousuke remembered so many details and it's tantalizing knowing he’s listening. Rin says, “Yeah. I don’t take jobs when I’m in Japan. I come back to check on Mom and Gou, things like that.” He scrunches his nose. “I know they moved to Tokyo forever ago when Gou started university but I still worry about them.”
Sousuke nods sympathetically.
“Plus I have friends around there,” Rin tells him. “I like to watch Kisumi play if he’s in town for away games or I’ll meet up with Nagisa and Rei whenever they travel to visit Rei’s parents.”
Sousuke hums. “Tokyo is a little overwhelming.”
Rin stiffens with a thought and tries to keep the disbelief from his voice. “Nagisa told me you opened a second location in Osaka?”
Sousuke doesn’t respond at first, glancing at his shoes like he’s figuring out how to explain things. “I did,” he confirms. “It was Kazuma’s idea. He talked about it for a long time. Wore me down eventually. We went up there to check out the building and planned on staying for a week just to get a feel of the city.” He scrubs his face. “I made it what, two nights? Then I chickened out and went home.”
Rin marvels at him. “Yet you went through with it anyway.”
“I went back on my own a few months later,” Sousuke says. “I couldn’t tell you why. I had it in my mind that if I could survive a week in Osaka then maybe a restaurant could last longer.” He squints in contemplation. “That made a lot more sense in my head. Anyway, I ended up enjoying myself and I put in an offer. It was a good investment. Kazuma lives there full time now, got married. Had a little girl.”
The affection is all over Sousuke. Rin coos, “Nagisa told me that you go up there to help out but now I know you’re just making the trip to hog the baby.”
Sousuke doesn’t deny it. “She’s pretty cool. Hard to win a laugh from her, though.”
Rin smiles, gaze drifting to the cherry blossom branch on Sousuke’s forearm. Rin thinks he might be able to feel his own matching branch getting warm on his lower back. “I’m sure you’re one of her favorite people,” Rin says quietly. “There’s no way you’re not spoiling her rotten.”
Sousuke smiles back. “Maybe I have a tendency to do that.”
“Maybe,” Rin echoes, provocative and slow.
Sousuke looks him over again and something darkens about the man. It’s as if he’s face-to-face with a challenge he wishes to meet.
Beneath the giddy elation of oh my god he thinks I’m cute, Rin feels overcome by a hungrier demand. In the most instinctual parts of himself, he stills wants to draw Sousuke’s attention like a life force.
Rin didn’t anticipate it. All he knew for sure was that he and Sousuke had a tenacity to ruin things for themselves.
Rin takes a moment to close his eyes, all too aware of the line in the sand that has yet to wash away. “How’s your mom?”