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“There’s a good chance we all die tomorrow,” says Elektra, hands on her hips. “Who wants to fuck?”
Remy’s hand shoots up immediately.
“Ooh, I’m in!” says Wade. “You wanna bring the kitty out to play, Honey Badger?”
Logan gives a noncommittal grunt, taking a swig of Remy’s Jack Daniels.
“You guys are gross,” says Laura before disappearing.
“I’m down, pretty mama,” says Blade, sauntering over to Elektra’s side. “Not letting Deadpool anywhere near my dick, though. I fucked LadyPool once; she was a certified freak, and not in a good way. No offense, Wade.”
“None taken,” Wade lies.
“What’s your fancy, cher?” Remy asks, stroking a gloved hand down Elektra’s cheek.
“Well aren’t you a sexy little piece of Cajun ass,” says Elektra, feeling up Remy’s armor. “I bet I could take you both at the same time.”
“I bet you could, you saucy bitch,” says Blade, squeezing Elektra’s ass.
“Okay, this is pretty fucking hot,” says Wade, turning to the camera. “God I love fanfiction.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Bub?” says Logan, tossing the empty bottle off to the side.
“Never mind, Buttercup. You gonna fuck me or not?”
Logan graces him with a smirk. “We’ll see.”
“Tease,” says Wade, turning back to the action. Elektra’s naked already, making out with Remy as Blade squeezes and sucks her tits. “Hell yeah, get in there, Big Guy!”
“Shut the hell up, Wade,” says Blade, flipping him off.
Wade flips him off in return. “It’s called encouragement, asshole. Just trying to cheer you guys on.”
“Don’t listen to him, babygirl,” says Remy, pulling away from Elektra to delicately remove Blade’s sunglasses. “Get on your knees for me.”
Wade whistles. “Gambit’s got game.”
“You’re lucky you’re hot, LeBeau,” says Blade, doing as instructed. “I don’t let just anyone tell me what to do.”
Remy pulls out his cock, half-hard and uncut. “As soon as I seen them beautiful lips of yours I knew I had to get ‘em around my dick, vampire hunter. Now, help me get ready for the lady.”
Elektra moans, feeling herself up as Blade takes Remy into his mouth. Wade squeezes himself through his suit as Blade gets to work, grabbing Remy’s hips and bobbing his head methodically. “I definitely pictured this the other way around, but I’m not complaining,” says Wade.
“Believe me, Deadpool,” says Remy, threading his fingers through the coils of Blade’s hair, “I suck a mean dick too.”
“I bet you do, you little slut,” says Wade.
“Wolverine,” calls Elektra as she pulls off Remy’s jacket, “Can’t you do something about him? Sit on his face or something?”
“Ooh, now there’s an idea,” says Wade, pulling off his mask and cocking a bald eyebrow at Logan. “You already know how strong my tongue is.”
“I’m enjoying the show,” says Logan, pulling out a fat cigar. “Help me out here, Sparkles?” Remy barely has to flick a finger in Logan’s direction to light it. “Thanks.”
“Alright, cher, I’mma need you to slow down before I bust a nut all up in your pretty face,” says Remy, patting Blade’s shoulder as he pops off Remy’s dick. “You need me to return the favor?”
“Nah, I been hard since Elektra’s tits came out,” says Blade, wiping his mouth.
“You two better get naked before I get myself off,” says Elektra, stroking lazily between her legs, thighs shiny with slick. Remy is already halfway there by the time Blade gets his armor off.
“You need any help with that?” Wade asks, reaching back for his katana. “I bet I can slice through those leather pants in three seconds, tops.”
“Funny, LadyPool told me the same thing,” says Blade, removing his shirt. Remy goes in for a kiss as he fumbles with Blade’s belt.
“Old man yaoi at its finest,” Wade sighs.
“Hey, I’m not old,” Remy pouts, pulling Blade’s belt from its loops.
“No, but he is,” says Wade.
“I’m about to put my foot up your ass, Wade,” Blade growls.
“No thanks! The only thing going up my ass is Logan’s strap. Isn’t that right, Peanut?”
Logan puffs out a ring of smoke. “In your dreams, Red.”
“Do you guys see what I have to put up with?” Wade whines.
Elektra, Blade and Remy all roll their eyes at him. Finally the three of them are naked, and Wade is in voyeurism heaven. They all exchange kisses and gropes, Remy lavishing attention on Elektra’s tits as Blade fondles their respective groins.
“Logan,” Wade says seriously, “I’m dying here. Throw me a bone, would you?”
Logan continues to smoke for an agonizing moment before stubbing his half-gone cigar against a piece of concrete. He gets up and strolls over to Wade; they lock eyes. Wade is half expecting to get stabbed, but to his pleasant surprise Logan kisses him instead. He tastes like tobacco and whiskey and crotchety old man, and it’s perfect. They make out lazily for a while, until Elektra’s screams of ecstasy distract them.
“Oh fuck, yes! Yes! Don’t stop, either of you,” Elektra pants, the meat in a Remy and Blade sandwich. Remy is sitting in a chair that strains under his weight with Elektra in his lap while Blade fucks her from behind.
“Holy shit,” says Wade, clapping. “You did it, babygirl!”
“Shut up, Wade,” says Elektra, Blade and Remy in unison.
“I gotta agree with them, Bub,” says Logan, undoing his belt. “Get on the floor.”
Wade doesn’t have to ask what Logan means. He lays on his back on the hard concrete, idly wishing he had a pillow for his head. “Come to Papa,” says Wade with a flick of his fingers.
Logan strips off his suit, and Wade feels drool welling up in his mouth as Logan struts toward him in slow motion like a Greek god. The floor next to Wade's head dents as Logan drops to his knees.
“Hot damn,” says Wade, staring up at Logan's dripping cunt. “Kinda wish I had adamantium kneecaps.”
“Shut the fuck up,” says Logan, grabbing Wade's head and shoving his pussy into Wade's face. Wade holds onto Logan's thighs for purchase as he sticks out his tongue and goes to town. It’s a little awkward, the way they both try to stay in control, but damn if it isn’t hot as fuck. Wade can almost taste his own cum from last night, and the thought of it drives him wild.
The room is a cacophony of moans and wet slapping sounds. “Oh God I’m coming,” Elektra shouts, followed by a bellow of pleasure from Blade. Remy lets out a string of absolutely indecipherable but doubtlessly filthy Cajun French.
Wade is hard as a rock and leaking into his suit as Logan grinds on his face. “Suck my dick, Red,” Logan instructs. Wade is kind of glad because his tongue is getting tired. “Yeah, fuck, just like that.” Wade moans around Logan’s clit as a wave of slick gushes onto his chin. Logan’s thighs tremble as he rides out his orgasm. Eventually he slows his gyrating and lifts himself up off the floor, offering Wade a hand up.
“Man, I feel like I just went to Niagara Fa—” Before Wade can finish his sentence, Logan is shoving him against a wall and slotting their lips and legs together. Wade moans helplessly into Logan’s mouth, rubbing his dick against Logan’s thigh. Logan shoves a hand between them and Wade is gone, coming hard against the inside of his spandex suit. “Fuck, I just—Mmph!” Logan doesn’t let him talk, biting Wade’s lower lip as he grabs Wade’s hand and forces it between his legs.
“I think he wants you to fuck him, cher,” says Remy. Wade peeks over to find Remy getting fucked by Blade while Elektra sucks Remy's dick.
“That true, Peanut?” says Wade against Logan's lips. Logan answers by pulling Wade's cock out of his pants, flipping them around, and jumping up to wrap his legs around Wade's waist. “Oof, okay. You know you're super heavy, right?”
“God, will you stop fucking talking and get your dick in me already?” says Logan, his annoyance tinged with desperation.
“Aye aye, Captain,” says Wade before lining up and sliding home. Logan's slick is slowly drying on his face and he can smell how aroused Logan still is as he fucks into him. “You need it bad, huh? Need my cock to fill you up.”
Logan rolls his eyes, the bastard. “Why do you need to do a running commentary on every fucking thing?”
“I’m not bad, I'm just drawn that way,” says Wade in his best Jessica Rabbit voice as he pulls Logan down onto his cock in a vicious rhythm.
“What does that even—no, never mind.”
The threesome on the other side of the room is coming to a head again, Remy's overwhelmed moans echoing around the space. Wade ignores them in favor of the tight, wet heat around his cock and the deliciously unhurried way that Logan kisses him. It's such a contrast to their harsh fucking that it makes Wade's head spin.
“Fuck, Logan,” Wade says in a near whisper. “Whatever happens tomorrow, I hope we can—nngh!” He's cut off by the way Logan clenches ruthlessly around him with a long, drawn out groan. Logan's orgasm seems to go on forever, and the pressure sends Wade over the edge too.
For a moment there's nothing but a chorus of harsh breathing. Remy breaks the silence, but no one can understand what he's saying.
“Can we get a translator up in here? Seriously, who is your dialect coach?” says Wade as he lowers Logan's legs to the floor.
“It's not a dialect, dumbass, he was speaking French,” says Elektra from their post-coital pile.
“I feel kinda weird being the only one who's not naked,” says Wade, awkwardly tucking his dick back into his pants.
“Nobody wants to see you naked,” says Blade.
“Hey, that was mean!” Wade pouts. “Also that's not what Logan said last night.”
“I told you they got nasty in the back of that Honda,” says Remy. “Y'all owe me twenty bucks.”
Wade finds his mask somewhere on the floor and pulls it back on. “Oh, we got nasty alright. Hey babycakes, you wanna cuddle?”
“I’m gonna finish my cigar,” Logan grunts, shoving past Wade and grabbing his own suit.
“Aww.” Wade turns to the other three. “Can I join you guys?”
Elektra and Blade bark out a “No,” while Remy starts to say, “Sure!”
“One yes is enough for me. Incoming!” Wade goes to dive in, only to be violently kicked across the room by Blade. “God, right in the gut,” he wheezes.
“Yo Wolverine, you got another one of those cigars?” Blade asks.
“I’m not sharing,” says Logan. “Could use another light, though.”
Remy flicks his wrist, and the end of Logan’s cigar lights up. Wade watches him smoke from his crumpled heap on the other side of the room, wondering what tomorrow will bring.