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Byakuya had done everything right. He hadn’t missed not a single thing necessary to take home the crown.
He worked hard, and got what he asked for.
But the one thing he didn’t get and didn’t know how to ask for, was love.
Why could she do what he couldn’t? He won heir. Not her. But his father still loves her more.
So what does he need to do to get what she does, to get what he doesn’t? He’s meant to be perfect, and he is. What more did his father ask for? Was she blackmailing him? Or is Byakuya just unloveable?
He quit thinking of what he did wrong, instead of what to do to fix his wrongdoings.
Perhaps he was just more focused on being heir than receiving attention, as he should.
He figured it out easily, as he’s Byakuya Togami for crying out loud. He does things right. The less important things should be discarded, hidden or shoved in parts of his mind he doesn’t explore. But he ends up coming back anyway.
The lack of attention is one of those things. One of the things he can’t help but pay attention to that don’t matter that much.
It hurts, more than the scars on his throat from attacks. More than everything he went through to get to the point he’s at. The top of the hill he built since he was at the ripe age of 5. Where he knew everything a five year old shouldn’t.
Infact, the maids and servants who simply served him exquisite meals did better than his own father at catering to the young boy. Since he was an infant, his father wanted nothing to do with his own son until he became heir.
That’s all he was to everyone except Aloysius. Perhaps the old man saw more in Byakuya than just his status, just as something to run the company, more than a successor.
His siblings wanted nothing to do with him. However, it was understandable. They all were busy working to become heir, their hard efforts wasted and discarded when they lost. He wondered where they were now.
Shinobu lost, but she was kept as an assistant for Byakuya.
That was clearly not why she was allowed to stay.
His father simply loved her more than him, treasured her despite her many mistakes. Took his anger out on her kindly. She pleased him, so he pleased her. Bought her the small things she wanted in exchange for her to satisfy him. And she always gave in.
Maybe, just maybe, if Byakuya pleased him and gave in aswell, he would get that same treatment. Reciprocation.
He’d finally be able to figure out what happened with the two behind closed doors, maybe that’d be him some day, receiving whatever attention she got.
He admittedly was jealous, to the point of genuine hatred for his better sister. She was better than him in aspects he couldn’t understand. Better than him because she was his fathers toy. Because she backed down, and did as he asked.
That was all he needed to do.
And so, he set his plan into action.
Byakuya sighed as he stood in front of his fathers study.
He’d only been called there occasionally. And was never to step foot in there unless it was important.
He took a minute to figure out if this is what Kijo would find important. He might not. After all, his father was unpredictable.
He reluctantly hovered his hand infront of the door, hitting it gently three times, counting each one. One, Two, Three.
He nearly jumped as the door opened on three, and looked up to see his father, looking at him with an unreadable face.
Byakuya attempted to decipher his emotions, although it was pointless to try. That was one thing about his father, he only expressed emotions through his words; Byakuya looked up to that and attempted it multiple times, trying to sound angry through his words and not his facial expressions.
He had to try not to sputter in the intimidating presence of his father, looking up at him.
”Father, may I enter?”
”What are your intentions? Don’t waste my time.”
It was difficult to explain. How do you tell someone you want to win over their affection? He’d never learned that, and didn’t plan to ever try.
He was silent for too long, and the door began to close.
“Wait!” Byakuya said quickly, and for a moment, the door stopped moving.
”I wanted to discuss something with you that’s been on my mind for a while, privately preferably.”
There was an uncomfortable pause. He wondered if he said something wrong, if his voice cracked when he said the last word. If he forgot to clear his throat? And now he needed to, because he frankly felt like he was suffocating in silence. His father had that affect on people.
“You can enter, but make it worth my time. You won’t be here for too long.”
His words cut through the thick silence.
Byakuya tried not to look too excited as he stepped into the study. It was neat, perfect, not anything looking at all unkept. Nothing less was expected. His father was simply perfect, as kept as the large room, walls lined with thick books.
The heir wondered if he’d read all of them. Probably, when he wasn’t working on paperwork, ordering people around, or tending to his eldest daughter Shinobu.
She was sleeping on a couch in the study, a blanket lazily thrown over her body, as if it was there to cover her up rather than to warm her while she slept.
She wasn’t sleeping contently, and there were dried tears on her cheeks. She looked exhausted, while her father looked replenished. What he did, Byakuya had an idea, but he knew better than to even suggest such a thing.
That simply couldn’t be what he was doing. Byakuya was asking for what she got, so he hoped not. Silently prayed not, although he was never religious. The only god he knew was his father. His prayers would go unanswered.
He sat down on a nearby armchair, exhaling as quietly as physically possible. It didn’t go unnoticed, as he could feel his father staring directly into his soul. For what, he didn’t know.
”Well? Spit it out. I have better things to do than wait for you to figure out what you have to say. Did I not make it clear not to waste my time?”
Byakuya cleared his throat and Kijo crossed his legs. He had to hurry. He didn’t want to know what his father would do if he stumbled over his words, or worse, forgot them.
“I wanted to make improvements in my.. behavior toward you. Please, hear me out.”
His father raised an eyebrow.
“While also continuing my duty as the heir, I’d like to spend.. more, necessary time with you—”
”And what exactly makes this necessary?”
"I believe my skills are.. not as perfect as they're made out to be. Spending more time with you could make me a lot better in terms of running the corporation when its time. If you accept my proposal, I hope I'll learn more from the time I spend with you..?" He was struggling to make it as long as possible, and persuade his father; having no experience in getting Kijo to do well, anything. He was cruel and cold. He wouldn't accept anything he didn't see fit no matter how hard someone tried.
So if he said yes, Byakuya at least knew he had some interest in it, or was simply playing along for.. he didn't know what.
That was one of the things he hated about himself. He didn't know things. He knew necessary things, but a Togami is meant to know more than what's necessary, being able to decipher everything for every situation. Doing that is what made him heir, so was he a fraud? He seemed not to know that either.
His father seemed to be pondering, and in that moment he tried his very best to figure out what he was thinking, what was his answer? This was important. If he was rejected now, he would have no more chances and it'd be over. He would never be loved. Everything was on the line. Did he have to say more? If so, what? He had to think about it fast. His father could almost be done with his own thinking.
”Very well. You will show me what you mean, and how you’ll do it.”
Score.
”If you fail to amuse me, however, we will never speak of this again, and I will lose my trust in you. Understood?”
He had to try not to sound too excited.
“Understood.”
After, he figured he had done well. Atleast he most likely did, because he was cuddled up in a blanket, head on his fathers lap, with his tears being caught in his glasses, messily put on.
It hurt, certainly. But not more than being left alone. Not seeing him for days. Not more than the servants being the only thing keeping him company.
He got what he asked for, although not at all what he meant. Kijo took his original idea and ran with it.
The worst part is, he thinks, is that if he had the choice years later, he still would’ve shown up to his fathers study that day, and many days to follow, some by force, some by will.
It made no difference, and it all hurt the same.