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One night, after several long, heated hours of making love, Aventurine rolls off of Ratio, brushes his violet hair out of his face, and says, “It could be like this forever, you know.”
Ratio immediately tenses and pulls away. “How many times do I have to tell you—”
Aventurine, startled by his knee-jerk angry reaction, catches Ratio's hands. “C'mon, Veritas, you know I—”
“No!” Ratio snaps. “For fuck's sake, Aventurine, I will not turn you. My answer is final.”
Ratio never curses.
Or snaps.
Not at Aventurine, not anymore. Not for years. Not since they'd first gotten together, years ago.
When they'd met, Dr. Veritas Ratio had been “alive” for approximately six hundred years.
Contrary to many popular legends regarding vampires, he had not spent this time holed up in a crumbling castle in the woods, feasting on the humans who dare to venture into his forest— or anything of the sort. Nor does he glitter in the sun, despite what ridiculous modern pop culture may claim.
No; instead, he had spent his centuries buried in his studies and his research. He'd attended— and later taught at— universities across the world, under various names. He'd collected eight doctorates and worked as a researcher, a medical doctor, a professor, a historian, a mathematician, a physicist, and countless other careers. He'd made the decision, soon after he was turned, to remain as integrated with society as he could, to maintain his humanity.
And yet, in recent decades, he had found himself receding, becoming isolated from others. He'd withdrawn himself, partially out of disgust for the corruption taking root in humanity, and partially because... well. It's better to be lonely alone than to be lonely surrounded by people. Even when you put aside his age and his species, his intelligence level was far above average and his philosophy had become considered unusual.
What human in this day and age could dream of understanding him?
His new, rather pessimistic belief was quickly proven wrong.
Ratio was on a job as a history and culture consultant for some big company when he first met Aventurine. He didn't like Aventurine at first— far from it, really; he found him vain and artificial— but, admittedly, he was very quickly drawn in. There's much more to Aventurine than meets the eye, and the longer he worked by Aventurine's side, the more he realized that.
For months, his sole focus was to learn more about Aventurine. There was not much that catches his interest those days, and it made his tedious work with the IPC much less boring. He learned, as they worked together, many things of varying importance: he learned that Aventurine was orphaned when he was young, and was raised mainly by his sister, who also died only a few years later. He learned that Aventurine's favorite color is not the blue-green shade of his namesake gem, not the obnoxious gleaming gold he seems so fond of, but a simple, soothing purple. He learned that, despite his seemingly supernatural luck, Aventurine finds gambling unentertaining unless there is a solid chance at losing. He learned that Aventurine is far from a picky eater, but that he's fussy over his drinks; he learns that Aventurine does not enjoy drinking in public as it makes him feel unsafe. He learned that Aventurine likes getting his nails painted but never learned to do so himself; he learns that Aventurine often asks one of his coworkers to do their nails with him. He learned that Aventurine has never been in a true romantic relationship, but has been in many casual sexual ones; he assumes, through observing many key signs, that at least some of these sexual ones have been against his will.
It was five months into Ratio's “research” when he realized that there was no real point in gathering this information, other than the fact that he... enjoyed getting to know Aventurine.
It was another three months until he realized that the reason for this is that he genuinely enjoyed Aventurine's company, and two weeks until he recognized the symptoms of romantic interest.
At first, he resigned himself to his situation: Aventurine would never return this interest. Even if he did, Ratio was destined to outlive him, to be left alone once more.
He planned to prevent as much grief as possible by dismissing his feelings and moving on with his life.
Aventurine made that very difficult.
He was a constant test to Ratio's self-control. He always pulled himself into danger without a second thought for his own life, giving Ratio no other choices but to either protect him or weep over his wounds. He was always teasing and flirting and leaving Ratio teeming with desperacy and desire and... and...
He fell far too quickly.
He gave in even faster.
It was only another two months after his realization when Ratio confessed his attraction; it took another month of Aventurine treating him like one of his casual sexual relationships for him to express that it went farther, and two more for Aventurine to admit he felt the same.
By one year, they were inseparable; by two, they were saying I love you like it was nothing and I trust you like they meant it; by three, Ratio told Aventurine what he is.
By four, Aventurine was determined to make Ratio turn him, too.
And yet, whenever he asks, Ratio always refuses.
It's all very frustrating for Aventurine.
He brings up the topic whenever he could. On dates, during their day-to-day domestic life, during work, during sex... He employs every method he knew, from seduction to pleading to guilt-tripping to lashing out. He even tries putting together an (admittedly mediocre) academic research paper on the topic, which Ratio proceeds to grade quite harshly as though it was an assignment and Aventurine his student.
He wants to live forever with Ratio.
He doesn't want Ratio to ever leave him. He doesn't want Ratio to move on after he dies. He doesn't want Ratio to not need him like he needs Ratio. And he won't dare let Ratio find someone else after he's gone.
And he's just so, so scared that Ratio doesn't want him like that, too.
It's several months after their first argument about it when Aventurine brings it up this time.
When Ratio refuses again with a harsh snap, Aventurine blinks back his sudden tears and swallows down his insecurity. “Why not?” he snaps back. “Why can't you trust me with my own life? I know what I'm doing, Ratio, I'm not naive; I can make decisions for myself.”
“Evidently, not this time.”
Aventurine huffs, but shakes his frustration off. “Come on, Veri,” he softens. Gently, he reaches out and tugs Ratio into his lap, looks up at him lovingly, rubs circles into his hip. “Don't you want forever with me?”
And Ratio... hesitates.
Not because he doesn't want forever with him, but because he's scared of what that will mean for Aventurine.
But Aventurine doesn't know that.
In an instant, his face shifts.
There's a brief moment of hurt before it's masked by anger.
“You... don't,” he says in realization, then snarls, “You don't want to turn me because we were only supposed to last my minuscule lifespan? Is that it? You only wanted a little fling?”
Ratio's eyes widen. He shakes his head quickly. “Aventurine, of course that's not—”
Aventurine flips them over easily, and despite his vampire strength, Ratio lets him. Aventurine pins Ratio's arms above his head.
“You don't need me,” he says, in anger and in resignation. “You just wanted to— to let this pass and then go on your merry way and find somebody else, did you?”
“ No— ”
“Well that's not fucking happening on my watch,” Aventurine barrels on, now too caught up in his anger and his hurt to let Ratio speak. “You hear me? You don't get to make me fall in love with you and then dismiss this as nothing. You don't get to let me die! ” he snaps. “you don't get to move on like this didn't mean everything to me.”
“Aven, listen—”
“I will find somebody else to turn me if I have to,” Aventurine spits. “I will scour the earth until I find another vampire willing to turn me and then I will find you again. You don't get to leave me, do you understand? You don't get to leave me too. ”
Finally, he blinks, and he notices the tears falling from his eyes to Ratio's face, and he notices how they mix with Ratio's own.
Ratio swallows and shakes his head.
“Kakavasha,” he says softly. “that's never what this was. You know you're everything to me too.”
Aventurine chokes back a sob and collapses on Ratio's chest.
Ratio hugs him, gentle and comforting.
“That— that has never been why I don't want to turn you,” he whispers. “I have never wanted you to die, Aventurine— I would never be able to find someone else— I don't know how I'm going to bear losing you—”
And Aventurine notices that Ratio still speaks of it like it's going to happen. Like he still hasn't changed his mind. He tenses.
“Then don't,” he says. “You don't have to lose me—”
“—I just don't want to do this to you,” Ratio continues. “I don't even think I have it in me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing I took your life away, took your soul away— knowing I forced you into this bloodsucking death— knowing I made you suffer through eternity alone, as I have—”
“ Then don't ,” says Aventurine, and before Ratio can take that to mean surrender, he lifts himself up over Ratio again and says, “Spend eternity with me.”
“You don't understand, the solitude that this kind of death brings—”
“ Veritas ,” says Aventurine, frustrated. “That's the whole point, isn't it? I wouldn't be alone. I wouldn't be in solitude. And you wouldn't have to be alone, either. I told you— I want forever with you .”
Ratio's still crying.
“Kakavasha,” he says, “You've spent— so much of your life alone.”
“But not anymore,” Aventurine says, and he hates the hope in his voice. “I don't have to anymore. Because I have you, right?”
“Of course,” says Ratio.
“ So turn me ,” says Aventurine, “and I won't have to be alone any longer.”
“You won't be alone anyway,” Ratio says, but his motivation is dimming. “You know I'd stay with you until the end.”
“Would you?” Aventurine says. “Would you? Would you stay with me until I was old and dying and couldn't even remember your name? Would you stay with me until I wasn't entertaining for you anymore? Would you stay with me long enough to remember me a thousand years into the future? Would you marry me, Veritas, or could you not stand to bind yourself to someone who will die in a fraction of your lifetime?”
“I would,” Ratio says breathlessly. “Aventurine, in a heartbeat, I would. Of course I would.”
Aventurine looks down at him, and another tear falls, and he says, “I don't believe you.”
He wants to believe him. Oh, how he wants to.
But it's just not part of him anymore, to trust people. To believe they won't leave him, to believe that he's enough.
He doesn't expect love anymore. All he knows is pain, and the deception he must protect himself from.
So he closes his eyes and steels his heart and says, “Veritas, it's okay if you don't want this anymore.” He pretends like it doesn't tear his heart apart to even imagine it.
“Don't do that,” says Ratio quickly.
“Don't do what?” Aventurine flashes him a cheap grin. “I mean it, Ratio, you don't have to act like this if you don't want to. You can end this anytime, there's no need to fake a deeper connection or act like you feel guilty if you don't want to turn me.”
“Don't do that,” Ratio repeats. “Don't— please don't put the mask back on.”
His act falters, but he keeps the smile up. “What mask? Really, Ratio, just tell me the truth— it's alright if you just wanted a good fuck for a few decades.”
“You're the one who just said—” Ratio starts, then stops and shakes his head. “Aventurine, I told you you're everything to me. It's not— you can't believe me because you just don't see how wonderful you are, but Aventurine, I mean it, you're— I mean, you at least know you don't have to pretend in front of me, right? Please don't pretend in front of me.” He closes his eyes. “You don't know how much it hurts me to see you pretend again. Tell me the truth.”
“The truth?” echoes Aventurine.
Ratio looks him dead in the eye. “The real truth, Kakavasha. The real you.”
Aventurine blinks down at himself when he realizes he's already opened up too much and will never be able to fool Ratio again. Damnit.
“The truth,” he spits instead, “is that I never expected a real relationship with you anyway, and that if you wanted something like that I was the shittiest choice you could've made, and that a casual fuck is good with me but if you really are serious about this then I expect all or nothing.”
Ratio sighs, and closes his eyes, and breathes for a moment.
The next thing he says, he says so quietly Aventurine can hardly hear it.
“What?” Aventurine says.
“I love you,” says Ratio.
Aventurine blinks and swallows. “I— I love you, too?”
“Do you believe me?” says Ratio.
Understanding strikes him. “I don't know,” he admits. “I'm trying. I'm sorry. I think— I mean, I know I should . I know it's true. I just can't...” He trails off. “I'm trying,” he repeats, “but I just can't believe you love me enough to— to stay.”
“... Do you promise this is really what you want?” Ratio whispers.
Aventurine's eyes widen, and he sits up high. “ Yes ,” he claims instantly. “ Yes, Veritas, I promise, I promise— ”
“And you promise this is what you will want,” Ratio asks, “a thousand years into the future?”
“ Yes ,” Aventurine laughs, giddy, hopeful, stupid in love. “I promise I want this, I promise I'll never let you forget me—”
“And you promise,” Ratio continues, “you're really willing to give up your life for this?”
“I'd give up a thousand lives,” Aventurine swears, “if it meant I could be with you.”
Ratio smiles and shakes his head and smiles.
“Okay,” he gives in, finally. “Okay. If you're sure this will make you happy— if you're sure this is really what's best for you— then I'll give you as long as you need to prepare, and I'll turn you.”
Aventurine beams and kisses Ratio soundly and pushes him back down into the bed.
“Fuck yes you will,” he says, and he savors Ratio's moans a little more that night.
Several weeks later
It's night.
Aventurine and Ratio stand awkwardly in the living room, looking at each other. They have been preparing to turn Aventurine for several weeks now— Aventurine has been dreaming about it for over a year— and yet Ratio still feels so... hesitant. So nervous.
He shudders out a deep breath and tenderly takes Aventurine's hand. “Ah... Bare your neck, please.”
Aventurine does so without a moment's hesitation.
In seeing his instant, unhesitating movement, Ratio is suddenly struck by the trust that Aventurine has for him. When they first met, Aventurine wouldn't give him the time of day without putting his mask on, keeping his guard up, flashing fake smiles and speaking with false cheer. And just a few weeks ago, he'd hardly managed to convince him that he truly was the only one for Ratio. That Ratio wanted him, loved him. ( Aeons , did Ratio love him.)
And now?
Well. Now.
Ratio lea ns in and carefully sinks his fangs into where the blood flow is strongest. He drinks deeply, and he releases the venom,
and Aventurine sighs in something like relief, something like pleasure, something like love,
and deep red floods down his neck but he doesn't seem to care—
and when he's done Aventurine draws Ratio up into a kiss,
drawn out, tender, filled with love and longing,
and promptly faints.
Later that night, Aventurine wakes up in bed with Ratio beside him— his senses heightened, his strength increased— and so. Hungry .
He rolls on top of Ratio and grinds down onto him and leans into his neck, breathing deeply and nudging his new fangs into him.
Ratio wakes to this, and he says, “Aventurine.”
“ Veritas ,” Aventurine half-moans. “ Veritas , I'm so hungry. I'm so— I'm starving , and you're so full. I need you. Please. Let me, let me... please.”
“My blood won't do much for you,” Ratio says. “You'd need a living being's. I have blood bags in the fridge. And I can take you hunting; there's plenty of legal game in the nearby woods...”
“ I need you ,” Aventurine snarls into Ratio's skin.
Ratio swallows. “Okay,” he says. “Okay, Aventurine, that's okay. You have me.”
Aventurine whimpers. “Please,” he repeats.
“You have me,” Ratio tells him, calm, gentle. “You can have me. It's okay. I'm yours.”
Aventurine nods wildly, and his ringed eyes gleam red, and he asserts, “ Mine .”
Ratio nods in agreement, in submission. He bares his neck and lets Aventurine's newfound strength pin him down.
“I'm yours,” he says again, desperately clinging to Aventurine as he grinds down on him again and sinks his fangs into Ratio's neck. “Now. Always. Yours.”
Aventurine moans.
“ Mine ,” he nods. “Now. Always. Love you, love you, love you— always .”