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"Oh, for God's sake. Matt, stop it!"
Lastok raised his eyebrow as he quickly closed the door before any of the cats could escape through them, he didn't want a repeat of what happened two weeks ago. They had to call Venka for backup after hours of searching for Mr.Phantom after he went on a happy little adventure. He and Heert looked for the cat fruitlessly, once Lastok noticed that his boyfriend looked more distressed with each passing minute he quickly called their friendly neighborhood alien friend who had a bloodhound nose for all they knew, and essentially told him to drag his ass to their location. After Venka appeared right behind Lastok soundlessly, thus scaring the shit out of the older man, the young lieutenant located his archenemy in mere minutes and returned the cat to his relieved owner.
Which brought him to his current situation, standing in the doorway and being assaulted by Mr.Phantom's claws and intense glare. He glared right back, "Yeah, you wish, you little shit."
Lastok shook the cat off his leg and went to investigate what was happening in the kitchen as the noises of his boyfriend's distress became louder.
"It tastes good though!"
"Wha-?! It's literal trash, Matthew!"
"Oof, full name, totally uncalled for if I'm being honest."
The older lieutenant quickly stepped into the kitchen in case he needed to hold Heert back from throttling Venka yet again. The young alien really enjoyed getting a rise out of his friend and rapidly mastered the ability to do so in a few simple steps.
The situation he walked into wasn't uncommon, Venka loved to perch on their refrigerator, something about having a better vantage point or whatever (most things that came out of Venka's mouth were either random or outright insane, it drove Piett insane and amused Veers, since he was the only one that could actually understand what the lieutenant was saying, somehow the general was able to find the context of whatever bullshit Venka was spewing at the moment).Lastok opened his mouth to ask about whatever the hell was happening but Heert was quicker.
"It's disgusting."
Heert huffed when Venka immaturely stuck his tongue at him before he...took, apparently, another bite out of the frozen pizza box? Wait, the pizza was still inside? And was it in its plastic wrapper-?
"Wait, isn't this one of the pizzas we were supposed to throw out?"
His boyfriend's head whipped in his direction, oops he startled him, he gave Heert a small apologetic smile. The agent's shoulders slumped slightly as he sighed, "Yes, it's one of those expired pizzas we were supposed to throw out today." Heert looked back at the perching alien as he spoke out the sentence in a way that bordered with growling. The tone had no effect on Venka as he looked back at his friend with a bored expression, his fingers fidgeted with the ripped edges of soggy cardboard.
Lastok frowned at the younger man, "Ew, aren't you taking it a bit too far? I mean, we knew that you were basically a garbage disposal but those pizzas were sitting out on the counter overnight."
He received a glare from his boyfriend as Venka shrugged and carried on eating his 'snack'.
"Why are you being so normal about this?!"
The older lieutenant leaned against their kitchen table with his hip and crossed his arms, "Well, don't you think that you are overreacting a lil' bit?"
Heert huffed, "I think you are underreacting."
Lastok rolled his eyes, "I saw him eat weirder shit."
"That doesn't mean-"
There was a light thump sound that made them look towards it, stopping their mild argument for a moment. Venka was standing with his hands stuffed inside the pocket of his hoodie, the half-eaten pizza nowhere in sight (Lastok later asked him where the younger man put it, only to get a shrug in reply along with quietly mumbled 'I put it in my inventory', which didn't answer anything at all. Later that day, the older lieutenant remembered that one time when Piett lamented about Veers saying the exact same thing to Covell when three whole boxes of cookies disappeared from their spot in the drawer in their quarters. That 'inventory' thing must be a species thing, as vague as the word was.). The younger man was staring at them in disinterest, "Are you two done with your little row orrr?"
Heert glared at him, "Get out of my kitchen you rodent."
Venka grinned at the older man and made a heart shape with his hands before he disappeared in a mass of kaleidoscopic colors and weird stretched-out polyhedrons. There was a quick flash of light behind them and they turned to see their friend outside of the kitchen, already on his way to the living room.
"I'm gonna put Mr. Phantom in the void!"
Heert sharply turned on his feet, running out of the kitchen to the living room on a mission to save his beloved cat from their friend. Apparently, cats and cosmic beings made of bright light and emotion didn't mix together, or at least Heert's cats and cosmic beings made of bright light and emotion didn't mix together, especially Mr. Phantom. He and Venka had an ongoing strife, they didn't like each other right off the bat.
"Don't you dare, Matt!"
The older lieutenant sighed and turned to make his way to the living room as well, he turned the lights off as he walked out.
Hopefully, no cats will end up in the void tonight.