Chapter Text
The piercing noise of the ambulance sirens wasn't much louder than the ringing in my ears. No matter what, I couldn't erase the screeching of the tires from my mind. There were so many things around that could potentially cause me to get even more worried but through my teary eyes everything was just a one big blur.
My hair was swirling around because of the wind. I didn't want to put it back up. I didn't want anyone to see me crying like that. My hands were shaking as much as possible and me heart rate was definitely above the average.
I just couldn't comprehend it. I have just lost his one and only sister. We didn't even argue with each other that frequently. She had always been nice to me and would help me calm down, but now? Now there wasn't anyone to settle me down anymore. Sure, I had Sid, who was pretty much the only person that I could consider a friend, but it was not the same. It wasn't even close.
All of the paramedics gathered around her, all of the random confused passerbys, and for what? After such a major car crash the survival rate was nowhere near enough for her to survive with her bad luck.
Even though I was wearing a jacket over the rest of my clothes I felt colder than I ever had. It had to be a nightmare. It just had to be a nightmare.
For a while, I looked down at my black boots soaked in the cold water. I was standing in the middle of a puddle but I couldn't care less. Now, nothing mattered. I was alone. Alone forever.
Everything around felt so surreal, almost as if I were in a dream. My eyes were focused on the two cars- a red one in front and a black one in the back. Both were now wet and there were no signs of the deer which caused it. The animal quickly ran away, but the vehicles stayed.
It shouldn't have happened… If only I had been there with her, nothing like that would have happened. She was a reckless driver and spent the majority of her life drunk. I hated how she had picked up so many traits, bad habits, and addictions from our mum, but I knew that I couldn't do anything about it. At least she was trying her best to hide it from me…
I just wished that she wouldn't have drunk tonight. It was what caused the car crash in the first place after all. I don't think I'll ever get over this…
My headache was getting worse and worse with every second. It felt as if I were about to throw up. I was trying my best to cry as quietly as possible when suddenly one of the doctors walked up to me. He was fairly short, even shorter than I was, and he was dressed in loose scrubs and had a pair of glasses positioned on his nose.
“Uh… Excuse me, sir?” the man approached me. “Would you like to sit in the ambulance with the patient? Because I am Jason Likestofart, and I AM a licensed doctor. I work here legally. Le. Ga. Lly,” he took out some certificate out of his pocket but the tears were making my vision so blurry that even if I wanted to read it I wouldn't be able see it.
“…” I looked at him for a while. It was so uncomfortable to make eye contact with a professional that's probably twice my age, especially during crying… I was contemplating what to do. On one hand, he wanted to be with her sister, even if it will be just for a single while, but seeing her like this? Almost dead, hanging onto life with her barley present few senses? The dilemma was huge.
But if I won't go there, I'll be feeling guilty for the rest of my life. If I decide to go, the worst that can happen is seeing her in a bad condition.
“Fine, I guess I'll go…” I nodded and walked into the ambulance. I sat down on a blue seat right next to the stretcher my sister was laying on. It hurt so much to see her like that…
I looked down at the floor. At this point, I didn't even care about being quiet, I was crying as loud as possible without restricting myself.
The bright lights from the headliner of the vehicle were reminding me of how much I hated hospitals. I had so many bad things happen to me in them. My mum would overdose on drugs or alcohol so often that she had probably spent over half of her life in a hospital.
I despised how my sister was now acting just like her, but at least I knew that unlike my mum, she still had a good heart. It wasn't really her fault that she was drinking, she just got too tired of trying to cope with everything.
I put my hand on hers just to find out that, to my surprise, her body was way warmer than I thought it would be. I gripped it a little, looking down at her. She had a few drips connected to her body and also had an oxygen mask, but from what I could make out from the ECG monitor her heart rate in beats per minute was 40. I didn't know much about medicine, but it seemed concerning…
I looked out of the window to distract myself. It was late at night and the big city was illuminated by the neons from various stores, flats and fabrics. There were so many people outside, and I was so jealous of all of them. They were laughing, smiling, and most importantly- having someone with them. Most of their lives must have been so much better than mine…
I hated how happy they looked. They were having fun when I was sitting in an ambulance, crying my eyes out with my dying sister next to me. This was so unfair. So, so, so unfair.
I pulled my knees to my chest, and rested my chin of them, right before closing my eyes. I just wanted to disappear at this moment. It should have been me instead of her. I don't even know what I'm doing with my life.
I could feel myself getting more and more motion sick with every passing second. I usually liked car rides- the thing was that, as I said, I liked car rides, not ambulance rides.
Suddenly, I felt the vehicle stop. It seemed like we were at the hospital already. As the door to the ambulance opened I quickly stood up from the chair, and attempted to wipe the tears away from my red, puffy eyes, but it didn't work, as I couldn't stop them from coming.
The same doctor that was talking to me after he had took my sister to the vehicle took the stretcher and started going towards the hospital.
I stood up from my seat and came into the hospital. The light was a lot more bright than it had been back in the ambulance, and my eyes were totally dried out from all the tears they had shed tonight.
I stepped into the elevator right after the doctor and began waiting for it to finally go up to the ninth floor. Oh God, I hated surgeries so much… I just wanted to back in time. All it would take to make me happy is seeing my sister awake and all right.
I leaned against the wall of the elevator. At this point, I was doing everything to distract myself. I hated it here.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror next to me. Pointless. It only reminded me of my sister. I looked at the doors of the elevator. Pointless. They were made out of metal and I could clearly see my face in them. I looked at the doctor. Pointless. He was just an average guy, there wasn't anything about him worth focusing on.
Nothing seemed good enough, so I just sighed and closed my green eyes, hoping that he would think that I'm just tired. I mean, sure, pretty much everyone would cry after losing someone important to them, but I didn't want to burst into tears right in front of a doctor. It would just be embarrassing. Also, I can wait.
It felt as though I had been waiting for thousands of years when the doors to the elevator finally opened. I stepped out of it immediately, and started going wherever the doctor was leading me. We stopped at a room that said “Intensive Care Unit”. My heart was pounding in my chest, and every beat was louder than the other. My mind was switching between hoping that she will survive and between knowing that she won't survive it.
“Uh… Stay in front of the room. I am a doctor, and I'm telling you to stay in front of the room. Sit on the chair right here or just do something. Jump off of the building if you'd like. We don't give two shits about what you do, but, again, if you jumped off of the building it'd be great because we could make money out of it. You'd need a surgery, and we got paid for those, so yeah, I'm not telling you to kill yourself, BUT of you will try to then it will make us a lot of money,” he smiled as if he hadn't just told me to jump off of the eleventh floor of a building.
Then, a nurse that was much taller than him (about six feet tall) walked up to him, and leaned against his short frame.
“Mmmh, I didn't understand shit from what you were saying, but you are so clever, doctor Jason! I'm sooo proud of you!” she put her breasts on top of his head. The first two buttons of her shirt were unpinned, and her cleavage (which, on the other hand, was definitely over ninety percent made out of implants) was fully revealed. For a second I could've sworn that they were about to have sex right here and now.
“I know, Jessica…” he purred, and started running his fingers through her long, blonde hair, which was now tied up in a ponytail. “I know…”
They walked into the Intensive Care Unit, leaving me alone. I sat down on a blue chair in front of the door, and started fidgeting with my hands.
I didn't even know if I was stressed or bored, probably a mix of both. I just wanted to go back home. I hated the way things were going.
I quickly looked around the hallway. There wasn't anyone there except for me, some… MICE? Oh God, this hospital was gross… Ew… But back to what I was thinking- I was the only person here. This hospital felt more abandoned than most abandoned places I've seen.
I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. I was terribly tired, and drifted off to sleep almost immediately. I usually had problems with falling asleep, especially after something like that had happened, but now the thoughts in my head were such a mess that I couldn't even focus on them.
My rest didn't last too long. I was awoken after about ten minutes by something jumping on my lap.
“Ahh!” I flinched as I looked down. The thing that was now laying on my lap was a brown cat. Judging from how messed up his fur was and from the lack of a collar around his neck, it was probably stray.
I didn't really like cats. I just wasn't a cat person. If I were, I would've probably kept it there, but instead I picked it up, stood up from the chair and set it on it. It looked confused.
Or maybe it was sad?.. I didn't want to be a jerk, and just leave him here, so I took a plain biscuit out of the pocket of my jacket and gave it to the cat. It looked pretty malnourished, and I had trouble eating enough since I was a child, especially when I was sad, so it was a better decision for both of us.
“You'll probably use it better than I will… I probably wouldn't even eat it…” I patted it on the head and walked off towards the elevator.
The doctor told me something before about the building having an accessible rooftop. I mean, he was asking me to jump off of it, but that's not what matters now. I pressed the button with the large “11” written on it and waited until the elevator arrived at the eleventh floor.
Once it did so I quickly took in the way the rooftop looked. It was pretty plain, like every rooftop. I found comfort in it. High places have always seemed to calm me down a lot. I leaned against the railing and started looking at the city, observing it carefully.
There wasn't much to see. It was very similar to every other large city- tall buildings, a lot of cars, a billboard with two half-naked women, but no one could really say anything against it because it was an underwear advertisement. Honestly, my expectations weren't really big. After all, I saw this city every single day.
Suddenly, a bird flew up to me. It was standing my side. It's eyes lit up in a bright shade of blue, and so did the pendant of my leather collar.
“Raven?..” I looked down at the bird. “What do you want?..” I asked. I was expecting everything but her today.
“Nothing…” she climbed onto my hand. “I just wanted to spend some time with you… Also, sorry for what happened to your sister…”
“Don't bring her up… Not… Not now…” I clenched my teeth to stop myself from crying.
“I just wanted to help, calm down a little, won't you?..” she looked up at me.
“Whatever….” I groaned. I just wanted to spend some time alone, and not… Doing whatever this was. “Now, what did you come here for? We both know that you have an intention.”
“I was bored. What, can't I even get bored now? At least do something more interesting, maybe then I'll stop possessing you so often. All I have to do now is calling Sid, but he always just hangs up after he notices that you're not the one speaking. Your life has become so monotonous that now the only thing I do when I possess you is cleaning your apartment. You leave such a mess at times that even I can't stand it.”
“Oh, shut up. The state of my apartment is perfectly decent, thank you,” I rolled my eyes. “And cleaning it is NOT the only thing you do. What about that one time you bought a shitload of some fucking expensive weed using my fucking body and the next day I didn't even have enough money to buy goddamn instant noodles?”
“It wasn't that bad. Plus, most of it is still hidden under your bed. You would know it if you actually cleaned your bedroom from time to time.”
“I-” I stared at her, a bit confused. I wasn't expecting this. “Whatever… You can fuck off now, it's not like I need you here…” I growled slightly, turning my head away from her as a sign for her to go away.
When, after some time, I looked at the railing again she wasn't there anymore. It made me feel somewhat lonely, but, after all, I was the one who asked her to do it.