Chapter Text
Jayce gritted his teeth as he played through the events in his mind one more time.
He’d lost him.
Almost lost him. It was far too close for his sanity. He did the best he could by offering Viktor to the Hexcore out of hope their shared invention could save him. He was stuck in limbo.
Jayce spent most of his time in the lab watching over Viktor. He tried going home and resting in his bed but Jayce couldn’t keep his eyes closed at night. His mind was racing with anxieties. The trace amounts of sleep he did have were nightmares. All of which involved Viktor dying in his arms. Watching the light leave his eyes as he told Jayce it was his fault. That Jayce was supposed to save him.
And then one moment as Jayce was in a nebulous state of awake and asleep, Viktor finally woke up. Jayce was sure it had only been a few days and yet he felt like he’d never waited longer for something in his life. Glancing over at his mechanical body that was so familiar and yet completely unique. Jayce was ready to follow wherever Viktor lead him. He was ready to listen after it had been so long. All Viktor need do was utter a word in that crisp warm voice he’d missed so much and Jayce would obey. It didn’t matter what. He was ready to repent.
But he didn’t. Viktor chastised his love. He didn’t want to be saved. After a simple exchange of words he was gone. As if he was never there to begin with.
Jayce stewed in the silence of the room. He thought over every movement Viktor made. Analyzing everything trying to figure out where he had gone wrong. Viktor did mention how their partnership had ended long ago. Jayce had been slowly becoming more distant over time but that was because…
No. It was Jayce’s fault that all this happened. How could it take Jayce so long to realize how he’d so obviously been neglecting Viktor? It’s no wonder he’d come back irritated. Jayce hadn’t been good enough. Hell, Viktor didn’t even trust Jayce enough to tell him about the hextech experiments he had performing on himself. He had to learn about that by reading his notes. The writing was on the wall. Jayce had been ignoring Viktor’s needs for who knows how long.
He had been a bad friend.
No, he had been a bad partner.
So when Viktor walked out with a mere goodbye, Jayce was prepared to let him go. After all his mistakes, the least he could do was let him go.
And all that was left was his work. His writing. His inventions. His cups of coffee. He spent so much time in the laboratory hemming and hawing over Hextech. All he used to do was work. It was all either of them did for a while. The first couple years of their partnership involved long nights in the lab. Sometimes they’d even spend the night if there was a really major problem that needed solving.
And Jayce lost sight of that. He forgot what brought the two of them together in the first place. Their love of invention.
He needed to go back. To rebuild his hunger for creation. He walked over to Viktor’s desk and began flipping through his journal. Notes upon notes of different ways to innovate Hextech. Jayce poured over all of it until he reached the beginning. The first notes Viktor left on their very first invention. Jayce read it and reread it and reread it over and over and over again clinging to the past they shared. His eyes were practically bloodshot when a voice tore has focus from the page.
Mel’s voice. Strong and confident. “I’ve been looking for you.” It wasn’t a question, but he knew she wanted an answer.
Jayce gave her a quick glance before returning back to the notes. “He was… He’s gone. I want- I need to be here a bit longer” was all Jayce could stammer out. He couldn’t meet her gaze. He knew her cold glance wouldn’t help.
She barely even said a goodbye before leaving. Mel knew the bond Jayce and Viktor shared. She knew not to ask questions that she didn’t want answers too.
Jayce returned to Viktor’s notebook. He analyzed every line. The way his handwriting shifted with his emotions. Jayce could practically feel the way Viktor’s pen scratched the paper. Carving into it so beautifully. Etching away his thoughts permanently. Jayce thought of how he should have been that for Viktor. A pillar for him to rely on. Something he could carve into. Leaving permanent marks as a memory of what he felt. What they felt.
Soon the dimly lit lavender sky turned to an inky black. Jayce hadn’t moved from his spot turning over every page of Viktor’s notes desperately looking for something. Trying to find the answer of what he could atone for. He twisted the pen in his hand over and over. What had initially been a pristine pen Viktor used for his notes became covered in bite marks.
Pristine. That was how Jayce remembered Viktor. When they first met Viktor was so incredibly pristine. Every strand of his hair looked carefully placed. He wore a uniform that looked as though it was freshly purchased. He appeared like a statue. Chiseled so that even his mistakes appeared intentional.
The first time they shook hands he noted how clean they were. He remembered catching a glimpse of Viktor’s immaculate handwriting. It would make a calligrapher jealous. It was such precise, nonchalant penmanship, you’d think it was practiced but no. Jayce asked Viktor at one point and he explained that he learned his writing by copying it from books. He didn’t even think it was anything special.
Jayce never saw Viktor as anything else. Even as years went by and they shared more and more time together. Jayce recalls the first time he saw Viktor’s papers strewn about his desk. He couldn’t help his curiosity as he found what felt like the first speck of disarray in this man and yet upon a closer glance even the scattered papers felt so intentional. As if placed that way by a director.
Viktor was so clean. So beautifully untouched Jayce couldn’t bring himself to tarnish such a delicate thing. It would be like picking a beautiful rose from a garden. Something that would only end in disappointment. His beautiful rose would die and he’d lament over the loss of destroyed innocence. Jayce knew it. He loathed himself for having such filthy hands that would only destroy the thing he desired the most.
So Jayce pulled away. He didn’t mean to avoid Viktor he just threw himself into other work. Viktor always talked about how comfortable he felt in the lab. Jayce feared he’d taint that space and tried to run away from it.
And there was Mel, of course. He did care for Mel. He still does. Mel was someone he was suited for. He fulfilled a new position and found himself someone who he wouldn’t destroy. Someone who was rough, like he was.
Mel filled the gaps. Roughly. But she couldn’t become someone she wasn’t. Someone Jayce could never have.
At least until the accident.
The accident that covered Jayce’s delicate rose in gold.
Viktor was beautiful before, but seeing him emerge from the core. The man he loved devoured by the technology they spent years working on. It felt holy. As though Viktor was baptized anew. He was just as pristine, but no longer fragile.
Jayce felt it when he pulled Viktor in for a hug. The way his chest pulsed with the Hexcore inside. He felt Viktor grow warmer as the two embraced. It couldn’t be that Viktor no longer carried affection for Jayce. Perhaps it was the very opposite.
Could it be that the roles were reversed and Viktor was worried about ruining Jayce?
The thought itself snapped Jayce out of his page turning stupor. He rubbed his eyes before rushing out of the room. He headed down to the undercity with one goal in mind.
Jayce winded through the streets which were mostly full of the drunk and destitute. He felt a pang of pity for them, but he kept his eyes firm on his goal. Searching for a figure in his blue cloak, for the sound of metal footsteps, the scent of ash or rain. Anything that could get Jayce answers.
Finally, Jayce collapsed to the ground. His adrenaline had long run out and the brightness of the rising sun burnt his eyes. He placed his hands onto the dirt hoping for a moment to ground himself before he could come up with a plan to return home when he felt an indent in the dirt. Desperately and aching he glanced at the mark to see something shaped like a footprint that his hand had clutched into. Of course, it could have been anybodies, but Jayce noted the small hills jutting out of the print. As if there were gaps in the foot of the person who left the mark. Like it was made of wires.
Jayce had been led to the right place. Whether by fate, love, or intuition he was meant to find Viktor. He wiped the tears from his eyes and used it to wipe away the bumps from Viktor’s footprint. Then he stood back up and followed them.
Jayce either didn’t notice or didn’t care about how long the path was. The exhaustion he had felt after nearly admitting defeat had vanished when his hope was renewed. His body didn’t matter. He would have walked an endless road if Viktor was awaiting him at the end.
And awaiting him he was. Jayce found Viktor limply lying against a tree. His eyes were closed. His breathing shallow. His limbs were twisting and pulsing back and forth. He was torn between humanity and machinery.
He looked heavenly.
Jayce finally caught his breath and he slowly stepped closer to Viktor the way one would approach a deer. He lowered himself to his knees beside his friend and former partner. Viktor’s eyes slowly flickered open.
If he was surprised to see Jayce he didn’t show it.
“Yes? What is it Jayce?”
Jayce looked into Viktor’s eyes. There was no expression he could read of any sort. He wanted to confess everything. All the thoughts that were twisted inside his mind. But it was impossible to speak such truths without gutting them of their meaning. His feelings, his vulnerabilities. They needed a moment to breathe that wasn’t hung over in guilt. He wanted to tell Viktor his love and adoration when the moment was right. Not in a spur of mania. So he muttered the only words that came to his mind as he was knelt looking up at Viktor: “Forgive me”