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The bouquet of colorful wildflowers felt heavy in Jonathan’s arms as he walked up the hill. But his pace was steady as he neared the old oak tree. He smiled when he saw it, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Jonathan didn’t think he could truly smile again.
Not while his songbird was buried below that oak tree. He laid the flowers in front of Sarah’s grave and sat down.
“Sorry we haven’t visited in a while, songbird. I’ve been…busy. And the kids are still struggling. I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s the truth.”
Sarah’s gravestone was steel gray stone, with a guitar etched on top above her name:
Sarah Crane
1988-2025
Beloved Musician, Wife and Mother, missed by all who knew her.
Jonathan stroked the etched name, wiping tears from his face. “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, Sarah…”
It had been three months since that terrible day, but it still plagued Jonathan’s nightmares, vivid and worse than any form of fear toxin. He would wake up suddenly, Sarah’s name a dying scream in his throat, his arm reaching for a side of the bed that he knew was cold and empty. Then he would cry himself to sleep.
He should have been there…
Jonathan hummed to himself as he parked the truck. It had only been a half day at the university today and he had used the extra time to get the groceries. There was still a couple of hours until Asher and Willow were to be picked up from school and he knew Sarah was home. So Jonathan planned to make a nice lunch with Sarah, spend some private time…
“Sarah! I’m home!” He announced, carrying the bags. No answer. Jonathan shrugged it off. She was probably focused on a new song. But there wasn’t any music playing. In fact, there was no sound. Even the crows were silent.
It made Jonathan uneasy. “Songbird?” He called out, setting aside the groceries before walking around the apartment. “Pumpkin?-“
Then he saw it. In their bedroom on the floor, was a motionless Sarah. “Sarah!”
The next moments were in slow motion in his mind. Jonathan running to her. Checking for a pulse that wasn’t there. Calling 911 and attempting CPR. Being all but dragged away from his wife by the paramedics. Collapsing to the floor in sobs when they called it. Getting the kids and telling them what had happened.
It was obvious to anyone who saw Jonathan Crane that he had been ravaged by grief. His stubble was becoming a full on beard, his eyes were bloodshot and filled with sorrow, his face haggard and thinner than ever.
He had attempted to return to work a week after her funeral, but he could barely make it through one class without crying and ended up taking the bereavement leave the Dean offered.
“You need time, Dr. Crane.” She had said. “Take care of yourself, stay strong and remember the good times you and your children had with her.”
But what good did that do when every good memory made him remember? When looking at his children, he only saw Sarah in them?
Asher and Willow were only six years old, but the poor children were in grief for their mother. They had been sleeping in Jonathan’s bed almost every night and kept asking questions about death, was Mama watching over them, was Daddy going to leave, too?
Jonathan had done his best to answer and promise that he wasn’t going anywhere. But every day felt a little harder. Not to mention that there were things what didn’t add up about her death. The doctors had said that there wasn’t any foul play, it was a brain aneurysm. But when he found her, Sarah had marks on her hands. Signs of fear on her face. This wasn’t an aneurysm. Someone had killed her.
“I wish you could tell me what happened that day. I….I could have saved you, I know it. And we miss you. We…I can’t do this without you.” He whispered, fighting back tears.
He stayed at her gravesite, talking until it started to get dark. He would have camped out if he could, but Jonathan had to go home, no matter how much it hurt. Ever since Sarah’s death, the house had felt lifeless. No music played anymore, the plants were dying from from neglect, not even the crows cawed anymore. The colors felt faded and a layer of sadness blanketed over the home and family. And Jonathan didn’t see a way out.
***************
Jonathan felt drained as he got home and paid Harley and Ivy for their help. Asher and Willow were just starting to be comfortable with being left alone again. Their new grief counselor was making good progress. But he knew that by morning, the two would be in his bed again. He peeked into their bedroom, gazing at the two little children as they slept. Seeing that Willow had kicked the blankets in her slumber, Jonathan crept inside and quietly tucked her in.
His heart hurt to look at them. Being a motherless child had been hard growing up and he wanted to help his kids through it. He just….he just couldn’t right now. He walked to the living room, heating up some leftover enchiladas from Harvey. (He made surprisingly good enchiladas) The other Rogues had been helping him and the kids a lot, but he knew it couldn’t go on much longer. But Jonathan didn’t think he could return to the real world until he knew who-or what killed Sarah. As he ate, a chill suddenly ran down his spine.
That was another thing he had been feeling lately. That he was being watched. Jonathan had convinced himself that it was a side effect of his grief. But he could hear…growling? Was it the neighbor’s dog? No, the neighbors were out of town. So what was-?
Suddenly, black smoke filled the air. A fire?! But Jonathan didn’t smell smoke. And the growling was louder.
And coming from the children’s room.
He ran to them, watching in horror as a large black wolf made of smoke growled menacingly over the sleeping twins. Jonathan couldn’t get to his toxin in time before his babies would be torn to shreds. For the first time since he was a child, Jonathan was literally frozen in fear. Before he could think of a plan, a bright light suddenly filled the room.
Sarah’s spirit came, a look of anger on her face as she saw the monster. She flew, hovering over Asher and Willow. They were whimpering in fear, as if they had nightmares.
“LEAVE MY CHILDREN ALONE!” She commanded. The wolf whined in sudden fear at the light. She grew brighter. “You may have killed me. But I will spend my afterlife making sure that you never come after my family. Now LEAVE!”
The wolf disappeared into nothingness, turning tail in fright.
Sarah’s spirit calmed down, drifting to Asher and Willow. She softened and rubbed backs and tucked them in. “Shhhh….it’s okay you two, Mama’s here. I’m always here, even if you two can’t see me.” She whispered. She kissed their foreheads, causing the little twins to settle into a peaceful slumber. Sarah smiled, but Jonathan could tell that her eyes were full of sadness. When she turned around and looked at him, Sarah gasped. “Jonathan….”
Jonathan could only choke out “Songbird….” before collapsing into tears. “I’m so sorry….” He waited for Sarah’s wrath. Her rage at him. It was what he deserved.
But he felt a soft touch on his cheek. A ghostly apparition of Sarah’s gentle hand.
He looked up to see his wife’s beautiful face, looking at him with love and affection. Jonathan cried, wanting desperately to hold Sarah close to him. To never let her go. But all he could do was weep.
**************
“I should have been there.” Jonathan said softly, a mug of chamomile tea in his hands.
“Jonathan….I know you blame yourself. But it wasn’t your fault. If you were there, you’d be dead too. It’s a force of nature. But I’m going to make sure my family doesn’t get hurt. And my love….I need you to forgive yourself. Be there for our kids. Can you try?”
Jonathan wiped his eyes and nodded. “I’ll try. And I’ll never stop loving you, Sarah.” He whispered.
“And I’ll always love you, Jonathan. Even in death, I’ll love you forever.” She kissed his forehead. Jonathan smiled, waving to her as she disappeared.
His heart still hurt, but it felt lighter. At peace.
As he sipped his tea, a crow chirped.