Work Text:
Characters:
Optimus
Ratchet
Wheeljack
Ultra Magnus
Cameo: Chromia
-------------++++++++++-------------
Chat Name: AUTOBOT STAFF'S
OPTIMUS
Good morning, everyone. I would just like to remind you of our opening ceremony that will be taken place in the Auditorium. Please be there before 8:00. Wear your staff uniform.
OPTIMUS
...And I know very well who will be there, but PLEASE. Try not to fight with the Decepticons. Even if they are to provoke first. We do not want to cause another scene like the last opening ceremony.
OPTIMUS
Are we clear?
. . . .
OPTIMUS
... Oh, is everyone still offline?
ENERBREAD ™ is online
ENERBREAD™
Hi, sir. What can I get for you today?
OPTIMUS
I think you entered the wrong chat...?
ENERBREAD™
No. May I take your order?
OPTIMUS
...I believe there has been a misunderstanding. This is not a restaurant.
ENERBREAD™
I'm trying a different approach to get more customers. But our delivery is free.
OPTIMUS
... What do you sell?
ENER-BREAD™
Bed
*Bread
OPTIMUS
I ...see.
ENER-BREAD™
White bread, wheat bread, rye bread, French bread, garlic bread, bread sticks, bagels, sourdough bread, Hawaiian roll bread, croissants. That's to name a few. I specialized in all kinds of bread.
OPTIMUS
I can see that... Thank you for the offer, but I'm not hungry.
ENER-BREAD™
I can give a discount
OPTIMUS
Perhaps another time.
ENER-BREAD™
Please
ENERBREAD™
My parents were shot and killed in front of me when I was nine years old.
ENER-BREAD™
The person who adopted me is actually the killer of my parents, who was actually the sister of my mother, who is also the ex fiance of my father.
ENER-BREAD™
Loan sharks seized my home, now I live in the streets.
ENER-BREAD™
My fiance was run over by a semi-truck because of me. He couldn't walk after that. But when he learned how to walk again, he took his first step out of my and went on to marry a billionaire.
ENER-BREAD™
Said billionaire is actually a daughter I didn't even know about. She has anger issues.
ENER-BREAD™
I have been attacked by criminals countless times
ENER-BREAD™
I was stranded in an island for months.
ENER-BREAD™
When I get hungry. I eat snow.
ENER-BREAD™
please buy bread. Here's a menu for more options.
ENER-BREAD™
[sent Menu-Pastry.jpg]
OPTIMUS
Oh, my Primus, I am so sorry. I'll take a dozen of everything then.
ENER-BREAD™
Your total is ████. Your order will arrive in 30 minutes. Thank you so much <3
RATCHET
Optimus, u Scraphead, why did you buy so much bread?!?!
OPTIMUS
Ah Rachet, you're finally here. I hope you like bread.
RACHET
I had to fix up some kid who thought it was a good idea to put SOAP on the floor so I didn't get a chance to read the reminder. AND YEAH I EAT BREAD BUT NOT THIS MUCH!!!
ENER-BREAD™
You're the first customer I tried this with, so as a token of gratitude, I will add a blueberry lemon tart for you :)
ENER-BREAD™
[sent Bluberry-lemon.jpg]
OPTIMUS
Oh, that actually looks delicious
RATCHET
No no no! No more bread or tart or anything!! You've ordered more than enough to feed the whole fragging school!
ENER-BREAD™
For every 10 breads, we give free coffee of their choice! No exceptions.
ENER-BREAD™
[sent Menu-Drinks.jpg]
Rachet is typing. . .
RACHET
add another 10 muffins, and double the Machiatto
OPTIMUS
Rachet, what did I say about your coffee intake?
RACHET
Yeahh, unfortunately Prime. That's thrown out the window the moment you BOUGHT BREAD THAT'S WORTH HALF YOUR SALARY
Optimus is typing. . .
OPTIMUS
Well, if I could help a struggling employee, even in this way, then I say that's fine by me.
RACHET
. . . .
ENER-BREAD™
Oh...
Um. Ok now I feel bad.
OPTIMUS
w... What do you mean?
ENER-BREAD™
That's just a script my boss made to 'garner' sympathy from buyers. As they say: Less dignity, more money!
RATCHET
WHat kind of catchphrase is that?!
ENER-BREAD™
The desperate kind.
Wheeljack is online
Ultra Magnus is online
Wheeljack is typing. . .
WHEELJACK
...I give the fake back story a 7/10. Too much much going. Sounded like it came from a telenovela.
ENER-BREAD™
Actually, it is! It's called The Wallflower of Vos.
WHEELJACK
No wonder that shit sounded familiar! Yeah-- it's about a seeker named Starlight who lost her family bc of a jealous ex and plans to take revenge while climbing on top
Or smthing like that.
OPTIMUS
I didn't know you watch telenovelas, Wheeljack.
RATCHET
I didn't know you even know that.
WHEELJACK
I don't, but Bulky wanted to watch. Plus, there's actually some damn good scene I enjoyed. Even got Magsy to join in.
MAGNUS
You said it was a documentary of the history of international Police force... I should have known better.
Also, @Optimus Ironhide wanted to tell you his phone broke so he couldn't, but he's already taking note of the reminder.
OPTIMUS
Thank you Magnus.
WHEELJACK
If I'm going down, I'm taking you down with me.
Besides don't act like you didn't enjoyed it. You sat on that couch longer than I did!
Magnus is typing. . .
MAGNUS
I will add no comment.
ENER-BREAD™
Ooh, what ep are you now? I'm still in ep 10 where Starlight found out she's pregnant with Trentcracker's baby while he's stuck in space.
WHEELJACK
Last I watch, I think it was ep 15. I ain't spoiling, but there's a lot of drama and explosions! Also that suit Starlight wore when she and Trentcracker stood there on the center?? Majestic
ENER-BREAD™
Hey hey no spoilers! But damn now I'm so excited!!
RATCHET
Okay can you two stop talking about the telenovela for a minute and focus on the elephant in the room???
MAGNUS
...... ep 9 also involved an actual elephant in the room.
RATCHET
I mean @Ener-Bread™!! They got in here, in some way, - uninvited- and practically scammed Optimus into buying bread!!
ENER-BREAD™
It's not scamming if the product is legit!
And to be fair, this is one the tamest way of promoting. My boss said so!
MAGNUS
I'm afraid to ask what are the other ways...
ENER-BREAD™
Trust me. There's a looong list. And one of them involves breaking into random people's home.
WHEELJACK
Okay, yeah. Because breaking into a private chat room is definitely better.
WHEELJACK
Which kind of is, I guess?
OPTIMUS
May we ask for your name, if you don't mind us asking?
ENER-BREAD™
You're not gonna complain to my boss about this, are you?
This is my boss's doing! I'm just doing what he told me!
Don't tell him I snitch. Snitches get stitches.
OPTIMUS
Don't worry. We're not going tell on your boss.
RATCHET
Yet
ENER-BREAD™
Noice! Gonna ignore that last one.
ENER-BREAD™
I'm [NAME]. My favorite color is (fc). I like to eat food. I hate sand cuz it makes my feet feel coarse. And you can already guessed where I work! Nice to meet you :D
Ener-Bread™ changed nickname to [NAME] ❤
Wheeljack changed [NAME] ❤ to The Bread 🍞
THE BREAD 🍞
OI >:0
WHEELJACK
You came here promoting bred. This one's on you.
The Bread 🍞 changed Wheeljack to Starlight 👰
WHEELJACK
OI!
MAGNUS
I would like to remind that this is a professional gc for staff members.
Starlight👰♀️ changed Magnus to Trentcracker 👨🚀
TRENTCRACKER
. . .
Trentcracker 👨🚀 left the group
Starlight 👰♀️ added Trentcracker'👨🚀
OPTIMUS
How did you get into this chatroom, [NAME]?
THE BREAD 🍞
Remember when I say that this is one of the way to 'help' promote? I just scrolled and eeinie meenie mine who to pick.
THE BREAD 🍞
Is not easy getting into random people's GC u know.
RATCHET
.....
STARLIGHT 👰♀️
Checking their profile rn.
STARLIGHT 👰♀️
Huh not bad~
RATCHET
D. Don't ever say it like that.
THE BREAD 🍞
Hy that's stalking!
then! I'm gonna stalk on your profile pics!!
THE BREAD 🍞
Oh, ur not bad yourself Mr Wheeljack ;))
Leme see what the others look like!
RATCHET
pls don't.
THE BREAD 🍞
Too late
WAW! ur cute :O!!
Ratchet is typing. . .
RATCHET
thanks...
THE BREAD 🍞
Actually, all of u are cute. Handsome men.
Bunch o majestic looking men. Glad I picked this GC!
OPTIMUS
Oh... thank you for the compliment
MAGNUS is typing. . .
MAGNUS
...
STARLIGHT 👰♀️
Aww, thx doll
RATCHET
Wheeljack? Majestic? Hardly. Also can you pls change your name already?!
Ratchet changed Starlight to Wheeljack
Ratchet changed Trentcracker to Magnus
MAGNUS
thank you Ratchet.
WHEELJACK
don't be a sourpuss doc and let a man be complimented. 😒
RATCHET
Don't call me doc!
THE BREAD 🍞
A doctor, huh?
THE BREAD 🍞
Then, r you my appendix?
THE BREAD 🍞
Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out. ;)
RATCHET
. . . . .
Ratchet kicked The Bread 🍞 out of the group
The Bread joins the group
THE BREAD 🍞
Rude. U could've just said u didn't liked it :(
RACHET
How the fuq???
OPTIMUS
Language
RATCHET
how did you even get back in???
THE BREAD 🍞
same way I got in the first place. But I'm not telling ;)
RATCHET
Magnus how do you add a password in a chat room?
MAGNUS
Unfortunately, I am not well verse in technology.
THE BREAD 🍞
Y'all are mean. I said one bad pick up line and you wanna get rid of me all of a sudden :(
WHEELJACK
Pretty it's more than that, doll.
THE BREAD 🍞
Well if it doesn't work on Ratchet....
Optimus, would you allow me to serenade you with Witiam Sparkspear literatures~? :)
OPTIMUS
How did you know I am into literature?
THE BREAD🍞
Because... it's in your bio?
Also most of your post is poems and texts of old.
Quite the taste might I add
OPTIMUS
I see... And thank you.
But as flattered as I am, I think I might pass on your offer.
THE BREAD 🍞
Awwww.
How about you, Magnus?
MAGNUS
No.
THE BREAD 🍞
NOW THAT'S JUST TOO CRUEL!
Can't believe I've been rejected 3 times in one day.
dignity will never recover from this!
CHROMIA is online
CHROMIA
Hello everyone. Sorry for the late reply. Everything has already been prepared in the audie.
CHROMIA
Oh, who's this?
RATCHET
none of importance
THE BREAD 🍞
(´；д；`)
Rude.
OPTIMUS
Well, we better go get ready then.
THE BREAD 🍞
Aw. And I was just enjoying the company too :(
OPTIMUS
I'm sure we will chat again
But in a more appropriate setting next time
THE BREAD 🍞
:D
Oh, btw. You'll still buy the breads, right?
RATCHET
Damn I thought you'd forget about that
WHEELJACK
Easy doc. Not like it's you who will be paying for it anyway.
OPTIMUS
wheeljack is right, Ratchet. This bill will fall under to me
As for [NAME]. Yes, I will still buy your pastries.
THE BREAD 🍞
(❁´∇'❁) Ty handsome! Please place the address where you would like to receive your order
MAGNUS
The way you can switch from casual to professional in one sentence is really impressive.
OPTIMUS
You can send it to this address
THE BREAD 🍞
"Cybertron Academy"... Oh, that's perfect! I know just the person who to send.
Thank you again for purchasing from Ener-Bread ™- "our boss was high when we came up with the name"
RATCHET
Wtf kind of slogan is that???
Also don't forget my Machiatto!
THE BREAD 🍞
I won't 😘
THE BREAD🍞 left the group
CHROMIA
. . .So, is anyone gonna tell me what the hell happened?