Work Text:
She walks in beauty…
No, no, no! That's too cliched.
Why can't I do this?
I was great when I was young,
Mama taught me about it.
After she …left us,
I put away childish things,
Put away my joy.
Father wouldn't allow it.
He wanted obedience.
There wasn't a chance
To pursue writing back then.
I was to succeed,
To be the best for Father,
To pay homage to Mama.
Make a difference.
That was always my motto.
Until Father saw
How happy I had become.
He ruined my enjoyment.
I made him proud when
I became a prison guard.
It's good solid work,
You should do well and promote.
His monotonous motto.
And then I met …her.
Thought she was a deviant,
A sassy smoker.
Father's voice echoed loudly:
Keep away from that woman.
Nothing I could do
But watch her become more loyal
Than anyone else
In that benighted prison
Of psychotic misfit toys.
It wasn't until
Channing… No, that wasn't it.
It was all Vera.
The little mouse had sharp claws.
And she had those idiots.
They conspired, connived,
Found ways to make me suffer.
Wanted me to die.
Only she kept me afloat.
Only she gave me solace.
She saved my life …twice.
Once was quite literally,
Dug me from my grave.
Nursed me back to life again.
The other was more subtle.
How did it happen?
Was it just hero worship?
How could she stand me?
I was abrasive. (Her, too.)
I was short-tempered. (Her, too.)
It came upon me
All of a sudden …too late.
I nearly broke out
Just to see her one last time.
It didn't work out that that way.
When I became Kath,
When I lost all that I'd been,
I thought of her name.
I wanted to take her name,
But her spirit lived in me.
She gave me such hope,
Such joy, but she never knew.
I was a coward,
Fell back on Father's dictates
That love was a waste of time.
Now that it's too late,
I live with all these regrets.
I just want to say
How much she means to me now,
And how much she always did.
If I could redo
The last handful of my years,
I would be so brave,
Not care what anyone says.
I would be honest with her.
I would say to her,
You are my sun, moon, and stars.
And when she protests?
You are the joy in my heart.
You make my life so worthwhile.
Perhaps in my dreams,
She will return to my side.
Perhaps in my dreams,
She will give me the courage
To tell her my heart is hers.
But dreams are fleeting,
And death is neverending.
Maybe we'll connect
In the afterlife again.
Did she meet Mama? Like her?
Or maybe I just
Allow myself to indulge
In the joy of words.
And with Mama's influence,
I can say what she can't hear.
She walks in beauty
With the grace and strength of gods,
Never to cower
From any foe or feeling.
She is my inspiration.
She is my reason
For each and every breath,
Each beat of my heart.
She is never far from me,
Nestled deep within my soul.
If it's all I do,
I will destroy who took her
From this life too soon.
I will not rest a minute
Until her spirit can rest.
She is mine always,
In thought, in word, and in deed.
I am hers always,
Forever grateful for her.
May we find peace together.