Chapter Text
"Why do I have to go Mom? I'm tired and just want to sleep," Buck sighed against the passenger seat window, watching his weak breath hit the window and fog up the glass.
"Buck," Margaret sighed, rubbing her forehead for a second before figuring out what words to say next. "I'm begging you. A few sessions. For me. This will be good for you! It will give you a chance to make some friends!"
"I have friends," Buck snapped quietly.
"Your sisters cannot be your only friends Buck. And as much as I love all the attention you give them, you need actual friends your age. Someone like you."
"Someone with a terminal disease who could die at any moment?" He didn't sound bitter, just sad. Because it was true.
Buck tried to ignore the way she froze just slightly before relaxing again. She frowned, "Someone who gets it," she said finally. "You deserve a life."
Buck had kept his eyes firmly locked on the entrance to the church they were parked in the parking lot of. It was as if he was burning holes into the two big and old wooden doors at the front of the building. He watched as a girl who looked about his age confidently walked in with a smile. Considering it was nearly 5pm on a Tuesday night, he knew she was probably there for this stupid cancer support group his mom was forcing him to go to.
"If you go....we can get whatever you want for dinner on the way home," Margaret finally settled. At this point she was beyond desperate to get her sometimes a bit stubborn son to go.
Buck pressed his lips together and debated, "Anywhere?"
"Anywhere. And I believe that Liv said something about wanting chicken nuggets earlier so, you can't disappoint your sister now can you?"
Buck rolled his eyes, trying his best to hide his slight smile thinking about his little sister begging for chicken nuggets. Buck was seldom as hungry as a normal teenage boy should be, but the promise of fast food still managed to make him a little hungry. He finally unlocked the car door and got out, pulling his oxygen cart behind him, and headed into the church.
"Have fun sweetie! I'll be back here in an hour!" Margaret called after him happily.
"Yeah whatever," Buck muttered to himself. He just kept muttering anything to make mom happy.
It was, whatever you would expect a Tuesday night cancer support group in the basement of a church to be. It was quiet and quite boring. There were 10 kids give or take, all talking about their feelings and how they're doing, sharing their progress and trying to one up the person before them in how great they are doing and how close they are to remission- all of which was the exact opposite of Buck. He preferred bottling it all in and keeping to himself.
He didn't care. He knew he was going to die.
He only knew one of the other cancer kids there, the only slight redeeming part of this whole thing. He was the kid of one of the parents that Buck's parents had met at the hospital a while back when Buck practically lived there between his many surgeries and chemo. His name is Charlie, and he had some fantastically improbable cancer of the eye. He had surgery to get the cancerous eye replaced, a glass eye now sitting in its place. The other thing he first noticed about Charlie was that he had similarly curly hair like his own.
Aside from the few support groups his mom had already forced him to go to, Buck hadn’t properly talked to Charlie in months, ever since he had his last stint in the hospital last august where he almost died, but then suddenly he didn’t. Charlie would always talk about his girlfriend and how he was destined to be a space engineer one day. Buck didn't ever mention to him that he didn’t think engineers were allowed to be blind.
It felt pointless.
Buck still gave him a wave and a weak smile. He knew that Charlie didn't really know anyone else either, and so that gave Buck an ally in this battlefield of cancer kids. They spent nearly the whole hour communicating in dramatic sighs from opposite ends of the group. That was pretty much the extent of Buck's relationship with Charlie these days.
After the gruesome hour was over, and Buck happily had enough McDonalds to feed the entire family in his lap, Buck and Margaret arrived back home much to the delight of all his younger sisters.
There was Maddie, the 13 year old who was much too dramatic and much too into boys and makeup for her age, in Buck's eyes. He knew she was a growing teenager but he still thought of her as a child. She was sarcastic and loved pretending like she was too cool to spend time with family, but she'd always break down that exterior and show her soft side during family time. The terminal cancer Buck was sporting helps in that aspect. She would always help out when she was needed without question. She was smart enough to know Buck’s time was limited.
And then there were the two five year old twins, Olivia and Isabella, who were close to finishing up kindergarten. The two bundles of energy were always bouncing around the house and the fast food meals they were currently being fed at the table definitely didn't help. But having the whole family eating a meal together for once was not to be treated lightly, and Margaret was going to take advantage of it. Between Sage hanging out with her friends, and their dad working late a lot, it was more rarer than ever these days.
Phillip consistently had to work late, since he'd been promoted to his position of the top banker in his company a few years back. The hours were strenuous sometimes, but the extra money helped tremendously with all the medical bills that just never seemed to stop coming. And in addition to that, even though Buck hasn't had to endure a round of chemo in quite awhile, his appetite has largely decreased since his initial diagnosis just over three years ago. Which means he frequently sits out dinner time and takes a rest instead, sometimes his energy simply too drained from the day.
Having cancer is exhausting. Dying is exhausting.
It frequently left just Margaret and her daughters to eat, desperate to get some family time in before the little rascals went to bed. Tonight though, she was happy to see her son was able to happily finish a meal of chicken nuggets and some fries.
"Okay?" She asked, taking a pause in the conversation to check on her son next to her. He sat at the head of the table, to allow the space of a bigger and comfier chair for him than the standard dining room chairs everyone else sat in. One too many times of Buck nodding off and almost concussing himself on the table and one time- the floor, and his parents decided it was best to give him a big comfy living room chair he could rest his body in, even though it was hard for his parents to watch. That chair was his and his only, but he pretends to look the other way when he sees Maddie sometimes sit in it when he’s not eating dinner.
"Yeah, I'm good, don't worry," he assured with a smile. "But I think I'm going to head up to bed, I'm worn," he said quietly, letting her know that he was okay, just tired.
"Okay honey," she said quietly. "You can take your meds alright, yeah?"
Buck slowly removed himself from the table and sighed, "Yes mom, I'm 17 remember. Goodnight."
"Goodnight baby, I love you," she said as she stood up and gave him a kiss on the cheek before he said goodnight to the rest of the family and headed for the stairs, just after his dad stopped to give him a kiss on his head, right through his curls and say goodnight for himself.
Buck was thankful for his medication that was currently working a miracle on his shitty and pathetic excuse of lungs. He frequently needed his lungs drained, he still had lots of pain and he was tired all the time, but at least the tumour had currently plateaued. He hadn't needed chemo in over a year, which allowed him to grow his hair back out to the pretty and bouncy curls that they naturally are. He loved them more than anything and a large part of his heart broke every time he was forced to shave them off before each round of chemo and radiation. At that point he had simply stopped taking care of them- what was the point? He opted to slick back his hair instead, but he was happy he was back to his roots.
They were fully grown out this time, and as he stood in the bathroom looking at himself in the mirror, recognised it as the only thing he really liked about himself. His face was pale and cold as was just about all the skin on his body, a negative side effect of being under oxygenated all the time. There were prominent bags under his eyes, constant bruising on his arms and surgical scars on his chest. His eyes used to be a bright blue, but he feels they've significantly dimmed within the last few years, the physical evidence of the toll that this disease has taken on his body. And then of course theres the cannula wrapped around his face connected to the oxygen tank he lugs around everywhere. That was the icing on top of everything.
He was dying, he knew that. But he just wishes it wasn't so god damn hard. Dying was fucking hard.
He took the six pills he was required to take at bedtime, brushed his teeth and quickly changed into more comfortable clothes before turning off the lights and getting into bed. He connected himself to his oxygen concentrator, and sat on his phone for 20 minutes before his eyes felt too heavy to continue to scroll.
He was lulled to sleep by the comforting thoughts of his family to distract him from the concerning black hole and deep abyss that came over his mind when he thought about the future. And the sole fact that he didn't have one.
The next few days were of the usual and boring kind. Filled with lots of lounging on the couch and his mom making him food that he only can eat half of. He thought she'd understand it by now, and stop giving him such big portions, but she has so much hope in her eyes every time she gives him a meal that he can't help but just smile and say thank you.
She quit her full time teaching job when Buck got diagnosed, settling for a part time position helping out when she's needed at the local daycare center so she's home most of the time to take care of Buck. She's always been a crafty and creative person and so finding that part time position to help out with arts and crafts for the older kids at the center was like hitting the lottery, and gave her the ability to be home when Buck needed her.
He still feels bad about making her pause her life to take care of him. But she consistently tells him that there's no where she'd rather be. He always rolls his eyes.
Her constant care was less needed now that he was 17, and he wasn't at the hospital the same amount of time, or god forbid more, than he spent at home. And now he had his own second hand car to drive himself and his siblings around if need be, but no matter what happened, Margaret would still be worried like it was the very first day.
When those dreaded work hours came and she reluctantly left Buck on the couch watching reality TV reruns, she begged him to go out and do something and not just stay holed up inside all day. But Buck doesn't really know what he'd do anyways. His mom was right about not having friends. His most exciting day involved driving to the bookstore, drinking tea and reading different books for hours on end. Or sometimes he'd just go to Starbucks and sit with even more tea while scrolling through his phone for 20 minutes just to show her that he did indeed do something. Occasionally he'd stop by the bank to see if his dad had any time for a quick chat. He could usually spare a few minutes, he did have a job to do after all, but on less busy days, his dad would text him to meet him for lunch and they'd get nearly a full hour together and those days Buck was thankful for.
He especially loves the summer time, because all the girls don't have school and they can spend all day at home with him, except for the few days a week Liv and Izzy go to day camp. Maddie often went and hung out with friends, but ever since Buck got his license, and since their mom works more often in the summer, he usually is the one to drive her and pick her up so they end up getting a little bit of bonding time.
But alas, it was March. And he was stuck on the couch alone while he mom was at the daycare center and all his siblings were in school.
On Friday, he had a doctor's appointment, which his mom accompanied him to and treated him to some ice cream after. She always treated him with something after appointments. And it was always her way at attempting to get him to open up. Spill something about how he's feeling. And even though it was rather difficult, she sometimes succeeded in getting him to talk a little, and sometimes not.
"Good, I guess," he responded quietly, as he sipped from his milkshake in relative silence.
Margaret nodded slowly, really wishing she was better at reading her sons emotions. She looked down at her bowl of ice cream and scraped a few bites up in her spoon. "Are you able to pick up Liv and Izzy from school today? I have a few errands I need to run and I need to get to the insurance office before the weekend."
"Yeah, of course," he said, playing with the straw in the cup a little, trying to scrap as much from the bottom as he could.
"They're going to be happy to see you," she added.
Buck scoffed. "I see them everyday."
"Buck, you know what I mean. To really see you, and talk to you in the car ride home. They miss their alone time with you," she acknowledged. "They love you."
"Yeah...well, I love them too," Buck concurred with a smile.
Picking the twins up was something Buck never minded doing. He got there early, as he usually does, and waited with the rest of the parents picking their children up. He saw the pity looks from parents as he took a seat on the bench right outside the classroom to catch his breath after walking up the staircase to get to the area of all the kindergarten classrooms. They had a ramp for the outside staircase, but not for the inside staircase, which made Buck out of breath every time he had to walk up it. It was small, but he always cursed it for making him so dizzy.
The two girls came running out a few minutes later, happily running over to Buck and jumping on him, being perfectly level with him while he was sitting. Buck gave them each a tight hug from his position before fixing his cannula from where it was briefly knocked out of his nose and gave them a smile.
"Bucky! You came!" Izzy burst happily. He rolled his eyes, annoyed that even though both of them were now 5, they still used his nickname from when they were toddlers and couldn't say Evan, so mom tried to tell them to say Buck instead, but all they wanted to say was Bucky. God forbid anyone else call him Bucky, but it sounded so damn cute coming from their mouths, especially Izzy's, who uses it the most often so he couldn’t stay too mad. He figures staying annoyed at adorable 5 year old girls is not possible for more than give or take 30 seconds.
"I did," Buck laughed. "Ready to go home?" he asked and they both nodded before heading towards the door, backpacks swinging as they run.
"Hey now, not too fast okay?" He silently begged as he manoeuvred his oxygen tank down the stairs he had just come up. When they reached the ramp outside, the girls ran ahead, enjoying having an excuse to run down the ramp instead of the stairs.
Buck unlocked the car and got them into their car seats, both of them helping Buck pull the seatbelt and lock it into place.
The two children didn't know what cancer was. They didn’t know the ins and outs of his sickness, or what exactly was wrong with him, but they knew he was sick and that he always needed his cannula in. They enjoyed calling his 'nose tube thing' and knew that if it wasn’t in- that meant that something was wrong and they need to get help. Their parents were slowly trying to teach them how to help their brother in little ways to make things easier for him. When they started kindergarten, they learned how to use a cell phone and call 9-1-1 and how to use speed dial to call mom and dad incase of an emergency.
Buck smiled down at his sister's once they were both buckled in.
"How was school today?" Buck asked once he got settled in the drivers seat and pulled out of his parking spot.
"It was great! We read a good book!" Olivia said excitedly.
"Oh yeah?" Buck asked. "What book?"
She frowned, "I don't remember....but it was about.....a house...in a forest," she finally got out.
He chuckled, "Well it sounds wonderful.”
"Is Maddie home?" Isabella asked, gazing out the window.
"Yeah she is, she might have things to do tonight though," he guessed.
"What- what things does Maddie have to do?" Olivia asked in curiosity, whilst staring towards Buck in the front seat.
"Big girl things.”
"What?" They both asked in unison.
"Well Maddie, she's older than you right? So the older you get, the more things you have to do. So she has big girl responsibilities!"
They were silent for a moment, before Olivia spoke up, "Bucky? What's resp- repons-" she stuttered, trying to get the word right.
Buck smiled in fondness as he stopped at a red light, "Responsibilities?" He finished for her.
"Yeah!" She beamed. "What's that?"
"Well, it means things that you have to get done before you can do other things. You know how for your summer camp you needed to read for an hour every week?"
"Yeah," they both murmured quietly.
"That's a responsibility of yours. So Maddie has some of those too," he expressed.
"What are big girl reponsibillys?" Olivia asked, and Buck gave her the points for trying.
"You'll find out when you're a big girl.”
"Hey! I am big!" Isabella gasped.
"Me too!" Iz joined.
Buck laughed to himself. "Yes you are Izzy, but you guys are going to get even bigger.”
Buck smiled the whole way home, these conversations with his siblings brightening his day so much, that he doesn't know why he doesn't do this more often. Maddie was home alone once they got home, the bus having recently dropped her off from school. She was in the kitchen eating her body weight in Doritos when the twins ran inside and began their evening ritual of terrorising the place.
Buck knew they needed to be entertained until mom got home, and probably needed a snack of their own or else they'll be begging for dinner way too early, but he was so exhausted. He hadn't gotten to rest since his early doctor's appointment and was running on empty. He walked into the kitchen where he saw Isabella and Olivia at the kitchen table, talking Maddie's head off already, and probably trying to get her to reveal some of those big girl responsibilities.
"Maddie..." Buck called from the doorway.
“Hey bruh," she said with a smile that was meant to be teasing since she was 13 and full of mischief.
Buck gave her as big of a smile as he could muster up. ”Mom will be home within an hour, I'm just, I just need to lay down for a bit...can you keep an eye on them and keep them alive?" He asked, a slight begging tone to his voice.
Maddie's eyes softened when she heard him and took in how tired out her brother was and smiled when she nodded, "Yeah, Buck of course. I do know how to take care of them you know," she teased.
"Yeah, I know you do. Just, come knock if you need anything okay?" He said before turning around and walking back towards the stairs, doing his best to maneuvre his oxygen tank up the stairs.
He knew Maddie had it under control. He knew that seeing your only brother struggle with cancer at such a young age, matured her beyond her years and that she could handle absolutely anything, but he couldn't help but worry about her. It was in his brotherly nature.
Buck changed out of his jeans and into some soft pyjama pants and hooked himself up to his oxygen concentrator before getting under his covers and setting an alarm for an hour and falling to sleep. He kind of hated the machine, because it had a snout that was sometimes uncomfortable to sleep with, and it made so much noise while it practically inhaled and exhaled for him, making him feel like he couldn't even choose when to breathe.
He guesses he lost that right with all the cancer, but thats neither here nor there.
He was awoken by his mother sitting on the edge of his bed and running a hand through his curls and smiling down at him softly. He opened his eyes and rubbed the sleep out of them before leaning up and seeing how dark it was outside.
He furrowed his eyebrows together as he reached for his phone, "What time is it? I set an alarm for an hour-"
"I know, I turned it off. Maddie told me how tired you were. Figured I'd let you sleep. You've had a busy day," she kindly said.
Buck smiled, “Thanks." The eye roll was held back.
"Dad got off work early, and dinners almost ready. Care to join us?" She asked, giving him the option to lay up in bed all night, but he quickly nodded.
"Yeah, of course." Margaret smiled and began to help him out of the covers and hooking him up to the portable tank.
"Mom?" He asked, whilst his bare legs dangled off his bed.
"Yeah baby?" She asked, looking up at him.
"I think we should do something this weekend.As a family," he admitted as she got up and helped him wrap his cannula around his ears. “I don’t know something fun.”
"Yeah?" She smiled. "How come?"
Buck shrugged his shoulders and gave her a half smile while he fit the nubbins into his nostrils, "I don't know. You said that the girls missed me. I guess I hadn't realized how much I missed them too."
"Oh sweetie."
"And I just- I don't want to miss them growing up," he confided quietly as if it was a huge secret.
Margaret gazed at her son and tried to prevent herself from tearing up, but she was extremely sentimental and often found herself doing the opposite, "You won't baby. They've got so much time," she said quietly, while wrapping her arm around his neck and rubbing the back of his head.
"I know….but I don’t." He said sadly.
Margaret frowned and kissed her sons forehead. "Oh baby. Don't think like that. You're here now. And that's the best you can do."
-
It was next Tuesday when Buck found himself back at the cancer support group. He was able to drive himself this time, as long as he had promised not to take any detours on the way there and to stay for the entire time. He'd been sitting in his car listening to depressing music and staring at the door for the past 10 minutes trying to find all his God given strength to go in. But since the #1 thing that he absolutely couldn't stand doing was disappointing his mom, he finally opened the doors and hobbled on in. Anything to make the woman who takes care of his every need happy.
He walked in and headed for the elevator, but before he could make it too far he realized he should probably use the bathroom first, and easily for him it was up on the main floor. He took his time, trying to delay the amount of time needed spent in that sad pathetic basement as possible. After washing his hands with hot water in a useless attempt to warm them up, he pushed open the door (that could both be pushed and pulled, so genuinely a very bad set up for a bathroom door that just attracted disaster) and came crashing into another body. A boy.
Oh.
"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry-" Buck began to say but was cutoff by the other boys apologies.
"Fuck! Shit, I'm so sorry-" He started and giggled when they both apologized at the same time.
The man was immediately ducking his head in embarrassment and blushing before placing his hands on Buck's shoulders, making sure he was stable. "I didn't hurt you did I- sorry I really need to watch where I'm going," he was apologetic but also giggled as he spoke and Buck's next thought was how child-like that giggle sounded. It didn't look like it should come from this handsome man with perfectly placed hair and an amazing bone structure and an even better sense of style. It was just a simple black skinny jean, a distressed grey t-shirt and a soft black jacket on top, but it made Buck feel significantly underdressed in his black sweatpants pants, white t-shirt and long black cardigan.
Buck then realized he was staring and not saying anything, and suddenly found the mans face contoured up in concern, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah- I'm...yeah. No worries at all, I'm sorry, I wasn't looking either," Buck stuttered out with a small smile before giving him a weak wave, and placed a firm grip on his tank and continued around the corner over to the elevator, not before looking over his shoulder one more time and muttering out a small "sorry."
Buck doesn't really know where he expected this mysterious stranger to go after he used the bathroom- surely theres not much going on down here in this church basement, but for some reason he was slightly surprised when he saw the handsome boy walk into the group just 30 seconds after he had.
But all Buck thought was...no way. There was no way this beautiful man had cancer. He looked in perfect health and like he couldn't possibly relate to any of the sickly kids in here. He knew he was being judgmental, and that many kids with cancer didn't look like they had cancer. Maybe he had been diagnosed with a very bad brain eating type just yesterday, and was here for support ... you know that thing this group was advertised to be providing. But he couldn't help it. He wasn't exactly the positive, optimistic patient everyone wanted him to be. He watched as the man breezily walked across the room and took a seat next to Charlie, immediately engrossing him in conversation. And as Buck sat down in his chair on the other side of the room, he swore he saw the boy send him a wink.
He watched as mystery man and Charlie exchanged many words throughout the session, but he never spoke up. He looked like he was observing everyone, including Buck. They locked eyes a few times, especially when Buck was asked to speak in front of everyone.
Buck spent half the session trying to look at the handsome stranger without getting caught, and half trying to figure out what his name was.
And it wasn't until after that Buck got his answer. He was stepping out of the building, one of the last people out because he had to wait for the elevator that operated just a hair slower than a snails pace. He walked out the door of the church and saw Charlie giving mystery boy a hug and jumping into his dads car.
"Video games tomorrow?" Charlie called, presumably to mystery boy, since they were the only two left. He watched the boy give a nod in confirmation before Charlie smiled back and yelled "Bye Eddie!" before rolling up the window. Buck met Charlie's dads eyes and gave him a smile as he waved before he exited the parking lot.
Buck smirked, "So, Eddie is it?"
The boy seemed caught off guard, turning around and smiling when he saw Buck standing there. "Yeah, it is. Buck right?" Eddie asked, extending his hand.
Buck smiled and shook it, his small and cold hand surrounded in Eddie's big and warm one. "Yeah that's me," Buck blushed. He wasn't going to let himself get giddy at the fact that they had definitely been talking about him. He didn’t introduce himself at all today in group.
"Sorry again, for earlier."
"It's okay really," Buck smiled. He could tell Eddie looked nervous, like he didn't know what to say, yet he wasn't making any effort to leave. "So uhm, how do you know Charlie?" Buck said gesturing to where the other boy was just a minute prior.
"We've been friends since we were 10." Eddie said with a slight nod. When Buck didn't respond he decided to explain further. "Our parents knew each other and then we got put in the same class one year when we were young...and we've been friends ever since," he explained with a small smile.
Buck hummed. "Did you- did they meet through this group?" He asked.
"Uhm, no actually, I'm just kind of here for support, for him,” he laughed, although a bit dry. "Our parents thought it would be a good idea," he offered, with little extra explanation.
Buck wondered, but didn't ask any further. He smiled weakly, "Ah, well yeah I get that. His parents are the ones that told my mom about this, and so my mom forced me here too. She thinks it'll help me. I don't know why though," Buck rambled.
Eddie sent him a comforting smile, decidedly not going on some rant about how this will indeed be good for him if he tries. He knows it's of no use, "He's a good kid. He's very positive for his situation. He’s always so funny.”
"Yeah, he is," Buck agreed. "Can't relate," Buck muttered out.
"You're not optimistic?"
"I have lung cancer. There's not much to be optimistic about."
There was a moment of silence when Buck felt that this conversation had run its course, and that he should bid his goodbyes and continue on to his car, but was stopped by Eddie's voice. "You busy?" He asked, and Buck almost thought he misheard him.
"I'm sorry?" He asked.
"Like right now? Would you like to get a cup of coffee or something? My treat."
Buck gaped at him for a minute but let out a shy smile, "W-why?"
"Because I want to get to know you better," Eddie stated simply and confidently. "I think you're very interesting. Probably one of the most interesting people I've ever met."
Buck briefly wondered how someone could be so confident and excited about asking someone out for coffee like that, or how he thinks he could know that after such a short period of time.
"We've known each other for an hour," Buck teased. “Max."
"And you interest me," Eddie said simply.
"In like a I'm-going-to-murder-you kind of way?"
"No as in I think you're cute and wouldn't mind treating you to a cup of coffee kind of way," Eddie laughed.
Buck hesitated, "Well...I usually drink tea."
"So is that a yes?" Eddie asked with a smile.
"I mean... it's not like I have anything else calling my name so," Buck smiled. "You want to go to the cafe down the street?"
"Yeah yeah, that'd be great," Eddie agreed, beaming at how this conversation turned out. He then briefly looked around, and his eyes landed on the parking lot, "Did you drive?"
"Yeah," He answered, gesturing to his old car in the parking lot.
"Well my sister has the car we share at the moment and she's supposed to pick me up but seeming as she's already over 10 minutes late, would you mind giving me a lift? I can ask her to come pick me up from the cafe so you don't have to drive me home."
Buck let out a breathy laugh, "It's fine Eddie, I don't mind," Buck chuckled before leading them over to his car.
"Wait. Before we go- one more thing..." Eddie said, as they stood outside the car. Buck looked at him expectantly. "What's your last name?"
Buck laughed and paused at the awkward request. “Buckley."
“Buckley? Is Buck a nickname then?”
“Yeah.” He smiled. Eddie was silent, staring expectedly, and Buck couldn’t help but let out a little snort. “It’s Evan. My first name. But call me by that and I will hunt you down and hurt your family.”
“Geesh, harsh! So…Evan Buckley then?” The other man nodded. “Evan Buckley. I like it," he said before heading for the door handle, but finding it still locked. He looked up to Buck to find him smirking.
“I wasn’t kidding. I will hurt you.”
“Okay Buck. I believe you. It suits you better anyways.”
Buck paused. ”Well now it's your turn. What's your full name?"
“Edmundo Diaz."
Buck gaped, "That's your name?"
Eddie was understandably confused by this, “Yeah? But everyone calls me Eddie. You can be included in that ‘everyone’ if you would like.”
“Oh good,” Buck sarcastically replied. “ It just sounds like the name of a supermodel or something," he added as he finally unlocked the door and got in the car.
He laughed, "Well I appreciate that. I'll keep that in mind Buck Buckley.” Buck groaned. “What? You said not to call you Evan. That means Buck is your first name and Buckley is your last.”
He pulled a dramatic eye roll. “Wow. Our first fight. Didn’t think it would happen so soon,” Buck mocked as he pulled out of the parking lot.
"So how are you enjoying the group?" Eddie asked, about 15 minutes later once they were sat by the window and had their drinks in front of them on the old wooden table. "This was my first one but I reckon I kind of liked it."
"It's...okay I guess. I'm just going to make my mom happy," he spluttered. "I'm not usually one to talk about my feelings and stuff. I never know what to say when we're asked how we are. I mean I have a terminal illness, how good can I really be?" He stressed with a smile of annoyance.
"Yeah no I, I get that," Eddie agreed, taking slow sips from his latte.
Buck noticed his hesitation and tried to think of something to talk about. Being strangers who just met and all, it was slightly difficult while also super easy, considering they had millions upon millions of topics of conversation to choose from. While they were on the topic of terminal illnesses, he thought better now than never to ask Eddie about why he showed up to the group today, despite him saying he was only there to support Charlie. He felt like there was a story there.
Turns out asking someone whether or not they're dying is a little harder than he thought. "I mean like no offense- I don't- but you look really...good," Buck stuttered out, then realizing what he said. "I mean not good good like you're hot good, I mean not that I don't think you're hot cause you definitely are but like-" Eddie laughed. "Sorry I'm screwing this all up aren't I. I just mean, you look- healthy. Really healthy. A lot better than me," Buck murmured.
"Well I for one think you're beautiful." Buck looked up to meet Eddie's eyes to find honesty written all over them. He blushed and looked down, definitely not used to hearing that from cute boys in coffee shops.
Did I just use the word cute to describe this boy? He thought. Yeah. Maybe.
Eddie seemed to then remember the question and looked a bit melancholic but his face quickly fell into a weak smile. "You're right though, I don't have cancer." Buck waited. "But my dad did. He had probably the worst kind, honestly. It was a severe case of glioblastoma." He paused, "He died a few months ago. So my mom pretty much forced me to come to this too. I don't know why to be honest...I told her having a parent with cancer wasn't the same as actually having cancer, but I just wanted to make her happy. I've been friends with Charlie for a good while, like I said, and I've experienced the highs and lows of his disease. And when my dad got diagnosed his family helped us out a lot. With food, advice, doctors appointments…just…being there. They were the best. And so Charlie's mom asked me to go to this group to support Charlie but, I knew it was just our moms scheming together to get me to feel more seen I guess. Realize that I’m not alone in this.”
Buck frowned, taking in everything Eddie had just said. "Oh god, Eddie I’m so very sorry."
Eddie smiled. "Thank you, It's been awhile, though, I've learned to live with it. I knew he was going to die the second they said the word cancer," he admitted quietly. "I've had a lot of time to grieve. I haven't been doing much recently, just going to school and coming home just to like, be with my mom and sister you know? I hung out with Charlie a bit because obviously he gets it but the rest... I just- none of my friends really could get it. They think they understand but they just...can't. So she thinks I'm depressed or something," he added with an eye roll.
Buck chuckled, "Join the club. My mom thinks I'm depressed too. I barely leave the house," he added.
"And look at us now," Eddie smirked as he raised his mug and took a sip. Buck matched his sip and smiled as they met eyes over their mugs. Buck couldn't help the burst of laughter that erupted from him. Getting tea with Eddie Diaz was a good decision.
"And so what grade are you in now?"
"I'm in my senior year. I'll be 18 in like two months."
"Oh, well happy early birthday," Buck smiled.
"Thank you," Eddie said quietly, smiling down at his coffee.
"What about you are you in school still?"
Buck pressed his lips together and looked down. "No. I was at the hospital way too much in the beginning, I couldn't keep up school work anymore," he explained sadly. "So when I started feeling better I got my GED," he added.
"That's great! That’s…that’s awesome," Eddie stuttered. "Congratulations."
Buck blushed, feeling his congratulatory words flood his veins, "Thank you. I wanted to take some online college classes or something. Or- or maybe even attend some, but my mom wanted me to wait at least a semester. I don't know, It's weird because I'm the pessimistic one, yet I'm the one who wanted to take college classes as if I have a future," he frowned. "I think she thought I was going to die....like soon. There were a couple bad times. Where we thought it might happen. But I guess something inside just keeps fighting. So she wanted to spend as much time with me as she could I guess," he blabbered on somewhat sadly, looking down.
Eddie frowned, "Hey. That's incredible. I know it's hard not to think negatively, trust me, I know, but we all have such a limited time here. Even people who live to their full life expectancy. It’s so short in compared to anything else. So just, I feel it's our duty to enjoy what we have, whatever that may be," he said with the kindest eyes Buck has ever seen. "And I feel honored to even get to spend a fraction of those days with you Evan Buckley," he said with a giggly smile.
Buck narrowed his eyes, “Hey.” Eddie put up his hands in defence. “You watch it.”
Buck was listening to the words that sounded like they should've come from a poet. He tried to figure out the best way to respond. He tried not to blush but how could he not, with Eddie freaking Diaz sitting there like the human form of an angel. He picked up his mug to take another sip and was about to put it back down before his phone started ringing in his pocket. He saw his mom's caller ID and flashed Eddie an apology smile.
"Hi mom," He answered.
"Evan are you okay? The support group ended almost 30 minutes ago," she spoke quickly. Even though her voice was calm, he could tell she was worried. He wished she could stop helicopter parenting just a little.
"Oh yeah...uh sorry I forgot to let you know, I uhm" he paused and looked up at Eddie's (still) smiling face, "I met a friend, and we're getting tea real quick. I should be home soon," he added in.
"Oh sweetie, thats good! I was worried. Just, keep me in the loop next time yeah?"
"Yeah of course sorry mom, do you need me to pick you up anything?"
"No sweetie we're fine, dinner should be ready in about 20 minutes if you’re feeling up for it.”
"Yeah mom of course. Love you," he said before hanging up the phone and setting it down on the table. "Sorry she can be...nervous."
"Yeah my mom is the same way, I get it," Eddie laughed.
"Listen I um, don't want to keep her waiting for long, so I should probably get going..." he said, as he reached for the handle of his cart and finished his tea.
"Okay yeah, I don't want to keep you," Eddie said, also getting up and finishing off his latte. "Do you want me to get my sister to come pick me up? She won't mind-"
"No it's okay, I still have some time. My house is crazy at this time anyways, It's okay if I'm a little late," he laughed as Eddie returned their mugs before heading out the door. “I don’t eat much anyways.”
The ride to Eddie's house was easy, Eddie directing Buck into a neighborhood not even 10 minutes away. He finally pulled into the driveway that Eddie told him was his and put the car in park, smiling weakly over at Eddie. "Lot of windy roads," Buck laughed.
"Yeah, it's very annoying," Eddie added with a smile, whilst taking off his seatbelt. “Well Buckley, it has been a real pleasure to make your acquaintance today. And thanks for the ride."
"You too Eds," Buck said quietly with a smile.
"Eds?"
"Yeah. I think it suits you," Buck giggled, giving the man a taste of his own words.
Eddie smiled bit his lip before asking, "Can I see you again?"
Buck couldn't stop smiling, everything about this day feeling like a dream. He felt like a medieval princess being courted by a prince. Buck blushed, turning his head a bit as to try and hide it from Eddie, but he knew the other boy saw anyways, "Sure," he responded with a soft smile.
"Tomorrow?"
"Maybe. I'll check my schedule. Aren't you playing video games with Charlie tomorrow?" Buck challenged. As if his own schedule consisted of much other than sleeping.
"Touché..." Eddie said with narrowed eyes.
And so after a weak promise and exchanging each other's numbers, Eddie shut the door and walked into his house, Buck watching with a smile at him walk away wondering what the hell just happened.
He was just enchanted by Eddie Diaz.