Chapter Text
Prologue: Judah's Errand
Judah stared at the ceiling, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips. Normally, he’d relish any amount of sleep he could get, but when you’re stuck on bed rest because of a sprained ankle, there was only so much bed rest you could get before your thoughts start to eat at your brain. And just when his ankle was feeling well enough, Judah found that he could only catch a few hours of sleep before something tickled his senses and stirred him from his slumber. And that had been the more annoying part.
Normally, whenever Judah woke up, it would be due to one of three scenarios. Scenario one, Rosco, out of hunger, would attempt to nibble on Judah’s arm. There were superficial bites, like a toothless toddler using your arm as a teething device. Regardless, it still did the trick of snapping Judah out of his slumber. Scenario two, and the most common, would be Micah coming into Judah’s room and unceremoniously yanking Judah out of bed by the ankle. It might sound violent, but Micah always had the foresight to at least pile some blankets on the floor, so Judah didn’t hurt himself. And finally, the third scenario was Elijah coming in to rouse him from sleep in whatever way Elijah could think of at the time. It was never the same thing twice with Elijah, but Judah could always expect a smiling Elijah and a cup of his favorite cocoa.
But none of those could have been the reason why Judah woke up. Rosco helping David with some new field agents on a water-fight training mission, the same kind Judah and his siblings had done when he was younger. Micah and Shiloh had gone back to Lila’s raelo in hopes that the fairy or anyone in the restaurant village would be able to help their current predicament. And Elijah…
Judah let out a deep groan, trying to reign in the whirlwind that was his mind. He didn’t want to think about Elijah. Not right now. He needed to focus on something else. Anything else.
Like, maybe he should redecorate his room. His room was looking a little bland lately. Just his bed, desk, nightstand, Rosco’s bed, and a few posters. He could probably buy some posters to hang up. Or maybe he could paint the walls. Maybe…blue? Blue like the sky. Blue like the ocean. Blue like Elijah’s headband -No, bad Judah, think of something else!
Forget redecorating. His room looked fine. Maybe he could convince Shiloh to go back to the Pokémon raelo so they could bring back more Pokémon. They had only been allowed to bring one each the last time, but just think how awesome the M.O.M. agency would be if they had a Machamp as security? They wouldn’t have to worry about another Rainbow Friend infiltration if they had a Charizard. But no, Elijah wanted to keep his Charmander small and little – And think of something else, Judah!
Judah pulled his pillow out from under him and placed it over his face to muffle his screams. Just because he was awake at the ungodly time of 6:00 in the morning didn’t mean he had to wake everyone else in the agency. As he pulled his pillow down, a thought occurred to him. What did wake him up if it hadn’t been Rosco, Micah, or Elijah? Curious, Judah sat up.
“What’s that smell?” Judah asked aloud after his nose caught whiff of something in the air. His thoughts all seemed to zero in on the scent. He took a big whiff, and something just seemed to click in his head. His eyes lit up. “Waffles!”
Judah scampered out of bed, the lingering thoughts that threatened to sink him all fading away with each step he took from the sleep quarters towards the communal dining hall.
….
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By the time Judah turned into the dining hall, the only thoughts left were “waffles, waffles, waffles”. And to his delight, there they were, waiting for him on the buffet table. Waffles.
And a screaming Mary?
Judah couldn’t help but scream in return. He hadn’t even seen her, his thoughts narrowing in on the crispy, buttery squares of goodness sitting on a platter next to the scrambled eggs.
“Judah, you scared me,” Mary panted, one hand over her heart and the other holding onto a plate of food.
“Me? You scared me. You just popped out of nowhere,” Judah pouted.
“I was standing here the whole time,” Mary countered.
“Oh. Well, you weren’t waffles so I didn’t see you,” he said, giving her his brightest smile in hopes he could deter her from asking any more questions. It usually worked on his family. But recently, things had been a bit…tense. People were starting to notice the flaws in his mask. And if he heard “how are you feeling?” one more time, he was going to bite down on someone’s arm.
Fortunately, Mary didn’t ask the forbidden question. Probably because she was just as tired as he was of hearing those words. Instead, Mary gave him a gentle smile and reached behind her to hand him his own plate. Judah accepted it with a genuine smile.
“Couldn’t sleep either?” she asked him.
“I got some,” he answered as he reached for the goods. He didn’t even bother to put the first waffle on the plate. Judah just stuffed it into his mouth, chomping down with glee. A glee that quickly turned somber as the familiar taste of cinnamon lingered on his tongue. Mary must have noticed because she quickly turned away and started plating some fruit around what looked like a small personal pie. A quick sniff of the air told Judah that the “pie” was brie baked in a pastry puff.
“So…couldn’t sleep, huh?”
“What? Of course I did.”
“But you just asked if I couldn’t sleep either.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Mary.”
“Judah.”
“Please tell me you two aren’t arguing at six in the morning,” an exasperated voice asked from the doorway. Brittney shuffled in, drawing the siblings’ attention from one another and onto the exhausted motherly glare the red head was sending their way. Judah didn’t say anything, instead choosing to nibble on his waffle while Mary hastily changed the topic.
“Waffle? Ben made them,” she smiled, holding up a waffle towards Brittney as if it would appease the other woman. However, Brittney just gave Mary a warm smile.
“Ben’s not scheduled until Saturday, Sweetie.”
“Oh. I really to remember people’s schedules.”
“Aren’t you the one who schedules everyone’s shifts?” Judah asked through a mouthful of food.
“Ergo, I really need to remember people’s schedules,” Mary reiterated, going back to her previous task.
Brittney joined them and started to fix her own plate. Judah had been so focused on Mary that he didn’t even realize Brittney had snuck a few pieces of turkey bacon and eggs onto his plate. Normally he’d grumble about being treated like a child, but he was ok with it this time. Food was the universal symbol of peace after all. With a full plate, Judah found himself a seat and started to stuff himself with peace. The three settled in a bit of silence, each looking over the other, waiting for someone to speak up first.
“How long were you cooking for?” Brittney asked.
“Dunno,” Mary shrugged. “Maybe a few hours?”
“It’s good,” Judah complimented. He managed to resist the urge to throw in that it tasted just like how their mom used to make it. He didn’t even need to taste the eggs to know there were mozzarella in it. And he would bet his bottom dollar that Mary was drizzling smothering the baked brie in strawberry jam right about now. He only knew one person who liked it like that.
“…Is he still in the infirmary?” he asked.
“…Yeah,” came the quiet reply.
Judah felt his stomach flip and the cinnamon suddenly tasted sour. The memory of their last mission started to claw at the recesses of his mind again. It had been a week since they returned from Kaldheim, yet it still felt fresh in his mind. He could still feel himself dripping on an upturned root that resulted in his sprained ankle. He could still picture the oily rivers and obsidian flowers that blanketed the fields. The scent of rot wouldn’t go away no matter what he tried.
And he still couldn’t get Josiah’s scream out of his head.
“Judah?”
Judah’s head snapped in Mary’s direction. He almost choked on his breakfast when he realized she and Brittney were both looking at him with concern. He sheepishly pulled the waffle out of his mouth. “Uh…sup?”
“You were zoning out for a while there,” Brittney said.
“Oh. Sorry. Just…thinking.” Judah felt Mary’s place a gentle hand on his neck. He leaned into it, relishing in the soothing massage she gave.
“Wanna talk?” his sister asked.
“I wanna eat,” he replied, stuffing the rest of the waffle back into his mouth, hoping the act was repulsive enough for them to leave him be. But he still felt Mary’s gentle hand on his neck, and he watched as Brittney slide a cup of cocoa in his direction.
He didn’t complain. He just took a sip of the offered drink to wash down the fluffy goodness. He wanted to eat the bad thoughts away. He didn’t need to choke. Once he finished, Judah allowed himself to just sink into Mary’s side while he picked at the eggs.
A comfortable silence fell over the three of them. Judah didn’t need to look up from his plate to know the two women were having a silent conversation. He also didn’t need to look up to know they were more than likely talking about him. Which was rich since one of them hasn’t even slept yet. But he wasn’t going to call his sister out on it. One, because he was really comfy. And two, as long as Mary was distracted from her own thoughts, then all the better. And as long as they don’t involve him in whatever they were -
“Hey, Judah,”
Dang it.
“Yeah, Mare?” he looked up at Mary, giving her his best sleepy eyed.
“I’ve got to check on a few English muffins I’ve got baking, could you do me a favor and take this to Josiah?” she asked him, offering the plate that she had been fixing for the past couple of minutes.
He wanted to decline. Make an excuse that the baked brie was messing with his sinuses. Or that he was sleepy and just pretend to fall asleep right there. He was getting lost in enough of his thoughts that it could be believable, right? Or maybe he could use the excuse that his ankle was bothering him and just limp his way back to his room. After all, his ankle was bad enough that he couldn’t go on the mission with Micah and Shiloh, so why would it be good enough to do this one simple task?
He just needed to think of something, anything, to avoid going to the infirmary. To avoid Josiah. He started to think of more excuses. He had to pee. His tummy hurt. His head hurt. But as more and more excuses piled into his head, the more his head actually started to hurt, and his mouth started to move before his thoughts could properly reform and suddenly -
“Sure, Mary.”
Dang it.
He, reluctantly, removed himself from the safe embrace of his sister and took ahold of the plate of food. Brittney suggested he also bring Josiah a cup of coffee and he obliged. With the food in hand, Judah headed out of the dining hall. He barely made it past the door when he picked up the familiar sound of a sniffle and hiccup made him stop.
“Mary,” Brittney softly spoke, her words both reassuring and filled with worry.
“I’m fine,” Mary’s watery voice spoke up. “I just…I just need to focus on something else. Anything else.”
Judah didn’t wait around to hear the rest.
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It seemed like he had been walking forever. He could blame it on his ankle. It wouldn’t be a complete lie. While he had been given the clear to walk around, there was still the occasional ache that would spring up now and then. But whether it hurt or not, the honest truth was that he was just stalling. With every step that brought him closer to his destination, the stronger the pull of dread had on him. The further his heart sank into the pit that surrounded his thoughts.
Judah could understand Mary and Brittney’s reasoning for sending him. They probably thought he felt more comfortable with his brothers since Micah and Shiloh weren’t here. Or they thought that Josiah could use a good ol’ Judah shaped hug. And if it had been any other circumstances, he would be more than willing to help. But with each step he took, the more he realized that he didn’t want to do this right now. He didn’t want to step foot into that place, even if it had been a week since he’d seen them.
Everyone probably thought he couldn’t remember the details of their return. It had been an adrenaline-fueled rush to get back home and they probably assumed he had mentally checked out like he usually did in stressful situations. And in a way, he kind of did, because one minute he was in the infirmary, crying and begging Shiloh not to leave him alone, and the next thing he remembered was Micah tucking him into bed. But when you’re relegated to bed rest, the nightmares always like to remind you of the small details. From the panicked bewilderment of the medical staff to David nearly barreling through the staff to get to them. It was all twistedly etched into his brain and as he found himself standing in front of the medical wing, it felt like he was in a waking nightmare.
Judah stared ahead.
The doors to the infirmary were mocking him.
“Step inside, coward” the door laughed.
He wanted to turn and run. So, he was a coward. Big deal. He was the Scooby to Micah’s Scaggy. There’s nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to face the truth. Hiding from reality was a perfect, logical thing to do. He did it with when Mom disappeared. He can do it again now that-
“Oh, Judah.”
Dang It!
“Oh hey, Patience,” Judah greeted the medic as she stepped out of the infirmary. His mask slipped back on so seamlessly that Judah almost felt like throwing up. “Have you been here all day?”
“More or less,” she answered, trying to match his energy. But no one could match the amount of energy and good vibes Judah could fake. “I managed to catch a few hours of sleep. What about you?”
“Oh yeah, slept like a log,” he lied. “Oh, Mary made waffles and cocoa. She was up all night making it”
Patience had a look that told Judah that the medic was about to give someone a lecture on sleep deprivation. Sorry Mary, but he’d do anything to avoid doctors, even throw family under the bus.
“Thanks for the tip, Judah. I could go for something to eat myself.” She then looked down at the food in Judah’s hands. “Is that for Josiah?”
“Oh. Uh yeah.”
Patience gave his arm a gentle squeeze and sent him a warm smile. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. Go on in.”
“Will do!” Judah beamed. He cursed his feet as they moved into the infirmary. The sound of the doors closing behind him sealed his fate and the young man had to tune in to the sound of electronic beeping. The stench of sterilization lingered in the air and the chalk white walls made him want to shut his eyes.
“You can do this, Judah,” he whispered to himself. With a deep breath, Judah marched forward.
It wasn’t like he had to go far. The infirmary was simple in design. It was like one giant, hideously white, T. With a large lobby/waiting room where you’d get checked for small stuff. Like booboos, paper cuts, or splinters. He could handle this part. It was the long, seemingly endless hallway that he wanted the run from.
The single hall before him seemed to stretch longer and longer he stared into it. There were eleven doors in total, five on each side and one at the very end of the hall. Behind each door were the different rooms where the doctors and medical staff would drag patients into. Sometimes for simple things like physicals and other times to put on a cast if you broke something. If you were in any of the side rooms, you could expect to stay anywhere from an hour to overnight. Two days top. No big deal. But then there was the room at the end of the hall. The dreaded 11th room.
The Long-Term Care room. The room of no return.
Each step down the hall felt like he was sinking. The shadows reached down towards him, reeling him towards the twisting halls. The door at the end of the hall seemed to get bigger and bigger, morphing into a large grinning maw that was waiting to claim its next victim. The glowing crimson sign that hung over the door seemed to stare deep into his very soul.
“Join them, Judah”
His throat dried up.
The electronic beeping was getting louder. Cackling in his ears. Each step he took seemed to make the heart monitors ring out louder. And louder. Until the beeping became a never-ending ringing as he stood before the open door.
He just had to step through.
Move forward and drop the food off. Then he could run back to his room and hide from this nightmare.
He stepped through the maw, bracing for the crushing sensation to come down on him.
But all that greeted him was dead silence that was cut with a rhythmic beating of a heart monitor.
Why was this so much worse?
From the doorway, Judah was able to quickly spot his target. It wasn’t that hard honestly. Sure, the room felt like it was growing bigger and bigger every second, consuming everyone in its sterilized jaws. But Josiah was still dressed in his pitch-black adventure gear. His jacket was hanging haphazardly on the chair that Josiah was practically sinking into. Without it, Josiah looked substantially thinner, and Judah had no idea if it was because Josiah hadn’t eaten anything all week or if it was the sleep deprivation. Josiah was paler, his hair matted and frizzy. And his eyes…there was visible dark bags under those blood shot eyes that stared at the bed Josiah was sitting vigil at.
Elijah’s bed.
If Judah that Josiah looked bad, Elijah was so much worse. His skin was disturbingly paler. His forearms were wrapped in gauze, but oily black veins snaked out from under the gauze and reached Elijah’s fingertips and just halfway up his biceps. Judah could easily bet 50 bucks that there were similar black veins along his brother’s torso. An IV drip and heart monitor were hooked up to Elijah, the electrical beeps a reminder that Elijah was alive. And honestly, if it wasn’t for that machine, and the skin discoloration, Judah would assume Elijah was just sleeping. Despite how he looked, Elijah’s face had a peaceful expression of someone taking a nap. Even his hair looked well kept and not a mess like someone’s.
The silence lingered uncomfortably. He wondered if Josiah had even noticed him. He was just staring dead ahead, watching Elijah’s chest rise and fall. Josiah was just…staring. Unmoving. Vacant.
Oh god.
Judah’s heart suddenly skipped a beat, and a whimper broke through his carefully crafted resolve.
Not again, he thought to himself. Not again
This had to be another nightmare. He was going to wake up. Wake up. Wake up, Judah. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up!
“Judah?”
The soft, gentle voice cut through the sickening thoughts that were crushing him. His vision cleared and a sleepy Josiah was looking in his direction. Judah almost cried in relief. But instead, he slipped on that big bright smile to hide away from what could have been.
“Hey Josiah,” he greeted, ignoring the way his voice cracked. “Mary made breakfast. She made your favorite.” He might have moved a little too quickly and plopped the plate a little too harshly on Josiah’s lap and he practically slammed the coffee cup onto the bedside counter. He didn’t mean it. It was just the longer he was in this room, in this wing, the harder his heart beat and the stronger the negative thoughts got.
“Oh…uh…thanks…Is it morning already?” Josiah checked his watch, but from where he stood, Judah could tell the older man’s eyes weren’t focused. Josiah almost dropped the plate as he moved. Judah managed to catch it and keep everything on. “Crap. Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“Should you be up?” Josiah asked when he placed the breakfast on the bedside counter. His attention was suddenly all on Judah. That same dead-eyed concern bore into him and Judah didn’t know if he wanted to cry or run. So instead, he did what he did best.
Faked it.
“Oh yeah, leg’s good as new!” he cheerily said, hopping on his ankle. He ignored the spike of pain that shot through his leg with each hop. As he watched Josiah sag with relief, Judah thought it was worth it. He’ll deal with the consequences later. “Doc still won’t let me on a mission for another week but that’s his problem.”
“I’m sure you’ll find some way to bother him about it later,” Josiah teased.
“You bet I will!”
Silence fell over them after, Josiah resting his chin on his hand while turning back towards Elijah. Judah chewed on his bottom lip, eyes darting between Elijah’s sleeping form and Josiah’s exhausted body. “Aren’t you going to eat?”
“I will. Just…not hungry at the moment.”
“Oh…When was the last time you had something to eat?” It was a rhetorical question that made a knot form in his stomach.
“Had a cereal bar before I came in here.”
“Oh…How long ago was that?”
“Oh, uh, not long. Probably an hour.”
Liar.
“Josiah…”
“I’m fine, Judah!”
Judah found his body tensing up at how harsh those three little words sounded. Josiah must have noticed because he hung his head.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean shout.”
“No, no its ok.”
“No, its not ok,” Josiah said. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
You didn’t either.
“It’s early. We’re always grumpy before we had our coffee,” Judah teased, his big bright, obnoxious smile plastered on his face. He pointed to the lukewarm cup of coffee. That managed to get a small chuckle out of Josiah. Good. At least he was able to do something right.
“Maybe you’re right, Judah,” Josiah scratched the back of his head. He muttered something that Judah could vaguely put together as “too many energy drinks” and he wondered when the last time Josiah got any sleep.
“Josiah?”
“Yeah?”
Judah locked eyes with his brother. Josiah’s eyes looked like they were barely focusing on him. Now that they were facing each other, the dark bags under Josiah’s eyes were so much more prominent. His eyes practically looked like they had sunken in. His cheeks were thinner and Josiah’s whole body seemed to sag with each breath he was taking, as if it was struggling to keep him up.
“C…Can you walk me back to my room?”
The question seemed to throw them both off. It was probably the last thing Josiah expected someone to ask him, and Judah didn’t want to be so vulnerable.
But if he didn’t, he was terrified of how Josiah might look the next time he saw him.
“Judah, you’ll be fine.”
“But its dark and super scary,” he said, adding a little squeak to his voice. It seemed to pick at Josiah’s resolve. But not enough. Josiah’s attention drifting back to Elijah. As if Josiah was afraid if he looked away for just even another second longer Elijah might…
“You’re a brave guy, Judah.”
“Are you kidding me? I am like, the Scooby to Micah’s Shaggy.”
That got a ghost of a smile from Josiah but it didn’t seem to be enough.
The room suddenly seemed to get smaller. The walls were closing in on its prey. They had teased him enough and now they were ready.
“C-Come on Josiah. We can stop by the dining hall and make fun of Brittney. Her hair looks like a pigeon sleep in it.”
“I…I’ve got to be here, Judah.”
The tiles started to feel like teeth against his feet. The heart monitor cackled at him. Everything was closing in. The infirmary hall stretched behind him for miles. He couldn’t see the lobby anymore.
“B…but” his breath felt heavy as he spoke. “I need you.”
“You don’t need me.” Josiah’s voice got disturbingly soft. The defeat that lingered from Josiah’s voice seemed to make the room close in around him and shatter his mask into pieces.
“Y…yes I do,” he whimpered.
The noise managed to pull Josiah away from Elijah. Judah stared into Josiah’s eyes, watching through a watery film as Josiah seemed to register something. A light seemed to click in Josiah as if he was finally starting to see Judah. Not Judah the fun loving, energy filled agent that Judah made himself out to be. But Judah the little boy in bright orange PJs who was terrified to death of hospitals.
“Judah…are you-“
He nodded hastily. If it will get Josiah to walk him out of here, then yes. He’ll admit. He’ll scream it at the top of his lungs. Shout it for all the raelos to hear. Yes, he was afraid of this place. He wanted out. He wanted his big brother to get him out of here.
Josiah finally pried himself out of the chair and clumsily closed the gap between them. Judah felt himself being pulled into a warm, albeit kind of stinky, hug. The cologne Josiah had put on a week ago to get Gala’s attention had definitely got bad. But he didn’t care. Feeling Josiah’s embrace made the medical wing’s crushing atmosphere fade away. The walls opened up again, returning to their normal place. Even Elijah’s heart monitor sounded comforting now.
The two of them stood there for a few minutes, Judah catching his shaky breath and Josiah gently whispering to him, helping him count down from ten. Even as the last number was spoken, they stayed there, Judah too afraid to let go. Or was Josiah the one afraid to let go?
It didn’t matter.
“Can we go now?” Judah finally asked.
There was a pause. He could practically feel the gears in Josiah’s head turning. They both knew that if Josiah left the infirmary, exhaustion might finally catch up with him. He hadn’t meant to put him in a tough spot, but Judah already has one brother in this terrible place. He didn’t want Josiah to end up here too.
Josiah pulled away from Judah and the younger boy sagged in defeat.
“Come on. Let’s get you back to bed, buddy,” Josiah gave him a tired smile before gently guiding Judah out of this dreaded place.
As they walked out together, Judah felt like the walk through the infirmary didn’t feel so long this time.
….
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