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Edward, in every sense of the archetype, is someone who refuses to listen to pop songs willingly. He defends this by saying, no, he’s not trying to be indie; no, he’s not edgy— I listen to One Direction! Pop song, as the name suggests, is a genre that’s popular . Of course it will come to him even if he doesn’t go out of his way to listen to it.
Lately, though, there’s one thing that’s been bothering him: he keeps hearing the same old pop song for two weeks straight now.
So You Belong With Me is a classic—he gets that. But two weeks? For hours on end?
“Sinasabi ko talaga, isa pang You Belong With Me, tatalunin ko na ang fourth floor,” Edward mutters to himself, putting his noise-canceling headphones on and hoping for the best.
Picture this: you are born with flesh and soul, and you grow up with as much love as the world allows to give you. At a certain age, you become aware of your surroundings, and you learn the sound of the birds humming, or of the winds rustling. You hear the ground pattering as the raindrops hit the concrete, and by the time you reach eight years of age, you start hearing a faint melody of a Maroon 5 song. You realize, soon enough, that it’s not something everyone hears every time it rains.
Edward ruffles his head in frustration once he hears a familiar succession of notes play. “Puta,” he groans, hanging his head low that caused him to bang his forehead on his desk.
Initially, Edward was in denial with the whole “hearing songs” business. Actually, he panicked when he first found out he was the only one who heard all those, even more so when he couldn’t find any resources or lived experiences about schizophrenic patients hearing Sunday Morning exclusively on rainy days. He thought he’d be Patient 0 for something new.
And then, he stumbled upon an ideology — a move he never thought he’d consider. This ideology introduced the concept of soulmates .
Its proponent researcher stated that, “[...] while having a soulmate is still extant in this contemporary world, it is considered to be more covert and something that does not have a concrete manifestation. It is simply something that our five senses cannot detect, but our souls can. Though be that as it may, there are still instances when your soulmate makes themselves known. This instance is marked by soul marks . It is unclear what exactly is the pattern for these soul marks, only that it appears in varied forms. The most common would be having their first or last words to each other marked somewhere on their body, among other things.”
Edward truly, genuinely, felt like he was out of his mind.
“Ano’ng fanfic na naman sinusulat mo, Ed?” He remembers Mistletoe saying when he thought he’d confide in him. Surprising, I know.
“Basta,” Edward shrugged him off. “Sagutin mo na lang. Ano sa tingin mo?”
Mistletoe sighed, muttering, “Bakit naman may pa-recit bigla? Ano na lang…” he trailed off, looking around his surroundings. Then he brightened up, looking at Edward with stars in his eyes. “Ah! Alam ko na!”
“Ano?!”
“Kaya ka nakaririnig ng kanta kahit wala kang pini-play ay dahil na-e-LSS ka lang, kaya akala mo naririnig mo na,” Mistletoe grinned crookedly.
“Tangina, walang kwenta naman input mo,” Edward narrowed his eyes at his childhood friend.
“Ikaw na nga ‘tong tinutulungan. ‘Di, joke lang, Ed. Sorry.”
Edward shrugged him off.
In the end, albeit grudgingly, Edward accepted the soulmate hypothesis.
(He didn’t actually, not really. He thought, hey, it’s for the plot! all while scrolling through various psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, and therapists. And then in the end, he decided that maybe it’s just something every man has to go through [?]. Also, mental healthcare was expensive in the Philippines. And yes, he is a millionaire. Edward implores his other selves arguing with him to go back to point A: it’s for the plot.
Besides, he’s Edward Dace, the Great and Power. Clearly, nothing will go wrong. Right? Right .)
♪♪
Edward feels like one day, being single and a chronic loner will come back to bite his ass. He’s not hard-pressed to date, but he does want to date someone. That very same someone who is currently dating somebody else. Those two someones right in front of him, coincidentally, while he was hiding in the library.
Perkele, kung minamalas ka nga naman.
“Huy, Ed?! Ed!” Macey, being the absolute sweetheart that she is, immediately waves at Edward energetically when she notices him. She whispers something to her boyfriend— kung ako ‘yan, ‘di na niya kailangang tumingkayad —before she sits in front of Edward. Whatever it is that she said, it made the guy go away. “Ano’ng ginagawa mo dito? Nag-aaral? Wala si Mist?”
“ Rito . May sinusulat. Wala si Mist,” Edward answers curtly. When it comes down to it, he is quite shy around Macey. Just a tad bit.
“Ah, ganun… Ano’ng sinusulat mo?”
Edward internally panics. It’s not like he’s writing anything suspicious, anyway. It’s because it’s Macey. “Assignment,” he blurts out, completely lying. “May, uhh, extra credits. Fiction writing. Kini-critique ko ang library.”
“So alin sa fiction writing at critique paper?”
“Both,” Edward blinks.
Macey blinks back. “Okay.” She pauses for a while, looking ahead. Though just for a split second and then she turns to him again to say something—“Ed, may theory ako about sa soulmate ko.”—he relishes those split seconds to take in Macey’s side profile, usually clear from wearing her hair up, but now framed by a few strands falling in front of her face. Her eyes were golden, and—
“Soulmate?” Did Edward hear that right?
“Oo! Alam mo naman ‘yon, hindi ba?” Macey props her chin on both her hands. “I mean, I don’t know if you believe in it, but—”
“No, do continue,” Edward waves his hand around, gesturing to Macey to continue as he opens a new tab where he has saved a digital copy of his diary. He frantically looks for keywords that indicate he has ever spoken about this to someone outside of Mistletoe.
“Feel ko kasi soulmate ko si Adrian,” Macey giggles, leaning forward. Edward spares a glance, only to find her blushing. “Kasi nakikinig ako ng You Belong With Me on repeat nitong nakaraan, ta’s siya naman, na-e-LSS na. E ‘di ba may mga sign na ‘pag nakikinig ka ng kanta—”
“—naririnig din ng soulmate?” Edward supplies. “Oo, narinig ko na nga ‘yan.” Habang ako naman, nakakarinig lang ng You Belong With Me nang paulit-ulit nang hindi ko alam kung sino’ng nagpapatugtog!
“O, ba’t sumimangot bigla?”
Edward fixes his face. “Wala. ‘Yong akin, ‘yan din kasi ata trip.”
“Uy, baka si Mist talaga soulmate mo.”
“Tangina, ba’t ‘yon?” Edward scrunches his nose.
Macey laughs, and the angels sing. She pinches Edward’s cheek, much to his shock. “Sira! Sige na nga, ‘yon lang naman, share ko lang naman. Babalikan ko na si Adrian, ah?”
Edward frowns a bit, then prays that Macey didn’t catch that. “‘Kay. Bye, Mace.” He watches as Macey bounces away, a clear spring in her step when she reaches Adrian’s side. He sneers and sinks even further in his seat, resuming his story.
Later that night, when Edward hears You Belong With Me play for the umpteenth time, he screams into his pillow.
♪♪
“That’s it, I’m done,” Edward growls. He stood up from his bed shortly after screaming and decided to be petty.
There was that tiny voice at the back of his head telling him not to do it and be more sympathetic; he had— is in their place, after all. Edward decides that the tiny voice is called his conscience and discards it, frantically adding songs to his playlist that he’ll play for the rest of the week.
“Tingnan na lang natin kung kanino ang huling halakhak,” he says deviously, squinting his eyes at the air. He presses play.
Soon enough, Room 372A is filled with songs that 4-year-olds jam to.
♪♪
Edward wants to pat the guy who said, “You have to go through hell to reach heaven,” (see: himself) in the back for the hell he endured last night. He’s pretty darn sure he can’t see a sugar cube normally now without thinking of lying Johnny and his scrutinous father.
So, that’s hell. The heaven in question is getting to see Macey again. (They see each other almost every day.)
“Hi, Ed,” Macey greets him uncharacteristically unenergetic.
“Ang tamlay mo naman ata,” Edward comments. “And—the eyebags, Mace,” he winces, “natulog ka ba?”
Macey frowns. “Halatang-halata ba na hindi ako natulog? Pangit na ba ako?”
Kailan ka ba naging pangit? “Uhh, no, not really. I just noticed.”
“Ganun?”
“Oo nga.”
“Okay,” Macey sighs deeply. “Feel ko may tinatago si Adrian mula sa ‘kin.”
“Uy gago pala ‘yan,” Edward immediately blurts out, blinking in surprise at his own words. “I mean, sorry , gago ba ‘yan?”
“Sira,” Macey chuckles. “Hindi naman sa… ganun. Pero ano, ‘di ba kapag sinabi ko sa ‘yong may kapatid akong 4 years old pa lang magugulat ka?”
“HA? Meron kang kapatid?!”
“‘Di ba nagulat ka?!” Macey somehow sounds vindicated. “Pero wala, wala akong 4 years old na kapatid. Feel ko lang kasi may pamangkin si Adrian pero tinatago niya lang.”
Edward starts to question the crush he has on Macey. “Anong logic ‘yan? Or better yet, why is that suspicious to you?”
“Hindi ko sinabing nagdududa ako?” Macey rolls her eyes. “May nangyari lang kasi.”
“Ominous.”
“Johnny Johnny yes papa is stuck in my head.”
Edward’s eyes widened. “IKAW RIN?”
“ Rin ?!” Macey gasps. “Baka soulmate mo kapatid ni Adrian…”
“What’s with you and siblings?”
“Ewan ko ba anong trip niya,” Macey cries out, burying her head in her hands. With a muffled voice, she continues, “Nakailang ulit siya nung kanta! Ta’s nung tinanong ko, sabi ba naman hindi siya nakinig? E nakita kong tinag siya ng ate niya sa Facebook, kesyo mahal daw ng anak niya si Tito Dian. Anong point sa pagtago?!”
Edward is starting to feel silly for even having a thought start to crawl in his head about soulmates and Macey being his. Of course the Universe will play this type of trick on him; he’s God’s favorite soldier or however that saying goes. Of course it will start feeling like things make sense only for said “things” to bring him down.
Of course he’d be an asshole for hoping that Macey’s soulmate isn’t her current boyfriend. Especially with how much joy she feels about that idea.
Yeah, right, Edward thinks. I’ll leave it alone for now.
♪♪
Edward concedes, but does that mean his hunt for the soulmate is over? Well, no. Especially not when Beloved Soulmate just started to loop boy band songs in the middle of the school day.
“Just why,” Edward laments. “Bakit ako?!” he says, tapping his feet to the rhythm. He can’t deny that it’s unfortunately catchy, but it’s quite embarrassing sometimes when he catches himself singing with a falsetto.
Once, Mistletoe gave him this dirty look and that was the only time he ever felt some sort of shame around the guy.
Speaking of. “Oi, Noir Brown.”
Mistletoe winces. “Bakit? Anong ginawa ko sa ‘yo?” Poor Noir (sarcasm) was on his way to class when Edward suddenly stopped him in his tracks. It makes Edward laugh a little looking at his friend with that signature frown plastered on his face and the demeanor of a man who’s carrying the entire world on his shoulders.
“No, you weevil, just listen,” Edward groans, cringing at ‘weevil’, “do you have any songs stuck in your head right now?”
“Yeah, actually,” Mistletoe’s frown deepens. “ I Won’t Say I’m In Love ? ‘Yung sa Hercules ? Ewan, ‘di ko naman pinapakinggan, pero stuck sa utak ko.”
“Naririnig mo naman ba?”
“Is this the soulmate hypothesis again?” Mistletoe muses. “Dalawa na kayo ni Macey na obsessed diyan. Baka kayo mag-soulmates?”
Edward frowns, but a smile tries to escape from his lips as his ears visibly turn red. “‘Yan na pinaka-nakakatawa mong joke, Mist.”
“Seryoso ako?” Mistletoe laughs nervously. “Pero—ano, ‘di ko kasi ma-explain? Naririnig ko naman minsan, pero ‘di madalas. Actually, may certain na oras kasi saka ko lang naririnig. Ikaw ba?”
Edward shrugs. “Random intervals. And speaking of time, ‘di ka pa ba late?”
Mistletoe curses underneath his breath, all while saying something along the lines of kasalanan mo ‘to . He hurriedly fixes himself and then runs off, waving goodbye.
“Bye,” Edward waves weakly, watching as Mistletoe’s figure disappears among the crowd. Then he shakes his head, walking along the hallways that lead to his dormitory, pondering, all while The Vamps slowly fades in and invades his sense of hearing.
He curses Cecilia for his current conundrum, but then he gets a brilliant idea as he walks past a blond person with eyeglasses chuckling to himself. Baliw ka, kuya, pero salamat, Edward thinks to himself, now sounding like he’s laughing along with the strange bespectacled fellow.
♪♪
Capture Soulmate, Test #1: Boy band songs.
With his trusty laptop, noise-cancelling headphones, and a glass of orange juice on his nightstand, Edward was set and ready for another payback set of experiments; this time around, however, it would span for three days at most. For one, he wanted to see if anyone in his immediate vicinity would be his soulmate. He only ever spends his week with Mistletoe and Macey, not even together nor every day, so by testing it out and seeing if they would hum or insinuate that they have [insert boy band song here] stuck in their head, then either of their hypotheses would be right. And Edward still thinks it’s a foolproof plan because no one ever hangs out that close to him, Mistletoe doesn’t listen to boy bands that much, and Macey is… well… Edward has nothing to say about that. She’s just convinced that it’s Adrian, and he somehow has this itching feeling that it’s not but it’s all just conjecture (and coping on his part, rationality aside).
Edward keeps humming Oh Cecilia as he scrolls through a playlist on Spotify that’s specifically curated to evoke the 2010’s boy bands peak, trying to sift through songs he thinks isn’t popular enough to have the radio station play randomly, but also just slightly irritating to the ears when played nonstop. Just slightly.
He stops scrolling, placing his fingers firm on his touchpad. A wicked grin starts forming.
“Not that I have anything against you,” Edward, the Madman says, looking at the scribbles on 5 Seconds of Summer ’s album cover, “but your voice is the perfect amount of annoying.”
Finally settled, Edward chuckles slightly as he presses play on Heartbreak Girl .
♪♪
Day 1.
It’s a little beyond quarter to three, and so far, Edward hasn’t seen hide nor hair of Mistletoe and Macey. He just got out of his last class, so he pats himself in the back for being so smart about extending the experiment, even if it meant listening to 5SOS for two more days.
It’s just two days, anyway.
♪♪
Day 2.
Edward sees Mistletoe in their university’s cafeteria, who immediately averts his gaze and tails after a guy with curly hair. The former shrugs and decides to let him go and just confront him about any song stuck in his head again through Messenger. That is until he sees Macey enter, looking around. His heart starts pounding violently against his ribcage as he notes that she’s wearing her hair up in a bun today.
“Ed, hi!” Macey says perkily.
“Macey!” Putangina pumiyok pa talaga ako. “Ahem. Macey. Hello.”
Macey laughs. “Uy narinig ko ‘yon, pumiyok ka.”
Edward laughs, but sarcastically. “Okaaay, yes, pick on the guy who’s going through puberty,” he drawls.
“Si iyakin naman. Naalala mo ba, noon pa lang napakaiyakin mo na?”
“That’s because you’d hurt me,” Edward points out.
“Anyway, anong ginagawa mo dito?” Macey playfully ignores him.
“Kumakain,” Edward deadpans, blinking.
“Ah, no, ang rare lang makita kang kumain dito. Actually, madalas kang wala tuwing tanghalian, may klase ka ba? Nag-cutting ka?”
“Ang daming tanong, para kang mama,” Edward crinkles his nose. Still, he answers every single question, “Yes, may klase ako sa oras na ‘to. No, hindi ako nag-cutting, maaga ko lang natapos presentation ko.”
“Ahh…”
Edward squints his eyes slightly, averting his gaze from Macey. There’s a certain cadence to her voice that made it obvious she wanted to add something else, but he wasn’t going to prod her further for that. He was just staring at the tiled floor and tracing the glaze over it in his mind while he waited for Macey to make up her mind.
And after what seemed like eternity (reality: 23 seconds), Macey says, “Sabay kaming kakain ng mga orgmates ko. Gusto mo ba’ng sumama?”
Edward looks back up, trying to weigh the pros and cons, but Macey’s face was too distracting for him to think straight. He can’t think, not when her warm, brown eyes are enough to convince him to join in.
Still, his autopilot was kind of useful. He just shook his head. “Sorry,” he says shortly.
“Well, that’s fine,” Macey shrugs, offering him a smile. “Basta kumain ka, ah?”
“Yes, Inay,” he drawls.
“Mama mo inay.” Macey blows raspberries. “Bye na!”
Edward waves her off. “Oo na, oo na.”
As Macey turns on her heel, the loudness of the cafeteria dawns back on Edward. He hears multiple conversations taking place here and there, his ears picking up on a couple arguing over which stall they’ll buy from and a meek girl enumerating her plans to confess to her crush from another department. He hears vendors announcing that they don’t have loose change and they’ll have to make do with Mentos instead, and the sheepish laugh that accompanies that reluctant acceptance from the student they’re serving.
Edward hears everything and it consumes his system. Then everything comes to an abrupt halt when he hears Macey sing the familiar words of Heartbreak Girl mindlessly as she strolls past tables.
All he hears then is his heartbeat.
♪♪
Day 3.
Edward has been staring at his ceiling ever since he came home from his last class the day prior. There was a period when he had fallen asleep, but it’s a blur in his mind. The next thing he knew was that he’s awake, and has been for an inconceivable number of hours.
For the sake of hearing his own voice, Edward says, “Coincidence lang naman siguro ‘yon, ‘di ba?”
He was in some sort of daze, counting some sort of transparent microorganisms swimming across his ceiling.
Edward wanted to believe in the implications so bad , but he knew better than to be the willing victim of fate. It wasn’t like it didn’t sting knowing Adrian is who he could be, but it certainly felt like someone spat on his face knowing that there’s a line he’s bound to. Any further and he’d breach an area gods know he wasn’t supposed to, not when it’s ordained.
Still, who was he if he wasn’t stubborn?
“Siguro nga coincidence lang ‘yon,” Edward muses, “at wala na rin akong pakealam kay Mist, kaya…”
He rolls over, knocking his body against his nightstand. He mumbles a brief “aray, tangina” before flinging himself towards his phone. He didn’t stop to think about the next song he’ll experiment with—he presses play immediately.
♪♪
Capture Soulmate, Test #2: Nostalgia.
Day 4.
Edward tries not to remember highschool if he could help it. It’s not that he wasn’t aware that he was the resident weirdo; as a matter of fact, he leaned into that image and accepted that his nature of being a loner shaped how he looked to others.
That’s why he flaked and never went to his school’s junior-senior prom.
First of all, he doesn’t really think he’ll miss a lot, considering he’s flaked at most of their school’s major activities. Second, it’s just a stuffy program where they’re forced to dance, eat rubbery food that isn’t worth what they paid for, and socialize against one’s own will. Be that as it may, there was one glaring con: he was unable to see Macey in her cocktail dress.
Look, he was just 14 (maybe 15?) at that time. It was completely understandable that his deciding factor was his crush of more or less half a decade now, but that’s water under the bridge. What made him remember that is the lingering regret that still festered up until the present and all his overthinking what-if’s presenting him with a version of the present had he attended that prom.
But Edward knows the only thing you can do with the past is look back at it.
Hitting two birds with one stone, Edward decides to play Champagne Supernova on repeat to let his feelings sit comfortably as he tries to process things, and to maybe-sorta deal with the whole soulmate business. Which is a bummer, because apparently, if you and your soulmate listen to a different song at the same time, it’s going to clash and create a dissonance.
Edward wishes to send whoever decided on that rule to hell personally with his own two arms. At wala akong pakialam kung gaano ‘yan katangkad dahil madaling mangagat ng tuhod.
It puts Edward in a mood hearing Champagne Supernova in one ear and Sunday Morning in another, almost driving him to kick the puddle off their university’s entrance, though he’s already soaked to the bones.
He feels extra silly stepping inside campus without his flannel that he’s squeezing dry, knowing his brown cargo shorts give away what his hair or shirt already doesn’t. It would’ve helped if he’s the only idiot who didn’t check the forecast and bring an umbrella, but apparently everyone’s diligent and tunes in to the weather report every night.
Edward feels his stomach churn a little seeing all the looks people are throwing at him, even those only for a split-second. He tries not to remember highschool. He tries not to remember. He doesn’t—couldn’t, not even when he wills it, but nostalgia is the closest one can get to touching the past. It’s the closest he can get to remembering, and Sunday Morning and rainy days remind him of the time when everything’s supposed to be right.
Instead, all it reminds him is of a time he sometimes wishes never happened.
♪♪
Day 5.
Edward falls back into old habit and stays inside his dorm room for the entire day to cram his ungodly amount of write-ups. He half-curses his soulmate for playing nothing but lo-fi beats, but thanks them in his head for cramming alongside him .
♪♪
Day 6.
Mistletoe has always been antsy. Back when he was added to Macey’s personal slaves in grade school, Edward always felt that the slight consideration she had for the poor kid wasn’t unwarranted, unwanted, nor unfair. There was something about that guy that screams cowardly.
Macey was just headstrong and naturally dominant. She only found the perfect playmates to answer to her beck and call. But some sort of hierarchy started to form when Edward found his own voice and used it to rag Mistletoe around.
“Ed, inuulit ko,” Mistletoe says slowly and with a clipped voice, “may i-e-edit pa ako para sa Lit club. Wala akong naririnig maliban sa boses ni Sir Henry at mga reklamo ng ates at kuyas natin.”
“ Ates at kuyas .” Edward chuckles.
“ Eeeeeeed, ” Mistletoe whines, slamming his headphones down the table of their clubroom. “Basta wala na! Pabayaan mo na ako dito! Akala ko ba wala ka nang pakialam sa ‘kin?!”
“ Rito , but anyway, the likely candidates are you, Macey, and that weird Psych dude I’ve been bumping into lately everywhere. I hate having my soulmate being a stranger, but I don’t like it even more if it’s Macey!”
“Why? ‘Di mo na crush?”
“Hindi sa gano’n, tanga.” Edward hits Mistletoe on the head with a chop.
“Aray,” Mistletoe deadpans. “Kung hindi sa gano’n, e ‘di paano?”
Edward furrows his eyebrows. “Anong paano?”
“Bakit ayaw mo kay Macey.”
“Hindi naman sa ayaw ko sa kanya, ayusin mo nga pananalita mo,” Edward huffs, deciding to shift closer to Mistletoe and taking a peek at his laptop screen. He snorts upon seeing their club advisor, though he promptly continues, “Pero may jowa na siya, e. Imagine the burden upon knowing that your long-time crush, who is your soulmate, is dating someone else she wholeheartedly believes is her soulmate. Tapos ako lang pala tunay niyang soulmate.”
“Ano naman ngayon kung ikaw?” Mistletoe asks, voice genuine, though the question was framed rhetorically. Before Edward can even reply though, he immediately adds, “Okay nevermind, I just imagined it and yeah I understand.”
“Anong ‘you understand’? Kaninong point of view ba ‘yan?”
Mistletoe purses his lips. He pretends not to hear Edward and puts his headphones back on, continuing with his editing. Good. At least he knows to keep his mouth shut.
Edward fiddles with the wires of his headphones, looking back at his own laptop screen only to find words swimming around. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to cram thousands of words of fictional brilliance in mere two hours, but he knows a futile attempt is better than nothing. With the power of nostalgia and Oasis by his side, he feels like he can power through with spite.
Only he realizes that he doesn’t have his Spotify or YouTube on. He’s not supposed to be listening to anything .
The Soulmate is listening to Champagne Supernova out of their own volition!
Edward jumps out of his seat, ignoring Mistletoe’s inquiry about his whereabouts. He doesn’t even realize it himself that his legs are carrying him outside of their clubroom until he sees a quiet hallway with only a handful of students loitering around or speeding past to get to a different room or building. Quite frankly, he doesn’t really know what he’s doing out there, so he just looks.
He looks at a fraction of someone’s life he’s witnessed in the mundane moment of going out and walking or talking. He decides he doesn’t really care about that and turns around to go back in, nevermind that he seems like a madman, when he hears a familiar voice walk past singing. He swears he heard his neck snap just to catch Macey, clearly off in her own world with her earphones buried deep in her earlobes.
The moment Edward spent on deliberating whether or not he should say hi forced him down the “ignore” option as Macey walks past him, not taking any notice. Still, a fruitful encounter, as he hears a faint guitar riff that’s all too familiar to him and his sharp ears. It causes his stomach to do backflips, but at the same time, coats him with dread.
♪♪
Capture Soulmate, Test #3: Whatever goes now.
Day 7.
Edward is about 90% convinced that he knows who his soulmate is, and knows them very well.
One, it should have been obvious the first time Macey posted a status update about having the most random songs stuck in her mind. Two, it should have been more obvious when she shared a throwback photo in her Instagram story while using Champagne Supernova as the music over it. Three, it should have slapped him in the face when Macey comes up to Edward as he’s listening to Helena and says: “Uy, parang na-mi-miss ko emo phase ko. Nagpapatugtog jowa ko ng MCR ngayon.”
♪♪
Day 8.
♪♪
Day 9.
♪♪
Day 10.
Edward panics. He panics as the pitter-pattering of the raindrops on his window creates the perfect atmosphere and ASMR to lull him to sleep. He panics as he starts hearing Sunday Morning set in, and panics even more remembering his childhood of looking forward to the rain for the melody it gives.
He panics as he remembers that Macey might think that this connection is being made with someone else.
♪♪
It’s been more or less eight years since Edward has made his first friend, and roughly a month since he’s been actively ignoring said friend. No one was keeping track, and it wasn’t that big of a deal; he had these bouts every now and then. This friend called this his “ghosting week”, and explained that it’s because he refused to make contact with anyone no matter what, and it didn’t matter if it was a school day. He’d do his best to stick to the wall, make himself smaller, dim his light. Yet, that was the thing: it’s a ghosting week .
Edward argues, semantics , but even he knows that there’s something wrong with him. He has never run away from Macey—not like this. Physically, he did, but he’d always circle back to her.
It was a little discomforting being away this long.
Edward turns his—the hotel room’s—duvet away, walking up to the window to gaze at the cityscape from 23 floors up. The world felt incredibly small from this point of view, and yet it doesn’t feel like he holds any power at all. Not when he’s being an asshole and actively wasting money just to make sure he drives anyone away. Given, it doesn’t make a dent on his bank account, but he digresses.
He fishes for his cell phone, finally getting enough courage to look and put it off ‘do not disturb’. He wasn’t exactly expecting a long stream of notifications from Macey and was physically bracing himself to find one from Sir Henry instead. He chuckles drily at that thought, chewing the inside of his cheeks.
There were 24 missed calls, 99+ notifications, and a bombarded Facebook wall from a Lawliet Black.
Edward cringes. More for the last part (that name!), but also just in general.
He goes through each notification carefully, his heart becoming heavier and heavier, contrary to the light feeling he should’ve been feeling with this weight off his shoulder. But then again, maybe it was the dread overstaying its welcome and making a home out of his heart.
He easily filters out Sir Henry’s whining in their Lit club’s group chat. Everyone else does, anyway, so he puts that at the bottom of his priority list. He then moves on to Mistletoe, who sends him primers and notes for programs that he should’ve attended or emceed (he’s now amassed some amount of non-attendance fees, but that’s what keeps their club’s budget going so they should be grateful) but didn’t. He sends a quick thumbs up as a reply.
“Schoolwork, group chat, schoolwork…” Edward enumerates. “Tangina, ‘di ba uso sembreak sa inyo?” He momentarily forgets the anxiety that had been gnawing at him, until he spots a new message coming from Macey. Almost immediately, he prays that his phone explodes on his face.
Edward tries his best to ignore it. He goes on Facebook and sifts through whatever the fuck Mistletoe was up to on his dump account, only to find out that it was actually Macey again, demanding for her messages to be read.
“Diyos mahabagin, tulungan Mo ako,” the atheist exclaims, face pale and mouth dry.
Edward doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know what to think, not when majority of Macey’s messages are cryptic as hell and he’s never felt this small in his entire life. He doesn’t know what to do with all this information on his shoulders—how Adrian apparently broke it to Macey before Edward could even start running. How it apparently was a bad joke, but it had been his truth. Their truth.
How Macey says that it’s okay if she hated him and that she understood why, and if ever his mind changes, he can always just talk to her anytime. How she took that back immediately and demanded for him to show up again. How nothing mattered and she just wanted to see him. How seeing didn’t even matter anymore, and she just wanted to know if he’s still okay. How she knows now that he’s okay—he shouldn’t have sent that thumbs up to Mistletoe—and she’s relieved.
Edward doesn’t know how to cope with the fact that he’s taking the easy way out once more, but there’s comfort in this discomfort. He knows what he’ll get out of being a coward. He knows that by staying inside this comfort bubble, he’ll send spikes that will pop the familiarity of other existing bubbles that he could crawl into when this one would go stale. There was comfort in breaking apart what already was steady, and yet that gave him such great fear that he just doesn’t know what to do.
He never knew what to do. He never knew anything for that matter.
He swallows thickly, allowing his saliva to coat his dry throat. He moves from being nailed to place, and he tries hard to find his voice. When he doesn’t, he stays still. He looks for the right words, the correct means, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do something .
In the end, it takes everything in him to find his voice back.
“Bukas,” he says hoarsely. “Gagawin ko na ‘to bukas.”
♪♪
Edward realizes, albeit belatedly, that Macey was trying to tell him something when he keeps hearing Hello by Adele play. Though that doesn’t exactly explain why she’s slumping outside his dorm room, burying her head on her knees. It pains Edward seeing her like this, even more so having an inkling that he might be responsible for some part of this.
“Mace…?” he calls out softly, reaching out to touch the crown of her hair. He stops—no, is stopped midway when Macey grabs his wrist gently, still not looking. It takes everything in him not to cry right then and there, tugging her hand to let go of him.
“H’wag,” came Macey’s muffled voice. “Baka iwanan mo na naman ako, eh.”
Edward lets out a sob. “H-Hindi na, Macey,” he manages to choke out, kneeling to get closer to her. They stay in that awkward position, holding each other’s wrist, trying to hold back more tears from falling.
Edward breaks the silence. “Sorry.”
“Para saan?” Macey asks, voice shaking.
“Para sa lahat,” Edward responds, voice smaller than it is soft. “At dahil naramdaman mong kasalanan mo ang lahat ng ‘to.”
Macey shakes her head. “Kasalanan ko din naman talaga.”
Rin, Edward corrects her mentally. Force of habit. “Wala kang kasalanan.”
“Meron, eh.”
“Wala nga.”
“Meron nga, kulit!” That finally made Macey look up, revealing a swollen face and heavy dark circles, indicating that she hasn’t slept well and has been crying. It makes Edward’s heart ache. “Sinaktan kita!”
Edward shakes his head profusely in turn. “A-anong sinaktan, Mace? Wala kang ginawang mali.”
“Lagi kong bukambibig si Adrian, na kesyo siya soulmate ko,” Macey explains, voice getting smaller and body growing more relaxed as she slowly leans against the doorframe. “Hindi ko naman sigurado nun, eh. Nagbabaka-sakali lang ako. Umaasa, ganun.”
“Bakit?” Edward doesn’t know why he still had to ask. He already knows what’s coming. What’s embarrassing is he’ll be aware that Macey knows it’s him mourning and what he’s mourning over.
“I wanted love,” Macey admits, voice getting quieter and quieter. “Masaya naman ako sa pamilya ko. I have wonderful friends. But it felt bleak. Parang may kulang,” she chuckles wearily. “Napakababaw ba? Sorry.
“Pero yun kasi talaga naramdaman ko, e. Nung nanligaw si Adrian, ta’s nung sinagot ko siya, lahat-lahat ng iyon, umasa akong mag-mi-make sense lahat ng mga napagdaraanan ko. Nagbabaka-sakali akong masasagot na lahat ng mga katanungan ko tungkol sa sinong nararapat sa ‘kin, kahit na hindi ko naman nakikita kay Adrian. Kasi matagal ko nang tanggap na ayaw mo sa ‘kin.”
Edward’s breath hitches, the broken pieces of his heart piercing him in all corners. It doesn’t make sense, he thinks. It doesn’t make sense for her to think about herself like that, not when she’s Macey Velasquez.
“Why would I… not want you…?” Edward says slowly, hanging his head low to hide his embarrassment. “Macey, for the longest time, I put up with you—”
“Ouch?”
“—hindi dahil masokista ako. I did it because I liked you.”
“Liked?”
“Like,” Edward corrects himself sheepishly. “And I—uhh, I guess. Uhm. Yeah. There’s that. A-and I’m sorry for fuc—messing with you. I… hindi ko naisip na baka ikaw nga yung soulmate ko. Nakakapangduda kasi.”
Macey laughs, yet there’s a tinge of doubt in her amusement. This is proven to be true when she says, “Bakit hindi? Ako lang ‘to.”
“Kaya nga, e,” came Edward’s quick response. “Kasi nga ikaw yun. You were so sure of Adrian being your soulmate—and mind you, he’s— was? —your boyfriend. Saan ako lulugar kung ganun? Soulmate mo lang ako; mahal mo yun.”
The silence stretches for an indefinite amount of time. Edward takes this time to sit with his feelings, calm his beating heart. He basically implied that he loved her.
“Pero, Ed…” Macey voices out, shattering the silence.
“Hmm?” he urges her to go on.
“Sa tingin ko mapa-platonic o romantic man ‘yan, kung anumang mangyari sa ‘tin, mamahalin at mamahalin pa rin kita, at hindi lang dahil soulmate kita.”
Edward looks back down, fiddling with the loose thread of his flannel. He doesn’t really know how to respond to that other than his face flushing. You can’t be too happy, he reminds himself. “Thanks, Mace.”
“Walang ‘I love you too’?”
“Uhm.” Edward looks back up, and he’s pretty sure by now that he’s overheating. He forces a chuckle, but really, all he wants to do is to scream.
Macey laughs, thankfully. “Joke lang.” She reaches her hands out and pats Edward’s head, which suddenly turns aggressive.
“Aray!” Edward swats Macey’s hand away, which somehow made her laugh even harder. It was quite contagious, because he felt the corner of his mouth quirk up.
It makes Edward think that maybe this is okay.
♪♪
“Siya nga pala, Mace,” Edward asks, before exiting from the dorm buildings, “paano na si Adrian?”
“Huh? E ‘di break na kami.”
“GAGO, ANO?!”
“Hindi pa ba obvious?” Macey cocks her head sideward, genuinely confused. “Teka, nalilito ako; bakit akala mo kami pa?”
“Kasi nga… ano… ha?” Edward scratches his head. “Nalilito na rin ako?”
Macey shakes her head. “Sige na nga. Pag-usapan na lang natin ‘to mamaya, baka ‘di pa ako makauwi nito. Bye!”
“B-Bye?”
♪♪
Edward somehow wishes now that he didn’t find out about anything.
Not when he can’t move from his seat as he hears Macey play Alipin by Shamrock right after he plays Pangarap Lang Kita .