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Despite the danger, the mission was fairly simple. Feng Ren was to escort the blind boy carrying the heart sutra to Wuliang.
Of course, Ren wouldn’t call him a boy, though even at seventeen years he wouldn’t call this fragile thing with pale skin a man either, and he wasn’t quite carrying the heart sutra so much as cursed with it.
And, maybe most annoying out of the falsehoods, he wasn’t blind either. Ren couldn’t actually explain why this fact annoyed him the most out of all three obfuscations, after all, many people lied about weaknesses to protect themselves, or protect strange boys scarred with line after line of forbidden text.
A boy who would never know suffering like Feng Ren did, but lived under a death sentence should he make himself known.
A boy whose smirk made Ren want to shake him like a disobeying kitten, but at the same time do things to him that any self-respecting whore wouldn’t ask less than a treasury for. Even worse, that smirk, the way the boy Po Xiao smiled, played with the dog he demanded to let follow behind them, even the way he commanded Feng Ren, made Feng Ren want to touch him gently.
Feng Ren remembered his siblings before their parents died. They were soft things that asked him for gifts, even the smallest pebble he could find from the nearby river. His brother, angry as he had been after their sister’s passing, used to try and hide behind her skirts, though she was not nearly as tall as him. In some ways this boy reminded Feng Ren of them.
But he was also not like them at all, for as soft as his skin might look (and feel, if Ren only reached out to it) there was a sharpness, an ego his siblings had never displayed. When their parents died, Feng Ren taught his siblings subtlety, something Po Xiao wouldn’t learn if it was beaten into him, had been beaten into him.
It wasn’t Feng Ren’s problem at the end of the day. He was to guide Po Xiao to Wuliang, and he would. As long as the boy didn’t annoy him to the point of abandoning him in the next forest they walked through.
Feng Ren was to escort the blind boy carrying the heart sutra to Wuliang. Well at least his quest was more truthful now than it had been before. Po Xiao was a boy with pale skin hiding what was called the most dangerous text in the world, and now he was actually blind. At first Feng Ren thought he was attempting to cover his tracks or that the idiot had hurt his head.
But for the first time since they had met, Ren looked into Po Xiao’s eyes and saw…no recognition. It was off-putting, the frantic movement of the boy’s eyes searching for some sign that he would never see. Even worse was the quiet. Feng Ren was half tempted to go find the fucking dog if he didn’t think Po Xiao would find some trouble, or trouble would find him while he was gone.
Po Xiao ate, and slept, and every morning he would open his eyes and Feng Ren saw the seconds of hope every morning. The hope that it was maybe a dream or that his eyes healed from whatever powder Feng Ren’s…former brother had thrown into them.
Every morning, without fail, Feng Ren would watch those eyes open and despair sink in once again. It was almost impressive how the truth of his circumstances hadn’t set in yet.
Yet there were times that Feng Ren wished that, one morning, Xiao would look up at him, the way he used to. It was inconceivable, the thought that Ren, after so short a time travelling with this infuriating creature, would grow to miss the taunts, the questions. Or if not, the way it was before then a new normal where Po Xiao could stand closer in order for Feng Ren to guide him…enough.
The sign in the last town proved that there was no hope for Ren to even finish this mission with Xiao much less…anything else that could come from quiet nights and low fires. As Feng Ren let loose a bird with a precious message, he heard the sounds of a blind boy trying to find his way to the bed.
Little did Po Xiao know that he likely wouldn’t get much sleep tonight.
If Feng Ren had to listen to Jun Ying talk one more time about how Po Xiao was advancing the world and putting a stop to all evil, he was pretty sure he would snap his own neck. Feng Ren was very aware of what Po Xiao was doing. He had his own spies telling him the same things. He had spies on the man for five years, ever since he left Po Xiao.
So when Jun Ying walked into Feng Ren’s office with that stupid smile on his face, he almost picked up his sword and walked out of the room, only stopped by the fact that if he broke another sliding door trying to avoid Jun Ying, he would have to certainly pay for it this time.
Jun Ying stopped in front of his desk and Feng Ren did not look up until the man cleared his throat. “Can I help you?” Feng Ren asked, trying to convey just how much he certainly did not want to listen to whatever Jun Ying was preparing to say. Feng Ren appeared to show a little too much interest in the people attempting to court Po Xiao, and Jun Ying thought he had free reign to be a little shit and give him all the “hot gossip” about the suitors.
Jun Ying sat himself down, without asking, and leaned an elbow on the table. “I have some news for you about your blind boy, well you wouldn’t call him much of a boy if you saw him these days, I mean… wow, you know?”
Feng Ren rolled his eyes. He had seen Po Xiao recently, just two nights ago in fact, and he would never admit it to Jun Ying, but Po Xiao did seem to be doing…quite well for himself. He looked…less fragile.
He never dared to get too close, the heart sutra was powerful, but it was widely unknown what powers it truly granted the user. If he was detected, then all of this work may have been for nothing. If Po Xiao knew he was alive, and a liar, then the only person with knowledge of the heart sutra wouldn’t carry out what needed to be done.
“But what I actually wanted to tell you is that he has a child now.” Feng Ren’s eyes snapped to Jun Ying, glaring. This couldn’t be true. There was no news from Jun Ying or any of Feng Ren’s spies about a lover or even a prostitute making their way in or out of the compound Po Xiao was staying in. Feng Ren would know if there was any possibility of a child.
Jun Ying put his hands up. “Not a natural born, calm down. Apparently, there was a landslide several days North that your boy took care of.” At the reference to Po Xiao being ‘his’ Feng Ren gestured at Jun Ying with his sword, ignoring the burning in his chest at the phrase. Jun Ying shook it off and continued. “There were no deaths, but there was an orphanage. According to the gossip, the child took one look at your- at Po Xiao and refused to be left behind. He named him Zhong Yi.” With that last piece of news tossed onto his desk, including a pamphlet announcing the child’s adoption, Jun Ying left. But not silently.
“Read the boy’s name and tell me that Po Xiao deserves what you’re doing to him.” With that Jun Ying was out the door, and it closed softly behind him.
Feng Ren looked back down at his paperwork. He let his sword go and picked up the pamphlet. He didn’t need to look, he could probably guess with enough tries, but he read it anyway.
忠 (zhōng) meaning "loyalty, devotion."
忆 (yì) meaning "remember, reflect upon, memory",
Didn’t this prove he had done everything right? That Po Xiao would only remember him in his devotion and not in this truth and these lies? If that was true, then why did this burn? Why did Feng Ren wish to pick up his sword and ask to be let into Po Xiao’s rooms until he could sit and listen to the boy, the man, breath in his sleep. Did he still wake up with hope?
There was only one way to find out. Just this last time, then he would stop going to see him. Then he would stop paying people to spy. Then he would make Jun Ying shut his mouth about it and accept that his part was finished.
That there was no more need for Feng Ren to lead a blind boy with the heart sutra to Wuliang.
Po Xiao sat and cradled his son close, feeling the infant grabbing onto his evening robe for comfort. There had been some concern for a blind man taking care of a child, but his status as the only one in control of the heart sutra was easy to hold over the law.
At the time he wondered if Feng Ren would have considered this a misuse of the heart sutra, but when the infant was placed in his arms after the landslide, and Xiao heard the coo of the little bundle, his heart melted. He knew that no matter what anyone thought, he would not want to be separated from this child.
When it was time to name the child, Xiao had a few choices, but now that he was playing the political game, though with a good starting position, he had to be careful. He would carry the name Po, but he couldn’t help but name the little one after someone with strength beyond his.
Zhongyi was a delight. According to the wet nurse and maid he had hired to help him with taking care of him, he smiled all the time, and Xiao knew it to be true as he could trace the upturned mouth with his finger. Well, until the little one grabbed it and stuck it in that smiling mouth.
Xiao heard his little boy sigh and felt his head turn more into Xiao’s chest, probably soon to leave a wet spot on his robes. It was then that Po Xiao felt it. A gaze he hadn’t felt in over five years. A gaze that stared through him and made his body itch. He knew he was being watched. As the keeper of the heart sutra and a unifier of nations, everyone who had money to spare had spies on him, but there were those with ill intentions, and then the other spies.
The other spies just watched. There was no looking through his documents or turning over his rooms, just watching. He originally didn’t know what to make of these people until he heard a voice in the marketplace, several meters away. It was husky with disguise, but he would recognize that voice no matter how it changed. He went towards the voice, but was gently moved to the side by bodies, ones who he recognized as having been watching his house.
That was when he first knew that Feng Ren was alive.
Po Xiao didn’t know what to do. Why would Feng Ren have lied to him? What did he get out of this? Po Xiao’s safety? He didn’t know.
Xiao would never forget that face, the voice, even the body and skill. As a boy carrying the heart sutra, his body was meant to be kept pure. There were no women allowed on the campus of the compound, but what the keepers didn’t know, carried no punishment, and when you put boys alone for most of their lives, they either grow as close as brothers, or something else.
He knew that this experience wasn’t much though, and the moment he put his eyes on Feng Ren, he knew that there was so much in the world that he was missing, starting with that man. Of course, then they were on the run, then Xiao went blind, then Feng Ren appeared to sacrifice himself for Xiao, and there wasn’t much time to ask for… well anything really. Not even just to feel Feng Ren’s touch on his hand.
But now there was a man who he knew watching him and his child. A man who had sacrificed himself in order to save Xiao’s life but proceeded to disappear. A man who sent spies to watch him and his child and never interfered. A man who appeared to be waiting for something. Hopefully it was the same thing Xiao was about to do.
“You are sitting in the tree outside my window facing me.” Xiao said lightly. If he was wrong, this could be dangerous, but if he was right, then maybe this could change their fates. “Would you like to come and meet my son?”
The watcher hesitated, but then entered through the window, closing it behind them. Light steps walked over to Xiao and Zhongyi, and Xiao quietly tensed, just in case. But when the watcher was in front of him, they waited, then said, “You are foolish for asking me to come in, Po Xiao.” It was Feng Ren.
Xiao put out his hand not currently occupied with his child. “Will you meet Zhongyi? I think you will like each other.” After another moment, as soft as the gentle breeze kissing spring trees, Feng Ren knelt in front of Xiao (sending a strange thrill down his spine) and touched his hand to Xiao's own. They held each other’s hands. “If he's anything like you then… maybe I won’t.” But the shake in his voice betrayed something softer than the words said.
Entirely trusting, Xiao undid Zhongyi’s grasp from his robe and slowly held out the child to Feng Ren. Zhongyi fussed for a moment, spurring Feng Ren into action. He gently took the child and knelt back. Xiao smiled as he heard Feng Ren, Ren perhaps, speak in a low tone something about passing off babies to criminals. Xiao smiled and shuffled closer in his chair to the pair of men that he loved. The man that saved him and the boy whom he hoped to save and raise.
Xiao could tell that Ren was distracted by Zhongyi, a trait that would come in handy, and didn’t register how close Xiao was sneaking until Xiao was close enough to feel Ren’s breath on his cheek. He didn’t move back, and neither did Ren. After giving Ren a moment to choose whether to leave or stay, Xiao leaned in and touched his forehead to Ren’s. “Stay with us.”
Xiao heard no answer. “I know I’m just a blind man, but you are the one whom I will never forget. I named my child with you in mind, and I will work with you to make sure you will never grow hungry. You will always be free to run your missions, but there will always be a home for you here with me and Zhongyi. No matter how far you go, there will be one person, two people who will know you and love you.” There was more he wanted to say; a whole speech he prepared when he forgave Feng Ren after learning he was alive; a new speech when Zhongyi was named. None of that mattered now.
As he went to continue, his lips were covered with another’s with Feng Ren’s. It was a short kiss, but Ren followed it up with, “You talk too much. I’ll have to stay, or this child will never get a word in edgewise.” Xiao smiled and leaned in to kiss Ren, making sure not to squish Zhongyi in between them, and making sure to wipe Ren’s tears. There would be no more need to cry.
After all, Feng Ren’s blind boy had come back to him, and would never let him leave him behind again.