Chapter Text
-O-
He had failed.
Himself, his team, humanity- nothing could justify the ultimatum of his failure...and in the white and hollow face of it all he had locked up.
Gone dark- AWOL. It hadn't seemed to matter as they had found him, then caught and caged him like an ferel animal then left him to himself, alone.
Inside he had felt nothing; cold and dead as if he were a skin of suit and armour and nothing else. A husk of a man, as if there was never anything else inside, as if he had been lying to himself whenever he had tryed to see anything different. How they had all lied to him. Even Cortana-
-No.
His head pulled to the side sharply-freezing that dangerous thought- trying to keep his mind and thoughts blank. The chamber of his instinct, that connects his thoughts with his actions, empty. As if one wrong move would pull that trigger...
It would somday, he knew, and in the event of the day it did- he wanted the only consequence to be a solid click and not a BANG.
Chief with weary exhaustion carved into his straining features, held a long deep breath and tryed to sooth himself into standby. To inaction-but it was impossible.
To do nothing.
His mind kept trying to digest things-everything that had happened since he had awoken to the truth of his state and true purpose. True capabilitys and new responsibility...dare he say loyalty? He didnt know.
Trying to decypher the knotted cords of feelings and thoughts; the frozen flashes of iron urge and instinct that he called himself -that they had built him into- his vision shot black, he tasted blood flavored bile, and his heart expanding and contracting hard with almost conscious efforts, ready and waiting to explode him into furious action...
He gripped his fists till they creaked, flushing pale and bloodless; the strength of his pain of 40 years of supression and emotional manipulation. 40 years of blind obedience to a corrupt and universel power he didn't know had enslaved him. 40 years fighting for a pure humanity that was in reality only an idea drove into his head- nearly non existant once he dared to open his eyes. 40 crushing years of regret and grief that drown him, crushing him breathless with it's volume and strength.
He could still see and hear every voice that had ever told him he what to be and what he was, as clear as the day they had first uttered it. Never trusting him to know and understand himself, he was forged through hell's fire and carved by cold discipline into humanity's single greatest acheivment and protecter; the only thing that could boldface challenge milenea year old gods in all their power and walk away without a scratch.
Any sane person-any grateful person-would see that as a miracle.
Humanity saw that as a threat.
The Chief swallowed the lancing ache rift inside that his own had wounded him with, the betrayal of trust for a man who has nothing and gave everything, for everyone. To be in turn spit in the face; to be told he was too ready and too able to be trusted, was crippling to everything he was...
But the truth of how he felt about it, how he was actually relieved that the slaving responsability he had ever known was now lifted,
broke the final shackle inside him that had been holding him back from truly doing what was right. It was a Godsend and a mercy...he was finally free-
His will, that is. His body itself had been detained under force and now awaiting their judgements.
Here in this place without his weapons and armor, singled away from his team and any contact, he knew they were trying to break him. While he scoffed sickly inside, his iron expression didn't flex a single centimeter. It was impossible. Didn't they know he was already broken?
He calmed at the thought, how they were never going to gain an inch more over him.
There was nothing left to take away because he owned nothing, held nothing and even to himself-was nothing. Even his team didnt know what he knew or saw what he had seen, they came because he had called. He hadn't had time to explain to them, to show them what he had known and how they needed to overcome every lie...He hadn't had the right words, he had hoped they would have worked it through like he had and come to the same realizations...
Was that too much to ask of them in the end?
Chief's forehead lines deepened into furrows as he realized just how different he was now, had always been without knowing. They followed out of due respect, not understanding what he was trying to save them from. They hadn't questioned him, only followed-debating the most questionalble of his means or intentions but otherwise obeyed. Like they had been taught to.
In the end they hadnt been through what he had, hadnt suffered what he had and didnt know what he knew. It broke another piece deep inside him to accept that- how only they could save themselves now. Linda. Kelly. Fred. He could save everything and everyone but not them-his brother. Sisters- not even Cortana- it seemed for the ones he cared about the most he was even less then powerless...
"As all who have born the burdan of time and lived long enough to be undone by the same-" The voice of the UrDidact mourned deep in his thoughts. "- all have come to realize this. You are no different, warrior."
Chief didnt respond-he never did- he just froze those thoughts like the rest, pushing them back, deep into the wild recesses of his mind, resolving not to dwell any longer on them.
"..Hiding. You can run from the truth for only so long, reclaimer. And in the end, it is the fools gambit."
Chief lowered himself to the shielded floor, pressing his hot hands firmly onto the cool crackling surface, holding another long breath.
Breathe. He pushed up. Held. Lowered. Held. Pushed. Held. Lowered. Breathe...
-O-
Locke entered casualy, clad in his charcoal grey armor without his helmet. His tone was nuetrel as he addressed him again.
"Hello again, John."
Chief stood stiff, his eyes fixed out of the shield left shoulder facing the intruder.
"I asked you not to call me that-"
"I remember. And I said I wasnt going to call you by a rank you no longer hold."
The Chief's eyes narrowed.
"You may use the number they gave me then, sir."
"I told you J-"
He cut him off, turning ever so slightly in the agent's direction.
"-If you dont...we're done talking."
He voice was barely guarded, low and deadly.
Locke didnt respond he just looked down, half nodding to himself as he paced a few steps further into the shielded cubicle that held
the rogue exSpartan. His hands hung on to his belt as he carefully contimplated his words before he spoke them. Chief's eyes and ears honed in to every motion and sound as he stood ready but rigid; unmoving.
Why was he here? Detained like this. What more did they want from him? A hundred questions with no answers and as much as they ground at his patience, the Chief remained silent.
"A pity you never finished your mutations." The Didact mused. "Your predicament may not be so predictably hopeless. Then again I assume your unchallenged fortune will see you doubtlessly through..." The Forerunner scoffed at the Chief's legendary luck but underneath John could feel his reluctant admiration and respect for such an adversary. John didn't let that distract him from his own adversary prowling his cell...
Locke paused then, having paced behind the Chief's right shoulder, still mantaining a rough three meters distance between them.
Good.
"Can we talk about it?"
Breath. He said nothing.
Locke sighed as if he pityed him, starting.
"..ONI is not humanity, and niether is the same opposite. You can't blame everyone for your situation and bad luck, there is no one to blame for it directly except for Halsey herself and Mendez, and even they have taken steps to right wrongs. Why haven't you? Even Cortana knew what they had done-all of it- and still chose to say and do nothing-"
Chief's blood boiled at his detracting words, his all ready rigid stance solidifying as if his will and discipline could contain his sick disgust for ONI -with all their secrets and crimes against decency and humanity- indefinatly. The rage of injustice. The agent however, continuing without pause.
"-she rathered you live protected, even in the shallow shelter of your own world then to risk you doing exactly what you are doing. What you've now done..."
He left it open to argue, knowing full well how the Chief burned to-
But he didn't. He remained silent though unable to contain the raging tremors gripping his taut shoulders, coarsing cold up his spine and aching deep where she used to be.
Lies..
Locke calmly turned and paced back the way he came, slowly, his steps measured. Every step was a point, a knell in Chief's hollow skull, echoing the words around till they found a place in an unguarded crevice he had tiredly overlooked. To sicken and spoil inside him till he rot from the inside out and became his own enemy...
"Tame your thoughts, warrior. You are fulfilling his foul work for him..."
John heard nothing but the drowning beat of his wrenching heart, the Didact's words too late to help him, he would listen to no one.
He heard Locke pause again, and he unknowingly braced for the sound of his voice...
"Why would you do it? Why would you turn from everything you had ever known?"
He was really trying to convince him to believe he actually cared. Just breathe. It was getting harder to control, his vision was tunneling as he horrifyingly watched the events of the Absolute Record over again...
Why??
His fists creaked and tremored at his sides, his breath heaving- increasing in tempo with the speed of his rabid thoughts-he
couldn't control them-
Why would she turn after everything he had done for her-that they had done together? She was his only everything? Why??
Locke sounded concerned, cautious...he spoke his name gently.
"John..?"
"I told you not to call me that..."
"Warrior. Contain yourself!"
John didn't see the personal outside the containment hurriedly gesture at Locke who denied them, gesturing for them to stand down. His eyes never leaving the back of the Chief...
"Alright, alright-"
His voice was niether frightened nor angry, blameless.
"-I won't agian, I promise."
He really was fine with anything John did and would not punish or threaten him for anything...It was completly disarming and John knew he knew that, and used it as a weapon against him but at the same time he couldn't fight it. He couldn't see it, couldn't evade it, he couldn't endure it even-
He just couldn't take any of it for much longer...
John rasped, his voice crackling plasma.
"GET. OUT, sir......"
It was a desparate demand, from a tortured animal on the last of the edge.
Again unnerving him, the agent wisely retreated, without another word or sound of complaint.
And John was alone again, as if the other had never been...the sudden retreat had left him as he had wanted but at the same time in want.
Of what?
The lights would then ebb low and soft. It was time for him to sleep.
-O-