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Rinne wasn’t the biggest fan of Christmas, that was clear. He didn’t mind the Christmas songs and he didn’t mind the really delicious mulled wine. He did hate the chaos in the malls though. Not like he had grown up with the tradition of Christmas in the first place – and not like it was part of the Japanese culture either, but in the last years the tradition of giving gifts had been imported – as well as the stress before the holidays.
He couldn’t even spend his time leisurely looking at stuff without being pushed from one side to the other. Not like he had anything special to do but to kill time either; the end of the year wasn’t really the time when people wanted CrazyB for jobs, so they had way too much free time.
He was about to grab another cup of that very very very delicious mulled wine from the Christmas booth when his eyes caught a familiar blue among the crowd.
“Now that is a surprise”, Rinne muttered to himself, rather amused. He didn’t expect HiMERU would be into Christmas shopping, and he did wonder for whom HiMERU would throw himself into this chaos, but actually he could guess it anyway.
Rinne postponed his mulled wine mission and instead followed HiMERU through the crowd. He did wonder where he was headed. HiMERU had stopped shortly in front of the fashion store, before apparently deciding that nothing in there was of interest, before he had gone right past the shoe store to the book store. But even there he just stood in front of it, a bit lost, before he headed for the escalator to the next floor. What could he be looking for?
Finally something interesting was happening on that boring day!
Rinne enjoyed the thrill of sneaking after HiMERU, making sure he wouldn’t be spotted. But after walking through the second and third floor, it was rather obvious that Rinne didn’t even have to try that hard to go unseen. HiMERU was absolutely lost in thoughts and was not paying much attention to anything around him.
He hadn’t even set foot in a store yet, which surprised Rinne even more. Wouldn’t HiMERU at least have an idea first before he threw himself into the mess that was Christmas shopping?
Rather defeated HiMERU walked past the final store on the fifth floor and turned around for the first time. Rinne was luckily on guard and immediately jumped behind that big Christmas tree that was up for decoration. HiMERU didn’t see him, but the look in his eyes was something Rinne hadn’t seen before.
Was he so down because he couldn’t find a Christmas gift for – who Rinne suspected – Kohaku? Kohaku was not that difficult though. He would always be happy with clothes, because he was so insecure about shopping. Or someone else? Niki would be easiest anyway. Food. And more food. Or kitchen utensils.
Or was HiMERU that defeated because he couldn’t think of anything for Rinne?
Nah, not like HiMERU would ever get him something.
HiMERU went for the escalator again, looking around again… those eyes were so restless. Rinne could tell that something was way off with him.
He followed him downstairs again, and decided to act before HiMERU could leave the mall. Despite the coldness of the December days and the darkness that had already set in, HiMERU was neither wearing a hat nor a scarf.
“Hey, you will freeze off your beautiful ears like this”, Rinne finally said, as he reached for HiMERU’s arm to keep him from stepping outside.
HiMERU spun around, his eyes widened with surprise.
“Amagi”, he whispered. The look in his eyes was so different than usual. There was no fake persona right now, that was the true HiMERU. And he was shaken to his core.
“What has happened”, Rinne asked straight out. HiMERU stared at him, not answering. Several people pushed past them, and when one straight out complained how they stood in the way, Rinne eventually dragged HiMERU back into the mall. He followed him, without resistance.
“What’s the matter?” Rinne asked again. HiMERU’s gaze avoided him. “HiMERU is…”, he started, but didn’t finish.
“Are you okay?” Rinne was getting nervous. He didn’t look hurt, he couldn’t see any bruises or wounds, and yet something was so off. HiMERU swallowed whatever he wanted to say.
“Is something wrong with Kaname-cchi?” Rinne finally asked. HiMERU looked up and though he didn’t answer, the look in his eyes was the confirmation Rinne had waited for.
“Is he okay?” Rinne asked again, but before HiMERU could answer, they were once again pushed to the side.
“Ey, watch out”, Rinne swore at the passenger, who angrily glared back.
“HiMERU..”, he started, but once again derailed, “… [I] don’t know what to do.”
Someone ran into HiMERU again, pushing him slightly into Rinne’s arms. He didn’t even protest.
“We need to go somewhere where we can talk”, Rinne muttered, finally letting the people around them push them out of the mall as well. Instead of going to the subway station as everyone else, Rinne decided to head to the nearby Christmas market though. Everything was white and frozen over and so beautifully illuminated. Christmas music was played at a decent level, so that it was still possible to lead a conversation. It was very cold though, so not a lot of people were around, except around the food booths. Rinne took off his scarf and wrapped it around HiMERU. HiMERU didn’t react.
Rinne dragged him over to one of the booths and left him at one of the standing tables, while he ordered drinks for them. He came back with two steaming hot cups.
“This is hot orange juice and that is mulled wine”, Rinne explained. While he put away his wallet, HiMERU grabbed the mulled wine.
“Hey hey”, Rinne hissed, “You are 19, not 20.”
HiMERU glared at him silently as he took the first sip.
“Oh well”, Rinne sighed, “Suppose you really had an awful day, hu?”
HiMERU wrapped his fingers around the cup, glad for the warmth. Rinne waited. He knew that it was a lot for HiMERU to jump over that wall, but that he would do it.
“Kaname has started to talk”, he finally said, in such a low voice that Rinne had to bend forward to hear it.
“But… that is good?” Rinne asked, a bit surprised because of HiMERU’s initial reaction. Also he knew that Kaname did talk already – just that he was extremely struggling to find the right words and that he was stuttering. The doctor had said this was normal because of the brain injury and that he would most likely get better over time.
“He didn’t talk with the therapist directly, but she used the HiMERU nui to make him talk”, HiMERU explained, “… talk about the reason why he was screaming all this time. Why he still wakes up screaming so often. He finally let it all out.”
HiMERU swallowed, before he took another sip. He looked away, the distress in his eyes clearly showing how much he was struggling. Rinne waited, knowing that nothing about this was easy for his friend.
“He said he wished he was dead”, HiMERU whispered with a shaking voice, “He wished the other students had succeeded in trampling him to death.” He blinked, obviously fighting his tears.
“What”, Rinne gasped, reaching out to touch HiMERU’s hand. He didn’t pull away.
“He said everyone hated him”, HiMERU muttered, his voice shaking, “That those eyes haunt him… the eyes of the students, who tried to kill him.” HiMERU’s hands wrapped harder around the cup. If the cup hadn’t been that sturdy, it would have broken. He took a deep breath.
“He says whenever he looks around, he sees those hateful eyes…”, HiMERU’s voice cracked, “He is haunted by them and they scare him.”
“That’s awful”, Rinne muttered.
“He also said he is a loser”, HiMERU continued, “That everyone has managed to become an idol except him. Tatsumi, Sazanami and [me]. He is only a failure and the world would be a better place without him.”
“Didn’t the therapist say anything?” Rinne asked.
“She did. Of course she did”, HiMERU sighed deeply, “She said that [I] am there for him. Kaname just answered that he knows that, and that he is nothing but a burden to [me]. And that [my] life would be so much easier if he wasn’t around. Then [I] could do whatever [I] wanted and wouldn’t have to look after such a nuisance that he is.”
“MeruMeru…”
HiMERU took another sip, blinking away the pain in his eyes. “[My] younger brother thinks he is a burden… he has no idea what he means to [me]. After all this time… after everything [I] do… [I] still can’t undo that pain. Nothing [I] do will ever beat the traumata of what the others did to him. [I] will never reach him.”
“That is not true.”
HiMERU shook his head, “[I] always tell him how glad [I] am that he is recovering. That [I] am proud of how far he has come. That [I] will support him whatever he will want to do. But if [my] words cannot reach him, then… [I] thought actions speak louder than words, right?”
“Ah”, Rinne said, “You wanted to get him a Christmas present instead to make him understand?”
“Something that tells him that [I] am glad that he is here, that he is not a burden and that [I] never ever want him to think that the world would be a better place without him. Because it wouldn’t be. No way it would be. All the days when [I] was sitting at his bedside in the ICU, hoping that he would survive… never have [I] thought that the world would be a better place without him. On the contrary. Losing [my] brother, [my] only family, was the hardest wake-up call [I] had ever received. [I] thought [I] was fine with how our relationship was… but when [I] was about to lose him, [I] noticed how much he means to [me]. [I] regret not coming to Japan when [I] first learnt about his existence. [I] regret not visiting right away when he was struggling at Reimei. [I] regret so much that [I] told him he can’t call [me] on the phone whenever he wanted, but that [I] gave him timeslots. [I] regret that [I] hadn’t appreciated every single phone call. [I] regret that [I] never wanted to talk about all those private things with him back then, but focus on business. [I] regret that [I] never told him how happy it made [me] that he called [me] 'onii-chan'. [I] regret it so much and yet… [I] tried to tell him that [I] have changed. But [I] suppose he still thinks that [I] feel like that and just say it to comfort him. And how am [I] supposed to undo that? [I] made him feel like a burden when he was healthy, of course he would think that he is an even bigger burden to [me] now.”
Rinne fell silent. He understood that panic and desperation.
“What about the students, who had hurt him?” He eventually asked. “I mean, I know the gist of the whole story, but what happened to them? They can’t threaten Kaname-cchi anymore, can they?”
“Dealt with”, HiMERU hissed, before taking another sip.
“Dealt with in the sense of…?”
“They will never ever breathe the air of an idol life again.”
“Dead?” Rinne asked surprised.
“Their careers and names are”, HiMERU said between two sips, “Vice president backed [me] up. [I] have ruined their lives for good. If they are lucky, they can lead a normal life under the radar… but vice president and [I] always have an eye on them. If they ever try to raise their heads again…”
Rinne smirked, “Good. I would have offered my help otherwise.”
HiMERU sighed, “And yet… not even that will help Kaname. [I] told him that he will never see anyone of them ever again. That they can’t hurt him anymore. And no one has ever tried to attack HiMERU – if they wanted to, they could have always attacked [me]. Vice president and [I] think that there is no danger for HiMERU anymore, and especially not for Kaname. And yet… he still sees their eyes. [I] suppose you can’t forget the hatred of someone’s eyes when they try to kill you.”
“And that’s why he is so often screaming”, Rinne sighed, “Awful. That’s nothing that can be dealt with easily. That will take lots and lots of therapy, hu.”
“He is constantly reminded of the hatred of the others… and that it only affected him. Tatsumi is an idol, he isn’t.” HiMERU emptied the cup and put it back down on the table. “Tatsumi caused that revolution and yet Kaname has to carry the consequences.”
“But Tatsumi-chan got injured as well, didn’t he?” Rinne asked.
HiMERU snorted, “Yes, he nearly lost a leg. Kaname had severe brain injury, a broken skull, a 10-hour surgery, was 2 weeks between life and death on the ICU, 1 ½ years in coma, and is now struggling to re-learn how to walk, to speak and to move. [My] sympathy for Tatsumi is not that big considering that he can stand on a big stage with a unit, while it’s considered a success that [my] brother can drink on his own with a sippy cup.”
“Fair.”
Rinne wordlessly took HiMERU’s empty cup and got a refill.
When he came back, HiMERU looked a bit better than before. Talking about it apparently had helped him to calm down. HiMERU gladly accepted the cup again, wrapping his fingers around it.
“[I] envy you so much”, HiMERU whispered.
“Me?”
“You can see your younger brother daily. You can talk with him. You don’t have to worry whether he will ever be able to walk again… or if there is a future for him. He doesn’t keep secrets from you. If you wanted to, you could see him daily. You live under the same roof as he does. And you can stand on the same stage with him.”
“Mah”, Rinne sighed, “Now it is like that, yeah. But there were lots of worries back in my village in our childhood. I often wondered how I can protect him from the people there, because they would have sacrificed him in a heartbeat; when all I wanted was a bright future for my little brother. So it’s not exactly the same, but I know these worries that you have.”
HiMERU didn’t answer.
“There will be better times”, Rinne added, “You will have a normal life with Kaname-cchi one day, just like I have with Hiiro now. More or less. But you must not give up.”
“If he doesn’t give up”, HiMERU whispered, “There is no way [I] would ever give up on him.”
They both fell silent, the chattering and the music around them not even reaching their little bubble.
“I know what you can do”, Rinne suddenly said, “I know which present you can give Kaname-cchi on Christmas. Which will make sure he understands how important he is to you.”
“Hu?”
Rinne grinned. He let HiMERU wait until he had taken another sip from his cup. “We need to go back to the mall. The idol store should have what you need.”
HiMERU raised his eyebrows.
***---***
“Tojo-kun, it’s nearly noon already. Tojo-kun!”
Kaname groaned. He rolled over, trying to ignore the cheerful voice of the nurse. He didn’t follow what else she said. Listening was exhausting and he didn’t have the energy to do that right now. He just waited until he heard the door close before he opened his eyes. As usual the room was blurry and the instant fear kicked in again, before he could recognize the poster on the wall. HiMERU looked down at him. So cool and stylish. Like a real idol. Kaname smiled a bit. HiMERU protected him, he knew that. If HiMERU was here, he was safe. His vision became more clear as he focused on the poster, and he finally dared to slightly sit up.
“Ah!”
The table had been moved closer to his bed, and on top of it sat no one else but his HiMERU plushie, wearing a Christmas hat.
“HiMERU”, he whispered, his shaking hand reaching out to it. Only then he noticed the small present that was on the table as well, and the tablet that had been set up next to it.
A video was paused.
Kaname struggled to sit up straight. Usually this would cause extreme panic for him, if something in his room changed without his input, but the pause screen of the video was HiMERU – more like it was his brother, because it definitely showed him in casual clothes and HiMERU would never wear those in public.
Not able to resist any HiMERU content, he tried to press the play button. Barely able to control his shaking finger, he managed it on his third try.
“Merry Christmas, Kaname”, HiMERU said into the camera, smiling at him.
“Yo, Merry Christmas!” came from the off. Immediately HiMERU’s smile vanished and he had an annoyed look on his face. Kaname giggled.
“Amagi, you said you would just film”, HiMERU hissed.
“I didn’t say ‘just film’, I said I would ‘film’. Of course I have to appear as well”, Rinne said, turning around his phone, smiling into the camera, letting his Christmas hat dance, “Kaname-cchi, your favourite RinRin is also part of this surprise.”
“Amagi!”
“Geh! You are totally ruining the Christmas mood with your constant scolding”, Rinne sighed. The camera was shaking when Rinne moved over to HiMERU, trying to film them both.
“What are you doing?” HiMERU asked when Rinne suddenly came way too close.
“Well this is a Christmas video, so you need a Christmas hat!” Rinne said, putting the hat on HiMERU’s head. HiMERU protested furiously. Kaname giggled again.
“HiMERU also has a hat”, he finally muttered as he reached for his plushie, pulling it close and hugging it tightly.
HiMERU and Rinne had ended their fight with both of them wearing a Christmas hat. Rinne had won.
“You are already ruining this”, HiMERU growled.
“Nah!” Rinne said happily, “Right, Kaname-cchi? You enjoy it when MeruMeru is annoyed.” Kaname nodded immediately.
“So as you can see”, HiMERU said, “We are currently in front of your hospital. And actually you are up there at this room.” Rinne zoomed in on the building.
“You are probably dreaming about cool RinRin right now”, he hummed.
“He is not!” HiMERU protested from the off.
“So why are we showing you this?” Rinne said, zooming out again and filming the both of them, “Well because we want to show you this building over here.” He moved the camera to face the opposite side of the street. “This is where we are going now.”
“People are already looking”, HiMERU sighed, “Let’s go before we are prohibited to ever enter the hospital again.”
Rinne hopped over the street, singing a Christmas song. HiMERU walked next to him, his eyes reflecting nothing but annoyance. Kaname giggled, hugging his plushie in excitement. Rinne was not wrong, he loved it when his brother was so annoyed.
“So”, Rinne turned around as they stood in front of the entrance, “And now is the time to open your Christmas present, Kaname-cchi. It’s the small present that your HiMERU nui is holding. Press pause until you have opened it!”
Kaname leant forward and paused the video, before reaching for the present. It was not large, but heavy. He struggled to unwrap it, his motor skills nowhere near as good as they used to be. His biggest problem was to hold things that were tiny. He had hated the therapy to improve his movements until his therapist had switched to a HiMERU omanjuu. Now he was happily working on his finger strength, and it indeed already paid off. The present was only wrapped lightly, so the person who had wrapped it knew what he could do. Kaname softly bit on his tongue, concentrated to finally get that stupid sticky paper off.
And finally he managed to tear the paper open!
“HiMERU!” he exclaimed happily, revealing the keychain that he didn’t have yet. It was one of the first ones and very rare at this point! And not cheap! He took the keychain into his hands, only to be surprised by the heaviness of it. It fell down right away.
“Eh”, he muttered, looking at his HiMERU nui, which offered him no answer. Only then he noticed it wasn’t just the keychain. There was a key attached to it.
He turned to the video, pressed play again, hoping that he would learn the answer.
“So, you opened it?” Rinne asked, “It should look like… MeruMeru, show yours.”
“Yes”, HiMERU stepped in front of the camera again and showed a key, “It is the same key as you have now.” He did not only have the same key, but also the same HiMERU keychain attached to it.
HiMERU turned to the door and unlocked it.
“Unfortunately poor RinRin has no key”, Rinne whined.
“Of course you don’t, why would you?” HiMERU asked, opening the door and stepping inside, “And drop that RinRin nickname.” There was a small entrance, which lead to a staircase and an elevator. HiMERU went straight for the elevator, and so Rinne followed.
“Quite nice”, Rinne pointed out as he stepped inside, “The building is rather new, right?”
“Finished seven years ago”, HiMERU said casually as he pressed the number for the 5th floor.
“Did you hear that?” Rinne asked into the camera, “Not too shabby, hu?”
“As if HiMERU would live in a shabby place”, HiMERU growled. Again Kaname giggled. He loved that constant banter between these two.
Leaving the elevator, Rinne filmed the hall in front of them, “So, what do you say? Looks good, right? Really nice atmosphere. And really clean.”
“Amagi, stop sounding like you are trying to sell an apartment.”
“Right! Why would I? Because you already own… uff!” He ran right into HiMERU, who had stopped in front of him.
“Can you watch were you are walking? Good grief!”
“Gah, sorry”, Rinne whined, “Didn’t know it was here.”
“Then read the name”, HiMERU huffed.
Rinne filmed the name next to the door, “My mistake. Right! Here! Can you see it, Kaname-cchi?”
Kaname looked closer. The kanji looked familiar, and yet he had problems to recognize it, like most of them. Rinne held onto them for a long time, giving him apparently time to figure it out. Kaname had seen those kanji before, definitely. But where and in which context?
Kaname felt the frustration rise again with him, knowing he should recognize them easily and read them, when his eyes fell on the edge of the tablet. The same kanji were written there. It was to make sure the nurses wouldn’t mix up his tablet with others, because his had all the HiMERU videos saved. And only then the penny dropped.
“Tojo!” he shouted out loud. It was his family name.
HiMERU held the key into the camera, “See? The same key opens this door.” Kaname looked at his key again, holding it tight. Rinne made sure that Kaname could see that yes, it was definitely the same key with the same keychain.
“This is where we will live”, HiMERU finally said, and smiled at the camera, “Only you and [I] have a key to this apartment. It’s ours.”
“Ah!” Kaname exclaimed. He grabbed the key even harder, his hand shaking with excitement.
HiMERU and Rinne quickly took off their shoes at the entrance. “He he, this is like when you did the filming with Kohaku-chan for PBB”, Rinne said, stepping inside as well, “Just that it will be for real this time.”
“Yes”, HiMERU smiled at the camera, “This time [I] can really live together with [my] brother, like how [I] have always wanted.”
“Congratulations Kaname-cchi… or should I say, uh… hope you have strong nerves,” Rinne grinned into the camera. “But you will also have us to vent to when MeruMeru is too annoying. And we all know your onii-chan can be quite annoyi… OUCH! Don’t hit me!”
“Then don’t talk bad about HiMERU”, HiMERU said strictly, “We are here to show Kaname the apartment so that he can already imagine living here, and whether he would like to change something.”
“Right!”
Rinne hopped forward, “As you can see, here is the small kitchen area. Not really big, but I suppose you two will anyway eat at Café Cinnamon most of the time.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Well because you want to see me?”
“HiMERU doesn’t think so.”
“Niki can cook better than you though”, Rinne pointed out, “And you only want the best for your brother, right?”
HiMERU growled, but ignored the comment. He turned to the camera to speak to Kaname again. “As you can see, we will need to buy new furniture and replace some old ones, but [I] was thinking it would be better if we could do it together. We will definitely need a bigger fridge. Until you live here though, this is good enough for [me].” The kitchen didn’t look very used – so Rinne did have a point. HiMERU was not good at cooking yet, but he would become once he had to do it for Kaname.
“Here is the toilet, right?” Rinne opened the door on the right side of the apartment, “Oh perfect, I need to pee.”
“Amagi!”
“Yeah yeah, not filming it. Here, you hold the camera.” The phone was thrown into HiMERU’s hands.
“Amagi, you will not use…!” But the door was already closed.
“What? Kaname-cchi needs to know that the toilet is functional, right?” Rinne shouted through the door.
“I swear, if you don’t sit down, you will never be able to not sit down in the future!” HiMERU shouted back. Kaname laughed out loud.
“Wheeee!” Rinne shouted through the door, “Heated seat! Kaname-cchi, you will love this! Now let’s try that function...”
“Amagi!!”
HiMERU finally turned the camera, not filming the toilet door any more, obviously struggling a bit to get his composure back. “Let’s ignore Amagi and continue the apartment tour. [I] thought we could have a sitting area here for when we cook together. So far [I] was always eating on the couch, but [I] will have to be stricter when you are here. Ah, and right… let [me] show you the bathroom until Amagi is back.”
HiMERU opened the door next to the toilet, and revealed the narrow, but very functional bathroom, including a shower and a bathtub of course. As there was no window, the whole room was in a soft white-yellow tone, making it brighter and friendlier than it would have been in darker colours.
“It is very convenient”, HiMERU explained, “And when our home is not tormented by a stupid red haired, it is very calm and refreshing in here. You can listen to music while enjoying a warm bath in the evening. The lights are also comfortable and do not hurt your eyes. They can be dimmed even.”
“Ooooh, a bathtub!!” Rinne appeared in front of the camera, “I can test it for Kaname-cchi.”
“No you will not”, HiMERU said strictly.
“Never knew you had a bathtub”, Rinne hummed, “You could let me use it from time to time.”
“If you ever undress in this apartment, be prepared to be kicked out naked. And your clothes will be thrown out of the window”, HiMERU said.
“Dully noted”, Rinne muttered. Kaname laughed again.
They left the bathroom and headed over to the sitting room. “Your couch has seen better days”, Rinne pointed out.
“Yeah”, HiMERU agreed, “But [I] was thinking this is also something that Kaname and [I] should choose together. It should be something that is comfortable for the both of us.”
“Hey, when you two go furniture shopping, you should take me along!”
“Mmh, we will”, HiMERU said.
“Wait for real?”
“Yeah, someone has to drive us after all. You can wait in the parking lot”, HiMERU pointed out, fully ignoring Rinne’s outraged face, “As you can see here, Kaname, the TV is already set up. It even has WLAN connection and [I] made sure it has the best resolution.”
“For all the CrazyB concerts you will watch!” Rinne added, “and cheer for RinRin!” HiMERU glared at him, “Drop that nickname already, will you? No one is calling you that!”
“A man can dream”, Rinne sighed, before he turned around, “Now which of the two rooms will it be first?”
“This one”, HiMERU went over to the right side and opened the door, “This is [my] room.”
It was rather small and narrow and didn’t hold much, except a bed, a desk and storage room for clothes.
“MeruMeru’s bed!” Rinne let himself fall down on it, “How convenient, you have an extra big bed.”
“Amagi!! You get off [my] bed, immediately!!”
“Boo!” Rinne protested not getting up, “It’s so comfortable.”
The camera shook when Rinne dropped it, a loud thud revealing that HiMERU had violently dragged him off the bed.
“What a surprise, your carpet is also comfortable”, Rinne said from the off. A loud sigh could be heard. Kaname laughed. He loved new HiMERU content.
“The room is not really decorated yet”, HiMERU said as he picked up the camera, “To be honest, [I] am not good at it. [I] was thinking you may be able to help me when we go shopping together. [I] would love to hear your ideas.” Kaname nodded, hugging his HiMERU plushie tightly.
HiMERU left the room, leaving a protesting Rinne behind.
“The final room is on the left side of the apartment”, HiMERU explained as he walked over to it, “It is the biggest room, and it has the best view.”
“Wait for me!” Rinne appeared in front of the camera again, “Let me film it.” HiMERU gave the phone back to Rinne as he opened the door.
“HiMERU!” Kaname exclaimed happily.
The room was filled with posters, standees and all the merch he could imagine.
“This will be your room”, HiMERU said into the camera, “Amagi and [I] decorated it yesterday, but of course you can still change it.” Rinne filmed the room. It was spacious, had a large comfortable bed with cushions (also a HiMERU cushion!), had a playful lamp on the bedside table, as well as a HiMERU standee. The window was indeed large, and Rinne didn’t miss to film outside.
“The view is so nice”, Rinne nodded, “You can see so far from here. Over there is a park even.”
“We have also bought a desk for you”, HiMERU pointed out, “[I] know you have to study a lot, so you should have a nice place for it. No chair yet, because this is something that we will buy for you when you are with us. You have to sit comfortably, so only you can choose it.”
“But we have already made sure you have enough shelves for your merchandise”, Rinne said filming it, “For all the HiMERU merch.”
“Why is there a standee of you?” HiMERU swore, “When did you even put it there?”
“Just one and I sneaked it in here yesterday”, Rinne said, “I am sure Kaname-cchi would like to keep it.”
HiMERU groaned, but he didn’t remove the Rinne standee. He did however push it to the back. Kaname giggled. He would allow one Rinne standee indeed!
“So, this is our apartment”, HiMERU finally said as he stepped outside of the room again, “It’s not that spacious, but it will be enough for the two of us. If you wonder now when you will be allowed to move in here – [I] do have news for you. [I] have talked to your doctor and he said you have made such big progress in such a short time, if you keep at it, you will definitely be able to live here by the time of your birthday. As the hospital is just across the street, you can live here with [me] and still receive therapy at the hospital throughout the day, for whatever long that will take. But as soon as you don’t need to be monitored outside of therapy sessions any more, you can move in here.”
Rinne appeared next to him again, “And now we have another surprise for you. The final one. Look outside of the window and try to find this building. It’s the fifth floor, the third window from the right. Take your time.”
The video ended abruptly.
“Ah”, Kaname said, still holding the key tightly in his hand. He tried to sit up, but he struggled. He reached for his legs, trying to move down on the bed, so he could look out of the window. He could move his legs slightly, but his muscles were way too weak for him to push them over the edge on his own.
He groaned, as he tried to lift himself up on the table. But again, he lacked the strength.
“Let us help you.”
Kaname yelped in panic, he hadn’t noticed that anyone had stepped into his room. Only when the panic settled, he slowly recognized the two, who stood next to his bed. They both smiled at him so kindly. As they always did when they visited him - though usually together with his brother.
“I… I… I have to…”, Kaname struggled with the words.
“Ya wanna sit at the edge of yer bed, right?” Kohaku asked as he stepped around the bed, of course knowing what Kaname wanted to do, “Here, lemme help ya.” Kaname nodded. Niki supported his back, as they both managed to help Kaname sit up straight. As he still failed to look out of the window, Kohaku had the idea to move the bed a bit closer, which did the trick.
“Five”, Kaname whispered as he stared out of the window, “Five and three… five…”
It was pretty obvious, but Niki and Kohaku wanted him to find it himself.
“Five and three… ah! Ah!” Kaname’s eyes lit up.
That one window – the one from the living room – was blinking. Actually big Christmas stars were blinking, but there were so many, the whole window was shining. They surrounded a short sentence, which was stuck at the window in oversized letters.
“Can you read that?” Niki asked.
“Home”, Kaname read out the one kanji he knew. He struggled. The other kanji was hard to read.
“Do ya know that one kanji at the beginnin’?” Kohaku asked.
Kaname hesitated. His fingers traced the kanji in the window. He knew it. He had seen it before. He drew it again and again… and suddenly he knew why it was so familiar.
“Kaname”, he whispered before repeating it with confidence, “Kaname! It’s… it’s me.”
“It says Kaname’s home”, Niki read out loud. Kaname touched the window. He could see Rinne and HiMERU standing there at the window, waving at him with glow sticks.
“Onii-chan”, Kaname whispered, both hands at the window, “Onii-chan is home.”
“I think he can see us”, Rinne muttered. Kaname’s room was higher than the apartment, so they could only tell that something was happening in the room, but couldn’t really recognize faces.
“Yeah”, HiMERU said, waving the glow stick frantically, “He really managed to watch the video to the end and understand everything. He is doing so well.” He did look proud. Rinne understood why. Talking about it may have helped HiMERU a bit and see everything clearer. Last year Kaname had still been in coma and not been able to do anything on his own. This year it was possible to communicate with him. Sometimes it was hard to see the way one had already come and be grateful for the success.
“I told you that was a brilliant idea”, Rinne said grinning, “All he needs to know is that he has a place that he can call home. A future to look forward to. Together with you. He needs a goal so that he is able to overcome the trauma of the past one day.”
“Yeah”, HiMERU agreed, “[I] thought that it would be nothing but a stupid dream to live together with him one day, but it is something we can both work towards. And have a normal family life one day.”
“Well… kinda normal”, Rinne shrugged, “Not like you would ever be normal or anything.”
“That is the last time you have set foot in this apartment”, HiMERU growled.
“Nah come on.”
“You can leave now.”
Rinne laughed. HiMERU’s phone disturbed them.
“Hu, an unknown number”, HiMERU muttered as he took out his phone.
“From where?” Rinne asked.
“No idea, it’s a mobile phone number”, HiMERU said. He hesitated, but answered it, “Hello?”
“O… Onii-chan?”
HiMERU let out a loud gasp, dropping his glowstick in shock. Rinne grinned at him.
“Onii-chan? You… you are at our home, r-right?”
“Kaname!” HiMERU exclaimed, gripping his phone tightly, “Kaname! You are calling [me]?”
“Yes!”
HiMERU stared out of the window, but he could not see anyone at the window anymore.
“How”, he whispered with a trembling voice, “How?”
“I…”, Kaname stuttered, “I got a phone. A Christmas p-present. There is… there is a HiMERU p-picture on it. I touch it, it calls you.”
HiMERU desperately fought the tears in his eyes. He never thought that he would ever receive a phone call from his younger brother again.
“Onii-chan”, Kaname repeated, “Onii-chan, Nik-ki-san says you t-two come here. Now. We have… Christmas… food.”
HiMERU was still unable to speak. He nodded, which Kaname could of course not see.
“We are coming”, Rinne shouted into the phone.
“Yeah, better hurry”, Kohaku shouted from Kaname’s line, “Niki-han ‘s already settin’ up the feast and we will not wait fer ya!”
“We are coming”, Rinne shouted again, before the call was hung up.
HiMERU stared at his phone, still unable to understand what just had happened.
“It was Kohaku-chan’s idea”, Rinne explained, “I told both of them everything, and both wanted to do something for you two. Niki had the idea of the feast to make Kaname-cchi feel that not everyone hates him, and Kohaku-chan said we should buy Kaname-cchi a smartphone so he can contact you whenever he wants to.”
HiMERU slowly lifted his gaze, looking directly at Rinne.
“I said it’s maybe a bit too early for a phone, as Kaname-cchi can’t read well yet and he won’t be able to call you or text you. But Kohaku-chan is better with that technology, right? So he said we just have to make a shortcut with your number at the homescreen and use a HiMERU icon. Because he will always be able to press on a picture of HiMERU with his finger. And before you complain, yes, I asked his doctor when I was with you the other day, while you were saying goodbye to Kaname-cchi. And the doctor said it’s actually not a bad idea, because Kaname-cchi is still so insecure about his stuttering, so he doesn’t talk much. But talking would be the best practice for him right? And we thought that talking to you would motivate him to…”
Rinne couldn’t finish his sentence. HiMERU suddenly hugged him tightly.
“Merry Christmas, MeruMeru”, Rinne smiled, softly hugging him back.
“You have no idea what this means to [me]”, HiMERU whispered with a trembling voice, “[I] always wanted him to call [me] one more time… just like it used to be. And make up for [my] past mistake. This time [I] won’t give him timeslots… [I] will answer every single call.”
“I told you there will be better days”, Rinne said softly, “And we bees will push you two towards those. And I promised you already when we talked to the doctor, we all will support you when he lives here. We will make sure he defeats his anxiety, that one day the evil eyes will be gone; and until he can walk on his own again, one of us will always be here to make sure he gets safely to the hospital for whatever therapy he needs and back home here. You just need to buy a comfortable couch so that we can crash here. Or you will have to share your bed with me.”
“Dream on”, HiMERU muttered, but he still didn’t let him go, but hugged him even tighter.
“Come on now”, Rinne whispered, softly petting his back, “Kohaku-chan was not lying, Niki will start the feast without us.”
“Did he really prepare a Christmas feast?” HiMERU asked, finally letting go off Rinne.
Rinne rolled his eyes, “What a stupid question. Do you know him or not? He had been cooking all day yesterday, frantically. He was set on cooking a meal that Kaname-cchi could also stomach, but which would also please all of us… well don’t ask me about the details, but Kohaku-chan had kept me updated yesterday and apparently it’s a lot. Really a lot. And tasty. Niki even made special Kaname-cchi coke that he would be able to drink, because store bought one is not good for him, right? And so much more. I also heard something about multiple Christmas cakes.”
HiMERU smiled, softly shaking his head, “You are all crazy.”
Rinne grinned, “Yeah. But so are you, you crazy bee. But we really have to hurry now. I doubt the two baby bees can fight off a hungry Niki for long.”
“Yeah, you are right”, HiMERU said as he took his keys and opened the door. He looked back at the window. He didn’t want to take down the stars and the writing yet. For the next days he wanted to make sure that Kaname could always look outside of the window and see that he had a place to live, and a future to fight for. And maybe he himself would come here more often as well now. He wasn’t too fond of it first, as it was only a place that he could come over to crash when he was too tired to sit all the night at the hospital, but now he did see it with other eyes.
Maybe Kaname would still need therapy for years, maybe he would even need it for the rest of his life. But even then they would always have a place that they could call home nearby. Just because their lives wouldn’t be normal didn’t have to mean that they would have to lead a bad and sad life. There was always the possibility to make a miserable situation better. And he knew that Rinne meant what he said. He would support Kaname. And him.
“Amagi”, HiMERU said as he closed the door behind them, “As a Christmas present…”
“You will let me use the bathtub tonight!” Rinne asked, his eyes all sparkling.
“Are you totally nuts? HiMERU will call you RinRin for the rest of the day”, HiMERU offered, “Just for today though. Don’t get used to it.”
Rinne smiled, “He he… sankyuu. That means a lot to me.”
HiMERU tried to ignored the stupid smile. He wasn’t usually the one to give out nicknames, so for him to use one was really special.
“And the bathtub on my birthday?”
“Will you drop that?” HiMERU hissed, but at this point he knew that he was fighting a lost cause. He would have to get used to the idea that one day Rinne would sit in his bathtub.
But he wouldn’t think about it today. Today he would celebrate Christmas with his bee family.