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{And I wonder what I did to deserve this, how could you hurt a little kid, I can’t forget, I can’t forgive you ‘cause now I’m scared that everyone I love will leave me.}
Maybe he should’ve expected this, after all why should it be different now that he’s dead?
When Angel was alive, all those years ago, he can’t claim he was happy. Hell, he was miserable. His life sucked, his ‘friends’ sucked, his job sucked and most of all his family sucked. But not all of his family sucked. Just 99%.
Molly was alright. Molly was… everything. She was the only reason he lived longer than he thought he would.
( ‘Tony!’ A small, rather high pitched yell comes from around the corner and Anthony freezes.
Fuck. He was trying to hide before she found him. Emphasis on the ‘trying’. He had stolen one of her favorite stuffed animals. Not that she had that many. The mafia might pay well, especially if you’re the boss, but just because you’re the boss doesn’t mean you have to treat your children well. And Anthony’s dad certainly didn’t try.
‘Tony! give it back!’ Molly screams, racing around the corner.
‘No!’ He screams back, hiding the stuffed giraffe behind his back. He never did end up figuring out why it was her favorite animal. Maybe he should’ve asked. ‘It’s not yours! It’s mine!’
Okay, maybe pretending something that was clearly Molly’s was his wasn’t the best option but he never really was the smartest kid.
‘It’s not!’
‘It is!’
‘Ugh, you’re the worst!’ She shrieked, walking away angrily. )
He takes a shaky breath in. Every time he does it feels like a confession. In, I miss you , Out, I miss you , In, I miss you , Out, Do you miss me ?
Of course he wasn’t the best brother. Not in a million years. He took out a lot of the anger he harbored for his father on her, which wasn’t fair. He knows that now. And he would raze all the worlds in order to see her one last time.
( ‘Do you think we go somewhere when we die?’ Anthony asked, staring up at the cheap glow in the dark stars Molly had pinned to her ceiling.
‘Not sure.’ She responded, staring at a book without actually taking in any of the words.
‘Heaven? Hell? Purgatory?’ Anthony prodded, giving her options.
‘Honestly, I don’t care where I go.’
‘No?’
‘No.’ She replied, resolute in her decision. She always was, that’s what he admired about her. Every decision she made she made with one hundred percent certainty and confidence.
‘Why not?’
‘As long as I’m there with you, who cares where it is?’ )
It hurts. A lot. Even before he died, it hurt. He couldn’t see her in the two years before he died. After all, when your mafia boss father disowns you, not much you can do except leave before you get shot.
But if he got the chance, the option to hug her again…. The things he would do to this mortal plane have only been seen by immortal eyes.
He never really talks about her. With anyone. Giving himself the satisfaction of thinking about someone he misses so much it hurts worse than overdosing isn’t really satisfaction.
( ‘God, fuck.’ He mumbled, trying fruitlessly to stop his nose from bleeding. ‘Fuck!’
‘Tony?’
‘Over here, Mols.’ He called, giving up and letting the blood get everywhere.
‘Oh Jesus Tony, what did you do?’ She tsks, walking over to help him out.
He laughs. ‘Why do you always think it was me?’
‘Why is it always you?’ She shoots back.
He smiles at her. She smiles back and it feels like the sun. ‘I love you, Tony. Stop being an idiot.’
‘I promise, Mols.’ )
Promises. He’s broken so many he’s lost count. But that one, the promise to ‘stop being an idiot’ was the first. He broke it and with it, her heart.
At this point, he doesn’t want it to stop hurting. The hurt is a reminder that she cared for him, once. His sister, his best friend, his partner in crime (literally). She was the first and last person to love him truly and fully and he’s okay with that. No one can replace her after all.
She’s everywhere. In every person that leaves, in every heart that breaks, in every tear that falls. She’s everywhere and he will do everything in his power to keep her there.
( She stares at the letter, tears flowing freely down her face as she silently sits on the floor. She found a note, sitting peacefully in her brother’s old room. She hadn’t gone in since he left, not wanting to disturb it for when he came back but… now he’ll never come back.
‘Mols,
I know, I know, you’re going to stay some stupid shit about me being an idiot and I know! I know, Mols. And I’m sorry. Truly, from the bottom of whatever heart I have left. You mean everything to me and the fact that I have to leave you here with him, breaks me. But, I know you’ll be okay.
You’re a bad bitch, Mols. You are strong and if he ever puts his hands on you I know you’ll fight back. I love you, Molly. And I’m sorry, again.
Wherever I end up, I’ll be waiting. Forever.
Your brother,
Tony <3’ )