Work Text:
11:59PM
Bakugou Katsuki wasn't surprised about the fact that Midoriya Izuku was extremely fond of holidays—more specifically, Christmas.
It was the 24th of December, and he was subconsciously waiting upon the clock to hit 12, and for the 25th to arrive.
He was never one to stay up late during the night, and most of his friends and family knew that he went to bed at 9PM. Except for busy days, those are his only exceptions. The latest he could sleep is probably 11PM.
Yet here he was, his apartment's lights were fully closed, with the only light source being emitted from the digital alarm clock he had on his shelf, and it was 11:59PM. Nearly 3 hours past his usual bedtime.
He always waited on the clock during Christmas, it was a yearly thing for him. He didn't know why he always did, when he wasn't exactly one to engage in Christmas events such as making gingerbread houses or even gift giving.
The clock's arms ticked, and each time it ticked, it felt like eternities were passing by—as if the inevitable continuous march of time slowed down at this particular moment.
12:00AM
The clock hit 12, and he fiddled with the matching necklace he wore on his neck, a lonely and dangling heart charm without its other half. "Merry Christmas, Izuku." Katsuki whispered to himself, smiling fondly as he thought of him in the softest of ways.
Bzzz. His phone buzzed by his side, practically begging for it to be opened. Katsuki grabbed his phone and he was immediately greeted by a heartfelt, long text from somebody he had been (secretly) anticipating.
izuku - Today at 00:00
[Merry christmas, Kacchan! I know that you aren't a huge fan of Christmas and all that, but I just wanted to let you know that I'll still be with you for this Christmas and many more Christmas celebrations to come. I wanted to let you know that I'm so proud of what we've become, what we've built, and of course, what you've become. You're always right there beside me, and I wouldn't know what I'd do if you weren't. It'd be like I lost half of my body :( so I hope you know how special you are to me and I wouldn't trade anything else for you, unless it's a limited edition All Might Golden Age figurine, the one painted with actual gold. Haha, just joking. Or am I? Again, merry Christmas, Kacchan!]
Reading every word maybe accelerated his heart rate a bit. Okay, a lot.
Maybe it hurt too, to read every word and fantasize that they were something they weren't. To read through the journey they went through, and to call it something platonic? Bullshit!
And maybe he felt insulted by the fact that Izuku would trade him for a fucking All Might figurine. Little shit's fanboying was so bad that Katsuki didn't know if he was kidding or not, which was probably a bad thing.
Yet Katsuki's heart still squeezed as he looked back at the clock, 12:08AM, it read. Katsuki's been unconsciously boring eyes into his screen for the past eight minutes. "Oh shit, I forgot to reply."
kacchan - Today at 00:09
[thanks, Izuku. merry christmas to you too. you really wrote that message and wsited until exacrly 12am to send me?]
izuku - Today at 00:10
[Yeah, haha. Just trying to show you that I care about you :)]
It wasn't like Katsuki didn't know that Izuku cared about him, and it wasn't like Izuku tried to hide it either. He's just being a little sap.
kacchan - Today at 00:10
[I know you do.]
izuku - Today at 00:11
[Sorry, what?]
kacchan - Today at 00:11
[that you care]
[thanks, even though I was and still is a jackass]
izuku - Today at 00:14
[You've changed, that's what matters. You're not like that anymore, you grew and I respect that. Everything else we had in the past can remain a reminder for the growth you've gone through]
[Please don't undermine yourself :( Cmon, it makes me sad]
Katsuki read the last messages Izuku had sent him, and decided to not reply any more towards that.
He shut his phone and heaved with a sigh, deciding that he wasn't gonna be able to sleep any time soon—and he was on a short holiday break, so he wouldn't really have anything else to do other than laze around his house or work out at the gym.
Katsuki grabbed his remote controller and turned his television on, quickly switching to Netflix to watch an All Might documentary. But that Shoujo anime is looking a little bit too good in his eyes... maybe another time.
He quickly turned on the All Might documentary he had chosen, only to spit out shit at it for over exaggerating some features or other subjects they were wrong about.
It wasn't long before the wooden front door of his apartment slammed upon the bricked wall, creating a huge thwack! that turned on his fight mode. Who the hell was dumb enough to break inside Dynamight's home? Do they want to get destroyed?
The floor creaked, letting Katsuki know that he should really replace his flooring cause it's crappy and that the intruder has entered his home.
Wary, Katsuki paused the documentary and stood in his fighting stance, palms open and sweating of nitroglycerin—ready for a heated explosion to embark in a passionate fight inside (but he would much rather outside) of his apartment.
The figure that was coated in the dark approached him, growing clearer and clearer as it left the bathing darkness that littered Katsuki's apartment, the only light source being the television. "Who the fuck-"
Katsuki lowered his hands, eventually making out who the figure could be: Messy, matted hair that was matte black when enveloped in darkness, green eyes that shun even through the darkest of nights, the few freckles that occupied his left cheek, and the jagged scar that occupied half of his right cheek. He was wearing a Christmas hat.
"When a villain enters your home, you get ready to fight and defeat them..." Katsuki smirked and raised his left arm, palm opening to let out a few crackling explosions. Enamored, Izuku stared at his hands as they made the familiar light show.
"What to do when a loser breaks in?"
"Hey!" Izuku spoke in response, getting caught off guard and feeling insulted as Katsuki filled the room with obnoxious cackles. "I am most definitely not a loser."
"Didn't know you would be coming over." Katsuki walked over to his light switch to turn the lights on, eyes wincing as the sudden change in lighting and bright environment painted his surroundings.
"I texted you that I was!"
"Didn't see."
"Besides, you were watching an All Might documentary without me!" The freckled boy retorted, sitting down like a slob on Katsuki's couch. He grabbed the remote and unpaused the documentary, immediately having knowledge of the title. "All Might: His rise in America?"
"For fuck's sake, you get way too comfortable in here y'know." The blonde jumped on his couch and tackled Izuku which flung the Christmas hat off his head, before sitting comfortably next to him.
"Okay, first of all, ouch. Tackling me was not necessary. Second of all, I've crashed in this place one too many times. I even know where you keep your boxers!" He pettily explained, grabbing the Christmas hat to wear it on Katsuki's head. Katsuki flushed at the sudden remark on his boxers, and decided to not make a comment about that one.
"And? Show some respect, damn nerd forgot all about manners! You're such a pig." Katsuki ridiculed, kicking the other's legs which were splayed all over him.
The freckled boy paused the documentary that was currently playing on the background. "Hang on, why are you awake?"
None of them were paying attention to the documentary anyway, so Katsuki didn't really pay any mind. Yet he still furrowed his eyebrows and asked, "Why'd you pause that?"
"I thought you slept at nine." Izuku dodged the question and added, pointing at the digital alarm clock using the television's remote.
"Why are you awake? Don't you have brats to teach?" Katsuki spoke, also dodging his question. It was like a sparring session, honestly. Hitting and dodging.
"Kacchan, they're on their winter break."
"Right, I knew that."
"Were you up for Christmas?" Izuku poked fun at him, teasing him with a smug grin.
Katsuki wanted to wipe that grin off his face so bad yet he also wanted to smother it with kisses.
"I don't know, what's Christmas?" Katsuki countered with another smug grin, acting dumb and oblivious to dodge the question once more.
"You totally were! Kacchan likes Christmas!" The green-eyed boy said in a tease, giggling as if it was information he's wanted to know his entire life. "I didn't know you did. You don't even have Christmas decorations!"
"That's cause it's fucking stupid!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"It's meaningless and I don't wanna put up decorations just to tear them off after January hits. It's a hassle!" The spikey blonde clarified with his sharp tongue, crossing his hands at the back of his head as he laid on them, sitting as if he was on a recliner seat.
"But would it... mean a lot more if I decorated with you?" Izuku pried, speaking softly whilst his eyes looked at Katsuki in a way he didn't mean to.
Katsuki flushed at the sudden eye contact and silence, almost immediately looking away from those pair of green eyes. He wouldn't know what to do if he looks at him with that look in his eyes.
Katsuki hated that look on his eyes.
He hated how it made him feel things, he hated how much it messed with him, hated how much how it flipped him off like a sharp "Fuck you" in the heart. He hated how much he knew that he didn't actually hate it.
He hated how much those same eyes kept appearing in the same dream every single night he closed his eyes and dreamt of the stars and constellations that were his freckles, as long as waking up in the green forest that were the light curls on his head.
And he hated how much those eyes looked at him as if he loved him back in his fantasies. Hated how much those lips would always whisper sweet nothings and exchange the same kisses with him that would always leave his heart racing after he opens his eyes, then the dream inevitably ends.
He hated how much it clawed at him without even meaning to.
"What?"
"Well, things are always a lot more meaningful with... friends, aren't they?"
But most of all, he hated how it made him think that there was a chance his feelings weren't unrequited. That he, Katsuki, was an oblivious dumbass, and that Izuku felt the same. When in reality, he didn't. Izuku just had to fact check him with the friends, huh?
Well to be damned with it, to fucking hell and back, his heart still yearned for him.
He could've picked a pretty guy, somebody with a great self preservation, just somebody neat in general.
But nobody could keep himself in check better than Midoriya Izuku.
Midoriya Izuku, who is a snob when he eats, who can't stop leading danger towards himself, who prioritizes others' lives more than he prioritizes his own, who's ridiculously strong, who's ridiculously pretty, and it didn't stop there—Midoriya Izuku, who unfortunately led Katsuki into an infinite vortex of yearning and pining for the impossible.
It hurt him, a lot.
But there was...
"And I think it'd be a fun Christmas tradition, between you and me." Izuku softly laughed, smiling as he stared at the paused scene.
... nobody else he would rather fall in love with.
He knew that in every other universe, if he was given the opportunity to fall in love with only one person he would've chosen Izuku either way.
And if getting hurt was the cost of choosing such an impossible love, Katsuki still wouldn't have it any other way.
He considered Izuku's suggestion, knowing that in the end, he would've agreed anyway. "Sure. We can do that. For more Christmases to come."
Izuku's eyes widened as if something hit his mind, and he immediately fumbled for the pockets inside his pants. "Speaking of Christmas, I have a gift for you!"
He pulled out a tiny beaded bracelet, dangling with half of a heart. It was colored and themed in green, similar to the matching necklace that Izuku also bought for them last Christmas.
"His color." Katsuki kept in his thoughts.
"It's not much but—well, I bought myself another one that matches with yours. It's paired with our matching necklace! See?" Izuku pulled out the orange necklace that was hidden under the collar of his shirt, comparing it with the bracelet he bought for him.
He grabbed Katsuki's left wrist and wore it on him, clicking the bracelet together. "Is it pretty?"
Katsuki's heart lurched into his throat, a faint blush painting his face red. He has got to stop doing these intimate things that aren't really intimate.
Izuku pulled out another bracelet, identical to the one he bought Katsuki but it was orange. He wore it on his wrist, so the blonde wasn't the only one wearing his bracelet.
"Eh. 'S fine." He nonchalantly replied, eventually pulling out the green necklace that was hiding under the collar of his black shirt. "It matches."
"You wear our matching necklaces?" The freckled boy's eyes widened, clearly not expecting how Katsuki pulled out his own necklace.
"Yeah."
Izuku aligned their wrists, and he connected the magnetic hearts that were dangling from their own bracelets. He smiled and spoke whilst giggling, "We're two halves that make a whole."
Two halves that make a whole.
It was an innocent statement, that Izuku, innocently enough, did not know it did things to Katsuki's heart.
Would it mean that he'd feel incomplete without Katsuki? That Katsuki was his other half? Or maybe he does this with his other friends too.
Does he tell these kinds of stuff to Todoroki? To Iida? To Uraraka?
These kinds of thoughts make him doubt his words, and it stung to know that his thoughts weren't hard to imagine—Izuku was a friendly guy, and... Katsuki isn't his only friend.
Way to lower hopes, huh?
"Remember Christmas when we were five?" Izuku asked, grabbing the remote to watch a different movie.
The blonde thought through, but it was a bit difficult knowing that the memory was over twenty years ago by now. Damn, that just made him realize how old they are. And how long they've been stuck to the hip.
"Not really." Katsuki spoke truthfully, not recalling any sort of memory from when they were five. Maybe he'd recall soon.
Izuku put on a movie from the Quirkless Era, a Christmas movie titled Home Alone: featuring a smart young boy who is defending his home from being robbed by two thieves, whilst he was accidentally left home alone by his family that was on vacation.
"We watched this movie." He spoke, pressing play using the remote. "And you kept saying the thieves were stupid, and that you would just blow them up."
Katsuki, after jogging his mind, eventually recalled the soft memory. "It's true. If those thieves even tried to lockpick my apartment open, I would've blown their asses straight to mars before they even get the chance to do so!"
Izuku broke into a loud laughter, seeing how loud and proud Katsuki was. "Some things never change."
"Yeah, and I remember you being scared of those burglars. The shovel guy too." The blonde teased in a jerkful manner, elbowing him softly.
"Hey I was not scared of the shovel guy!" The freckled boy denied, furrowing his brows as he kept his eyes on the movie. "Look! Kevin's gonna wish that he doesn't have a family."
"You totally were on the beginning though. Of course you fucking loved the shovel guy towards the end! He was revealed to be a good guy!"
"Fair point."
"We're not gonna be able to watch any of this, are we?"
"Nope."
Katsuki sighed and grabbed the remote, turning the TV off.
"That didn't mean I didn't wanna watch anything!" Izuku whined, trying to grab the remote but Katsuki held it high out his reach.
"This is my apartment, my rules, you follow. Loser." Katsuki stuck his tongue at him, placing the remote under the pillow before sitting on that pillow.
"Have it your way." Izuku challenged him, a strong fire of defermination lit in his eyes.
"You challenging me?" Katsuki challenged back, voice slithering with the same amount of determination.
Izuku pushed him and Katsuki's head hit the soft cushion of his couch as the freckled boy tried to push him further so he could access the remote under the pillow. Katsuki lightly pushed his face using his feet, and Izuku grabbed his foot to unexpectedly pull him. The blonde was caught off guard and it quickly turned more into brawling rather than fighting for the remote.
"I'm a fucking pro hero!" Katsuki grunted, trying to push Izuku away.
Izuku quickly rose back up and struggled as he tried to push Katsuki away, eventually crawling on top of him. Restraining both of his wrists, as well as restraining both of his legs using his calves. "And I win, Kacchan."
Katsuki was breathing heavilly now at this point, and he was sure he had a really violent blush on his face. Did he forget to turn on the AC or was it just really hot in the room?
He panted as Izuku restrained him, his heartbeat rose and grew stronger contrary to his body which grew weak upon the other's restraint. His heart lurched in his throat, words so tight that they wouldn't leave his mouth.
To Izuku, this was just childish brawling. To Katsuki, however...
"Oh shit, boner not now." Katsuki thought to himself, trying to save himself the embarrassment.
Izuku's eyes widened, as he loosened the restraint on Katsuki. He got off of him and patted himself clean, before standing up and getting off the couch. "I think I'll go now. It's late and-"
"I'll walk you."
"What?"
Oh shit, Izuku probably thought Katsuki was gonna walk him home.
"I'll... walk you to the door." Katsuki spoke as if it was nothing, standing up from the couch as well as patting himself clean.
The green-eyed boy nodded, allowing Katsuki to lead the way even though he's been in his apartment one too many times to ever lose track of where the door was.
The walk was a short one, and a silent one, but the tension they had earlier was relieved. As well as Katsuki's sexual tension! He didn't wanna embarrass himself right there on the spot because he thinks getting pinned down by the one person he'd let pin him down was hot.
Once they were at the door, Izuku grabbed his brown leather coat by the coat rack. He turned to Katsuki whilst looking at the floor while awkwardly cracking his knuckles, and then he raised his head slightly to look at him. With a slight flush that covered his cheeks and his nose, he spoke—
"Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas."
"Oh, we said it at the same time." Izuku softly laughed, which made Katsuki's mouth slightly tilt upwards to make what seemed like a smile. "Yeah. We did."
"I guess I'll..." Izuku pulled out the duplicate of Katsuki's keys out of his coat's pocket, "... go now."
"Right. You have a spare... key, to my apartment." The spikey blonde commented, looking down at the floor.
The freckled boy clicked the door open, but before he stepped out in the soft winter fury outside of his apartment, he turned to look at Katsuki once more.
"I'll see you, Kacchan."
He put on his boots and left. And Katsuki didn't even say a word. Izuku closed the door behind him, and Katsuki stood still behind that door.
He had a lot of problems, and he knew that some of them couldn't be solved. Today wasn't a problem, it was just some unresolved tension that Katsuki knew he wanted to fix but he couldn't.
But why was he left feeling so empty? Like he wasn't a whole as Izuku stepped out of that door? Why did he feel so much more affected than he should've been?
His heart squeezed as he stood still, not moving from his position even once. His apartment echoed silence, instead of echoing obnoxious laughs that littered the place when Izuku was there and they were mocking each other. His apartment echoed as if it was missing something, as if the missing piece that would complete it was the soft voice that appeared every night in his dreams.
He sees him every time whenever he closes his eyes into a slumber, whether it be deep or light, and yet he felt like it was still scarce—not enough for his yearning, for the desperate songs his heart begs to sing.
He felt like he was hollow. Like he wasn't whole.
He raised his left wrist, glancing at the bracelet the boy had gifted him.
A green bracelet, with half of a heart charm.
Half of a heart charm.
"Izuku's the other half of my whole." Katsuki whispered to himself as his eyes widened, staring at his bracelet.
He couldn't let this go unsolved, not now. It doesn't matter whether his love goes unrequited or not, Izuku deserves to know that—they can't keep going on like this.
And so he opens the door and leaves his apartment, without even properly putting on his shoes, nor had he worn his coat. He looks outside and sees Izuku was just below his apartment, walking slowly as his boots created prints on the light blanket of snow.
Katsuki bolted down the stairs, and with his hero training, he manages to not slip upon the stairs as he went down in ridiculous speeds.
After bolting down 6 floors, Katsuki swallowed the lump in his throat and shouted: "Izuku!"
Panting, he walks a little bit closer.
Izuku stopped in his tracks, and slowly turned his entire body to look at him. With his hands burrowed into the pockets of his coat, he spoke, "Kacchan?"
"I'm sorry I can't let you leave without-"
"Kacchan, it's cold outside! Why don't you have a coat?" Izuku immediately cut him off, rushing towards him with concern.
"Tha-That's the least of my worries. Izuku-"
"Why didn't you have anything to protect you from the snow?" The green haired boy spoke words laced with concern, quickly taking off his coat to sling it over the blonde.
"Ca-Can't even say what I wanna say without you being a self sacrificial freak." Katsuki shuddered from the cold, but despite that, his relentless mean words don't prevail. Not in any circumstance!
Izuku softly laughed. "I'm sorry. What is it?"
"I can't let you leave."
Katsuki took a step closer,
"What? What do you mean?"
And a step closer, until he was towering over the shorter boy, who was just a little more than three inches shorter than him.
"I can't let you leave without knowing that—"
Katsuki swallowed the lump in his throat that had been building up ever since he grew the balls to talk to him. Was he really going to do this? When its 1AM and it's freezing cold out there?
"—I love you. I-"
Izuku's eyes widened ever so slightly, lips parted as his face was painted with a slight blush which was presumably from the cold weather they were currently standing in the middle in.
"You're.. really making this hard for me.." The blonde's knees grew weak, as his heartrate shot up three times faster.
His lungs felt lighter, whilst he maintained eye contact with the green haired boy that was currently in close proximity with him.
Even when they were enveloped in such a cold weather, he could still feel the warm breaths that exited Izuku.
"I'm in love with you and—" Katsuki was breathing heavilly as he clutched on his chest.
He felt suffocated. Loving him felt suffocating, suffocating like hanahaki, suffocating like he's drowning in a deep ocean where there was no point of return even if he swims back up to the shore.
"—It's suffocating me- do you see what yo-you're doing to me, Izuku?" He shuddered and stuttered under the cold. It was snowing and yet he still felt like he was sweating from the nervousness.
It hurts, to be saying all of this out loud. But once he gets these off his chest, it'll all be better, and Izuku will know of his burdens.
"And it... hurts, to be in love with you. But there's—" He took a deep breath,
nobody else he'd rather fall in love with.
"—theres nobody else I-I would rather fall in love with."
Izuku looked at him as if there were stars in Katsuki's eyes, still not uttering a word.
He looked at Katsuki as if he was his world, as if he was the one for him, a bit flabbergasted and surprised, maybe, but it's Izuku. Of course he's an oblivious idiot. Nearly 10 years he's been pining, and Izuku hasn't caught up.
"Mi-Millions of pretty guys out there, Izuku, bu-but you're... the prettiest." He shuddered once more, hands shaking from both the cold and the nervous feeling that ran through his body.
"And it hurts because you... look at me in such a loving way tha-that it..." His voice wobbled, tears threatening to leak out of his eyes.
Katsuki looks at Izuku once more, seeing how he looked at him as if Katsuki was everything there is to offer.
"... tricks me into thinking my feelings aren't so unrequited as I thought." he continued, heaving a few heavy breaths as his throat grew tighter and tighter.
He breathed heavily as many words he wished he had said out loud a lot earlier spilled out of his mouth, a dream and a nightmare combined into one confession—confessing his love, his hurts, and every other thing that he was telling him later than he should have.
He never imagined that he was going to confess like this, in the middle of the snow, with Izuku's leather coat slung onto him. He's never actually imagined confessing at all.
"I-I vowed to myself that I'll only love one person in my life,"
"that person is you, Izuku." he spoke, reaching the end of his confession.
Left panting, he ended the confession.
There were a lot of words that were left unspoken, but Katsuki decided to not get into detail. Izuku knowing how he feels is enough, and he wouldn't ask for more.
It doesn't matter if his feelings go unrequited or returned. They... can't keep going on like this.
But he would be lying to himself if he said he didn't have a desire to have his feelings be requited. To have the cupid look at them and think, "They're two halves of a whole, two swans on a lake, dancing around each other."
"So, the-there. I love you. I'm in love with you. Please say something I-"
And then he felt a warm sensation, a sensation he wished to melt upon.
Izuku's lips upon his, kissing him over and over with nothing else other than care. It wasn't a kiss with greed, it wasn't a kiss with desperation either, but it was a soft and tender kiss with love—a pure, and genuine intention to care for the other.
It was slow, and it was just the right rhythm for both of them. A kind of soft that can dull the rough edges that surrounded Katsuki, a kind of soft that turned him from rocks into jelly. Whilst the rest of his body felt numb from the cold, his lips felt homely—insulated by the warm breaths that came from the shorter boy.
A kiss that could beat any other Shoujo anime or Shoujo manga that Katsuki had ever read in his entire life.
A kiss that was so different from the nights when Katsuki closed his eyes in a drift to the sweetest of dreams to find the familiar green-haired boy, greeting him with such love that he never wanted to wake up ever again.
A kiss that beat any other soft fantasy his mind could ever come up with, in a way of coping.
But this wasn't coping anymore, this was very real. And he was happy. He was glad.
Katsuki was glad that he saved his first kiss for one person only.
They pulled away, and Katsuki saw the familiar gaze that Izuku had been giving him his entire life. "Kacchan."
How could he be so stupid? Izuku has returned his feelings for a long time.
The freckled boy pulled him into a hug, a hug that warmed his shuddering body, a hug that acted like insulation for warmth. A hug wherein they could hear each other's heart beats.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Izuku spoke with a wobbly voice, and by the way Katsuki could see his body shuddering, he was definitely crying.
"I'm sorry for not seeing that you were hurting because of me." He spoke between sobs, and Katsuki just ran his cold hand through his green curls in a comforting motion.
"It's okay, you didn't know."
"I love you too." Izuku spoke, muffled as he burried his face in the crook of Katsuki's neck.
"I know." Katsuki comforted him, pulling away to wipe the tears that coated his freckled face. "I'm sorry for being stupid, for not seeing it sooner."
"Will you stay, Izuku?"
Izuku kissed him once more, and Katsuki knew his answer right then and there.
a story about ridiculous pining.