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There were good days.
Days where Shadow felt like he could feel like he was worth something. Days where he could find comfort in Tom’s laugh, or Maddie’s embrace, or a fun adventure with his teammates. Days where he knew this was where he belonged and knew this was where Maria would want him to be. Where he felt safe, where he could feel those moments of happiness he hadn’t felt in so long.
Days where he knew he was healing. Not good, but ok.
But then there were the bad days.
He’ll admit, it came to a bit of a shock to him. He hadn’t had a day like this in a while, where he wakes up and immediately feels disconnected from his own body. A painful numbness that seeps into his gut, weighing him down to his bed.
He’s prepared to do what he usually does. Ready to pretend nothing is wrong and make sure nobody could see how broken the ultimate life form really was.
The Doctor hardly ever gave him breaks or days off. There was always some test that had to be done or some experiment that needed to be reported. He only ever allowed him a chance to breath if Maria put her foot down. He’d always listened to Maria.
‘Alright,’ he’d say, an exhausted but gentle smile at her, ‘15 more minutes but then we must get this done. No more interruptions today, Maria.’
Maybe if Shadow had known about the real implications of those tests and who really wanted them. If he had known about G.U.N’s involvement would things have been different?
Would Maria…..
He shook himself of these thoughts. If he kept going like this, it would just make things worse. He would just have to suck it up. He had to…but he just
He just felt awful.
Childishly, he burrows himself further under the covers and resists the urge to sob. It’s almost as if something stole the air from his lungs and the voice from his throat. Suffocating him and twisting his insides. It makes him want to curl up like a ball and drown out the rest of the world.
He’s felt this feeling before, moreso when he first lost Maria and tried to destroy the world alongside his creator. It’s an unbearable type of pain, the type that digs at his every weak point and makes him believe it would never heal.
Logically, he knows, if he got through it once, he would be victorious again.
But in the moment, he felt nothing but unbridled pain.
For a moment he thinks he should stay in bed. If someone needed him, they could come looking for him. He wasn’t sure which was worse, pretending everything was ok and fine and go about his day or letting someone like Sonic or Knuckles see him in the state he was in.
Then he hears a voice. Not the distant voice of a memory, but Tom’s or maybe Randal. Traveling between two homes and missions sometimes made it hard remembering which legal guardian said what.
If you ever feel bad, you can always come to us. We’ll take care of you, no matter what.
Shadow had nodded when he was first told this, not fully realizing what he had been told. He had assumed it was for things like necessities, not for….this. He had nodded, not realizing the truth behind what they meant.
Was this what they had meant? Only one way to know for sure.
Carefully, he pulls himself up off the bed, bringing with him the blanket he had been given his first night at the Wackowski household. A deep red fleece that dragged behind him like a cape.
He noted that Knuckles’ bed was empty, he liked to wake up and go on his morning exercise before his younger brother’s woke up. Speaking of, Sonic and Tails still seemed fast asleep in their bed as he quietly threw on a comfortable hoodie and made his way out of the attic bedroom.
He padded his way down the stairs, clutching the blanket tight over his shoulders. It was still quite early, he realized, nothing the smell of fresh coffee wafting up from downstairs.
He found Maddie and Tom sitting at the bar in the kitchen, still clad in sweatpants and pjs. They both talk quietly and still a little tired. Maddie’s eyes catches him as she sets her cup down from a sip.
“Hey, Shadow, good morning!” She greets and Tom turns to smile at him as well.
“Hey buddy, sleep well?” He asked, patting the stool next to him.
Shadow didn’t respond, instead hopped up to sit in the stool he’d gestured too. Maddie’s smile dims, her eyes flicking between his blanket, his hoodie, and his eyes. Her gaze flicked over to Tom, almost like she could send him a message with her mind. He nodded, looking down at his own cup of steaming coffee.
“Hey…not feeling well, Shadow?” Tom asked, in a voice much softer than before.
Shadow nods slowly, gaze falling to the kitchen counter. Maddie hums softly, “Do you want me to take a look?”
He shakes his head slowly. He wasn’t sure if any of Maddie’s medical expertise would work with the type of pain he felt. He didn’t want to answer any more of their questions, but he didn’t want to leave their side either. He wished his voice would return to him, so he could just say how he felt and voice what he needed.
“Bad day then?” Tom asked, again his voice soft and small. A gentleness that had been unfamiliar to Shadow until recently. He nodded again, pulling his blanket closer around himself.
It’s Maddie that moves first, setting down her coffee and walking slowly to the other side of the island counter. She kneels down so him and her were face to face. She goes to make a move like she’s about to touch him, but pauses and instead touches the fleece blanket that’s draped along the floor. He was never much of a touchy person, at least that’s what he’d like to think. He found himself wishing she had reached out, even just to place a hand on his shoulder.
“Hey,” She said in a hushed tone, a whisper meant for only the three of them, “It’s ok to have bad days. We all have them now and again. I’m glad you came to us.”
She rubs her thumb against the soft fabric and Shadow wishes she were holding his hand. He feels his usual stoic exterior begin to crack, holding back a sob.
“Take all the time you need, Shadow.” Tom says from over his shoulder, “We can wait. We’re so proud of you.”
At that, Shadow breaks.
He whimpered softly before leaning forwards and hiding his face in Maddie’s shoulder. He felt her stiffen and relax, a hand reaching up to card through his quills. He felt another hand on his back, rubbing in soft slow circles.
“It’s ok. We’re here.” Maddie whispered, holding him close.
A sob wrecks through him, and he buries his face. He feels stupid, childish, ashamed even that the so called ‘Ultimate lifeform’ would stoop so low.
Maybe he didn’t need to be ‘ultimate’ right now. Maybe he didn’t need to be anything right now. He choked out another sob as Maddie and Tom whispered that it would all be ok. He hid away his face and thought about believing them