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During the deceptively peaceful moments on the Nemesis, when one wasn’t yet thrust into the frontlines against the Autobots while trying to get the mission completed for something Megatron had planned for them, most of the Decepticons would be spending their time in either repair, recharge, or, rarely, in training. While socializing would have been a fourth option for them, the extent of it was often limited to the immediate teams or stipulated by rank, which, in turn, caused quite naturally for each subgroup to claim some of the available recreational areas for themselves very early on.
One room in particular had been unofficially recognized as out of bounds for most of the crew, as the general consensus had been that in that particular area the High Command had congregated the most.
However, had anyone given it a bit more thought, they would have realized that this only meant that this was where Megatron and Starscream most often argued loudly, only to go their separate ways right after, unable to stand the sight of one another; Soundwave would most often follow one or the other, depending on the result of the verbal (or physical) alteration, leaving the room empty the majority of the time.
One would have a much better luck getting to see them on the bridge, all things considered.
The members of Starscream’s trine, though, just like Soundwave’s cassettes, had no issue with using this space for their own leisure whenever they had been given the time to actually enjoy it.
Yet, what was quite rare, is for both of these groups to have time off simultaneously - which was why Thundercracker had been paying the datapad only half of the attention it deserved, as his processor had been fixated on Skywarp, who had been focused on playing darts with a scribbled-on picture of Optimus Prime on the wall.
In itself, it wouldn’t be anything worrisome, but he could see his trinemate’s aim steer closer and closer to Ravage’s direction, where the cassette had curled down on top of the back of the couch, right above where Rumble and Frenzy had been engaged in a board game of sorts; he tried to keep up with the rules of it initially, but when the third argument came up, showing him precisely that neither of them knew how to play it, he stopped caring, and just hoped that the result of it would not cause any fire to break out.
“Hey, Skywarp,” Rumble called out just as the dart missed Ravage's frame by microns, distracting the seeker from his dubious activity and, in Thundercracker's own opinion, scored the little slagger a point in his book.
He really didn't want to have Soundwave on their necks today.
“What,” Skywarp replied, narrowing his optics as he pretended to look at the picture on the board with renewed seriousness, but to TC's audials it was as clear as the Earth’s summer's sky that the other flier was curious; the cassettes were equally annoying as they were fun, at least when it came to inane stuff, so there was a chance they would try to rope them into some sick prank - or something that would set half the base on fire.
At least they were underwater, that kind of issue was getting solved fast these days.
Yet the little mech's face was oddly focused, so perhaps Thundercracker should give him a benefit of the doubt - he could potentially surprise them all positively today.
“If Nemesis is in an alt mode,” Rumble began, setting his pieces down so the board got messed up, making Frenzy yell about being a sore loser, “do you think we could find her interface unit somewhere?”
That point that the cassette has gained in his book? Positive surprise?
Clearly a false alarm.
“... Rumble,” he muttered after a moment to gather himself up, ignoring the way Skywarp's face was twisting into one full of sick consideration, as he looked straight at the source of his next headache that he could already feel forming, “what the frag are you talking about?”
The small fragger bristled at the offence. “I mean, think about it,” he prompted, tapping his helm, “when we shift, things go around and all, but I don't think my junk gets split,” he added, gesturing around his plating and only cackling for a moment at the groan he got from the majority of his company, before he waved around.
“Nemesis is huge,” he reminded them, “why would she bother with a subspace if she could just, well, tuck it in somewhere?”
“Well, judging by the size, that tucking would be the size of a room,” Skywarp decided to chime in, optics shining as his interest in the concept grew beyond the point that TC would have estimated as salvageable, “maybe even bigger.”
He turned to face his blue trinemate.
“Do you think we could walk into her valve without realizing?”
Thundercracker regretted not signing up for a recon mission earlier that day, because he would have preferred to be in line of fire instead of whatever this was turning out to be.
Frenzy hummed, chucking some game pieces up to end up eating half of them, letting the rest drop to the floor with a clatter. “Would it make another ship ramming into us count as some crude sort of fisting, if the angle was right?”
Skywarp let out a laugh, while the other seeker grunted disappointedly.
“I'm more concerned about anything remotely cylindrical now,” TC huffed, lowering his optics so he could avoid scanning the room for positive matches consciously, and grit his denta loudly, “why did you put this thought inside my processor?”
Frenzy threw a half-chewed piece at his helm, undoubtedly sticking out his glossa for a brief moment when he was silent, before picking up the torture again.
“Do you think one could cause Nemesis to overload?”
Ravage stretched out, ex-venting for a long time, before she jumped down the couch, rolling her optics.
“If you did, I'm pretty sure we would get in so much trouble that death would be preferable,” she muttered and moved to the opposite side of the room, shuffling herself into a loaf on top of the empty shelf, her back to them - which conveyed quite efficiently the amount of slag she gave to this entire debate.
Thundercracker wanted to join her, but he was a bit too big for that - and someone had to wrangle these idiots before they dragged them into something by having too much combat power but not enough processor capacity to comprehend the depth of repercussions they would face.
Rumble grinned, despite throwing up a rude gesture in her direction, before leaning back, servos interlacing behind his helm.
“Do you think the Autobots think about that when they walk around Metroplex?” he mused aloud, and barked out a laugh when Laserbeak let out a loud bristle and took off, joining Ravage.
Skywarp rubbed his chin briefly, sitting down and almost smacking the cassettes in the face with his wing. “I doubt that,” he admitted, but from the telltale traces of heating up faceplates, it seemed he was getting much more invested into this conversation than it was due.
Thundercracker looked at the remaining three bots, and hung his helm down, exhausted. “This is ridiculous,” he mumbled, holding on the rest of his composure, only to get it shattered within the next few seconds.
“It would be so sick tho,” Rumble whistled, “can you imagine telling someone you've been inside a titan's valve?” he asked, voice almost hush in self-induced wonder.
Skywarp sniggered at his tone. “I would call you a lying bastard and move on with my life,” he pointed out, hands on his knees, as if he was ready to extract himself from these completely irrelevant considerations, only to be pulled right back in by the cassette’s affronted humph!
“Oh come on, it could be possible!” the little mech countered, “If we manage to find the right spot, we could infiltrate the place, get Metroplex to overload, and attack the Autobots!”
His helm swiveled to look at the blue flier. “I'm sure you can swing this by 'Screamer!’
“I will never do something like that,” Thundercracker deadpanned, but Rumble was already jumping on top of the board, making a hole in it with the tip of his pede as he almost stumbled, catching himself at the last moment.
“Ah, come on, it's a good plan!” he insisted, slapping his chassis, “I could volunteer!”
His optics stared into the distance, lost in his imagination, smirk on his face wider than ever.
“No matter what, I'd become a legend.”
Skywarp patted the cassette's shoulder, shaking his helm. “Sorry, my mech, with the size difference, none would be able to even notice you,” he cooed so falsely, TC could have sworn Starscream would have been proud if he heard it, and continued to nod condescendingly, “they could never confirm, so it's your word against theirs,” he reminded, before his mask slipped as he snickered, “if they decide to speak, that is.”
“What do you want me to do, get one of the gestalts to combine so there could be a mark?” Rumble screeched, pawing at the hand and squirming to dislodge it.
The purple seeker shifted his helm to the side, humming. “I mean, you could,” he answered in the end, laughing hard as he pulled the other away from himself by the scruff of the small neck, avoiding the kicks and punches of the feisty piece of hardware and anger.
Frenzy was staring intently at his lap during this little exchange, silent to the point that all of them jolted slightly at the sound of his quiet question:
“Do combiners have a separate valve, you know, when they combine?”
Rumble and Skywarp stopped moving, looking at each other instead, while Thundercracker covered his optics with his hands.
“Please do not say another word,” he asked, starting to consider shooting himself in the helm and reporting to the medbay as an acceptable excuse from minding his trinemate, had he not known that Hook would have chewed him out for clogging the space.
“Would it be all of them chipping in,” Frenzy followed up, ignoring him immediately, “or is it just the one who acts as the waist that gets an upgrade?”
Hook’s nagging was sound more and more preferable. “Why am I here?” the blue seeker asked nobody in particular - but that was alright, nobody seemed to notice him anyways, engrossed in their little theorizing session.
“On that topic, do they get a spike?” Rumble tapped his chin, “Or is one of them just inherently more of a dick than the rest?”
“I won't ask where you learned this word from,” Thundercracker muttered quietly, as he started to attempt to purposefully space out.
Nonetheless, that was quite hard with all three of the other speaking parties egging each other on right by his audials.
After Starscream, he should have been proficient in ignoring loud noises…
“How big would it all be?” Skywarp took his servos out, hovering a little as he considered the options, getting them further or closer together. “Proportional to the entire combiner? Or an average of their collective equipment sizes?”
Frenzy’s face brightened. “Do you think you could ‘face with one?”
“If you compensate with your arm or two, probably,” Rumble replied easily, throwing off the remains of the board onto the floor altogether.
“You would need to ask someone to assist, pipsqueak,” the purple flier jibed at the same time, elbowing the cassette playfully.
Frenzy fell off the couch from the force of the nudge. “Hey!”
“On that note,” Rumble joined his hands over his lap, plopping down on the couch at the just vacated spot, kicking at the other’s hands, “has anyone ‘faced with Astrotrain yet?” he asked, looking around with seriousness in his optics, “I don't know if I need to borrow someone's fusion cannon to make it count…”
Skywarp covered his intake, in between glee and outright denial. “You wouldn't!”
“Well, if what you have is not enough,” the small mech wiggled his digits, “you make do with what you can get.”
Thundercracker stood up, hands in the air.
“I think all of you are gonna die on the next mission from being too stupid to live,” he said, pointing between the three accusingly, “and not even an ounce of loss would be noted by the universe.”
“I concur, Thundercracker,” came from behind his back, causing him to freeze; he could only watch helplessly as Megatron walked by, stepping around the blue wing with a calm expression on his face.
The tension in the room suddenly matched the one TC’s circuits had been experiencing from the start of this madness, as everyone looked away - anything but not to make optic contact with their leader, who was still worryingly composed.
“Some of you are obviously in need of action,” Megatron mused aloud, words oozing with sweetness that made the blue seeker swear he could feel his inner wiring clog up, as if gummed down by molasses instead of normal lubricant, shivering despite not being the one who was in the wrong, damn it all to Unicron's exhaust port! while he waited for the mech to dispense his judgement, ending this wait for the inevitable.
Instead of throwing his fists, screaming, or berating them further, Megatron only harrumphed, clicked his glossa, and smiled again.
“I'll make sure you get some,” he promised darkly, before turning on his heel and leaving the room.
As if a storm cloud had passed, Rumble let out a loud ex-vent, and turned to look up at Thundercracker, still frozen by the door.
“Do you think he heard the thing about the cannon?”
“Yeah,” the seeker replied weakly, “I think he did.”
The cassette seemed more annoyed than concerned, which must have originated from being under their TIC’s protection for so long. “Damn,” the mech cursed, rubbing his helm, “now it will be much harder to get it…” he complained, before he threw his arms up in irritation, “I was gonna clean it and all! He wouldn't even notice! He never does!”
Thundercracker sat there for a moment, processing all of this information, before the result of the analysis popped up across his HUD and he turned to stare at Rumble in horror.
“ ‘He never does’ …?”
Rumble had the gall to flash his denta in a wide smile. “Well…”
TC decided at that moment that he had enough, and he would just go throw himself into one of the underwater hot vents to scrape all of this information from his frame by force, down to the inner circuitry if he needed.
“You better pray that it never gets out,” he said as he left, steps heavy as he forced himself not to think about the implications of all the data he had been exposed to in the last couple of minutes.
Primus, he won’t be able to look at Megatron’s cannon the same way for at least a month!
The remaining bots stared after his retreating form for a while.
“I doubt even Soundwave would get you out of painful death for this,” Skywarp said, this time with honest sympathy, before he looked around quickly, neck craning enough to crack, before he squatted down to the cassette's level.
“... But… out of curiosity,” he started hesitantly, fingers twiddling, “how many times have you done this? With our leader’s cannon, that is?”
Rumble looked startled for a brief moment, before he grinned.
“Well, my friend,” he whispered conspicuously, nudging the seeker's leg, “enough to make it worth your while.”
It didn't take Skywarp's cooling fans turning on so loudly the flier jumped up in surprise, teleporting himself into a nearby wall, to know what he would be doing later that night - once he got the fusion cannon, it would be smooth sailing from there.
Rumble didn't know much about sailing, or boats, to be fair, but he assumed that it couldn't be too hard, humans have been doing it for ages - how much easier would it be if they had fusion cannon in the mix?