Work Text:
New York, I Love You But You’re Bringing Me Down
Billy sat still and quiet, the train station nearly deserted. All he could see was grey, filling the space between the earth and sky and looming over everything, inching its way into his veins. If he closed his eyes too long he knew he wouldn’t be able to open them for a while, simply too exhausted to open them back up again.
New York, you’re safer
And you’re wasting my time
“Where’s Billy?”
Jane shook her head, her fingernails digging into the skin of her palm. “Zoe, I can’t talk right now, I’ve got to get to work-”
“You can’t talk or you won’t talk?” Zoe spat, not caring if anyone overheard them. “He’s gone, Jane. Absolutely gone. I know we hate each other, but we both love Billy, so I think we can pull it together long enough to go find him.”
Jane still wasn’t facing her, her face getting hot. “I don’t hate you. And I don’t love-”
“Oh, stop it, Jane, I know you do.” Zoe grabbed Jane’s shoulder, forcing them to face each other. “And he loves you too.”
Jane looked at her, eyes wide, face positively horrified. “Don’t say that.” She slipped her shoulder out of Zoe’s grasp, shrinking away from her. “I have to go to work, Zoe.” She started to walk away, pressing one hand to her cheeks, which were now embarrassingly wet. “If Billy had wanted to stay, he would have.”
Our records all show
You are filthy but fine
He had left everything behind. He couldn’t find it in him to discard the picture in his wallet, though, protected by the layer of crinkly plastic. Jane’s face grinned up at him, nose scrunched and hair wild. He was in the picture, too, one arm around her waist. He was looking at her- god, of course he was looking at her- and he was smiling, too, but it was softer, more focused. She was the epicenter of everything he was, even now as he pushed her away.
But they shuttered your stores
When you opened the doors
To the cops who were bored
Once they’d run out of crime
Jane was too much of a mess to drive.
Her knees were bleeding from where she had crashed to the pavement outside of White Marsh, her face in her hands. It was her fault, not Zoe’s- for goodness’s sake, Zoe was completely irrelevent- and she didn’t know what to do. She had never solved a problem without Billy, not once, and she was in no condition to do it now.
What she wanted to do was pull out her phone and text Gray that she would be a little late. She wanted to lay sprawled on the pavement and wait for Billy to come back, because that was what Billy had always done, even though it didn’t seem likely this time. She wanted to go buy coffee and fix herself up and go talk to Jeremy or Eli or somebody that could make her feel better than this, because really, all she wanted was to feel anything but this.
What she did, though, was completely different. She pulled herself up, dragging the heels of her hands over her cheeks, and started off towards the train station. It wasn’t too far away. She knew she could do it, because she knew she had to.
New York, you’re perfect
Please don’t change a thing
He sensed her before he saw her, really. That’s how it always was with Jane: he tilted automatically towards her, maybe not in the physical sense, but in every other sense. He was always hyperaware of wherever they touched, whether it be their hands brushing when they both reached for the same thing, or their cheeks bumping when they hugged, or their feet accidentally wrapping while they sprawled out to be lazy or eat or do whatever they did.
“You left.”
She was crying, and Billy couldn’t handle it when she cried. It always tore something in him, and he felt even worse since he knew it was his fault this time. She pressed her hands over her eyes. “You left me.”
“I wasn’t yours” were the words that chose to leave his mouth, and they both knew it wasn’t true. She pulled her hands away and crossed them around her stomach, staring at him in disbelief.
“What happened to ‘it’s you’?”
Billy looked away. “You can’t do this. You- this is my choice.”
“I’m not letting you go!”
She was crying harder now, but this time in anger, and she fisted her hand in the front of his jacket. “It’s not all up to you! I won’t let you go. I can’t. You can’t run away from this!”
She pulled away from him and stood further than she had been before, arms around her stomach again like she was holding herself together. “Zoe understands. I don’t understand, but I’m willing to try.”
Billy shook his head, running his hands over his face. “I really screwed up this time, Janey.”
She just looked at him, eyebrows slightly furrowed. “That’s not true. Love is never a screw up. That’s a terrible thing to say.”
“I was only with her to get over you,” He said, his voice laced with desperation that she understand, that she would forgive him.
She nodded, watching as he stepped closer. “I know.”
“I wanted it to be you.”
“I know, Billy.”
“It should have been you.”
She stared up into his face- somehow they had inched closer- and nodded slowly. “It can be me, now. If you want. That’s why I’m here.”
But you’re the one pool
Where I’d happily drown
He looked down, eyes getting embarrassingly misty. “Since the very first day,” He said, but then stopped, pausing before trying again. “Jane, I-”
“Me too,” Jane said quietly, and then she was winding her arms around him, fitting into his chest and arms perfectly. All Billy could do was bury his face in her hair and hold her close, his body on fire and his mind reeling. She felt his heartbeat under her ear and hoped that it matched her own.
And there will always be somebody there for you
And you’ll never be alone