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It burned. Really burned.
Her left shoulder felt like it was on fire. Not just the surface but beneath it—like it was burning from the inside out. V could feel the pain as it arced through her nerves—white hot pain blurred her vision like a nightmarish version of a relic malfunction.
Her arm tensed and then spasmed as the same few images flashed through her mind. The same images that had woken her up in a panic—cold sweat drenching her sheets as pain tore through her arm.
When she closed her eyes she saw a war zone. She felt the humidity clinging to her skin and heard the echo of gunfire off in the distance. Then the gunfire got closer and closer, the hum of an engine grew louder, an explosion and then…nothing.
Then pain. Lots of it.
Snippets of gore-filled memories clawed at the corners of her vision as V took in gulping breaths and clenched her jaw as another wave of phantom pain washed over her.
The memory started again like a video stuck in a loop. She saw flashes of her—of his—blood soaked arm. Blood mixed with mud and the putrid foul smell of burning flesh filled her nostrils. The memory morphed into something else, bright lights and the muffled sound of doctors and their technobabble. She heard—and felt—the saws and drills used to cut away the dead flesh from her—from his— arm as they prepared to install the cybernetic.
V had plenty of experience of being awake during cyberware installation. General anaesthetic was a luxury only the rich could afford. Local anaesthetic was the most common but even then, it wasn’t always used.
V felt the knife as it sliced through her—his—fuck— his— flesh. She felt as the artificial nerves fused with the organic ones. It was excruciating. Her heart pounded against the confines of her chest and the feeling of static filled her vision. She could feel her throat closing up as the pain slowly started to replace itself with a suffocating panic.
“Breathe V. Breathe.” The air beside her cracked with energy as Johnny materialised into existence. His engram form appeared to be glitching–each wave of pain that washed through her causing his form to shift and stutter.
“I–I can’t. ‘S too much…” She gritted out, jaw clenched and nails dug into the firm flesh of her shoulder.
“Need you to okay? Hearts beatin’ too fast and your heads a fuckin riot…”
V looked down at her shaking arm. She pushed back the bloodsoaked images that swam around her mind, “Can feel it…”
“It’s not real, not to you.” Johnny spoke and let his eyes settle on her. V glanced at him and noted the mix of fear and grief written on his face, “Breathe with me…”
She knew full well that he couldn’t breathe—not technically. But that didn’t stop her from timing breaths with his artificial ones. The virulent pain in her shoulder still remained but the hazy effect that crept across her vision began to subside with each shaky breath she took.
“Not a good sign, me feelin’ that….” V murmured, and let her arm fall limp at her side. The pain was still there but somewhat dulled–like a persistent ache under her skin rather than a hellish burning sensation.
Johnny rolled his left shoulder back and rubbed the area where flesh became steel. V swore she could feel that same sensation on her own arm. A gentle and static filled touch that felt heaven sent in comparison to the pain that sparked through her arm.
“It was gonna happen eventually, just didn’t think it’d be that bad…” He paced around her dimly lit apartment as he spoke, a look of pain plastered across his features, “Thought it would just be a bad memory for you, didn’t think you’d be able to feel it.” She heard the tightness in his voice—a sadness and fear behind his words.
“Didn’t want you to see that…” He looked at her, aviators off and eyes painfully full of vulnerability, “Definitely didn’t want you to feel it.”
V rolled her shoulder back and flexed her hand. The pain had slowly subsided and now it had settled into the same dull ache she woke up to every day. In her line of work there was no such thing as a pain free existence. She studied her arm for a moment and traced the still healing scars of her cyberware with her eyes.
“Did this feel like that to you?” V asked and twisted her arm so he could see the scarring.
The rockerboy let his eyes settle on her, “Not as painful. Felt strange though…” He flexed his metal hand and idly shifted his hand as if he was studying the gears and servos that made his arm move.
“Strange?”
“Phantom pains. Get it ‘cause of your eyes as well. Like it's there just…”
“Separate?” She spoke quietly, just loud enough for him to hear.
“Yeah,” He glitched to sit next to her, “Separate but somehow connected.”