Chapter Text
You opened your eyes...your body felt sore on the soft mattress...it was still night...probably early hours...you were lying on your side and slowly you removed your hand from the covers that felt so comfortable and reached for your phone on your nightstand...
3:07
Great ! you still had some hours of sleep...
You turned around to face the man next to you... He seemed so peaceful. So perfect to you even with his hair on his face. In the beggining you begged him to cut it just an inch just to see how he would react. He never did it.
“ I love you but i wont do this” he replied every single time.
You thought he was in deep sleep. You moved your hand to stroke his hair and remove some stray from his forehead. He took a deep breath and asked.
“ Why are you awake?... it’s too early” his eyes still closed but he moved his hand to cup yours.
“I don’t know really... i just woke up” you smiled.
He opened his eyes to look at you. They were so pretty. Sometimes you just couldn’t believe how deep were your feelings for this guy. He looked at you and smiled, your hand still enclosed in his.
“ You should get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day”
“ Yeah, you’re right” you said with a smile.
He released your hand and opened his arms for you to hug him. You moved instantly and burried yourself in his chest. He rested his chin on the top of your head.
“ Goodnight (Y/N)” he said.
“ Goodnight” you chuckled to the fact that it was actually morning.
“ I love you” he wispered.
“ I love you too, Sam” you wispered back.
You meant it.
***
You woke up the next morning in Sam’s arms. You couldn’t say you were fully rested but you had to wake up... You had to get your son ready for preschool and feed your daughter and Sam had to go to work.
He was working with the local cops. He started as an assistant... computer stuff. The sheriff noticed his great “ talent” in solving cases and decided to give him some extra cash in order to be a consultant. You both knew that all this expertese came from a life of hunting. Sam’s job gives him the opportunity to solve local monster cases... You both gave up hunting but solving local cases was a way to keep your family safe. Its’s been five years since Sam took a case out of town. Five years of being somewhat normal. Yes...that’s right. Five years of being normal and eight years without Dean.
Dean... The love of your life Dean. You still remember praying for him to be back from the dead...Again. Not this time though. He was gone for good. And it hurt unimaginably. You were one. You have never felt this way about anyone. How could you? It was deep love. Unconditional. You had issues. Who doesn’t. But he was everything to you and you were everything to him. One moment he was the man you’d spend the rest of your life with and the next...the next your whole world was gone...
“ Honey, you got to wake up” Sam wispered in your ear and kissed your cheek. You smiled at the kiss and removed the covers. Sam was already getting dressed for work. You stood up gave him a quick kiss on the mouth and went straight to your son’s room.
He was sleeping. Deep sleep. The covers were thrown all over and he was lying on his bed with one foot touching the floor.
You lauhed at the sight and moved close to him. You stroked his hair. It had the same colour as his father’s.
“ Dean...you have to wake up”you said still stroking his hair. He slowly opened his eyes. It was clear he wasn't back to consciousness yet. You helped him out of bed and you helped him put his clothes on.
He was beautiful. Well what would you say? You were his mother after all. When he was born there was no question about the name. You and Sam named him after the one person you both loved so much and you both lost. Sam was mourning Dean too of course. He lost his brother. The pain he was going through was unbearable. But he knew... He knew Dean would never forgive him if he did something stupid again to bring him back. You begged him to help you do something. Sometimes you felt like you hated him for making you go through the strongest pain you had ever felt when he could help you relief it. He could help you bring Dean back. That was only the beggining. You soon understood how right Sam was. Dean would never forgive himself even if there was nothing to forgive and you...you couldn’t bear it... You couldn’t cause more pain to Dean, the person that was everything to you just for your pain to be less. You had to keep going as you promised him one night before you fell asleep in each other’s arms...
You walked with Dean in the kitchen to make breakfast. He was fully awake now. You put his cereal in a bowl and filled it with milk. You handed him a spoon and passed him the bowl giving him a kiss on his forehead.
You made the extra healthy sandwiches Sam loved to have for breakfast while Dean was eating. You were about to check on your daughter when Sam walked in holding her in his arms. He was smiling at her.
“ I was about to come and check on you” you said stroking your daughters’s hand while Sam was holding her.
“ I figured so i brought Charlie to you” Sam said smiling and carefully passing Charlie to you...
Charlie... An other painful death...
Sam moved and kissed his son on his forehead.
“ Morning, buddy”
“ Morning, Dad “ Dean said smiling.
You handed Sam the sandwiches while holding Charlie and then you started feeding her from the bottle you had already prepared... You stared so happy at your baby... Only five months old...
“ Dad , how tall are you ?” Dean asked. You looked at Sam and you both bursted in laughter.
“ Dean, you really don’t have to ask every now and then... You will get taller... In fact you get taller every day” you said chuckling.
“ But i wanna be tall like Daddy” Dean said putting his spoon down and crossing his hands on his chest taking a stubborn look.
Sam laughed and made Dean sit on his lap.
“ You will get tall. In time...I promise” Sam said and kissed his forehead. Dean didn’t reply. He still had his hands crossed.
“Ok...” Sam said with a mischievious look in his eyes "I bet i can make you smile” he winked at you.
Dean moved his head to say “no”. Arms still crossed.
Sam chuckled and started tickling Dean. He started smiling and in a few seconds he was laughing really hard.
“ See? Told you I could make you smile” Sam smiled pulling away from your son. Dean smiled at him and said
“ I love you, Daddy”
“ I love you too” Sam said.
Charlie had just finished her bottle and was ready to burp. Sam immediately stood up and took her from your arms to burp her...
You heard the sound of the school bus.
“ Dean, come on it’s time to go” you said waving at your son.
He immediately stood up and moved towards Sam. Sam leaned and kissed his forehead.
“ Have a nice day” he said.
You led him to the school bus and hugged him goodbye.
“Be good.All right, honey?”you said.
“ Yes, mom” He said and stepped in the bus. His teacher waved at you as you walked back inside finding Sam putting your daughter in her rocking chair.
“ She is all set” he said smiling at you. You moved close to her and stroked her cheek. She was half asleep.
“ I’ll miss them” you said.
“ Come on. It’s only for the weekend” Sam said.
It was your anniversary this weekend and you arranged for Jody to take the kids so you could celebrate properly.
“ Still” you replied offering Sam a guilty smile.
“ Besides” he said cupping your cheeks “ We need some time alone” Charlie was asleep now.
He moved forward and pressed his lips to yours. It made you feel so good. So safe. You also felt how much you wanted him. He deepened the kiss and you melted under his touch. Your breath became heavy and your hands started exploring his back as he made his way to your hips.
You pulled away suddenly.
“ Yes... I guess we need some “we” time” you said as Sam pressed his lips on yours lightly once more. He pulled away and headed to the door.He opened it and turned to you.
“ I love you, baby” he said. You crossed the distance and pushed him out the door.
“ You’ll be late” you said to a chuckling Sam “ and I love you too” you said and closed the door behind him.
Now tou were alone... Of course Charlie was still there but she was asleep and she didn’t count. You focused on the chores you had to do...
You didn’t really like alone. It reminded you of the dark times you went through when Dean died. After realising there was nothing you could do you had to accept the fact. You had to accept that your whole world was gone... Your life was gone... You were spending all day every day in Dean’s room. You didn’t know why you just couldn’t move away from that room. When Sam tried to talk to you you said it was your room too. But you knew that you were there because it was Dean’s room. You were just lying on your shared bed in fetal position all day every day... You weren’t eating...You were just drinking some water Sam would bring you. You wouldn’t even look at him. All you could feel was an enormous hole in your chest that hurt like hell and purgatory combined... Maybe even more. Your eyes were filled with tears all the time. You weren’t trying to stop them or inflict them. They were just there all the time. No sobs. Sobs were an indication of fighting. You couldn’t fight anymore. You just let the pain consume you. He was gone and soon so would you. Only you would be gone amongst the living...
Cas used to visit once a week. He was checkng on Sam and was trying to comfort him. But there was only so much he could do as he was in pain himself. Still Sam found comfort in Cas’ friendship and vice versa. They started healing. Taking on hunts together. Sometimes you even heard them laughing.
You were still in Dean’s room. You were cursing in your head. How could they laugh, even for a second,when there was nothing to give any of you joy? How could you allow joy to yourself when somebody so...so important was gone? You were still in the same situation. Lying in the room you shared with your lost other half. Sam would bring you food and water. You would drink the water but only eat enough to get by. And that only because you promised Dean you wouldn’t starve to death.
Sam tried to talk to you multiple times. At first he thought it was better to let you grieve until you snapped out of it on your own. But you didn’t. A month after Dean’s death and you were still the same. Every time Cas visited he’d ask about you. The only time he tried to talk to you the only thing you did was demand he gets out in a low threatening voice. Sam’s answer to Cas’ questions was always the same...