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“Whatcha reading?”
“Pride and Prejudice.”
“Sounds boring.” Ray shifted in his bedroll.
Fraser glanced over. “I thought you were exhausted.”
“I am exhausted. I’m just not sleepy. I’m laying here, and sleep is not happening.”
Fraser continued reading.
“Is it boring?”
“Pardon me?”
“Is the book boring?” Ray repeated.
“I wouldn’t continue reading if I found it so.”
“No, I guess not.” Ray kicked his feet to adjust his sleeping bag yet again. “I thought it was maybe the only book you brought. Extra weight and all that.”
Fraser suppressed a sigh. “I know I can’t bring much in the way of reading materials, so I usually bring something I’ve read before. Then I can be sure it won’t be boring.”
“Oh. Good idea.” Then Ray was quiet for a moment.
Fraser’s gaze went back to the page.
“Wait, you’ve read this before?”
“Yes,” Fraser said, closing his eyes for a moment.
“And you want to read it again?”
“Evidently.”
“It’s Jane Austen, right?”
“Yes,” answered Fraser, forgetting to hide his surprise. He let the open book fall onto his chest.
“See? I know stuff. Stella made me go see one of those movies. But it was kind of ... ”
Fraser rolled toward Ray and leaned on one elbow, catching the book in his other hand. “Yes?”
“It just seemed like a chick movie, you know? ‘Does he like me? Will he marry me?’ Just in old-timey dresses.”
Fraser allowed himself a small smile. “I can imagine that a film adaptation might fail to capture the subtlety of Austen’s humor.”
“Humor?” Ray turned onto his side.
“Yes, her wit can be quite biting.”
“Huh.”
“Austen’s rather quiet novels are often mistaken for simplistic romances, but under the surface ... ”
“Yeah?” Ray prompted.
“Sharp satire, biting criticism, hints at the darker side of human nature. Even the stories themselves are quite intricate if one examines the course of events in each book, the number of characters, seemingly casual dialogue that becomes significant as the story unfolds. Delightful.”
“I guess I missed all that.”
“Perhaps the movie oversimplified.”
“Read me some.” Ray nodded at the book. “Some of the funny stuff.”
“What, now?”
“Why not?”
“All right.” Fraser set the book down between them and began shuffling through the pages. “Forgive me. It’s been quite a number of years since—ah. Here we are.”
Ray looked at Fraser expectantly.
“Before I begin you should understand that Miss Elizabeth Bennet has just refused the marriage proposal of Mr. Collins, the man who is to inherit her father’s estate.”
“Why isn’t she going to inherit the place?” Ray asked.
“It’s entailed to the nearest male relative, to keep the wealth in the family.”
“She’s in the family, isn’t she?”
“Yes, but if she or one of her sisters were to inherit, the property would belong to her husband upon her marriage,” Fraser explained.
“Jesus. OK, so why doesn’t she want to marry him? If she did, she’d get to stay home even after her dad kicks the bucket, right?”
Fraser was pleased that Ray was picking up the important threads of the story so quickly. He approached the novel like a case to be analyzed, paying close attention and asking all the right questions.
“Mr. Collins is a rather tiresome man. He pretends to be humble when he’s actually quite pompous. He originally intended to propose to Elizabeth’s eldest sister Jane, as a way of making peace with the family after a period of estrangement and to try to atone for the entail. But when their mother tells Mr. Collins of Jane’s impending engagement to another young man, he decides to pursue Elizabeth.”
“Switched ‘em like snowmobile parts. Got it.”
Fraser smiled. “Now Mrs. Bennet is angry that Elizabeth has refused Mr. Collins and is trying to convince Mr. Bennet to force Elizabeth into the engagement.”
Ray sighed. “Yeah, Fraser, I see what you mean. This is sounding more and more like a laugh riot the more you—”
“Well, there has to be context, Ray. This isn’t slapstick and one-line gags. It isn’t funny if you don’t understand something about the characters and their—”
“OK, OK.” Ray rolled his eyes. “Maybe you should start at the beginning.”
“The beginning of the book?”
“Yeah, you got something better to do?” Then Ray frowned and looked down, his eyelashes almost touching his cheek. “You probably wanna just keep reading by yourself.”
Fraser turned his attention back to the book. “No, Ray. I’m perfectly willing to start again if you’d like to listen.”
“Yeah, OK.” Ray snuggled deeper into his sleeping bag, pulling it over his head like a cowl. “Read me a bedtime story, Fraser.”
Fraser cleared his throat, forced his gaze down to the book, turned to the first page, and began to read. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”
Ray groaned.
“Is there a problem?” Fraser asked.
“Is the whole thing like that?”
“Like what, Ray?”
“ ‘It is a truth universally acknowledged.’ No one talks like that.”
“I could recite Paradise Lost if you’d—”
“OK, sorry. Shutting up.”
Fraser was surprised that Ray did, in fact, remain quiet and listen. For quite some time. Fraser wasn’t even always certain that Ray was still awake. He had assumed Ray would quickly get bored by the story and drift off, leaving Fraser a few minutes for quiet reading before turning in himself, but every time he paused and glanced over, Ray was attentive, his eyes fixed on Fraser as he read. Fraser finally had to put an end to the reading himself when he grew too tired.
“Sorry. I didn’t expect you to entertain me all night.”
“No need to apologize, Ray. It was my pleasure. Perhaps we can continue tomorrow evening if we’re not too tired.”
“Sure,” Ray replied, yawning. “Thanks, Fraser.”
“You’re very welcome.”
*****
Fraser awoke when the first dim light strained into the tent. Before he moved, he took a moment to remind himself exactly where he’d placed all of his things, so he could dress quickly and quietly. Raising his head slightly, he looked over to Ray’s side of the tent. He could see nothing of Ray—just his vague shape in the sleeping bag. Ray could easily sleep for another hour.
Fraser slid out of his bedroll and pulled on layers over his long underwear. Just before closing the tent flap, he glanced once more at Ray to make sure he was still sleeping soundly.
Once outside Fraser immediately fed the dogs. One morning a few days into their trip he had taken just a moment to put snow on the stove to melt before tending to the dogs, and their barks and whines for breakfast quickly grew to such a noise that Ray came bursting out of the tent, scowling at the rude awakening. Packing up had been chaotic. Fraser had never even gotten to have his cup of tea. It had been by far their worst day.
Fraser knew the dogs could be trained to better behavior, but until Ray was up to speed and didn’t need the extra rest, it was easy enough to feed them as soon as he stepped outside. He portioned out the meat and set out a serving for each dog, including one for Dief, who was nowhere in sight, causing Fraser a momentary flash of annoyance. Once the dogs were taken care of, he brewed a cup of tea. He drank it and was about to start on the day’s preparations when he saw Ray’s tousled head popping out of the tent. Fraser was certain that Ray should have slept longer. He had been so tired, and then they had stayed up reading, perhaps a little too late. At least Ray looked cheerful.
“Good morning,” Fraser said politely.
Ray said, “Damn, it’s cold.” But a grin flickered across his face when he said it. He withdrew into the tent vestibule out of Fraser’s view.
Fraser looked around the campsite. He had wanted to get so much done before Ray woke up. It was too hard to prepare efficiently with Ray watching everything he did. The first two days out, Ray had driven Fraser almost to rudeness with a constant stream of questions. So Fraser tried to teach him a few new things each day and simply accomplish as much of the rest as he could before Ray was even conscious.
Ray reappeared, his hair covered by a fleece cap. He came and sat down next to Fraser, who handed him a cup of tea without a word.
“Thanks, Fraser.”
Ray sipped his tea, and Fraser made himself another cup. Dief appeared, seemingly from out of nowhere, and licked Ray’s ear.
“Lay off!” Ray yelled, but when he pushed Dief away he let his hand linger to rub Dief’s ears before reaching up to adjust his hat.
“Where have you been?” Fraser asked, but Dief didn’t even look at him before stalking off. Fraser took another sip of his tea.
“You know, I’ve been wondering,” Ray said.
Fraser could feel the tension build in the muscles between his shoulders.
“Why don’t you show me how to use this little stove thing? I think cooking is something I could really help with. If you just tell me—”
“I planned to go over harnessing the dogs today.”
“We did that. I know how to get them all hooked up. I know how to unhook them. I can feed them. Check their feet. I know how to pack the sled, and I’m getting pretty good at driving too, if I do say so myself. How much more is there to get?”
Ray was right. He had already mastered quite a bit. For the last several days, Fraser had even been confident enough of Ray’s abilities to stop himself when he was tempted to check everything Ray had accomplished.
“But I’ve always told you in what order the dogs should be harnessed,” Fraser pointed out.
Ray frowned. “Yeah, and it’s been the same every day.”
“Because the weather and the terrain have been almost the same every day. If visibility were bad, or—”
“OK. But if we’re talking life or death here, I need to be able to eat, right? You said you wanted me to learn the basics.”
“Yes,” Fraser said evenly. “But if you can’t completely manage the sled, you’ll have neither the supplies you need to eat nor the stove on which to cook them. Not to mention no way to get anywhere. Really, Ray, there isn’t much to using the stove, and most of the supplies could be eaten without being heated if it came right down to it.”
Ray made a noise that clearly expressed how appealing he found that notion.
“Let’s have some breakfast, and then I’ll explain what I mean.”
Fraser prepared breakfast quickly before Ray decided to put up more resistance.
“Hey, Fraser,” Ray said between bites of oatmeal. “You got any more of that salve? My hands are so dry they’re bleeding. All cracked open.” He pulled off one of his gloves. The back of his hand was covered in an angry red rash, and his knuckles were networks of bloody lines.
“Ray!”
“I know.” Ray gave Fraser a sheepish look.
“I see you without your gloves sometimes,” Fraser scolded.
“I just can’t feel anything though the gloves. They make me all clumsy, and I can’t do anything. I mean to take care of them, but I never remember until I’m in bed, and then I’m too tired to get back up and find the goop.”
“This may seem like a small thing, Ray, but even small injuries can become a problem without the proper attention.”
“I know.”
“And you didn’t even put on a hat this morning.”
Ray squinted at him. “I think I’m wearing a hat, Fraser.”
“Now, yes. But you weren’t when you first came out. It can’t be a surprise that it’s cold, Ray.”
“OK, Fraser,” Ray said, his voice low but edgy. “I get it.”
Fraser could hear the clear warning in Ray’s voice but still couldn’t allow the subject to drop. Ray had to understand how important it was to take care of himself. Fraser knew he ought to at least modulate his tone, but he had been finding self-control of all sorts more difficult in the past few weeks. He took a long, slow breath.
“I’ll get the salve, and you can keep it in your parka. That way you won’t forget.” Fraser looked again at the skin on Ray’s hand, shaking his head, and then glanced up. At least Ray seemed to be taking proper care of his face. He had no sunburn, and his lips looked fine. They weren’t chapped at all. They looked healthy and pink. Smooth.
Fraser stood up.
“Hey, you don’t have to get it now,” Ray protested. “Eat first.”
But Fraser didn’t answer. As he walked over to his pack to find the small tin of salve for Ray, Fraser chided himself for being so unguarded, staring at Ray. He had thought that being on the trail together, just the two of them, would be enough. But in such proximity, with so few distractions, it seemed that he had to constantly tear his eyes away from Ray. If Fraser weren’t more careful, it was impossible that Ray wouldn’t notice. Fraser felt the danger of paying too much attention.
*****
Ray was subdued all day. They barely spoke. When they finally stopped in the evening, Fraser considered asking Ray to help prepare dinner but thought it might be awkward after they’d had words about the stove that morning. So he didn’t say anything at all. Even once they were in their bedrolls, when Ray’s tired body and active mind usually made him want to talk, he was silent, lying on his back with his face turned away.
Fraser knew that the distance between them was more than just his foul mood that morning. Their ease with each other had been disturbed, Fraser realized, by Ray Vecchio’s return. As relieved and pleased as Fraser had been to see his old friend, there had been one very negative consequence. Ray Kowalski had almost immediately stepped back, from that first moment in the hotel room, pulling himself into the background as Ray Vecchio reclaimed his life. Fraser had felt the withdrawal like a physical pain, and Ray had seemed almost as desperate as Fraser not to be separated, so much so that for a few days Fraser had dared to hope for more than friendship. Deciding to begin this adventure together had helped them take a few tentative steps toward re-establishing their partnership without the pretense of Ray’s undercover assignment, but neither of them felt completely comfortable. They had settled into an uneasy routine, still partners, but out of tune with one another.
Fraser cleared his throat and pulled the novel from inside his sleeping bag. “Would you like me to read?”
After a moment, Ray answered, “Nah, you don’t have to.”
“I would enjoy it, Ray. I know it’s not an obligation.”
“Then you don’t have to feel obligated.”
“I don’t,” Fraser insisted, hating that their voices were growing louder.
Ray said nothing.
“Do you mind if I read?” Fraser tried.
Ray answered with a shrug.
Fraser barely knew what he was reading. His attention was more on Ray. They had been reading only a few minutes before Ray’s head turned slightly, so that he was looking at the top of the tent rather than the far wall. After a few more pages, Ray’s face was turned toward Fraser, but his eyes were still downcast. Then Ray rolled over onto his side and looked up, and Fraser started to relax.
*****
When Fraser suggested reading again the next night, Ray seemed almost as eager as Fraser to clean up their supper dishes and retire to the tent. Once they were both cocooned in their sleeping bags, Fraser opened the book. Thoroughly enjoying Ray’s continued interest and appreciating the occupation the book provided for his eyes and mind, Fraser had been doing his best to read with expression, to show Ray the fun in the dialogue.
That evening, Ray rewarded Fraser’s efforts with a laugh.
Fraser look at Ray in surprise.
“What?” Ray asked. “OK. It’s funny. Satisfied?”
“Very much so.”
“I just love her.”
“Miss Bingley?”
“Yeah. Scheming little bitch. But I love her. She’s so shameless with Darcy. Talking trash about Elizabeth. Reading over his shoulder while he’s writing his letter. Just trying to sneak her way in.” He laughed. “She’s worse than Frannie.”
“Ray! Surely you don’t mean to compare Francesca with Miss Bingley!”
“No, no. Frannie’s not evil like her. But in terms of subtle?”
Fraser kept his face perfectly blank.
“You’re just as bad as he is! And he doesn’t even have a partner to help him out, run interference. Where’s Bingley? He should be chasing his sister off his friend.”
Fraser let himself smile again.
“You really are just like him. Darcy, I mean.”
“Just because we both happen to be the recipients of unwanted attention from—”
“Not just that. Your reaction to it too. Darcy gets annoyed, but he pretends like he doesn’t even notice it’s happening. He just glosses over it with the—”
“Mr. Darcy’s behavior is simply appropriate for a gentleman of the period.”
“—politeness. And you’re both smart in the same way. But you both know you’re smart. You know you’re better than everyone else, and it—”
“Ray, I hardly think it’s fair to—”
“—makes you snarky sometimes. Except you’re usually so polite about it, people don’t even notice. But you don’t know how to just talk like regular people most of the time. And you’re stubborn.”
“I freely admit to being stubborn myself. But I would never characterize Mr. Darcy as—”
“What about that ‘My good opinion lost is lost forever’ stuff? That sounds like stubborn to me.”
Fraser frowned.
“Jeez, I’m sorry, Fraser.”
Fraser was silent. He knew it was silly, but he had been a bit stung by Ray’s drawing such unflattering parallels.
“Come on, listen. I didn’t think about how it sounded. I didn’t mean anything by it.” Ray waited for a moment, then continued when he got no response. “I didn’t mean that you’re like him just in the bad ways. You’re like him in the good ways too. And he’s like God’s gift to women in literature, right? Handsome, smart, rich—”
“I’m hardly rich, Ray.”
“No, but you’re a mountie. I think that kinda makes up for it.”
“Thank you, Ray.” As silly as it had been for Fraser to feel hurt by Ray’s casual remarks before, Fraser knew it was even more ridiculous to feel so happy about his off-handed compliments now.
“And everyone calls him by his last name too,” Ray added.
“At that time one would need to be very well acquainted with someone before being asked to call him by his given name.”
“Does he even have a first name?”
“Fitzwilliam.”
Ray snorted. “OK, we have now found a name way worse than Benton.” He looked at Fraser out of the corner of his eye. “You wanna read some more?”
“I don’t know,” Fraser said, rubbing his eyebrow.
“Come on. At least finish the chapter.”
“As you wish.”
*****
“Maybe I could drive some today?” Ray asked immediately after breakfast.
“Certainly,” replied Fraser as he put the last bag into the sled.
“Maybe right now?”
Fraser turned, and the look in Ray’s eyes almost made him relent. But then Fraser searched for an explanation that wouldn’t offend him.
“First thing in the morning the dogs have so much energy. It sometimes makes them difficult to manage. Later it will be easier—”
“Did I say I wanted easy? I never expected anything about this to be easy.”
Ray’s tone was light, but Fraser could tell it was forced. He watched Ray’s face change from hopeful to glowering and tried to think of something to say.
“Jesus, Fraser,” Ray said, flinging up both arms.
“Ray—”
“We gotta do this every morning? You think I go to sleep at night and forget everything you showed me the day before?” Ray started pacing from the sled to where their tent had been. “I thought we did this already.”
“Did what?”
Ray waved his hand back and forth between them. “This! This thing we do where you’re always right, and you always know better than me, and you think I’m an incompetent—”
“I never thought that you were—”
“Then why? Why do you treat me like ....” Ray jabbed at the air with one hand. “I just ... Jesus! Aren’t we still partners?”
Fraser’s heart was pounding. He hadn’t meant to make Ray feel like he was babying him. He simply wanted for everything to go smoothly so that Ray wouldn’t regret his decision to come on this trip. Fraser cleared his throat. “Ray, I—”
“No, Fraser, just ... just don’t.” He sighed and seemed to lose all of his steam. He walked over to the sled and threw himself into it. Then he zipped up his parka as far as it would go, shoved sunglasses onto his face, and crossed his arms.
Without a word, Fraser brought the dogs over one by one and harnessed them himself. He worked quickly. When all the dogs were clipped onto the gangline, Fraser was frustrated to find that Dief had disappeared again. He was never to be found in the morning. Fraser almost called out, but then he sighed and walked over to the slight rise that bordered one side of the camp site. When he crested the hill, Fraser could see Dief sitting in the sun a few yards away, facing the opposite direction. Fraser picked up an icy chunk of snow that had been dislodged by his boot and threw it toward Dief, just to the left. Slowly turning his head, Dief looked over his shoulder at Fraser.
“Diefenbaker! Come!”
Then Fraser turned and strode back to the sled. The team was getting anxious being harnessed so long without moving. He waited for several minutes before he saw Dief appear at the top of the hill. With agonizing care, Dief picked his way down the slope. He allowed Fraser to put a harness on him and clip him with the other dogs, but not without a disapproving huff.
When Fraser was done he looked once at Ray, but the reflective sunglasses made it impossible for Fraser to gauge anything. Then he climbed onto the sled behind Ray, and they started moving.
*****
Fraser was staring at the domed ceiling of the tent until Ray’s voice surprised him.
“Is Darcy really in love with her?”
All day Fraser had been trying to think of a way to apologize, a task now made even more difficult with the distraction of Ray preparing for bed, but Ray seemed to have forgotten all about their argument that morning and the lengthy silence that had followed.
“Yes, Ray.” Out of the corner of his eye, Fraser could see Ray rummaging in his pack and then settling back on his sleeping bag to pull off his last few layers. It must be getting warmer, Fraser thought, or Ray is getting acclimatized. It seemed that Ray used to dress much more quickly, trying to expose his bare skin to the cold air for as short a time as possible. Fraser opened the book as if to look for the page where they’d left off the night before.
“Why doesn’t he say something?” Ray asked as he pulled thermal underwear on over his long legs. “Or just grab her and kiss her?”
Fraser cleared his throat. “At that time, a gentleman wouldn’t think of declaring his affection unless his intentions were serious.”
Ray snorted a laugh. “I can’t imagine him being anything but serious.”
“I mean he wouldn’t reveal his feelings unless he were prepared to issue a proposal.”
Ray removed his undershirt. “So I guess he’s not getting laid any time soon.”
Fraser felt a mild blush spread upward from his neck and was relieved the light was too dim for Ray to notice it. “That would be highly unlikely.”
“Not until they get married, I guess,” Ray said, pulling off his socks and replacing them with a clean, dry pair. “But how could he propose? He barely knows her.”
After stealing a glance to verify that Ray was now mostly dressed, Fraser rolled onto his side. “He knows her well enough to admire her. To appreciate her intelligence and humor. Not to mention her fine eyes.”
Ray crawled over and zipped himself into his sleeping bag. “But he can’t really get to know her. Isn’t there any way they can have some time alone? A couple kisses in the drawing room? A little flirting? Something.”
“Elizabeth and Darcy do flirt, in a manner of speaking. It’s just ... subtle.”
“Yeah, so subtle I didn’t even notice it. They’re not flirting,” Ray insisted. “She’s just trying to annoy him. Get a rise out of him.”
“Exactly. She teases him to draw him out. She claims not to want his approval, to dislike him, but his rejection of her at the first ball bothers her. She wants to figure him out.”
“Yeah, maybe. But I don’t think her motive is to get him to like her.”
“Perhaps not, at this point,” Fraser conceded.
“So then it’s not flirting.”
“Maybe not consciously.”
“You think she’s subconsciously flirting? I think flirting requires intent to flirt.”
Ray turned his head to fix Fraser with a look. “No intent, no flirting.”
“Hm.”
“What’s that?” Ray waved his hand in the air in a vague circle around Fraser’s face. “What’s ‘Hm’?”
“I’m not sure I agree with you. What about the scene at the piano?” Fraser sat upright and began flipping through the book.
“At Lady Fancy Pants’ house? You think that’s flirting? More like fighting again.”
“Yes, in a way—arguing or debating. But the way they are described makes me think there’s more there than just playing with words. Darcy can’t stop watching Elizabeth. He can’t take his eyes off her.”
“OK, Yeah. Darcy’s hot for her. We all got that. But he doesn’t flirt with her. He’s just watching her.”
“But, as you yourself said a moment ago, he’s serious man. And here he’s described as smiling several times. For him ... well, I think he’s displaying quite a bit of how he feels about her. For someone so reserved—”
“OK, maybe,” Ray admitted. “But she still hates him, right?”
Fraser smiled. “I don’t think so. When she notices Mr. Darcy watching her, she turns to him, and she smiles at him. She wants to engage him.”
“She’s teasing him, that’s all.”
“Teasing, flirting ... ” Fraser was studying the pages.
“They’re not the same thing,” Ray said decidedly.
“A few paragraphs down from there she ‘laughs heartily’ at what he says. She’s enjoying his attention thoroughly.”
“Yeah, maybe subconsciously,” Ray grumbled. “It’s just, if they are flirting, it doesn’t seem very, you know, sexy.”
Fraser felt heat start to creep up his neck again when Ray said that word, and this time it wasn’t a faint flush. Fraser found that he couldn’t answer.
“They don’t say much,” Ray continued. “I mean, they say a lot, but nothing really flirty, not directly. They’re always around other people. His scary old aunt is right in the room, for Chrissake.”
Fraser’s blush deepened, and he knew Ray couldn’t possibly miss it, even in the dim light. He tried to think of something to say, to keep the conversation normal so that his discomfort wouldn’t be so painfully obvious.
Ray looked up and stared at Fraser. “You think it’s sexy?”
Fraser looked away.
“All that tiptoeing around, dancing around the subject?” Ray chuckled. “Yeah, I should’ve figured you’d like it. Kind of repressed.”
Fraser, even though struggling to recover from his embarrassment, was quick to disagree. “Not repressed—restrained.” He rushed into an explanation, hoping to distract Ray before he could begin teasing about the blush. “Does everything have to be so terribly explicit? I like that their courtship is so restrained. You said Elizabeth and Darcy don’t have a chance to get to know one another, but I think they have a lot more time for real conversation because social conventions prevent them from having a discussion about their feelings or ... or ... ”
“Crazy monkey sex?” Ray offered.
“Well, yes,” Fraser said, keeping his voice as matter-of-fact as possible. “The fact that they can’t be more open with one another makes it that much more satisfying when Darcy finally declares himself. The story just moves at a more leisurely pace than we’re used to. With television and movies, everything is resolved in an hour or two. Here, we have to be patient.”
“You know I’m not that good at waiting.”
“I’m aware that it’s a cliché, Ray. But some things truly are worth waiting for.”
*****
A few mornings later, Fraser stopped in the middle of breaking down the tent to watch Ray, who was putting their packs in the sled. Fraser wanted to suggest a change to their route, but he wasn’t sure if Ray would be open to the idea.
“Ray ... ”
“Yeah?”
“There’s a town not too far away. I thought we could head in that direction. We could get more supplies.”
“I thought we had lots.” Ray tucked another bag away, then came over to help Fraser with the tent.
“We do, but it’s always a good idea to replenish.” Fraser added, “And I have some friends there.”
“You have friends?” Ray asked with exaggerated surprise.
For the first time that day, Fraser smiled a genuine smile. “It has been some time since I’ve seen them. I’m not completely sure they still live there. We fell out of touch when I went to Chicago.”
“We could still get supplies either way,” Ray pointed out.
“Yes, and we could take the opportunity to get cleaned up.”
“Like a real shower? I could go for that. Let’s do it.” Ray’s voice grew quiet. “It might be good for us to be around other people anyway. I know I’ve been getting on your nerves lately.”
Fraser’s reply was quick and automatic. “You haven’t been getting on my nerves.”
Ray didn’t answer, and Fraser didn’t need to look up. He could imagine the grimace on Ray’s face.
*****
When Ray climbed out of the sled, he looked anxious. “Are you sure it’s OK to just show up like this?”
“Of course, Ray. They’re old friends.”
Fraser secured the dogs and led the way toward the house. Ray paused to take Dief out of his harness so he could come along too.
Before Fraser knocked, Ray grabbed his arm. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea. I just remembered I don’t even like most other people all that much.”
“You’ll like Jenny and Kyle. I’m sure of it.”
Ray’s skittishness couldn’t last long in the face of Jenny’s welcome. As soon as she opened the door she threw her arms around Fraser, quite a reach for a woman of her slight stature. She didn’t seem to mind it when Dief jumped up to greet her, and when she stopped gushing over them long enough to notice Ray standing there, she hugged him too. She pulled them inside, relieved Ray of his backpack, and got him out of his coat before Fraser had a chance to mention the sled and the dogs. She sent him out to tend to them as she herded Ray toward the stairs to find him towels for a shower. Then Jenny came out to help Fraser get the dogs into the kennel, and by the time they finished and went inside, Ray was waiting in the kitchen.
He was clean-shaven, and the skin on his face and arms looked so clean, freshly scrubbed. His hair, free from the ill effects of a close fitting cap for the first time in weeks, looked blonder than Fraser remembered. Perhaps most distressing for Fraser was the complete absence of bulky winter outerwear. The faded, soft jeans and T-shirt Ray wore did nothing to hide his leanly muscled body, and the sight of him stopped Fraser in the doorway.
Jenny removed her coat, then turned and laughed when she saw him standing there. “Don’t just stand there, Ben. Come in! What’s with you? Close the door.”
Fraser obeyed. He put his hat on the rack by the door. He took off his parka and reached over to hang it up too, but now all of the hooks were filled. Jenny took his coat from him and draped it over Ray’s. Fraser bent down to unlace his boots, and before he had even stepped out of them Jenny was ordering him upstairs to the bathroom. Fraser had forgotten how forceful Jenny could be.
Fraser was quick in the shower and was glad as he came down the stairs to hear that Ray and Jenny were still talking. As Fraser stepped into the kitchen, Ray snorted.
“You?” Ray said. “You’re RCMP?” He laughed. “You’re so ... ”
“Female?” Jenny said, the challenge obvious in her tone. “Short?”
Ray glanced at Fraser and then explained, “No, I was going to say normal.”
That made Jenny laugh. “What do you mean?”
“Every mountie I’ve met is nuttier than a squirrel’s pantry, but you’re ... ” Ray held out his hand to her, as if to present her as evidence.
“Fraser’s not nutty,” Jenny countered.
“Ha! Freak of the first order!” Ray insisted, making Jenny laugh even more loudly.
Fraser had been pleased that his two friends were getting along so well, but he was relieved when this particular conversation was interrupted by Kyle coming home.
*****
“I really would be perfectly willing to help,” Fraser said again. At that moment he could think of nothing he’d like better than having Jenny tell him exactly what he should be doing. Idling at the table next to Ray was making Fraser anxious. He didn’t want to be waited on like a formal guest, and he would have been thankful for any distraction from Ray’s proximity.
“You two have been roughing it. Take it easy for a while,” Jenny insisted. “Besides, the kitchen isn’t really big enough for everyone to be helping. Just sit and relax.”
Ray nudged Fraser with his elbow. “Yeah, relax, Fraser. You could use the practice.”
So there was nothing for Fraser to do but try to ignore Ray’s knee bumping his thigh every so often and watch Jenny and Kyle bustling around preparing dinner. He watched Ray eat slice after slice of fresh bread slathered with butter, marveling at how he could eat so much and talk so much at the same time. But Fraser found the constant chatter soothing, and he didn’t need to pay attention while Ray recounted how and why they ended up in Canada.
Then Ray leaned closer and spoke quietly, “Not so much fun, is it?”
Fraser looked at him, puzzled.
“Sitting here twiddling your thumbs when you’d rather be helping.”
Was this really how Fraser had been making Ray feel? Fraser desperately wanted Ray to enjoy himself, and he had rationalized that taking on most of the work would allow Ray the leisure to experience everything without distraction. But by limiting him so severely, Fraser wasn’t allowing Ray to experience much of anything. It was also making it impossible for the two of them to find a new balance in their partnership. The circumstances of their adventure put them on unequal footing. There was no way to change that. Fraser was in his element, whereas Ray had been thrown into a daily routine that was very demanding and completely unfamiliar to him. But Fraser had been compounding that problem by not allowing Ray to contribute what he could, not teaching him what he wanted to know. It made it all too easy for Fraser to give in to his tendency to take control. But Ray didn’t want Fraser to make things easy for him.
Fraser had been staring at Ray as these thoughts tumbled around in his brain. Ray was looking back at him, but Fraser couldn’t read his expression.
Kyle and Jenny served dinner—a spicy chili with more of Jenny’s homemade bread. Eating was a relief, both because Fraser was truly hungry and because it gave him something to do. He thought that it would be a pleasant meal until Kyle caught his eye.
“You’re quiet over there, Ben,” Kyle noted.
“Yeah, you are acting weird,” Jenny said. “I think you said more in the first five minutes I knew you than you have since you got here today.”
Three pairs of eyes looked at Fraser, and Fraser didn’t know what kind of answer was expected.
Ray spoke up. “Maybe he’s just glad there’s somebody else for me to talk at. I think I’m driving him crazy.” Ray looked at Fraser with a grin, the one he wore when he was nervous. Fraser wanted to say something to reassure Ray, to place more of the blame on himself, but he couldn’t think of a way to do it that wouldn’t be embarrassing in front of Jenny and Kyle.
Kyle nodded and chuckled a little. “Yeah, it can be a little intense, one on one out there, day after day.”
“Oh, is he doing the polite thing?” Jenny interrupted. “Where he goes ‘Thank you kindly’ and ‘As you wish’? And you wish he would just curse at you instead?”
“No, no,” Ray said with a glance at Fraser. “Just close quarters is all.” Ray looked around the room. “Hey, Jenny? You’re gonna think I’m a pig, but you got any more of that bread?”
Fraser was grateful for the change of subject.
Kyle finished eating and stood to carry his dishes to the sink. “Excuse me, guys. I’m going to run out and feed the mutts real quick. Want to get them all tucked in for the night before everyone comes over.”
“Everyone?” Ray asked.
“Just some friends,” Jenny explained. “We don’t get many visitors, so we sometimes share them. And everyone has heard my stories about Fraser.”
Ray nudged Fraser. “You jump off buildings with her too?” He stood up and offered to help Kyle.
“You don’t have to,” Kyle said. “I can take care of it for you. Give you a break.”
“I don’t mind,” Ray answered.
“I’ll go,” Fraser said.
“I’m already going,” Ray insisted. “You stay and hang out with Jenny. You haven’t seen her in a long time.”
“Yes, but—”
Fraser saw the look on Ray’s face.
“Ah, yes. Of course.” Fraser cleared his throat. “Thank you.” He almost said “kindly” but swallowed the word in time.
Ray looked satisfied and followed Kyle out the back door.
Fraser got up to start clearing the table, determined not to let Jenny prevent him from helping with the dishes.
*****
When the friends and neighbors arrived, each was introduced, but the only name Fraser recalled was that of Jenny’s sister Anna. She looked a lot like Jenny, petite with straight blond hair, so it was easy to remember her. She was also the only woman who didn’t at some point during the evening come over to tell to Fraser how happy she was to finally meet him or to exclaim over some tall tale that Jenny had told her. Instead, Anna planted herself next to Ray.
Fraser didn’t intend to be rude to Jenny’s friends, but he couldn’t help being distracted. His gaze was constantly drawn to Ray and Anna as they talked. Fraser thought maybe he should be doing something—the way Ray always intervened with Francesca. But Ray didn’t seem to be in any distress. In fact, he looked relaxed, sipping from a bottle of beer and listening to Anna’s every word.
Fraser was relieved when Kyle brought out a card table. Ray agreed to play immediately, and Jenny, Anna, and most of the women drifted into the kitchen as soon as the game started. After three or four hands, Fraser was the only one in the room not sitting at the table.
“Hey, Fraser!” Kyle said. “You should come play with us.”
“Yeah, come on,” Ray called. “We’re playing for peanuts.”
“I would prefer not to gamble, even for small sums,” Fraser said, realizing how he sounded when he said it. As prim as a school marm, he thought to himself. Ray was right. He was just as socially awkward as Mr. Darcy, and he knew speaking like that made him appear equally pretentious and judgmental.
Ray laughed, rose, and stepped over Dief, who was lying on the floor half under his chair. As Ray walked across the room, Fraser couldn’t help but notice his natural grace and again regretted the absence of their insulating layers of clothing.
“I mean peanuts, literally,” Ray said, stopping in front of Fraser and showing him a small plastic bowl holding a few peanuts in their shells.
“It looks like you’re not doing very well,” Fraser noted.
“No, I’m doing great. I just keep eating ‘em. But I got a whole pile of shells on the table back there.”
As he looked at the bowl, Fraser noticed that the skin on Ray’s hand had healed. Ray realized that Fraser was looking and wiggled his fingers a little.
“See? I do sometimes listen when you talk,” Ray said quietly.
Fraser looked up.
“Ray—”
Ray shook his head and looked over at the table, scowling. The other men seemed to have given up on Fraser, and Kyle was dealing the cards. In a moment Ray would head back to the game. It was illogical, but Fraser feared this might be his last chance to apologize.
“Ray, I’m sorry,” Fraser insisted. When he spoke again, he kept his voice low. “I think ... up here ... ”
Ray looked down, directly into Fraser’s eyes. His mouth was pressed into a thin line.
“Up here, things are different.” Fraser swallowed. “I didn’t realize how very accustomed I am to being alone.”
Ray remained still.
“And I wanted you to like being here. I thought if things were easier for you ... ” Fraser stopped. He caught himself before he revealed too much.
After studying Fraser’s face for a long moment, Ray nodded slowly. Then he bent one leg, bumping Fraser’s knee with his own, and returned to his seat at the table.
Fraser watched the game from his seat on the couch. Jenny came into the room and sat down beside him, saying something he didn’t catch. He asked her to repeat it, but rather than listening to her reply, he found himself watching Ray tilt back his head to drain the last few drops of his beer.
“Ben, you must be exhausted,” she said.
Fraser decided that would seem to be a reasonable explanation for his difficulty in concentrating.
“If you’re ready for bed you could take the room upstairs. I’ll make up the couch for Ray when the boys are done playing.”
Ray looked up at his name.
“No, I’ll sleep here,” Fraser insisted.
Ray made a face. “Go on upstairs, Fraser,” he said, waving vaguely in Fraser’s direction with one hand and then opening another bottle. “I’ll be fine down here. You don’t have to stay awake for us degenerates. All this drinking and gambling.”
Kyle laughed, and Fraser felt a stab of annoyance. He couldn’t tell what bothered him more—the fact that Ray was teasing him or the fact that Ray had so much more rapport with these people who were, after all, supposed to be Fraser’s friends. He turned to leave the room, but Ray said his name. Fraser looked back at Ray, who gave him a quick wink, and Fraser found himself smiling.
Fraser walked over and stood directly in front of Dief, who raised his eyes but didn’t bother to lift his head.
“Are you coming?”
Dief closed his eyes and curled up a little more tightly.
Fraser sighed and followed Jenny upstairs. The room to which Jenny brought him was tidy and comfortable, and Fraser thanked her sincerely. He closed the door and sank onto the bed, listening to the talking and laughter downstairs.
*****
“Good morning, Ray.” It was a beautiful day, but Fraser was careful to contain almost all of his enthusiasm until Ray was fully awake. In spite of not sleeping well the night before, Fraser was feeling refreshed, because he’d used the time to come up with a plan, and he was eager to explain his idea to Ray.
“Morning,” Ray grumbled. He pulled himself off the couch and followed Fraser into the kitchen.
“Did you sleep well?”
Ray groaned. “No, and it’s your fault.”
“My fault?”
“Yeah,” Ray rubbed his face. “You took me out there.” Ray jabbed a finger toward the window. “Where it’s all quiet and snowy and peaceful. So now, everything is just so damn loud. A car drove by this morning. Sounded like it was driving through the room.”
“I’m sorry, Ray,” Fraser said cheerfully. “You’ll get used to it again, I’m sure.”
Jenny entered the kitchen in a flannel bathrobe, Dief at her heels. “Good morning. Coffee?”
“Please,” Ray moaned.
Jenny laughed. “I would have made some as soon as I got up if I’d known it was medicinal.”
Ray collapsed into a kitchen chair to wait for the coffee to brew, but Fraser reached for his hat.
“No coffee for me, thank you.”
“I was going to make tea for you, Ben,” Jenny said.
“Thank you kindly, but I wanted to have a word with Kyle first. I believe he’s outside.”
“I think so.” She looked down at Dief. “Just coffee. No food yet.”
Dief went over to sit by Ray, who was still sprawled at the table, and rested his head on Ray’s knee.
Fraser was sure Ray would be more energetic after his coffee.
*****
When Fraser returned to the kitchen, Jenny was gone and Ray had a mug of coffee already half-empty, but he didn’t look much happier than he had before the caffeine.
“How long are we staying here?” Ray almost whispered.
“I don’t know. I—”
“Jenny thought we were staying here again tonight. I told her I thought we were going.”
“We certainly could leave today if you’d like. But we’d be getting a rather late start.”
It pleased Fraser to no end that Ray looked out the window rather than at the clock on the kitchen wall.
“It’s not all that late,” Ray insisted.
“I thought you were having a nice time. You seemed to enjoy yourself last night.”
“They’re nice people. I did have a good time.” Ray shrugged. “I sort of did, and I was sort of being polite.” He rubbed a hand over his hair, making it stick up in slightly different directions. “It was fine, Fraser. But we were here all night. I had a shower, had a good dinner, had a couple of beers. I’m ready to go. Unless you think it’d be rude to bail after only one night.”
“I’m sure they’d understand,” Fraser said. “But before we make up our minds, let me show you something. Unless you’d rather get dressed first.” Fraser looked at Ray’s sweatpants and thin T-shirt. “It won’t take long.”
“It’s OK. I’m good.”
Fraser took Ray’s coat off its hook and handed it to him. Dief slid out the door under Fraser’s arm while Ray bent down to pull on his boots. When Ray straightened, Fraser could see from his expression that his curiosity was finally aroused. Fraser led Ray across the snowy yard to a low-roofed outbuilding, opened the door, and pulled Ray inside by his arm. They were in the kennel. As soon as Ray and Fraser stepped inside, some of the dogs set up a racket, begging for attention. Ray crouched down to murmur to his favorites, pushing his fingers through the fence to rub their noses. Then he looked around.
“What did you want to show me?”
Fraser fought the urge to pace back and forth as he talked, instead standing by the last pen in the row. He gestured to the tawny-colored dog inside. “This is Alex. Kyle told me that he’s a very intelligent and capable lead dog, but sometimes a bit headstrong.”
Ray looked up. “I know a guy like that. Drives me crazy.”
Ray’s teasing made Fraser pause, but he pushed forward, moving to the next enclosure, which held two larger gray and white dogs. “He usually uses Rainey and Lacey as wheel dogs. They’re mother and daughter, incidentally, which must be why they look so much alike.”
“This is all very interesting, Fraser, but Kyle showed me the dogs when I was feeding our guys last night, and I could really use another cup of coffee.”
“I’m sorry I’m not being more clear, Ray. I’ve arranged for us to use Kyle’s team ... For you.” Fraser lowered his chin so the brim of his hat would hide his face. “Unless you’d rather continue with our team, as you’re already used to them, and I’ll drive Kyle’s. I don’t mind either way. I thought of this late last night. Yesterday Kyle mentioned that he hadn’t been able to take the dogs out much lately, and he was worried about them getting enough exercise. I thought ... I thought you might prefer it this way. With two sleds, we can bring more gear, more supplies, and stay out for longer. So I talked to Jenny and Kyle this morning and ... ” Fraser realized that he was rambling and looked up at Ray.
Fraser was relieved to see Ray’s glowing smile.
“Fraser,” Ray began, but he was interrupted by Kyle coming into the building.
“Hey, guys. Jenny tells me you’re thinking of heading out today. What’s the rush? You could take my dogs out on a test run today, then come back here. Get a nice early start tomorrow.”
Fraser and Ray looked at each other.
Kyle looked back and forth between the two of them and seemed to pick up on their indecision. “Well, you think about it. You’re very welcome if you’d like to stay. But I’ll start getting everything together for you.”
“Thank you kindly,” Fraser said. He stepped toward Ray and lowered his voice. “It is quite late. We wouldn’t get far.”
Ray shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.” He glanced over to where Kyle was distracted with untangling a harness and then leaned over to whisper to Fraser. “Let’s go. We might not get far, but we’ll get somewhere. Then at the end of the day, when we’re tired, we don’t have to make polite conversation. We can just go home.”
“Home?” Fraser asked.
“You know what I mean.”
Fraser smiled.
Ray leaned even closer, and Fraser could feel Ray’s breath on his neck.
“Come on, Fraser. Let’s just go. We can get some real sleep, and you can read to me.”
*****
For the first couple of hours after they pulled away from Jenny and Kyle’s house, Fraser wasn’t certain that his plan had been a good one. The dogs were a more cohesive and obedient lot than Frobisher’s, to be sure, but they weren’t used to taking directions from anyone other than Jenny and Kyle, both very experienced drivers. They were indeed a strong-willed bunch. Fraser had to restrain himself, or he would have been looking back over his shoulder to check on Ray more than he looked where he was going. He could imagine Ray’s mood, sure that frustration would be mounting. But Fraser kept going until he looked back and Ray was nowhere in sight.
Fraser quickly turned and followed his own trail back to where he could see Ray’s tracks diverge. He found Ray not far off, covered in snow, bent over trying to pull his sled upright.
“Kyle wasn’t kidding,” Ray said, looking chagrined but not unhappy. “He’s a stubborn bastard.” He pointed at Alex. “Yes, you, mister. Not buddies.”
Fraser couldn’t believe that Ray was taking his spill with such good humor. He helped Ray right the sled.
“I think he doesn’t want to follow your tracks,” Ray explained. “So I tried letting him go off to the side a little. I thought maybe we could go next to your tracks instead of right over them, you know? But I guess he just took that to mean he could go wherever he wanted. I tried to get back on track, but I guess I leaned too far.”
Fraser thought of several possible strategies for curbing the dog’s willfulness but held his tongue.
“I had an idea ... ” Ray began.
“Yes?”
“Maybe if I went first, so he didn’t have to follow ... ”
Ray’s eyes squinted slightly, and Fraser knew Ray expected him to demur.
“That might work, Ray,” Fraser said, clapping him on the back. “Let’s try it.”
Ray looked at Fraser. “That’s it? No ‘it’ll be easier later’?”
Fraser shook his head.
“No ‘I’ll just tell you about these twelve other things first’?”
“No, Ray.”
Ray studied him for a long moment. Then he gave what could only be described as a nod, but he did it with his whole body. His head dipped, his back curved, and his knees bent slightly. Then he fairly bounced up and over to the sled.
As they returned the spilled gear to the sled, Ray spoke in a voice so quiet Fraser almost didn’t hear him. “We good?”
Fraser didn’t hesitate, “Of course, Ray.”
“No, I mean ... The sled. Is it gonna make things better? Cause I’m trying, here. Really trying, you know? But you ... I just ... ” Ray stopped working and stared at Fraser.
Just as Fraser started to get uncomfortable, Ray blurted out, “What’s it gonna take to get that damn broken-face goofy smile back? Cause that’s why I thought we were doing this. You were so happy to be back. And we’re here, we’re out here, but you don’t even seem to be having any fun.”
Ray was doing this for him? Fraser had thought that Ray was the one who had wanted an adventure. Fraser considered his answer carefully. “I think this is a step in the right direction.”
Ray held Fraser’s gaze a few moments longer, then he turned to climb onto the sled. Fraser stepped back as Ray shouted to get his team moving. Ray seemed to have complete control until he turned slightly to look back and wave at Fraser, and taking his hand off the sled made him lose his balance. But he recovered easily, and Fraser had to scramble to catch up.
*****
“ ‘In vain I have struggled’,” Fraser said. “ ‘It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you’.”
“Not yet!” Ray interrupted. “Not yet. It’s too soon.”
“Pardon me?” Fraser closed the book so that he could see Ray’s face.
“Darcy’s going to propose to her, right? You said a gentleman wouldn’t tell a girl he loved her unless he was going to propose. It’s kind of all or nothing, right?”
“Yes, Ray.”
“Does he really think she’ll say yes?”
“I imagine he wouldn’t ask unless he thought there was a fairly good chance.”
“But it’s too soon. She may flirt with him—subconsciously,” Ray teased. “And he’s been nicer lately, but she’s not softened up enough yet.”
“There’s no way for Darcy to know that.” Fraser pointed out. “Her behavior to him has been cordial, even friendly, and he has every reason to consider himself an extremely eligible match.”
“Yeah, but ... I don’t know. You gotta pick your moment.”
“Yes, you’re right. As I said the other night, there’s something to be said for waiting.” Fraser glanced at Ray. “So you think she will refuse him?”
“Yeah. She’s still mad. Plus look, there’s almost half the book left.”
“But you do think she’ll change her mind?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s just that kind of book, you know? And they’re perfect for each other.”
“Are they?”
“Yeah, she’s good for him. Knocks him off his high horse. Makes him take himself a little less seriously. Challenges him. Makes him smile. He needs that. He sort of comes to life around her, you know? He’s such a stiff.”
“Yes, she’s good for him. But is Darcy good for Elizabeth? He judges her rather harshly. He even tries to talk himself out of his affection for her.”
“Well, he’s got it all, right? The looks, the brains, the money. But she wouldn’t marry him just for that stuff.” Ray yawned. “It’s like he’s the only guy who’s really a match for her. Good enough for her. Smart enough. Maybe she’s not the best catch on paper, you know? Not like him. She’s poor. Her family is weird. But she’s smart. Maybe not—what did they call it? All those snobby society things. Drawing, playing the piano. All that stuff.”
“Accomplished?” Fraser suggested.
“Yeah. She’s not accomplished. But she’s smart as hell. And funny. He sees through all that other crap and can tell what a catch she is, and he treats her as an equal. He argues with her, listens to—” He interrupted himself with another yawn and then rubbed his eyes. “They’re good at different things, make good partners,” he said. Then a third yawn overtook him. “Man, I’m beat.”
“Shall we finish the chapter and call it a night?”
Fraser opened the book again, but Ray put his hand on Fraser’s shoulder to stop him.
“Thanks, Fraser, but I’m really losing it here.”
“That’s fine. Goodnight, Ray.”
But Ray was already asleep. Fraser turned off the light and lay in the darkness. Ray’s hand was still on his shoulder.
*****
The wind was so loud it woke Fraser well before his usual time. He didn’t move, for fear of waking Ray, and considered whether they would be able to travel that day with the weather being so wild. They had had several days of good weather—clear and cold, but not windy. But then the afternoon before it had started snowing and grown colder, and by the time they stopped for the night, Fraser could see ice crystals in Ray’s eyelashes. Realizing he couldn’t make an informed decision without exiting the tent, Fraser finally dressed and went out to check on the dogs and the weather. He moved as quietly as he could, but when he returned Ray was awake.
“What’s up out there? Sounds like hell.”
“Yes, it’s quite a storm.”
“Dogs OK?”
“Yes, they’re snug. I think conditions are too bad for us to get very far. We should stay here today.” Fraser paused, then looked at Ray. “If that’s all right with you.”
“Twist my arm,” Ray said with a yawn. He pulled the covers over his head.
Fraser hesitated, thinking about heating water for tea.
“Fraser?” Ray’s voice was muffled by the sleeping bag.
“Yes, Ray?”
“Come back to bed, you freak.”
“Yes, Ray.”
To his surprise, Fraser was able to drift off again for several hours. When he awoke the second time, Ray was gone. Fraser felt a pang of worry, but he dismissed it immediately. He listened carefully and in just a few moments heard Ray's shuffling footsteps in the snow and then muffled noises in the vestibule of the tent. Ray poked his head in.
“Hey, you’re awake,” Ray said. “I thought I heard you. Here.”
Fraser sat up and saw the steaming cup Ray was holding out to him. “That was kind of you, Ray.”
“Wait a sec,” Ray said, seeming not to even hear Fraser’s words. He set a second cup of tea on the floor and then reached back outside the door flap to retrieve two bowls.
“You made breakfast?”
“Yeah.” He handed Fraser one dish and placed the other on the floor of the tent next to the tea. Then he crawled partially in and toed off his boots, leaving them outside the flap. He started to pull off his outer clothing.
“Thank you, Ray.”
Ray shrugged. “No big deal. No sense both of us getting up.” He slid back into his bedroll and sighed. “Still toasty.”
They ate in silence for several minutes.
“So is there anything we have to do?” Ray asked with a yawn.
“Do?”
“Like chores or something.”
“No. Nothing needs mending that I know of. I fed the dogs earlier.”
“Good. So we can just wallow. Maybe we can read?” Ray asked. “We’re almost finished.”
“I would enjoy that, Ray.”
Ray took one last bite and reached for the book, which had ended up on the sleeping bag near his feet, and held it out to Fraser. But Fraser didn’t take it from him.
“Would you read to me, Ray?”
“What?”
“I’ve read you almost the entire novel. Why don’t you take a turn?”
Ray frowned. “I can’t.”
“Whyever not?”
Ray didn’t answer.
“Please?”
Ray seemed surprised, staring for a minute. Then he shuffled through the pages until he found where they’d left off. “OK.” But Ray still hesitated.
Fraser waited patiently.
Stumbling a bit over the unfamiliar language, Ray began reading at last. Fraser stayed completely still so that the rustling of the sleeping bag wouldn’t drown Ray out. Then the wind picked up again, and Fraser stationed himself where he could watch Ray’s face, half reading his lips when his voice got too quiet.
*****
When Fraser read the last line of the last page, he looked over at Ray.
“I gotta admit it,” Ray said. “You were right.”
“I’m gratified to hear it. Right about what, may I ask?”
“The book, Fraser. It’s funny.”
“I’m very glad you enjoyed it, Ray. I knew you would appreciate—”
“And sexy.”
Fraser dropped the book and carefully retrieved it.
“Ah.”
Ray reached over and took the book from Fraser’s hand. “You were also right about the flirting.”
Fraser swallowed. “Was I?”
“Yeah. I no longer think there has to be intent to flirt for it to count.”
“Oh?” Fraser absolutely would not allow himself to jump to conclusions, but it was taking an enormous amount of effort to breathe.
Ray seemed unable to meet Fraser’s gaze. There was a long silence before Ray spoke again. “I mean, look at us. I’m like the poster boy for unintentional flirting.”
Fraser froze.
“Why didn’t you just tell me? I was thinking you were really annoyed at me. I just didn’t know. I didn’t realize ... All this time. I guess I’m kind of slow on the uptake. What did he say to her in the book? ‘I was in the middle before I knew I had begun.’ I just hope you still think that some things are worth waiting for.”
The happiness that Ray’s words produced was such as Fraser had never felt before. He was certain his heartfelt delight must be diffused over his face, sure his whole body must be glowing with it. He waited for Ray to look up, unable to speak. Fraser didn’t think it was possible for him to feel anything more, but when Ray’s eyes finally met his, the understanding Fraser saw there made him tremble.
“Fraser,” Ray said. “You broke something in your face again.”
The End