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Barry was confused.
Barry was always a little confused but now his bewilderment had been taken to new heights.
It had been a normal day, or as normal as the day could be when there was a literal alien invasion, until Barry’s whole world was flipped upside down in less than ten minutes. Everything he thought he knew had changed, and still, he didn't have a clue how it had happened.
The League had been called to deal with a bunch of rogue extraterrestrials that decided to invade Arkansas of all places, as per standard procedure. Nothing out of the ordinary for them. They dealt with it in the span of a few short hours, no problem. In the aftermath, Barry had been ordered to circle the area for any lost or injured people and had spent the last few minutes racing through the streets of the small town that had been all but destroyed during the battle.
He winced as he saw the damage; buildings collapsed, cars smashed, roads ripped apart. It wasn't pretty. He had taken to picking up debris as he passed and sorting it into neat piles. His footsteps stuttered to a stop, however, when a series of gasps and mutters came through the comm.
He spun around, speeding towards where he knew his companions were. When he arrived on the scene, he wasn't sure what had happened to cause all of the noise. Then, he caught sight of Batman. Batman, who had unhooked his cape from his back and wrapped it gently around the shoulders of a shivering little girl.
When the notoriously frightening vigilante stood up straight, Barry’s eyes unwittingly traced the length of his body, lingering for an inappropriate amount of time on the man's rear. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Think about Iris. Think about Iris. He didn't even like men!
Looking at the rest of his compatriots, he noticed most were in the same predicament as Barry had been.
Most being the key word.
Barry’s best friend and teammate, Green Arrow, Oliver Queen, was staring at Batman’s backside with a look of complete betrayal written on his face. There was no awe or lust like the rest of the group, but instead a healthy amount of shock mixed with a hint of anger, if you knew where to look.
What he was so shocked about, Barry hadn't had a clue. A part of him wished it had stayed that way.
Look, the Justice League might have been formed over a decade ago, but Batman still hadn't felt comfortable enough to reveal his identity. Which was fine, really, it was. Honestly, a part of Barry never wanted to know the cryptids' identity, for fear of being scarred for life by the knowledge. No, he’d much prefer Batman to stay his creepy, faceless, nameless self. The man was intimidating as hell, and Barry wanted nothing to do with him or his eerie city. Hell, he was still half convinced the guy was a vampire, just biding his time to kill them all in their sleep.
Shut up Hal, just because it's been eleven years doesn't mean jack shit.
The point was, Batman was scary and nobody on the team dared to disrespect him. Not a single one. Which is why Barry felt his soul leave his body when Oliver opened his big fat mouth.
“You motherfucker.” He bit out, incredulity lacing his tone. His face was obscured by his hood, but Barry could hear the confusion, the hurt, the... humor (?) in the man's voice as he spoke.
Batman tilted his head in Oliver’s direction, a deadpan look on his masked face. Now, this is the part where the person would normally shut up, look away, sit down. But not Oliver, no, the apparently suicidal man just laughed.
“I cannot fucking believe this.” He breathed out, laughter still falling from his mouth in bursts. “No, wait. Actually, never mind. I lied. I can totally believe this. What the fuck, B? Really?”
Just when Barry thought the situation couldn't get any weirder, Batman's posture slumped in defeat. Had he just... emoted? “Can this at least wait until we get back to the watchtower?” He asked defeatedly . Actually fucking asked ! No order in sight. Like he was pleading with Oliver. Batman! Pleading! What alternate dimension has he just stepped into?
Oliver sniffed, crossing his arms. “Fine.” he said imperiously, turning his head to the side with a pout. An actual pout? Did he have a death wish of some sort? “But you owe me.” He continued cheekily. A death wish, then. To Barry’s surprise Batman only seemed to roll his eyes (???) before going back to comforting the frightened child in his arms.
The next forty minutes were some of the most excruciating of Barry’s life. They continued to help people they found and clean up the town as best they could, but Barry’s mind was racing. What the hell had just happened? Oliver had never made it a secret that he disliked Batman, but he’d never been so rash to the man's face before. He had called Batman ‘B’. ‘B’! A nickname! And Batman had just taken it.
Barry very pointedly didn't think about the other revelation he had just had, seconds before Oliver opened his mouth.
Oliver, who spent the time sitting on a stray bench with his arms crossed, eyes pointedly held on Batman's form, who seemed to be growing more and more nervous by the second. The man was even fidgeting for god's sake! Barry had never seen him so much as twitch before. It was unprecedented!
Seriously, again, what alternate dimension had he been dumped into? Was this a dream? He paused, pinching himself. Ouch! Okay, not a dream. He shrugged when Diana sent him a strange look, rubbing at the sting in his arm.
When they finally got back to the Watchtower, Barry watched with bated breath as Oliver spun around, walking towards Batman predatorially. The normally terrifying man gulped, shuffling backwards until his back hit the wall. What they could see of his face was flushing red at an alarming rate.
Oliver raised a brow, tracing a finger down Batman's shoulder, fingering the edge of the man's cape. “You think I wouldn't recognize that ass when I see it? Come on, B, really? I know that ass. Intimately .”
Time stuttered to a stop. Literally. Barry’s mouth fell open, his mind going into overdrive. What. What. What?! He sucked in a deep breath, bending over to rest his hands against his legs. He looked around, eyes skipping over Oliver and Batman and how close they were to fall on the rest of his team. Hal, closest to him, had wide eyes and a gaping mouth. Now that he looked, so did the rest of them. Except Diana, she was just smirking.
Barry took another deep breath, getting a hold of his powers. Time flowed normally. Everything was fine. Everything was fine.
Batman let out a deep, very defeated sounding sigh, his shoulders slumping inwards. He gave Oliver a glare, biting his lip before speaking, voice softer than Barry had ever heard. “You really had to find out like this , Ollie?” He practically whined.
Barry was officially going to have a seizure if weird shit didn't stop happening. Had he accidentally created another timeline again? He didn't feel any disturbances in the speed force, but he couldn't count anything out yet.
“Well, you could've just told me!” Oliver said, throwing up his arms. “Saved me the trouble.”
Fucking Batman pouted, leaning his body weight against Oliver without care. And Oliver let him, just huffed and rolled his eyes, before subtly adjusting his stance to accommodate the vigilante.
“Now I owe Dick four thousand dollars.” Batman huffed, leaning deeper into Oliver’s side. “Thank you very much for that.”
Oliver’s brows shot up. “Your kid bet four thousand dollars that I would guess your identity from seeing your butt?” he asked incredulously.
“Yes.” Batman nodded miserably. “Jesus, ten years Ollie. It took you ten years. My kids are going to lose it.”
Batman has kids?! One whose name was Dick? Barry was dead. He had to be. There was no other explanation.
Oliver huffed, shaking his head. “Your family is so weird.” he said with a snort.
Batman had a family .
Batman smiled. He smiled ! “You love us.” he murmured.
Olivers lips twitched. “You’re lucky I do otherwise I'd be kicking your ass right about now.” he sassed. “Twenty years we’ve known each other, and you don't tell me that you like to dress up as a Bat and fight crime at night. Oh my god, wait.” Oliver burst into deep belly laughter. “Oh my god. You never grew out of your emo phase, you liar. You just hid it better!”
Batman lifted his chin at the accusation, cheeks a bright red. Barry and the rest of the team were completely frozen, enthralled at watching the scene before them. Oliver snickered, his mirth echoing in the silence.
“I hate you.” Batman informed the laughing archer primly.
Oliver smirker, mirth still obvious. “Do you, now?” he asked, leaning closer, his lips brushing lightly against Batman’s chin. Barry fought back a flinch, he did not like this. He did not like this at all.
“Mhm.” Batman hummed, head tilting forward.
Oliver smiled slyly, like the cat who got the cream. “Yeah, I can see how much you hate me.”
Batman grumbled slightly. Finally, something familiar.
Then they leaned even closer to each other and Oliver pressed a quick peck on Batman’s lips, very clearly nipping at the other man’s lips as he pulled back. Okay, Barry was clearly dead. No other explanation for this fucking fever dream.
Batman stuttered, face flushed, biting his lip. The man was obviously flustered and Barry didn’t know what to do with that information. Batman had feelings?
Oliver laughed brightly in response, leading Batman towards the meeting room.
“God, I can't believe you didn't tell me!” Oliver bemoaned, arm over the Bat’s shoulder. “You’re a shit friend, you know that?”
Batman squawked in offense. “I am an amazing friend! You know this.” he sniffed primly. “I'm your best friend, aren't I?”
Oh hell no.
“Of course you are, B.” Came the traitorous response of Barrys ex-BFF.
“See!” Batman said, waving a hand.
Barry was confused.