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"I didn't expect you to show up."
Said Elpenor, looking down as he was sitting on a tower-like high place, admiring the view which was far away from where he was sitting, things looking terribly small due to the tower's height. A very gentle breeze could've been felt, but nowhere close to the real wind they had experienced in that monstrous storm they had passed through.
"No way I could not."
Perimedes was staring at his lover, sitting on the edge. He took a moment to step forward, as he was also admiring his view, his beloved Elpenor. What a sight for sore eyes. Perimedes', especially. He could just stay there and look into that view forever, but time didn't allow them and the world would never wait for him.
Elpenor eventually turned his head and looked at him. Well, not really 'looking', as he was smiling at Perimedes with his eyes closed. It didn't take him too much time to tilt his head back, looking at the horizon. Elpenor patted the seat next to him. You couldn't really call it a seat, as it was merely a long ledge. Perimedes hesitated, but stepped forward, sitting next to Elpenor cautiously. He first looked down, amazed by the height, and then tried to follow Elpenor's gaze. It was a quiet moment, the scenery was way too beautiful to be disrupted by any words; even though for them both, there was no better sound to hear than their lover's tune.
Perimedes was getting impatient. He wanted to know the reason Elpenor told him to come here. He wanted to know everything and he was hoping for the best at the same time, as he had never seen Elpenor being this silent, and it wasn't very promising. Yet, despite all the curiosity, Perimedes could wait. He was good and waiting, and he could wait forever if it was anything about Elpenor.
"Quite a scenery, isn't it?" Elpenor stated out of the blue, which caught Perimedes off-guard.
"Yes... truly is." Perimedes hesitated to respond, uncertain about Elpenor's intention by saying this. It took him a while to notice that Elpenor was holding something in his hand—a wine bottle. It wasn't something small, which made Perimedes wonder how he hadn't noticed it until now.
Elpenor looked up at the stars, which made Perimedes, who was following his gaze, look up as well. The stars... they were more mesmerizing than ever, which made a question appear in Perimedes' mind: were they really prettier and brighter, or was it because Elpenor was beside him? Giving it some thought, he could look back and realize he never really had enough time to spend with his lover. 11-something years at war and at sea trying to reach home, he finally had some time, alone, to spend with the love of his life. Maybe this brief stop on this island wasn't that bad after all.
Being in the sea for these many long years, Perimedes was quite a professional at navigating his way through stars and identifying constellations. Elpenor, on the other hand... well, we could say he was not in a situation to identify stars, as alcohol was blurring his vision and he probably saw three times more stars than Perimedes.
"I always wondered..." silence was broken by Elpenor's voice, but he did not continue what he meant to say. Perimedes leaned forward a bit, trying to look at Elpenor's eyes directly, to which Elpenor looked away and turned his head to the side. It worried Perimedes, the actions, the unknowing, of what was to come, to the point that he didn't even dare to question it no more.
"I always wondered why me?" Perimedes shifted back to his first position, giving Elpenor some space, who was looking up again.
"My wit isn't sharp and neither is my blade... I'm no good use, as our comrades say—a drunkard coward." His gaze moved to the wine bottle, but didn't take a sip. "So... I've never really understood why you've chosen me out of all these people."
Perimedes knew all his answers. Love didn't know warrior or genius, all it required was a lover. It didn't matter whether it was a gentle lover or a harsh one, kind or unkind, sinner or saint; you just needed to find your ideal lover—one you need and love. For Perimedes, Elpenor was the lover he wanted all along, nothing less, but perhaps even more. Yet, no matter how much he tried, he could never convince Elpenor into believing that.
"And you know I'm not saying this to convince or comfort-" just like Perimedes thought. He didn't speak a word about that either, as Elpenor wished.
"But I don't get it," Perimedes protested. "I don't understand why you called me here in the middle of the night!"
"Ah... I wish we never reached this topic as I hate to bring it up..." Elpenor was slightly shocked by Perimedes' straight-forward behavior, but shook it off and sighed. "Even though I invited you here to discuss that,... I don't want to. I most certainly don't want to say it and I doubt it'd be pleasant for you to hear it." His eyes wandered, observing the view whole, and hints of anxiety could've been easily spotted.
"Just... say it. Just do." Perimedes wasn't yelling, but it was a steady and strict tone, somehow commanding.
"My dear," Elpenor shook his head, still avoiding eye contact with Perimedes. "I'm here to say my goodbye..."
...
Perimedes blinked a few times, unsure if he had heard it right. He was shocked, dumbfounded, confused, and mostly, scared. Speechless and unsure about what Elpenor truly meant. As the silence slowly grew, Perimedes felt less confusion, and he was more... terrified. Elpenor didn't mean that they should...
"No, no," Elpenor chuckled bitterly; he didn't have to look at Perimedes to understand his reaction and what he was thinking about. "I'm not that ruthless to break-up with you. Plus, you're the most important person I've ever known my entire life; I'm not going to lose you willingly, 'till death parts us and everything we had sworn from the beginning. Even after that, sure I will wait for you in the underworld. Maybe you will too, but... I'm not your decision-maker."
"Then what? What's the reason?" Perimedes was slowly losing all the tolerance he was building up, his tone a little more frustrated than before. "And why don't you look at me?"
"I can't." Elpenor's voice raised equally, shaking slowly due to the stress.
"Then what is it?" Perimedes calmed down slightly, reaching for Elpenor's free hand.
Elpenor didn't pull away.
"You... want to stay on Circe's Island? I don't blame you for that, we're all tired of the war and this long journey and-"
"It's not that." Elpenor interrupted with waves of sadness in his response. "I wish it was that." He continued, squeezing Perimedes' hand softly.
"You know... we're not the heroes. When we fall, we don't fly." It was still Elpenor doing the talking. "Maybe you are a hero, but... me? Never. I was not meant to fly in the very first place."
He pointed to the sky, to a set of constellations right above Perimedes' head—the Orion constellation. It was impressive to Perimedes that Elpenor still had the ability to identify the hunter constellation after drinking (almost) the entire wine bottle.
"And no, before you say anything, it's quite obvious that I'm nowhere near the great hero you or the captain are. If only I could change..." He raised the wine bottle to take a sip but changed his mind mid-way, examined it, and threw it off the tower.
Perimedes was horrified, not only by Elpenor's sudden action, but also by the amount of time the bottle took to reach the ground.
"Therefore, I'm here to say my farewells, in case I don't have enough time for that; and I do not wish to leave you without a goodbye." Elpenor put his head on Perimedes' shoulder, looking up again, exactly above his head, and so did Perimedes. They were both scared, but Perimedes had a harder time accepting this than Elpenor, let alone confessing it.
"Don't say that... we will both reach Ithaca safely and forge our very own future... I'll protect you, I promise." Perimedes whispered softly, in a comforting manner.
"And there's nothing I would want more than this." A very sad smile appeared on Elpenor's face as he said it.
The constellation above where Elpenor was sitting was the crater constellation, obvious how a cup of wine could resemble him. But... something didn't add up. The Orion being in the Northern Hemisphere and crater in the Southern Hemisphere... what kind of scheme were the gods pulling on them? Was it out of tomfoolery or flattery?
"But Perimedes," Elpenor sat normally again, smiling. "If you knew these all would happen, would you have done everything the same?"
And it took Perimedes a moment to realize Elpenor wasn't beside him anymore.
He didn't walk away, he wasn't capable of teleportation.
Realizing what had happenes, Perimedes' heart sank, he felt stabbed right in his chest. Unbearably painful.
Elpenor was somewhere between the air and the ground, and as he said, he didn't fly. The same fate the wine bottle went through.
But this time, he did it willingly, completely intentional. Not an accident, or anything to be blamed by the alcohol.
Perimedes could just stare at what was happening, and he didn't even notice he was crying, he failed to realize the tears rolling down his cheeks.
He wanted to rewind time, undo everything, make it stop, bring Elpenor back; but he wasn't the decision-maker either.
And he woke up with a cold sweat.
"Are you okay?" A typical dumb question Odysseus asked despite knowing the answer. It was crystal clear that Perimedes was not okay. "You looked very unsettled in your sleep. I was about to wake you up but... you woke up yourself."
Perimedes was panting quietly, his eyes still widened. Stuttering and failing to speak.
"The dream... it was about Elpenor, wasn't it?" Odysseus sat beside his bed and Perimedes sat up too, nodding in his answer.
"It wasn't your fault; you can't blame yourself forever!" Odysseus stated, but Perimedes could disagree all he wanted. He could've kept an eye on him, he could've followed him, he could've been with Elpenor the entire time and perhaps taken care of him, so none of these would happen.
"Loss is hard, and I know this..." Odysseus sighed. "It's not like we didn't lose too many comrades and friends while facing Poseidon, or any other incidents. But... we can't cling on to that for eternity, hm? Or else, even us won't reach Ithaca."
Perimedes frowned. "And your point is?"
"I'm not saying that you should let go, but... that's exactly what I mean." Odysseus stood up and put a hand on Perimedes' shoulder. "We're all sad, but we can't let grief become another obstacle. Just... let go."
"You asking me to let go of Elpenor is equivalent to me telling you to let go of Penelope." Perimedes raged as Odysseus was about to walk out of the cabin.
"Penelope is alive, I can get to see her. There's a difference." Odysseus said with matching seriousness in his voice and closed the door behind him.
"Maybe Penelope is, but can't promise you will stay alive, too..." Perimedes murmured, clenching his jaw; but he soon stood up and sighed as he saw no point in anger.
And Odysseus wasn't the decision-maker.
He walked up to the small window in his cabin, looking at the stars. They weren't as bright as what he saw in his dream, but he could still see the Orion constellation.
But this time, no signs of the crater constellation...