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When Himeko reveals to them that they’re getting their own express car for the descension to Amphoreus, even Dan Heng feels a little impressed. And while his excitement to drive it is rushing through him, he can’t help but have it quelled by his worry about March. Something is off, and the not knowing is making Dan Heng feel more anxious than he thought.
There’s always some rationality within him, telling him it’s probably all fine and that she is just under the weather right now, but he can’t help but feel like, in his irrational part of the brain, this is something else entirely. Something neither of them could have foreseen at all. He quickly shakes his head to rid himself of those pessimistic thoughts neither him nor Caelus have any use for and prepares himself to start their new adventure on a planet not even Akivili managed to travel to.
Caelus is equally subdued in his usual chatter, climbing aboard with his little suitcase he keeps packing or everything anyway, even if everyone on the express tells him it’s unnecessary. Considering how fast him and March became friends, it’s no wonder he’s hit just as hard by her not being able to travel with them.
The interior of the car is spacious, just as it is in every express car and Caelus sits down further away than Dan Heng thought he would. Normally, he’s the first to invade his personal space, attempting (and mostly succeeding) to get Dan Heng to open up his shell more each time. This time, he keeps his distance and sits in the corner of the car, March’s camera in his hand.
Dan Heng tries not to stare too much at Caelus, afraid of startling him or something, but it does strike him as rather odd, to see him so withdrawn. Both Himeko and Welt see them off, wishing them good luck and safe travels. March is in her room, Dan Heng is told, and Caelus frowns a little at that.
“Is she going to be okay?” Caelus asks, his fingers clutching the little strip of fabric on March’s camera tightly. Dan Heng wants to know too, so he looks at his companions and tilts his head to the side. Welt doesn’t say anything, his frown evident on his face though. Himeko keeps her expression cooler than he does and gives a smile, trying for reassuring.
“I am sure she will be fine. Don’t worry about her Caelus. With us still here, she is in good hands. You two should focus on exploration for now. I know it’s hard, but mourning over this opportunity won’t make March feel any better either. Just be sure to take the pictures for her, alright?” Caelus nods, his face determined before he heads back to his seat- this time the one right next to Dan Heng’s chosen one.
To say it makes Dan Heng feel a lot better wouldn’t even be an understatement.
“You take care of him, alright?” Welt says quietly as he looks at Caelus in his seat. Dan Heng nods without hesitation. “Of course.” Welt nods then and pushes his glasses back up again with one finger. Dan Heng’s gaze lingers a little longer on Caelus as it needs to, and when he faces his two companions again, Himeko shoots him a knowing look.
“Be sure he takes care of you too, alright?” She says, her smile warm and the meaning behind it clear as day: stay together, stay alive and come back in one piece. Dan Heng nods again, and echoes the smile in kind. Himeko’s warmth is both comforting and inviting and Dan Heng feels better having talked to them already.
The two of them leave the Express Car soon after and Dan Heng takes his place at Caelus’ side to start up the engines. He’s never traveled alone on the express, and usually it’s Pom Pom who does all of the flying, but he feels a sliver of excitement over the opportunity rise in his chest and grasps at it with nimble fingers.
Caelus had stashed away the camera in the back, knowing full well he’s going to need it probably as soon as they land, but for now he simply picks out his phone from his pocket and types something on it.
Dan Heng doesn’t ask, because it’s none of his business, but that doesn’t mean he’s not curious about what Caelus is doing. It doesn’t last long though and the phone disappears his one of his big pockets soon enough. And suddenly Dan Heng is the center of Caelus’ attention.
"Are you ready, Dan Heng?" It’s very obvious Caelus is trying for cheerful here and missing the mark just slightly, but Dan Heng isn’t going to be rude or call him out on it, so instead he smiles softly at his Travel Partner (is that even the right word to describe their dynamic?) And nods once.
Caelus smile he gets in return is almost blinding, and for one fleeting moment, Dan Heng’s heart stutters in his chest.
Now, Dan Heng is no stranger to feelings of that sort. He’s had lifetimes before this one, none except one of which he remembers, and he’s read more books than most of the people he knows, and that includes romance books. He knows what his feelings mean, even if he wouldn’t dare act on them.
"I’m really happy you’re with me this time, Dan Heng." The sheer unadulterated honesty that’s dripping from Caelus’ words has Dan Heng almost grab his chest from the reaction his heart has to it as it clenches painful in his chest, but common sense stops him from exposing himself so ridiculously. Instead he stares, his mouth open just a tad. Caelus’ smile grows and his eyes turn to little slits as it takes over his entire face.
Dan Heng’s heart flutters in his chest, and he curses it for betraying him so thoroughly.
"I’m glad to be here too," he answers, because he is happy and there’s no denying that at least. Caelus leans back in his seat at that, seemingly content with their conversation and Dan Heng takes his attention away from his… friend to concentrate on their departure and descension to the foreign land.
With having nothing really to go on regarding Amphoreus, the uneasiness grows steadily. He’s always ready for an adventure, because that’s the thrill of the trailblaze, but a little caution never hurt no one he decides. Dan Heng presses a couple of buttons, making the Car whirr alive and ready to fly, and Caelus shifts in his seat, excitement now evident on his face.
At least March’s absence doesn’t drag him down too much to be excited for their descension. If Dan Heng even manages to get them that far.
The car flies smoothly across the open space, closer to the unknown and Dan Heng can’t help but spare a glance at Caelus. He sits next to him, straight in his seat and his mouth slightly agape as he takes in the beauty of the ever-growing planet in front of them. Dan Heng isn’t unaffected either, Amphoreus is stunning. But there’s just something about seeing Caelus experiencing things for the first time.
He’d missed most of the first impressions over their shared journey, one of the things Dan Heng probably regrets the most about staying behind, but seeing it in person, as the only one feels like it was worth the wait.
Caelus’ golden eyes sparkle with awe and his lips are slightly parted when Caelus licks his lips subconsciously. He leans forward in his seat as the light outside their window grows brighter and Dan Heng can’t take his eyes off of him when he practically glows. Caelus has always been as mesmerizing as he is beautiful, and Dan Heng is lucky to have met him.
Soon, they enter Amphoreus atmosphere, and Dan Heng tears his gaze away from Caelus to look out the window. Their own car is dark as to not attract any attention and the ground comes closer with each passing seconds. Quick eyes scan the approaching surroundings, trying to gauge a good landing spot for their car and out of the corner of his eye, Dan Heng sees Caelus lean back and close his eyes.
'Traitor.' He thinks, but almost smiles at it. Of course Caelus doesn’t trust him to land this thing. Admittedly, it’s probably not one of Dan Heng’s area of expertise, but he’s got the run-down from Pom-Pom and he’s flown several space ships before, so how hard can it really be?
He opens his mouth to let out a rare teasing remark, but then everything happens too quickly for him to grasp it.
A powerful thud rattles the car and from one second to the next they’re thrown off course and rushing downwards at an alarming speed. Somehow, he had managed to stay in his seat at the impact, but Caelus isn’t where he was just seconds ago, and Dan Heng’s frantic eyes search behind him while simultaneously bracing himself for a rough landing.
Something like a mountain appears through the clouds and Dan Heng can do nothing to steer away the car from the impact, so he closes his eyes and hopes crash-landing won’t kill them both instantly. In his mind, he silently prays to any Aeon that might listen, no matter which one, that Caelus will survive this.
And then they hit the mountain.
———
Dan Heng comes to with a pounding headache and a blurry vision. His whole body aches and for a moment he can’t quite remember what happened. A jolt of panic makes him aware enough of the flames around him inching closer and the utter destruction in his surroundings.
The machinery of the Express Car is busted, that much is obvious and the electricity cackles faintly in the smashed consoles. With that destroyed, there’s no way to contact the Astral Express, or anyone else for that matter.
Another surge of panic makes him aware of yet another thing he can’t believe he didn’t realize. Caelus isn’t next to him in his seat. With more effort than he’d like, Dan Heng gets out from his seat to search for his missing companion. He almost crumbles underneath the pain that shoots through his muscles, but a steady grip on the seat keeps him from collapsing to his knees.
"Caelus!" He calls weakly, a cough rattling through his chest as he breathes. A hand flies to his chest and the tight feeling has him lightheaded for a moment. The smoke isn’t that thick yet and the flames seem only to rise just now, but he also didn’t find Caelus yet, so the ever-growing panic doesn’t get quelled by small mercies.
Dan Heng feels a warm trickle of blood on the side of his head, right where the pain turns into a continuous stab and he feels his hand come away wet when he touches it. The wound is still bleeding, and probably will be for a while, he assesses. But right now, he couldn’t care less. He simply hopes he can find Caelus before his body makes him pass out again.
He calls his partner’s name once more and almost can’t hear himself over the ringing in his ears, but as his gaze flits around the compartment, his breath gets stuck in his throat. There in the far end corner of the small car lays Caelus, unresponsive and definitely bleeding from more than one wound as far as Dan Heng can see.
Dan Heng ignores his body’s protest at his rushed departure towards Caelus, and he grits his teeth to push himself to the man on the floor. The flames have not yet reached this part, but the rubble strewn around doesn’t give Dan Heng a lot of hope for no imminent collapse. He falls to his knees, sending shocks of pain through his muscles as he lands, but seeing the carnage up close pushes all the air from his lungs.
He leans down to Caelus chest, to listen for a heartbeat, and realizes that he can’t find it over the roar in his ears. So he carefully takes his trembling hands and holds it beneath Caelus’ nose, to check for any sign of breathing. The fact that his chest has yet to rise is shoved into the deepest corner of his mind, not yet to be discussed or even acknowledged.
"Cae…" he whimpers, because his voice is less than compliant right now and panic is taking over every part of his mind. His heart is hurting in his chest from more than just the harsh impact as they crashed, an unsteady thrum of anxiety. There are definitely some bruised or broken ribs inside of him, but they have nothing to do with the pain he feels from seeing Caelus so broken on the floor. He thinks of Jarilo-VI and lances through chests and forces his mind to shut out the images as soon as they appear.
Dan Heng tries to not lose too much time as a rumble threatens to drown them both in rubble from the collapse. The structure is unstable, and even earlier he felt the floor wobble from how the car probably landed, but wasting time to think about structures and whatnot is less than important in the face of Caelus bleeding out and unconscious.
(His mind refuses the word dead. Because Caelus can’t be dead.)
He takes heavy arms from bloody clothes to pull Caelus up as gently as possible, but his own body screams in protest already and he has to take a deep breath to take a moment. Something in his chest yells at him to hurry it up, to get them both to safety, so he takes another quick breath before bracing himself to lift Caelus’ weight into his arms and above his shoulders.
The weight settles there with more difficulty than Dan Heng expected, and the ever-growing fire that’s creeping closer from the front of the car makes things far more intense. But he takes one wobbly step after another, and tries not to tumble to the ground after he hits a rock with his foot. It’s a near-thing, but he manages to get them both out of the burning car with more strain on his muscles than they already have and as he tries to lay Caelus down to the cold, stony ground, Dan Heng realizes his hands are still trembling.
He quickly wipes his sweaty (or bloody?) hands on his coat and checks Caelus’ breathing again. There is still no movement in his chest, and Dan Heng isn’t sure if the sickly hue on Caelus’ lips is just his imagination or not. There are multiple wounds which bled profusely judging by the stain of blood on Caelus clothing, some Dan Heng hadn’t even seen inside the carriage. More fear spreads through his chest, threatening to take him whole.
His trembling fingers lift to Caelus neck and press on the pulse point there, the one thing he hadn’t done inside, but when he finds nothing there, Dan Heng drowns in panic. Because not breathing is one thing, but having no heartbeat means death. And Dan Heng cannot deal with a dead Caelus. Not at all.
Fear takes over his body now and he finds himself being a passenger in his own body. He sees his hands cross together, intertwined above Caelus chest and feels himself pressing down on muscles and bones, so much that they move beneath his fist. The feeling is odd, because he’s never had to do CPR before, at least not on someone he- the thought gets stuck in his mind.
Caelus’ chest gives way beneath his fingers and the sickening crack is enough to make reality set in. Caelus is dead right now. The realization is almost enough to overwhelm him completely and his hands stutter once before automation takes over and he counts in his head to thirty. Once he reaches that number, he doesn’t even think before he tilts Caelus head in a slight backwards angle and presses his lips to the man’s below him. Just two times, two quick breaths he barely registers over the ringing in his ears and then it’s back to counting until thirty.
Only when his vision blurs and Caelus’ face disappears behind a veil of tears does Dan Heng realize he’s crying. His breath hitches in his throat as reality catches up with him and the pain grows a little too much.
"Come on, Cae… Don’t do this to me," he mutters as he counts for a third round, thirty pushes with two breaths, and that’s how it goes for a while. Dan Heng doesn’t even know how many times he’s pressed his trembling hands down on Caelus’ chest or how many breaths he’s blown into the unresponsive body. All he knows is that his own heart is breaking in his chest the more he tries to resuscitate Caelus.
The ground rumbles beneath him, but he pays it no mind. Caelus is the only thing he can and wants to focus on. Nothing else matters. The pain in his own muscles doesn’t matter. The blood running down the side of his face doesn’t matter. He’s sworn to protect Caelus, and not even minutes into leaving the Astral Express he’s broken that promise.
There’s magic running from his fingertips as he keeps up the steady press on Caelus’ chest. The soft golden glow disappears into Caelus body and Dan Heng concentrates to find the wounds in need of mending while keeping up the pressure. He finds several, immediate treatment desperately necessary, and as he threads further his resolve breaks into dust.
How did he survive this crash almost unscathed with only minor injuries while Caelus lies here, broken and bloody and … as good as dead?
More energy flows from his fingertips as the turmoil in his chest grows and pulls at his heartstrings. Stopping the bleeding might be one thing, but Caelus needs medical treatment rather sooner than later. And that is if Dan Heng can get his heart beating again. There’s still an unbroken cycle of breathe and push he’s locked in, and the panic is a permanent settler deep inside his chest.
Dan Heng has rarely felt this kind of fear in his life.
"Please…" he begs in a whisper and another surge of energy releases itself to dive into Caelus. There’s no fixed destination for it in his mind, because Dan Heng had felt the insides, and there’s barely anything not broken or torn, in desperate need of repairs.
Another rumble makes the ground shake beneath them, and in the distance Dan Heng hears something that sounds similar to thunder rolling. There’s no need to pay any mind to it in his eyes, so he focuses all his attention on the body beneath him and tries to ignore the way Caelus’s lips turn more blue and his skin pales further as time goes on. The blood is turning dry on some parts of Caelus’ body, and Dan Heng tries to ignore the sheer panic in his heart.
"Don’t die on me…" he whispers, exhausted and dizzy from the exertion and the wounds he himself sustained. They pull at his insides, his skin, his nerves, but Dan Heng keeps on pushing, keeps closing his lips over Caelus’ and tris to breathe life into the lifeless body beneath his trembling hands.
"You can’t leave me." Another rumble, and this time a lot louder than before. Something pulls at Dan Heng’s mind, trying to send a warning through his limb, but he ignores it, shoves it deep down into the furthest parts of his brain. He’s focusing all his Cloudhymn magic onto Caelus now, his golden power searching for any and every wound it can find. It doesn’t help, he fears as more color seems to disappear from Caelus’ face and ever exposed sliver of skin Dan Heng is able to see.
A single tear rolls down his nose as he leans above Caelus, and drops onto the pale skin right below Caelus closed eyes. A tear shed for a fallen friend, his mind provides, but Dan Heng shakes the thought off and sniffs, wiping away more tears as they pool in his eyes before he leans down again to breathe into his friends lungs, filling it with his own desperate air.
His limbs grow tired after some time, and he’s not sure how long he’s been at it, but he doesn’t want to stop, not until he’s brought Caelus back to him. Once more he finishes a round of push and breathe before his body sags into itself, crumbling under the heavy realization that Caelus is… dead.
Gone.
And Dan Heng couldn’t do anything at all to protect him.
A sob wrecks his frame before he can stop it, but he throws a hand over his mouth anyway, his other clutching at his chest where he surely felt his heart breaking in two just now. Looking at Caelus now, he sees what his mind already registered. Pale and cold skin, eyes closed with no sign of breath anywhere, and several wounds that had bled so fast, nothing could have stopped it from happening, especially not Dan Heng’s half-learned but mostly useless healing.
He sinks into himself, the sobs spilling muffled from his lips as he closes his eyes and lets the tears run freely. No one is here to see him lose it, he thinks, so he indulges in the waves of grief rolling over him, threatening to bury him alive. His hand moves from his mouth, and he breathes in sharply before his shaky hand hovers over Caelus’ blood, caved in chest.
Dan Heng had done the last part, and he squeezes his eyes shut to try and forget the sickening crack of breaking ribs. Of his… friends’ breaking ribs. As he was already dead anyway. The thought sends shivers down his spine and Dan Heng visibly shudders before he inevitably breaks down again, resting his head on Caelus’ chest as he clutches the bloody shirt in between aching fingers.
More sobs rip themselves from his chest and no thought helps ease the sorrow between his ribs, but he didn’t expect anything to save him anyway.
The rumble sounds again, and Dan Heng can feel it coming closer, feels the ground shake beneath his crumbled form, but he doesn’t move from where he rests his head on Caelus. He’s too drained, too exhausted to move, and if he does move, he’d leave Caelus. So he can’t do that.
He won’t. He refuses.
It’s a good thing that something else seems to take the decision from him in a heartbeat. Because one moment he’s sobbing over his dead friend that should have been so much more and the next there is a sharp pain on the back of his head and all Dan Heng knows is the blackness of passing out.
It’s a relief, he’d think. But thinking is no more, not for him at least. Not for a while.