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Alright Polycule Listen Up

Summary:

Sebek gets added to a group chat called “the polyculeeeee” what could go wrong?

Notes:

Let’s hope the inspired function works o7

I’ve been wanting to write a Twst chatfic for awhile now (I think there’s actually an old doc somewhere that I never uploaded here that was a chatfic…) and I also wanted to write a romantic fic but couldn’t really think of any ideas good enough to write. And, well. I really like the Twst chatfics by This one over here, and I was thinking about the first year polycule and how I want at least one fic where Ortho is included because Twst are COWARDS for not canonically bumping her up to 16 like the other freshman (I will write a rant on that, I know this because I already have) and yeah. This was born as something nice and simple to break up my longfic I’ve been writing (Back in Time, Metal Rabbit which is a time travel Ortho fic) so yeah

Anyways I figured a good way to start this off was by adding in someone new to get the ball rolling, that being Sebek. I hope you all like this

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: This is the thunder dome

Chapter Text

Poison Apple added: Sebek Zigvolt to the chat

Poison Apple: Hello and welcome

Tsundere Wolf: Get out while you still can

Gracie: Welcome to the thunderdome :)

Gracie: Also ignore Jack he’s kidding

Tsundere Wolf: I’m really not

Gracie: Shut up tsuny

Tsundere Wolf: Can you NOT

Gracie: I can “not”

Gracie: But I won’t lmao

Sebek Zigvolt: Why am I in a group chat labeled “the polyculeeeee”?

Poison Apple: Yes! Don’t worry we’ll answer all your questions eventually

Heart of the Cards: we’re here to force you into our cult

Criminally Cute: stfu Ace and let Epel explain

I Love Girls!!!: This is already going about as well as I predicted

Poison Apple: First off, Hi, I’m Epel if you couldn’t tell

Poison Apple: And you know how you asked me out a little while ago and you said that you didn’t expect anything to come from it because you “knew I was already with Deuce” and I just asked for your number and told you I’d get back to you on that?

Criminally Cute: I feel so awkward…

Poison Apple: Yeah so, slight misconception

Poison Apple: I am deeply in love with (1) Deuce Spade, but he is not the only man I’m dating

Poison Apple: So uhhh

Poison Apple: If you still want to date me then feel free to stay

Sebek Zigvolt: …

Heart of the Cards: oops Bek’s broken

Gracie: Let him load, love

Sebek Zigvolt: First off: Do NOT call me “Bek”

Sebek Zigvolt: Second: I was unaware that you were all in that sort of relationship

Heart of the Cards: One way to say it, sure lol

Sebek Zigvolt: I have… many questions. But I will start off with an easy one: who is everyone? I can make some assumptions, and you all did name drop a few people, but I would like some confirmation

Heart of the Cards: G7 learn how to text

Gracie: Go easy on him, love, he’s learning

Gracie: Also ofc!! I’m Adesius Ortho

Gracie: I’m called “Gracie” here bc Adesius means Grace btw

I Love Girls!!!: The renowned Ramshackle Prefect, Yuu, at your service

Tsundere Wolf: I’m Jack and Adesius chose this name and won’t let me change it

Criminally Cute: Deuce Spade, and same as Jack 😞

Gracie: I’m simply correct

Tsundere Wolf: You’re simply not

Gracie: stfu <333

Heart of the Cards: I’ll give you three guesses

Poison Apple: stfu Ace you’ll scare him away

Heart of the Cards: We need to get a cap on how many people are allowed in out polycule anyway

Heart of the Cards: Only the strong survive

I Love Girls!!!: Yes, and we agreed that Sebek was allowed in (If he wants)

Sebek Zigvolt: Another question: Am I going to be seduced by all of you?

Poison Apple: Yes

Gracie: You betcha!! (consensually)

Criminally Cute: Yeah probably

Heart of the Cards: sighs If I must

Tsundere Wolf: Only if you want to

I Love Girls!!!: No

Sebek Zigvolt: Apologies, Ortho, I do not like women like that

Gracie: Aww shucks 😔

Sebek Zigvolt: Another thing, If the prefect seems to only be attracted to women, then why is she here? Ortho, I presume. But it must surely feel awkward to be in a group chat where you’re only dating one person when everyone else is romantically involved

Sebek Zigvolt: I’m not entirely sure I want to stay here, admittedly…

I Love Girls!!!: Eh, not really tbh

Poison Apple: I mean you don’t have to

I Love Girls!!!: See this whole gc started a little while after winter break

I Love Girls!!!: Ace and Deuce had just started dating, and things were going on with Jack, and while I may not hold any romantic love for those three, I still very much love them

I Love Girls!!!: So we sat down and had a looooong talk about it all and decided to try polyamory (+ me lol)

I Love Girls!!!: And like sure, Ace n Deuce broke up like a week later that didn’t disqualify Jack and yada yada it stayed up, then Epel and later Ady and now maybe you joined so it’s fineeee

Heart of the Cards: Remember when we were dating Deucey? Cringe

Criminally Cute: I hate it. Some people still think we are

Criminally Cute: And like. I get it?

Criminally Cute: We are in the same polycule

Criminally Cute: But like.

Criminally Cute: ✨No✨

Gracie: ily Yuu <33333

I Love Girls!!!: ily too <<<333333

Tsundere Wolf: On your point of you not being sure if you want to stay tho

Tsundere Wolf: If you want to leave. Do so. If I could I would

Heart of the Cards: But you love us ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Tsundere Wolf: Unfortunately

Tsundere Wolf: I couldn’t even imagine this type of relationship for myself just 6 months ago…

Tsundere Wolf: I always thought then when I eventually settled down it would be with one person like my parents and most other wolf beastmen

Tsundere Wolf: Why couldn’t it have just been Deuce? Why did I have to fall for the ginger too?

Criminally Cute: Yeah, sorry Jack. Unfortunately even then you’d still be stuck with Epel and Ortho

Criminally Cute: And Yuu and Ace as well

Criminally Cute: And maybe Sebek?

Tsundere Wolf: Yeah no I’m fine with the poly thing, otherwise I wouldn’t have done this in the first place

Tsundere Wolf: But like. Not where I expected myself to end up

Heart of the Cards: Don’t have to say that twice

Heart of the Cards: My old middle school was OBSESSED w romance. I was GLAD to get away from that place

Heart of the Cards: And now look where I am.

Heart of the Cards: In a motherfucking polycule

Gracie: I think that just means you won love lol

Poison Apple: Or lost, depending on how you see it lol

Criminally Cute: Yeah no, I don’t think any of us foresaw this situation

Gracie: I know I didn’t!

Poison Apple: Good motherfucker!

Heart of the Cards: You would not be allowed back then!

Criminally Cute: And we’re glad for that!

Tsundere Wolf: For good reason, Ortho

I Love Girls!!!: I wonder fucking why, Dess

Gracie: You’re all so dramatic

Gracie: Ehe

Sebek Zigvolt: What an interesting dynamic you all have

Gracie: It’s a lot of fun! I couldn’t be happier

Poison Apple: Me too

Criminally Cute: Another thing we can all agree on

Heart of the Cards: If you wanna call us weirdos you can Sebek we know

Heart of the Cards: And obvi I agree with Dessie

Sebek Zigvolt: Also, just how many nicknames do you have Ortho?

Gracie: Let’s see, there’s Or (only my mom calls me that tho), Orth, ‘Tho, Ad, Ady, Dess, Dessie and ‘Desius

Gracie: And I ofc call myself Gracie here, but that’s just for a username so I’d prefer if you didn’t actually call me that outside of like. A joke or something

Sebek Zigvolt: Understood. I was wondering about that for a while, actually

Heart of the Cards: G7 you’re so fucking formal loosen up

Poison Apple: Let him go at his own pace Ace!

Poison Apple: Sry bout kinda thrusting you into this btw Sebek

Sebek Zigvolt: It’s alright, Epel. I think any way you could’ve broached the topic would be tough, so I don’t mind it

Sebek Zigvolt: I’ll just need some time to fully process it.

Gracie: Dw your free trial in the poly gc is free to extend until you decide on where you stand on things!

Gracie: But speaking of nicknames, you need one yourself too if you’re going to be here for the time being

Gracie: Any suggestions polycule?

Poison Apple: Hmmm

Sebek Zigvolt: Do I get any say in my name here?

Gracie: I mean if you want

Tsundere Wolf: You did NOT let US pick our own nicknames

Tsundere Wolf: I would say favoritism, but it’s actually the opposite

Gracie: lol, sorry Love

Gracie: Well, not really

Gracie: But. you know <3

Tsundere Wolf: The way that you all make me question my taste in partners

Tsundere Wolf: …Sigh <3

Gracie: Yippie!!

Poison Apple: Anyways, about Sebek’s name, maybe something lightning related? Or knight related

Sebek Zigvolt: I am the Knight of Lightning!

Heart of the Cards: Ugh the way I can see your smug face

Heart of the Cards: Maybe like Zippy or smth?

Gracie: Hmm, I feel like that’s close, but not exactly right

I Love Girls!!!: What have I heard Idia call Sebek again? “The Draconian turbo simp”?

Gracie: LMAOOOO

Sebek Zigvolt: What does “simp” mean? Not to insult Ortho, but I don’t trust Idia to complement me

Criminally Cute: “Not to insult Ortho” …

Heart of the Cards: I mean… is he wrong lol?

Criminally Cute: No lol

Heart of the Cards: Oh no…

Criminally Cute: ?

Heart of the Cards: I just realized

Heart of the Cards: If Sebek joins then we’ll have TWO people obsessed w their 3rd year housewardens…

Sebek Zigvolt: Well why wouldn’t I be when my housewarden is The Malleus Draconia, heir apparent of Briar Valley?!

Gracie: It just means that this place will be TWICE as fun, my love!

Heart of the Cards: Ady, I truly love you, but if you two get on some kinda “yes, and?” or “Oh that reminds me of something [Idia/Malleus] did!” loop, then I will be forcing you two into your own gc, okay?

Gracie: Aww, okay… 😔🥲

Gracie: Anyway, back on topic, “Draconian Turbo Simp” would be SUPREMELY funny, I think I’ll sadly have to veto it unfortunately

Heart of the Cards: …What about Becky?

Sebek Zigvolt: VETOED

Gracie: Ooh! I like that one! Pinning it

Sebek Zigvolt: DO NOT

Tsundere Wolf: She’s being nicer to you than us, we at least she’s only pinning it

Sebek Zigvolt: I suppose.

Gracie: Well I don’t want to scare him off too badly

Sebek Zigvolt: “too badly”

Poison Apple: And I thank you for that, Dessie

Gracie: ofc!

Sebek Zigvolt: Glad to see it’s just that you don’t want to upset your boyfriend and not me

Gracie: Incorrect assumption!

Poison Apple: Oh! Sebek, you’re a little mistaken there again

Poison Apple: I’m gay. Me and Ady aren’t dating

Poison Apple: Fair assumption, though, so don’t feel too bad!

Sebek Zigvolt: Okay, may I please have a run down on who’s dating who and any rules here? I would like to avoid any more confusion on mu part

I Like Girls!!!: You’re mainly on the right track ngl

Poison Apple: It’s mainly just me and Ortho who aren’t dating, and Yuu with everyone but Dessie

Heart of the Cards: And don’t forget me and Deuce aren’t dating!

Poison Apple: Oh yeah! Them too

Poison Apple: So everyone except for those specific instances are dating

Sebek Zigvolt: I see. It mainly seems to be a matter of sexualities not lining up, but that doesn’t seem to be the case for Ace and Deuce, if you don’t mind me asking why that is

Heart of the Cards: Ehh it just wasn’t for us

Criminally Cute: Yeah. Like we mentioned, we tried for a bit but we quickly realized it was awkward and weird

Heart of the Cards: We think of each other more as like brothers or smth now

Heart of the Cards: So like. We still love each other (gross to say about you Deuce) but not in the romantic, or even like queer platonic way

Criminally Cute: Don’t worry, I find you gross too

I Like Girls!!!: Okay boys, settle down

I Like Girls!!!: You see the problem here Sebek?

Sebek Zigvolt: I think so, yes

Tsundere Wolf: You also mentioned wanting to know about any rules we have, and while we don’t really have any major things we do have a few

Tsundere Wolf: Like, teasing is fine, obviously from what you’ve seen, but if someone gets genuinely actually upset then tone it back

Tsundere Wolf: We all do love each other here so we don’t want to actually hurt anyone’s feelings

Gracie: Yeah. If I ever truly hurt you, for however long you’re here Sebek Zigvolt, please let me know by adding /gen to your statements (which means genuine)

Gracie: Tone can be hard especially when we’re always playfully making fun of each other and I don’t want to end up hurting someone here

Sebek Zigvolt: Good to know. I will keep that in mind

Heart of the Cards: Another thing, there are at least three asexual people in this polycule, so the majority of any “spicy” talk goes into a separate chat

Heart of the Cards: So if that applies to you, then just ask to be added to that chat

Sebek Zigvolt: I suppose that something like that would come up in a chat like this…

Sebek Zigvolt: I will… keep that in mind for future reference

Heart of the Cards: Cool 👍

Sebek Zigvolt: If I may ask, which ones of you does the asexual label apply to?

I Like Girls!!!: 🤚

Gracie: Mee! My lack of sexual attraction does not make me any less “human” or infantilize me, friendly reminder!

Heart of the Cards: You get five “Ace is ace” jokes, use them wisely

Heart of the Cards: ‘Tho. Start the counter

Gracie: Yessir 🫡 Sebek Zigvolt currently at 0/5 “Ace is ace” jokes used!

I Like Girls!!!: Actually, should we share like. All of our labels? Cause I’m lesbian and ace

I Like Girls!!!: And probably girlflux too. She/they pls

Gracie: Well I’m obviously transgender, of the femme variety as well as being biromantic asexual

Heart of the Cards: Same as Ady, just without the trans bit

Poison Apple: Transmasc gay man over here

Criminally Cute: I think I’m comfortably bisexual

Tsundere Wolf: I’ll be completely honest I have no fucking clue, but for the safest answer I just say probably omnisexual or smth

Tsundere Wolf: I like both men and women. I have no clue what that makes me, in the specifics

I Like Girls!!!: Oh and we’re all obvi polyam

Sebek Zigvolt: I see. I’d say if I was anything it’d be uranic. The term’s a bit archaic nowadays, admittedly, but I feel like it fits

Gracie: Well I think it fits cause you’re a bit archaic yourself, Sebek Zigvolt!

Poison Apple: Dessie, girl.

Gracie: …Is that rude?

Poison Apple: A little

Poison Apple: Ig it depends on Sebek tho too

Sebek Zigvolt: I understand that my way of thinking might not be the most… progressive. We’ll call it

Sebek Zigvolt: So I understand the comparison

Gracie: …Sorry, Sebek Zigvolt 😓

Sebek Zigvolt: You’re fine

Criminally Cute: Btw, we all kinda shifted topics there, but back on the nickname thing for Sebek

Gracie: Oh yes? What do you have for us Love?

Criminally Cute: Dessie said she liked “Zippy” but it wasn’t exactly what she was looking for

Criminally Cute: So I was thinking, what about “Ziggy”?

Criminally Cute: Cause like, “Zig”volt

Sebek Zigvolt’s name was changed to Ziggy

Heart of the Cards: I love the IMMEDIATE change lmao

Gracie: Sry that just made me giggle

Ziggy: I am not sure how to feel about this

Gracie: Deuce ily sm

Criminally Cute: thanks, I don’t think it’s THAT impressive, but ily 2 <3

Poison Apple: So uh yeah. Welcome the the polycule (free trial ver.)

Poison Apple: You know the two main rules, and you’ve gotten yourself a nickname, so I think you’re all set for now

Ziggy: I would say I’m glad to be here but I’m honestly not sure

Tsundere Wolf: Yeah that’s the common consensus here

I Like Girls!!!: Hope you like it here, for as long as you stay

Criminally Cute: Welcome to the fold (for now) Sebek :)

Poison Apple: Well if that’s all for now, then should we turn in for the night?

I Like Girls!!!: Sounds good to me

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