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It started, Brian thinks, as most things in his life did. Being eleven years old and in foster care, being told he was a burden, that he ate too much, between lashes of a belt that drew blood.
He started eating less, trying to lessen the burden that his being alive seems to bring.
It took him years to realise that he was never the problem.
“Fast metabolism.” He tells people, if they ever ask about his weight, how his ribs stick out, how he's never around at lunch.
He ate even less at Juvie, giving his portions without notice to Roman, who had grown up in a house where he was loved, and had always had enough to eat. Juvie portions weren't enough to sustain him, and were too much for Brian to stomach. Handing the food to his friend was the easiest thing in the world.
Then he became a cop, tried to do better, finally had enough money to eat.
The way his mind darkened, plagued with memories of his mother, his father, his foster parents telling him that he was a burden, that he was unloved, that he deserved nothing? It made sure he never managed to get better.
Did he even want to?
Somewhere in his mind, he thinks he likes being the way he is.
(It takes him even longer to realise that it was convenience that made him think that. Being small meant he was harder to see, meant he commanded less attention, meant he was safe.)
****
He goes undercover, meets Mia, and Dom, and their family.
Something inside him aches. Looking at love and devotion he never seemed to be worth.
He ordered the tuna every single day, because his cover demanded him to.
(It was easy to puke back up, and he wraps the bloodied marks of his own teeth from his knuckles.)
Then it all went to shit with Tran, and Brian looks at Dom and sees someone he is loyal to.
He hands the keys over, watches him drive away.
He doesn't eat for a week.
****
He goes to Miami, sees Roman again, who has matured and looks at Brian with something in his eyes.
Not quite concerned, but he knows. Tej does too. They see him, see how his shirts never quite fit, how he's always cold. Knows that they connected the dots.
It's Suki, however, who talks to him about it.
“You're killing yourself, Bullet.” She tells him softly, and he looks at her. She isn't soft, nor pitying him. Observing, watching.
“Maybe. But not yet.” He tells her, too tired to lie.
“Remember that you're loved.” She tells him, and it feels like a goodbye. Her kiss against his cold brow feels like a flower laid on his coffin.
****
He goes back to the Bureau, helps Letty go undercover.
She doesn't make it.
(It's the first time he takes a blade to his wrist, and the first time he truly tries.)
(It's definitely not the first thing he's failed at.)
****
Dom gets arrested, sentenced to 25 to life.
Brian will not let that happen.
They flip the bus, cut through the chain and cuffs, and tell Dom to meet them in Rio.
****
Being on the run is hard, for Mia.
Not enough food, constant stress.
It feels almost like home for Brian.
****
They end up at Vince’s, and Brian brings his guard up.
Vince, for all he hates Brian, has always seen too much.
It's obvious that he still does when he's handed a plate of food, and it's smaller than Mia's.
Vince, for all his faults and hatred of Brian, won't say anything.
Brian is disgustingly thankful for him.
****
They get captured by Reyes, him and Dom, strung up by their wrists. The metal cuts into Brian's wrist, and he almost grins.
Reyes trails a hand down his torso, touching ribs from where they stick out from him.
“Maybe I won't need to do anything to you. You seem to be doing a good job killing yourself without my help. When was the last time you ate?” The man asks, mock concerned, and Brian gives him a grin that's all teeth and no humour.
“About two days ago.” He snaps, refusing to look at Dom, even though he can see the man's eyes drilling into the side of his head.
“And before that?” Reyes almost purred, making Brian feel vaguely dirty.
Brian doesn't answer, but the burning in the side of his head increases.
He won't look. He won't look.
He can't.
He can't look at Dom and see concern and fear in his eyes as he sees the truth in Brian's eyes.
****
They escape, of course. Just because he's thin doesn't mean he can't fight with the best of them.
Dom doesn't say anything, but keeps looking at him from the corner of his eye and Brian prays to a God he doesn't believe in that he let's this go.
Dominic Toretto doesn't just let shit go, sadly.
****
They assemble a team, their closest friends, their goddamn family.
Dom is waiting, Brian knows, wanting to see if their family will notice. If they'll help him.
Roman and Tej hug him, gentler than they used to, feeling every single bone as they do.
They don't comment.
They don't look at him with concern or pity.
They'd made their peace with their friends’ eventual death by his own darkened mind in Miami, six years ago.
Dom watches with something frustrated in his eyes, his teeth grinding.
Giselle wraps Brian in her arms with a soft smile, her body just as thin as his. There is something between them, a secret, a shared history.
She’s getting better. He is proud of her.
She smiles with her eyes as well as her mouth, and lets him know that she won't be angry with him for losing the battle she herself still fights.
Han ruffles his hair and wraps an arm around him, supports his body, lets his tired joints rest just a little. They won't be strong enough to hold him up for much longer.
But he has time.
Enough time to do this one last job.
Leo and Santos go quiet, watch. They take in his thin wrists and nudge him gently with their elbows. They hover near him, not in any malicious way.
To catch him when he inevitably falls..
****
Brian has gone to sleep, exhausted after a day of testing cars, and Dom snaps. Just a little.
“You all see what I see. He's killing himself, and you know it. Why do you not do anything?!”
He'd spend all day nudging food towards Brian, watching the man move it around the plate without ever lifting the fork to his lips. Giselle had come to place a beer in front of him, and had taken the plate with her. Untouched.
“You think I don't want to? You think I want to watch the man I think of as a brother die? Of course I don't. But after everything - the abuse, the bullshit that he's been dragged through, after juvie and the cops, and god knows what else that he hasn't told us? I love him enough to let him die on his own terms. Because if we push? He's just going to get worse, or let someone else finish the job. I want my brother, if he has to die at all, to die knowing that he is loved, despite it all.” Roman says, starting off loud and angry, but his voice trailing off into a soft whisper.
And it breaks Dom's heart. Because he doesn't want Brian to die. He doesn't want to lose him.
He loves him, he realises.
But he also understands what Roman is saying.
After all, doesn't everyone want to die knowing that they're loved, that they're safe, that they're forgiven?
He sure as fuck does.
****
They get caught by Hobbs and Elena, and their team, and both Elena and Luke watch Brian.
The handcuffs are put on him gently, his wrists so fucking thin in Hobbs’ big hands.
Ambushed, Brian's body thrown against the door of the armoured car and something cracking.
He barely feels it. Stands with the rest when Elena uncuffs them and grabs a gun. Covers Dom when he helps Hobbs up and drives them away.
Vince, bleeding out.
“See you soon, Buster.” He croaks out, and Brian's eyes burn.
“See you soon, Vince.” He says softly, and then Vince falls silent and still.
Dom doesn't say anything. Breathes in and out through current grief and grief he knows is coming.
****
The heist comes and goes, and Dom doesn't cut the wire. Knows that Brian won't leave, knows that Brian wants to die like this.
By his side. Helping him.
He loves him enough to allow him this. To allow him to stay, to live, to die how he wants.
****
They don't die. Hobbs and Elena give them 24 hours, and Hobbs gives Brian a look that would be of concern on anyone else.
They drive off, crack the safe, rich beyond measure.
Brian looks lost. Doesn't know what to do.
Dom takes him by the elbow, ever so gently, and asks him to come stay with him.
Brian, eyes dead and soft at the same time, nods.
Says nothing.
****
A Year Later
“I love you.” Brian says softly, and Dom smiles.
“I love you too.”
A ring on each of their left hands.