Chapter Text
Toriel ran an after-school cooking class some afternoons, so Kris and Noelle had made a habit of taking advantage of the private time it afforded them. Toriel had a strict “no partners in a room with closed doors” policy, so naturally, they were curled up on Kris’ bed with the door shut. The weather in Hometown was cool, which made the breeze blowing in through the window all the better to cuddle in.
Today, the pair hadn’t done anything that would have scandalized Ms. Dreemurr -- sure, they’d made out a bit, but they had each been up late several nights this week from different homework assignments, and had been content to lay back and get cozy together. They had talked about little things (Noelle’s last track meet, the Dragon Blazers 4 screenshot leaks, their upcoming double date with Susie and Catti), and then spent time savoring the feeling of warm and quiet closeness as they listened to the leaves rustle outside.
They had switched around their cuddle position a few times, but currently Noelle was tucked into Kris’ arm. Kris was so short, and Noelle’s legs were so long, that she’d brought her legs up and had Kris’ feet in what she had gleefully dubbed a “leg-hug.”
Noelle burrowed herself deeper into the nook made by Kris’ arm, and brought a hand up to flick at the waistband of Kris’ boxer briefs. “Did I already tell you how nice you look in these?” Kris nodded and smiled lazily. Noelle traced a finger along Kris’ hip bone -- and then froze.
“Ohmigosh, Kris, you aren’t even dressed! Didn’t you go to therapy today?” Her voice was full of concern. Noelle looked up to Kris’ eyes -- or what of their eyes could be seen.
“What? I did.” Kris met Noelle’s eyes and gave her a comforting squeeze. “My therapist is at a conference. Did a video call. Can’t see if you’re in undies on Xoom.” Noelle half-scoffed, half-laughed, but Kris could feel her body relax next to theirs.
Kris tilted their head. “Wait. You keep track?”
“When you told me they were at a regular time, I put your appointments in my planner. I wanted to make sure I didn’t text you or anything when you’re at them... that isn’t weird, is it?”
“No. It’s fine. Sweet, even. And I shouldn’t be surprised.” Kris knew better than to doubt the power of Noelle with a planner. While Kris did alright with the general approach of “I’ll remember it if it’s important,” Noelle bought a huge planner every year, and each year filled those hefty tomes of punctuality and mindfulness with everything from homework, to ideas, to good quotes from class readings, to diary-like reflections on her day. Years ago, Kris had found out she also kept her old planners... by being buried in an avalanche of the cutely-personalized notebooks. It had really ruined that attempt to hide in her closet.
“I’m glad you still got to have your appointment. Was it alright, not being in person?”
“Yeah. Went fine. Maybe even… a little easier. Opening up with... a camera between us. Got to give her a virtual tour.” Kris swept their free arm around, showing how they had displayed the not-so-grand vista. There wasn’t much on Kris’ half of the room: empty walls, empty shelves.
“Faha, did she think you were a good tour guide?” Noelle shook her head. “Wait, sorry, you don’t have to answer that! You don’t have to tell me anything that you talk about at your appointments.”
“No. It’s okay. In fact. I was going to ask you if I could talk about today. Because... I talked about you, a little.“ Kris settled their head on their pillow, looked to the barren walls, then the ceiling.
“Oh… I didn’t do anything wrong, did I, Kris?” In a moment, Noelle had lost her smile, and once again shifted to look directly at Kris -- if not in the eye, in the face, at least.
“What? No. Nothing! Nothing bad. I’d tell you. If there was something important. Don’t worry.” Noelle settled her head down again.
Kris smiled, a little sadly. “Though. That there isn’t anything… that’s sort of... relevant. Would you like to hear now? It’s a little heavy. Another time is okay.”
Noelle nodded into Kris’ side, and nuzzled into them. “Now is good. I can listen as long as you need.”
Noelle had become so proud of Kris -- wait, she thought, was it patronizing to say you were “proud” of your partner? She’d gotten glad, anyway. Kris wasn’t generally a talkative person, and would give one or two word answers to questions most people asked, in little staccato bursts: “Yes.” “No.” “Unknown.”
Kris had always been more open with Noelle. Even when they were little, and Kris hardly talked, they shared through actions and play. Since they had started dating, sometimes Kris would feel comfortable enough to speak at some length when the two of them were alone. Noelle had always been thankful that Kris had always listened to her when she needed it, and it still made her feel warm inside to be able to finally return the favor.
“Thanks. Alright. So... today. Got on the call. We said hi. I went: ‘tada. My room.’ And she asked about it. And me. And my brother’s things. She asked about... why I don’t have anything on my side of the room.”
Noelle nodded. Asriel’s side of the room had his awards, the glow-in-the-dark sticker stars, pictures, a few posters on the door to his closet, and more, but Kris had never put up anything. Kris had only used some of it for storage, for things like the old wagon that couldn’t fit in any of the house’s closets. Of course, she’d wondered before why Kris had never put anything up, but Kris had always shrugged the question off or made a joke.
Her head rose and fell as Kris quietly took in and released a deep breath. Noelle knew that Kris sometimes needed extra moments to think through their next words. That it wasn’t a silence that needed filling.
“What I said... was that it didn’t feel right. That it doesn’t feel right. That it’s not really my space. I’d feel embarrassed, ashamed, putting things up. Spending mom or dad’s money. On decorations. Or even spending my own money. But... I have things. Already. I do have some school awards. And old kids sports trophies. And other stuff. I keep it all in a box. In my closet. I’ve never... seriously considered putting anything up.
“I feel like… the things wouldn’t fit the room. I guess. Like the room is too full to fit it. Because... the way I feel. Like I don’t fit here. That I never have.” Kris’ throat tightened.
“And... I know Azzy loves me, and… mom and dad love me. But Azzy has always been so talented... and happy. I’ve... been the weird human. Not just that... I’m not a monster, but… my parents got their perfect child. And he is outgoing, and warm, and sweet, and loved by everyone. And then they got… me. This little sad kid. And… it’s like I somehow conned my way into a whole life I don’t deserve.”
Kris swallowed, dry-throated, and Noelle moved her arm to give them a tighter squeeze.
“Like I told you a while ago. The therapist and I think... a lot of the things going on in me... are down to a root. A core belief. A ‘distorted thought.’ That’s the term.
“The thought is... well. I know you hate when I say it… so. Sorry. In advance. The thought is: I’m worthless. No... place to put me. That I don’t do anything that someone else wouldn’t do better.”
Noelle shook her head firmly into Kris’ ribs, and Kris laughed, a bit darkly. “I know. I know you don’t think so.” A nod from her, now.
“But… that’s sort of what I talked about next. That you don’t think I’m worthless. That you say…” Kris closed their eyes, decided to restart the sentence, remove the ambiguity. “Sorry. You don’t just say it. That... you love me.”
Noelle took Kris’ free hand in hers and squeezed it three times, a wordless signal: Yes! I! Do!
“I know. I know. And I love you. So much. Angel… I am so lucky you’re in my life. At all. Even if we’d stayed friends. I was so glad we... reconnected. That you wanted to date me, too, is...” They put on an old-movie-narrator voice: “A Holiday Miracle!” Noelle groaned, but affectionately squeezed her legs where they were around Kris’ feet.
“And… I keep feeling the same way about you, as I do my family. That you’re so amazing… you’re so smart. And kind. You... I can talk to you. You’re my favorite person to talk to... one of the few I can talk to.”
Kris paused, shifted their body. “I mean. I do text with Azzy a lot. And Susie. I talk with her, but normally we’re also doing something. Like -- oh! Did I tell you? She found a whole box of bad lightbulbs they were throwing out at the library last week? We got Azzy’s old baseball bat, and --” Kris stopped, reconsidered. “We recycled them. Responsibly.” Noelle groaned a little uh huh, sure noise, but Kris could hear the smile in it.
“Anyway. I was saying. You’re smart, and kind, and beautiful, and amazing. You taught yourself all that programming stuff. To find all those cool secrets in games. Colleges are offering you scholarships before you’ve even applied. And. You are such a good friend to me, and Susie, and everyone...
“But me… I’m the sad gremlin kid. The cryptid next door. Soon I’m going to college. But I don’t even know what for. And there’s no way someone like you... would ever just... choose to date someone like me. Not if they thought about it rationally. I don’t have… qualities. Not like you. And... I think about how... I was the one who asked you out first. Did I... maybe it made you happy. Not that it was me. But to be wanted by anyone. That anyone would have done. But I did it. At the right time. So by asking you out... all I did was... I conned my way into dating you.”
The words hung in the room above them. A moment passed, and another.
Noelle squeezed Kris’ hand again. “I don’t want to interrupt you, but… can I say something?” A small breeze from the window stirred the air.
“Yes. Please! Angel. I don’t think I have ever talked so much. In my life.” They forced a little laugh, but it still sounded dark.
Noelle lifted herself up on an elbow to look at Kris, and Kris looked into her watery eyes. Then Kris looked down at their shirt – there were two small wet spots on it where Noelle had been nestled. “Were you crying?”
Noelle smiled, blinked hard, let another tear fall from her eye. “Yes. I’m sorry, I don’t like it when you talk about yourself like that.”
Kris smiled back to hide their mixed emotions. “You don’t have to apologize. If anything, I should. For talking your ears off.”
“Fahaha, it’s okay! I’m so glad you were able to tell me all that… though, yes, faha, you probably just said more words to me now than you did in the first, I don’t know, four years you knew me?” Kris responded with a purposefully wordless affirmative grunt, which broadened Noelle’s smile.
“Okay. First thing’s first.” Noelle leaned over and kissed Kris on their cheek, then the lips, then their forehead, and then their cheek again. Kris could feel a tiny damp patch, where her tears had fallen on her fur, when her face brushed up against theirs.
“I know who I’m dating. And I love you, Kris. Not despite, but because, you are Kris. Your family does, too. You should hear how they all go on about you when they talk to me. They have all told me several times they thank the Angel they got to have you in their lives. Kris, you are bright, and funny, and good at music, and such a good friend, and cute, even when you prank me. Someone else could have some or all of those qualities, and I’d still love you because of who you are when they’re all put together. You did not con or fool anyone, except maybe yourself. You are good at hiding and surprising me, but when it comes to this, you didn’t pull one over on me.”
Noelle looked down and away then, and her voice got quieter.
“Although… Kris, I hope it wasn’t something I said to you that contributed to this… because thinking back, I want to, I guess, clarify something I told you. I know things like this aren't always based on anything rational, but I don’t want to add another log to the fireplace.” She started to fiddle with the corner of Kris’ shirt, just moving the fabric back and forth between her fingers.
“I remember early on, saying... about your confession. That when you told me you had a crush on me, I said it was only after you confessed that I realized I was interested in you, too. But that’s not right. Not exactly.
“I was so happy when we reconnected, even if it was because I got kidnapped by an evil library computer who wanted to turn my face into a Twatch emoji.” She laughed softly. “Talking to you, being around you, even going through those maice puzzles… it made me so happy. I couldn’t believe how excited I was! That’s why, afterward, I kept pestering you to hang out with me. I had gone so long without feeling like you were even someone I could call a friend... even though I also knew that you knew me better than anyone else ever has. My heart felt so, so... full. I was happy, but I didn’t know why my heart felt like it was ready to burst.
“When you confessed that you liked me, I was so shocked and surprised because, I think, everything fell into place all at once. Fahaha, it was good, but also scary. A good scary can still be scary.That’s why I, you know… ran.”
They shared a little laugh. Kris thought back to how it had all gone down: Kris had asked to see Noelle, and she met up with them after track practice. After telling Noelle how much they appreciated her and that they liked her as more than just a friend, she turned cranberry red and replied with several sounds that weren’t words. After a few tries, she finally managed a sentence: “That is very nice!” And then she covered her mouth, excused herself, and ran home. Kris had spent the afternoon and evening in anxious agony until Noelle sent a text late that night. The texts soon turned into a call, kept quiet to make sure they didn’t wake anyone, which then turned into a 3 AM meeting by the lake, which led to the first of many kisses… all of which resulted in a sunrise ride with Officer Undyne, and their delivery to a panicked Mayor Holiday and a terrifyingly calm Toriel.
“And really, I should have already known. After I’d gotten home and I started really examining how I felt, it was so plain. I had literally, just that day, been thinking about how lucky someone would be if you were their partner! I felt silly for not realizing I wanted that someone to be me, sooner.
“It wasn’t just feelings, either. You have the qualities I’d always wanted. All of the important ones on the list, and even a few of the fantastical magic adventure ones, thanks to our trips to Dark Worlds. I know you don’t always value yourself very much, Kris, but you really are amazing. I got a Holiday Miracle, too.”
They kissed, but before it had even really started Kris pulled back, their own realization dawning. “You said ‘on the list.’” They narrowed their eyes in mock suspicion, but couldn’t hide a grin.
“Noelle. I know you. You actually thought it through. And wrote out a big list at some point. At least one. Probably a draft in pencil. Then a nice one in pen. Right?”
Noelle’s cheeks and nose instantly started to redden. She made a little squeaky noise and lowered herself down to hide in Kris’ armpit.
“Angel above. You totally did. Of course you did. Little Miss ‘Writes an Outline for Her Outlines.’ You gigantic nerd. I love you, nerd.” Kris kissed the top of her head, but Noelle was temporarily too paralyzed to respond.
But then, she spoke.
“I could show it to you.”
“What?”
Noelle lifted herself back up, resolve in her eyes. “Look, you thought you could have been conning me? Well, you couldn’t have. I wrote that list specifically to make sure I would hold to my values and not get ‘swept off my hooves’ by anyone who wasn’t right for me.” Kris chuckled... but that sort of forward thinking did sound like Noelle.
“Kris, you really are special, and you do have the traits on my list that I wrote up before we started dating. And I can prove it to you!” Noelle unwrapped herself from her cuddle with Kris, hopped off the bed, and grabbed her purse.
“Put some pants on, or your skirt, and let’s go!”
“Ugh.” The sound Kris made was pitiful. “Talked too much. No energy. Don’t want to... get out of... bed. Do I --” Noelle had scooped up the skirt Kris had worn yesterday from the floor and thrown it onto Kris. “Hey! I--” The day before yesterday’s pants fell, phwumph, over Kris’ face. “Okay! Okay. You convinced me.” The voice was muffled, but Noelle could hear their smile.