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You don’t think you agreed to this.
Or maybe you’ve all gotten to the point where the shaking of a head could be passed off as a nod. Maybe that’s just an excuse. You’re not sure. You’re not sure it even matters.
You tried your best. You did. You still are. You’ve been bright, you’ve been comforting, you’ve been fun. Just like you are on stream, but it isn’t enough. No matter how cheerful you are, or how hard you try to lift everyone’s spirits, a positive attitude can’t change reality.
Sometime after all the games, all the fighting, everything, reality sets in. Everyone realizes that they’ll die if this continues. Some way or another. The human body simply isn’t designed to live like this forever, and the effects of the circumstances put any escape plans on an indefinite hiatus. At some point, everyone will shut down, one by one. You all realize that you’re all waiting for someone else to snap so that your suffering can end.
But of course, all things must be done in an orderly and civil fashion. This collective realization should have no bearing on that fact. Not with Sasaki as a leader.
The discussion around it had been vicious, to say the least. As most discussions with this group tend to be. After all this passes, you think they’ll regret what they said to each other. It’s the exhaustion.
And so there is a distinct scent of desperation in the air. Not as something that inhibits one or two students, but as a queen of a hivemind. Something that possesses every person there, and drives them towards a single solution.
The final decision came down to a lottery. Or more specifically, it’s decided that someone must ‘Take One For The Team’, and that someone would be decided through a lottery.
What that means for the ‘winner’ is left unsaid. Seemingly an extension of the hivemind of desperation. You all know. You all understand what it will mean to win. You all dread it more than anything, but no one opposes it. There is no other solution.
A circle is hastily made at some time of day, it all blurs together, really. It’s finished forming before you can get yourself situated, so you wind up a bit away from the people you want to be near the most. Instead, you’re sandwiched between Hasegawa and Hayashi.
Hasegawa looks nothing short of distressed. You can relate. Your hands haven’t stopped shaking, and your heart is pounding. That feeling of impending doom has increased tenfold. What was a possibility is now a certainty. A certainty that all of you ensured.
He must feel your gaze on him because he spares a glance towards you. You wonder if he feels any sense of obligation towards you in a way that isn’t well expressed. You asked for his protection, but you’re not sure if any of that will hold up. Not anymore. It was- You think it was a mistake to approach him with that request. You sort of hope he just forgot about it.
In any case, his glance was short, and he returned his focus to the person next to him, Kamimura. Their hands are interlinked, shaky, and hidden where no one can see. You’re lucky to even catch a glimpse of it.
Wada and Tsuno are holding hands too. You wish you could’ve stood closer to both of them. You promised to stay with them, even after you escape together. They’re your closest friends in this place. Bright lights in an otherwise dark place.
Wada is doing better than he was a few days ago. He isn’t bed-bound anymore, but he still isn’t doing good . You’re certain exhaustion is hitting him the hardest. Just seeing the toll this place has taken on him makes your heart pang. Because you gave your award to him, he’s not a part of the lottery. You’re relieved you could protect him from this at least.
Tsuno, though, she’s just as at risk as you are. For all she’s done for the two of you, she shouldn’t even have to-
You should be there for them right now. You know it.
But Sasaki’s already arranged the cards. The circle is already formed. The decision is already being made.
You’re honestly surprised Hayashi is letting this happen. There’s a look in her eyes, the same hazy one everyone else has, but her spirit isn’t broken. She was very vocal against the idea a while ago. You wonder if she’s planning something. If she is, you can’t see it in her face. Even someone as strong as her can’t completely hide how miserable this situation is. It’s reflected in her eye bags, in all of your eyebags. The face reveals all.
Your eyes almost automatically move to Okazaki, who’s imperceptible as always. She's an exception, you suppose. That mask of hers hides it all, and you can’t tell if she’s slower than usual. Someone else, Watari maybe, might have better insight on her. Sure, you haven’t been paying much attention to Okazaki, but she has to be feeling it. She’s human, after all. Just like the rest of you.
You suppose that... you are human, but that’s a weird thought to have, and a weird thing to specify.
That even the strongest among you are human.
Even the weakest among you are human.
It begins.
Sasaki explains how the lottery will work.
The rules are simple. A single deck of cards thoroughly shuffled. Draw the Ace of Hearts, and you win the lottery.
“I’ll go first,” Sasaki says, her voice strained. “We’ll move clockwise from there.”
Of course. She’s the leader. She’s been short with you all lately. Controlling a group this... spirited requires a bit of an iron fist, but her patience is clearly running thin. You thought her grumpiness was funny before she-
Before she tried to kill you. What happened in the kitchen that night couldn’t have been anything else. You didn’t tell anyone. You didn’t confront her about it. There’s an unspoken agreement between you two. It’d only sew further discourse into the group, so you’re keeping it to yourselves. This group needs a leader.
It doesn’t matter how you feel about it. How you felt in the moment. It doesn’t.
You hate that it came to this.
Your heart is pounding.
“This is stupid,” Hiroaki says before Sasaki can draw the first card. “And completely insane! I’m not going to be a part of this- this suicide cult just because Sasaki thinks it's a good idea.”
“...We can forfeit?” Ojima asks from beside him.
Nobody answers. You don’t answer.
“I think that forfeiting- isn’t that the same as volunteering?” Tamba suggests, her eyes trained on a stain on the floor like it’ll run away if she turns away.
Hasegawa quietly responds, “That’s- that’s right. It wouldn’t be fair if everyone didn’t participate. If we could forfeit then... then no one would...”
He trails off, but the meaning is understood immediately among you.
No rabbit is forcing you to do this. It’s not like the games. The rules aren’t mandatory under the threat of death. The lottery is accepted by a quiet majority. Forfeiting is dismissed immediately, and no one fights it.
Sasaki draws the five of diamonds. She holds it out where everyone can see it. You can hear Yanagi sigh in relief. The deck stays in Sasaki’s hand to prevent foul play. They’ll be expected to go up to her to draw. All eyes will be on them. Hiding the card or cheating would be impossible.
Sasaki turns the deck to Chiba. Her bright and wide eyes have dimmed as of late. She’d been so excited to climb up to the vent. Now the possibility of her being able to reach it is slim to none. The possibility of escaping is even lower.
Chiba draws the six of spades. She doesn’t immediately relax as Sasaki did. It’s worse for her. For you. For everyone who has someone they care about. They might be safe, but the same isn’t guaranteed for their friends. In Chiba’s case, she didn’t have to wait long to find out.
...There aren’t too many people between you and Chiba.
Harada and Hama draw the three of clubs and nine of hearts respectively. You wonder if anyone can hear how loud your heart is pounding. You can’t hear anything else.
You raise your head and glance back at Tsuno.
She’s salivating.
You blink.
She isn’t. Of course, she isn’t. It’s all in your head.
Yanagi draws a card. Does it really matter what card it is? It’s not that card. Hayashi doesn’t draw that card, either.
Then, it’s your turn.
This... was inevitable. You get that. You get that you’d inevitably have to draw a card. Your legs won’t move. This must be how everyone else felt. You have to take a deep breath before you’re able to force yourself to move.
Going up to collect your is like walking through molasses. You’re horrified. All the dread you felt before comes back and hits you in full force. You can’t quite see Sasaki’s eyes through her glasses, though there’s no glare. Maybe it's the fact that you’re so close to her, so close to the girl who almost killed you, that’s making you so horrified.
Realistically, there's a one in forty-six chance that you’ll draw that card. Still, there’s a one in fifteen chance you’ll win.
Your hand shakes as you take a card.
You flip it over.
Your heart drops.
Ace of Hearts.
Instinctively, you pull it close to your chest. Frozen in place, you don’t dare face the pack.
“What... What card did you get?” A voice, Wada, asks.
But it seems he already knows. They all do. You can feel the weight of their eyes on your back. It almost burns, like they’re staring holes into you.
You slowly turn around, card pressed to your chest. They stare like wolves. With hungry eyes, pleading for something to satiate them, and not taking no for an answer. There’s no relief. No gratitude. Only that old feeling of hunger that finally had its chance to reveal itself.
A fine line is drawn between you and them.
You are prey.
Without thinking, you drop everything and run away as fast as you can.