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Hello Forty-seven
A part of me hopes you will never read this letter and not because it means my death.
Benjamin Travis has no doubt ordered my death at your hands for his own pleasure, hiding the truth about this girl you've been sent to bring back. Her name is Victoria, and she is just like you.
She was made to be a perfect killer, her engineered cells are cancerous, the price for strength and quick healing. That necklace of hers is radiation therapy; just barely keeping it in check. I only looked at her files just enough to know what she needs, I couldn’t bare to delve any deeper, maybe that was selfish of me.
I know you will do the right thing. You had honour once but after Gontranno, where you tried so hard and convinced yourself that you failed, I’ve only seen you in person six times but I still see it in your eyes, barely there, hidden from yourself.
If I had been a better handler let alone a friend I should have realised that something was wrong, that you were heading down a dark path. I thought it would just go away in time, when it didn’t and you became ruled by greed, I just stood idle, all the while I picked your targets for you; for who I thought deserved to die. Maybe I used you too, no differently from Ort-Meyer or Travis. I'm sorry for that.
Getting her out of that lab and organising the data leak was a small death. The first few weeks with the girl were worse, she lashed at me out more than once.
She called me ‘sir’ once, you know? With the most formal of salutes. That girl can speak more than a dozen languages, but so much of that is just parroting whatever she was taught to say, I hope she’ll understand that, and her true place in the world some day.
I hate saying this but that girl is an albatross around my neck. It’s not her fault and never will be, but it feels like she drags me down all the same. I just wasn’t meant to be a mother, I suppose. Not that this is any sort of traditional parenting.
I think of everything I could’ve kept and could still one day have if I had turned a blind-eye to the girl. It makes me feel sick to my stomach and ashamed, but it still never fully leaves my mind, late at night when I can’t fall asleep, that's most nights really.
But even still, I find myself fond of this girl, her smile makes this all worthwhile, and I know I would die for Victoria, If need be. No child should ever have to go through what you have suffered, a life without choice.
Be careful Forty-seven, for her sake and yours.
Your old friend
Diana