Work Text:
1.Worries
Lee Jihoon liked studies but that night he was tired. He was tired to look at Wonwoo pouting at his phone, tired of the sound of the rain hitting the ceiling. He was tired of everything but it wasn't Wonwoo's fault, it wasn't even Mingyu's fault -Mingyu was the one making Wonwoo pout so much- but then, he was there in the library rushing his writing to get out and not even to go to home. He got the weird idea to get soaked in the rain but at the moment even that didn't seemed like a good idea.
"He will get worried if you don't answer in five minutes," Jihoon broke the silence when Wonwoo glanced his phone. He turned the page of his book making some notes on his note.
"But he's mad at me," Wonwoo replied, doing the same as Jihoon, without erasing the pout from his lips.
"It's Kim Mingyu we're talking about, he'll forget it in a few hours," Jihoon said, moving his eyes to look at Wonwoo. Wonwoo's eyes danced from his book to his notebook to his phone on the table. "He probably doesn't even remember why he asked you for help."
"Even, though, I feel guilty," Wonwoo sighed taking his phone. When he saw it his face light it up and Jihoon's eyes were on him.
"Wonwoo, it looks like you're talking to a girl," Jihoon said, mockingly. "True to be said, it looks like you're the girl," Jihoon said, looking Wonwoo's cheek turn red as he pressed some buttons on his cellphone.
"Hyung," Wonwoo yelled, a little too loud making the librarian hush them. "I'm sorry."
"Do you like Mingyu?" Jihoon leaned over the table poking Wonwoo's hand with his pen. Wonwoo's cheeks turned even redder than before and shook his head. "Come on, don't lie."
"Yes," he whispered but in the silence of the library the sound was enough clear for Jihoon to hear.
"I knew it!" Jihoon exclaimed excited, getting another reprimand from the librarian. "And Mingyu is crazily in love with ya."
"Course not," Wonwoo said hiding his face behind a book.
"At last, you should tell him, someone can go an steal him from you," Jihoon said, playfully and he didn't mean it. It wasn't a thing. Everyone knew they loved each other like mad. It smelled in the air, you could feel it when they were together but he wanted to push him. To make him do something because both thought their relationship as granted. Nothing is so sure in this world.
"Never, I don't want to lose his friendship," Wonwoo said and he went back to do his work.
"Whatever," Jihoon was annoyed. Took all his stuff and put his backpack on his back and said his goodbye. Ready to walk under the storm. Worst than he thought it might be. 'Fuck' he breathed putting his backpack on his head to run under the rain, it felt nice. Yes, it could be even fun.
Jihoon was tired, angry, annoyed, he got all mixed feelings inside him and it wasn't Wonwoo's fault, it wasn't his obnoxiousness, no. It was something within himself. It was him. He found a dry spot where to stand and took his phone out.
0 messages.
Jihoon wanted to throw his phone away. Oh, he knew very well why he felt like that. His boyfriend had forgotten him. He had left him in a corner of his mind for two weeks (almost three), not even a text saying "Hello" that would even help his uneasiness. It didn't have to be something cheesy or overly romantic, just, something that Jihoon could interpret as "I still remember I have a boyfriend" but Choi Seungcheol didn't had a head for him anymore. Jihoon felt tired of trying to catch his attention because he really loved the man. Angry because, damn, if he didn't loved him anymore he could just tell him and they could be done for good. They could finish their relationship and Jihoon could breath and forget everything because it's easier than try to fix something that couldn't be fixed. Jihoon put his phone again in his pocket and thought again, it would be more secure in his backpack so he put it in there. It would be dry in case of any accident. Jihoon punt himself to run again, not even putting his backpack on his head again, just one thought on his mind. Finish all his worries for once.
2. Confrontation
Jihoon pushed the doorbell. He was soaking wet. His hair was laying on his forehead, he cursed under his breath because that would fuck it. Have dyed hair was a hell and he just forgot it for a moment. The truth was, he was to postergate the moment, the confrontation. He was afraid. He was happy. Even this two -almost three- weeks of hell he was happy with Seungcheol. To see him, when he saw him on the other side of the hallway because, Choi Seungcheol didn't had any minute to him now. He blowed kisses from distance, no more time together just flying kisses and muttering love words. Not even texts. Jihoon could even handle sextexting. He could, he could, at this point happily accept it but nothing came, and now, as he waited for the door to open he thought thoroughly, it wasn't just two -almost three- weeks, it been more, but the distance had been more and more subtle he didn't noticed until now.
He pushed the doorbell again. He could hear the TV inside. Someone was there, but no other thought rushed to his mind. No, Jihoon just thought as Seungcheol getting bored of him and that the flame just blowed off. There were no second thoughts because Choi Seungcheol was a good man. He couldn't be up to something bad, doesn't he?
"Oh, come on, open the fucking door," Jihoon yelled, kicking at the door. Letting all his emotion burst out for a second. For a tiny bit fraction of a second. "I'm dripping wet asshole," he kept yelling and kicking. The sound of the TV was gone now. Something was off.
It couldn't be.
"I'm being nice here," Jihoon said. "I'm gonna count to three, if you don't open the damn door I'll kick it open and you know I'm not kidding Choi Seungcheol," he yelled. He didn't even care about the head coming from one of the other apartments. "One," he started and he didn't need to keep going because the door was open and Seungcheol was stepping aside to letting him enter. He didn't wanted to walk past the entrance. He stood there. His heart beating fast, almost as if wanted to run away by itself. "Just, tell me what's happening," Jihoon's voice cracked and it felt so wrong for both of them.
"Don't you want to come in?" Seungcheol asked trying to pull his boyfriend to his apartment but Jihoon was unwilling to do it. He was scared, he didn't really knew why but he was. No, he knew very well why but he didn't wanted to accept it, he was just a few steps to run away because Lee Jihoon absolutely and completely loved Choi Seungcheol.
"No, I'm leaving," Jihoon said. He was about to run away because it felt like the best thing to do, he wasn't ready (and maybe he will never be ready for it). He turned around.
"I'm sorry," Seungcheol said. "I never knew how to say it, I was scared."
"Stop it, I don't want to hear it."
"You asked me to say what was happening," Seungcheol said. "This is me saying it." Jihoon covered his ears.
"Stop it, I don't want to hear it. Don't say a word," Jihoon cried.
"It's over, you know it, why to lie to ourselves," Seungcheol said and Jihoon's tears started to came from his eyes. That was the part that scared Seungcheol. The crying, the pain he would inflict on Jihoon because after all, Seungcheol cared. "It's been a while since I don't feel the same, I'm sorry, I couldn't properly break up with you," Seungcheol said.
"It's something else," Jihoon mumbled. "It's not just that, right?"
"Right," Seungcheol said clenching his fist. "I have been seeing someone else on that time." Jihoon turned around to face him. His face turned in anger.
"Asshole," Jihoon started to hit Seungcheol's chest but every punch were weaker than the other. He cried. "Why would you do that to me?" and in that moment run away got into a second place in his mind. He threw his backpack to Seungcheol and ran into his apartment. Luckily for Seungcheol, it was empty. "I fucking hate you," Jihoon exclaimed as he ran toward the first thing he saw and started to throw things at Seungcheol. Yelling at him. As he felt hurt and alone.
3. Betrayal
Jihoon, stayed on the subway station. No phone no money and soaking wet. He let his backpack at Seungcheol's place, he ran away when he noticed his ugly sobbing. The rain kept falling, making his day worst and lonesome. Why the things had to turn this way? He kept crying as he remembered the things were over, his love was now gone and he was surely heartbroken.
"Jihoon hyung," he heard and he dried his tears with his wet sleeve. "Is everything okay?" Jihoon looked at the man and saw Mingyu, crunching to look at his face, he hit him playfully as he looked as dumb as ever.
"Yeah" Jihoon lied. Looking at the worrisome looks from Mingyu. "Just, can you lend me some money, I forgot my bag at Seungcheol's and I had nothing with me."
"Why don't you stayed with your boyfriend, that was the last train," Mingyu said. Jihoon lost the trace of time.
"Oh, bravo," Jihoon muttered. "I'm stucked here because that asshole cheated on me," Jihoon exclaimed kicking Mingyu's leg -as it was the closest thing to his own feet-, Mingyu cried. "Sorry."
"So, you found out?" Mingyu asked. Jihoon nodded, not wanting to question about it anymore. "It's okay, you can stay with me tonight, tomorrow I'll go for your stuff," Mingyu said, ruffling Jihoon's hair. Both smiled at each other and started walking.
They chatted the whole trip, Mingyu made easy to Jihoon to forget his problems and his pain. Mingyu was nice and funny. He had always been but that night he was caring, as caring as he never was before -at least with no one less Wonwoo- and Jihoon was glad for it, just that night.
They came to Mingyu's apartment he opened the door and pushed Jihoon inside. Chatting happily about a nonsense and Jihoon just laughed at him and his silliness.
"Let me look for some clothes for you to change," Mingyu said when he handed a towel to Jihoon, placing it on his head. Jihoon smiled with his cheeks slightly red. He left as Jihoon played with the towel on his head, looking around his, the apartment was small, just enough for one person but it didn't looked like a single person home. He liked it. "Look, this shirt should fit you," Mingyu played with a shirt and tossed it on the couch before reaching to Jihoon to help him to undress, much to Jihoon's embarrassment. Jihoon slapped Mingyu's hands.
"I can do it myself, you know, I'm sad and angry but I'm not that broken," Jihoon hissed, unbuttoning his shirt.
"Sorry, I just wanted to help," Mingyu smiled awkwardly.
"No need," Jihoon thrown his shirt to Mingyu's face, his face still red. He took the shirt and put it on to then take off his pants. The shirt covered everything that was necessary and nevertheless, Jihoon should have felt embarrassed and exposed but that wasn't the case.
"Wait," Mingyu said fled out the livingroom to his bedroom. He came back a few minutes after. "Those are new put them on," He said showing a pair of briefs to Jihoon making his face burn in shame. He entered the bathroom, feeling something new. Mingyu went back to his room looking for some pants for Jihoon and took the dispossessed clothing to wash them. Mingyu was that kind of friend.
Jihoon left the bathroom and looked around, finding the pants Mingyu left for him and without second thoughts he put them and looked around for Mingyu.
"Do you have your other clothing?" Mingyu asked and Jihoon startled. He had made no sound. Not because he wanted to scared him but he was being cautious around him.
"Ah, yeah," Jihoon walked to Mingyu's side, handle it to him, looking to him, to his face.
"Thank you," Mingyu smiled taking the clothing on his hands, washing them by hand. Jihoon looked at his face. At his eyes Mingyu had been always a clown, someone to abuse, to ask favors from but that moment, Jihoon saw how hardworking he was. He liked it.
"I should be the one thanking you," Jihoon said and as his feelings started to disturbing him he went to the living room again. At the corner of his eye he saw a photo of Mingyu and Wonwoo, their happy faces. It felt like it was the most important thing in the world. Their happiness. He took it and sat on the couch.
There wasn't anything that made Wonwoo or Mingyu the happiest with each other.
Without noticing Jihoon started to cry again. The drier sound was faint. His feelings were floating, he let them out. He crouched, hugging his legs. Jihoon felt himself broken and hurt. He had loved recklessly, honestly and he was betrayed. He wondered when that happened, no, at the back of his head, Jihoon, just had thought and he tried so hard to bury it there. 'It was my fault'
"Hyung," Mingyu said, startling Jihoon but he kept crying. He looked at Mingyu and pulled him into a hug, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Jihoon was respectful and loved his friends but in that moment, he was different, Mingyu sensed it when he hugged him. The always serious and dry Jihoon was there hugging him. He was having feelings. Not that Mingyu thought Jihoon was an emotionless doll but he never saw him have some emotions besides anger and his crazy laughter. As he hugged Jihoon, his heart tightened. It shrinked and skipped a beat. Mingyu caressed Jihoon's back.
They parted, Mingyu looked at Jihoon's face. Red cheeks, his pink hair messy and uncombed. His heart raced. At Mingyu's eyes, Lee Jihoon looked absolutely cute. Mingyu understood why Seungcheol liked him but as if he was crying for him, and he was hurt, he felt sad on how stupid Seungcheol was. How he could do that to him if it was obvious Jihoon loved him. If just Jihoon hadn't showed any emotion, maybe he could understand it.
"It's okay," Mingyu said, smiling at Jihoon. He took Jihoon by his cheeks and placed a peck on his lips. Any thought in his head vanished, he just thought about the facts in front of him. Jihoon was cute while crying, his heart was big and he loved deeply and intensely. Mingyu wanted that, to taste the love, the cheesiness but he was on that game with Wonwoo. Years and years of love because it wasn't unrequited but they got their love for granted, as if nobody would walk out and make a move.
"What the hell?" Jihoon yelled, pushing him away.
"I'm sorry," Mingyu stuttered. "I don't know what happened," Mingyu touched his lips.
They looked at each other, not saying a word, not even really thinking. They didn't want to think because they will feel. No, they were already feeling. They felt warmth, not love yet, but that could come later.
4. Shame
If there were alcohol involved Jihoon would feel better, he could say he wasn't on his best state and fucked Mingyu. He was drunk, hurt and just happened to found Mingyu, and sorry Wonwoo but I had sex with him. That would be a good apologize thing but it wasn't. He woke up feeling Mingyu's warm against his naked body.
Oh fuck.
At the back of his head Jihoon enjoyed it. Jihoon enjoyed the warm body besides him, he had enjoyed to had sex with him because it felt different to any time he did it with Seungcheol. It were -and he could bite his tongue- magical. His body ached but it were a great experience. Mingyu hugged him, pulling him closer. Jihoon chuckled at the touch, moving himself to kiss him on the lips.
Jihoon was an hypocrite. He thought. That same night he told Wonwoo to pursue Mingyu and then he just came to kiss him, seduce him and fuck him and the guilt was buried just at the back of his head, under all the happiness and the pleasure.
Oh fuck it.
Jihoon hugged Mingyu by the neck, pushing his lips against his, feeling his head dizzy. Drowning himself on everything good of it. Mingyu pulled himself away.
"Wanna go for your stuff?" he asked looking directly to Jihoon's eyes. He never noticed but Mingyu looked intensely to anyone. His heart raced but Mingyu's eyes didn't contained love, not the love he gave Wonwoo, it was something else, not as deep but close. It made Jihoon feel hurt.
"Yeah, why not?" Jihoon answered, pushing Mingyu aside, getting dressed, slowly, not letting his newfound feelings get in the way. Trying.
"You left them at Seungcheol's?" Mingyu asked and when Jihoon looked at him wondered what was happening on his mind. Mingyu's face turned red.
"Yeah, why?"
"You've got some hickeys," Mingyu answered, pulling his jeans on, his tanned skin getting redded.
"Fuck!" Jihoon yelled.
5. Sorry not sorry
The doorbell rang and Jihoon yelled to Mingyu, trying to hide himself behind him -an easy job indeed-.
"Jihoon, I'm sorry," Senungcheol said as he opened the door, facing Mingyu. His eyes opened wide, it was something.
"Jihoon wants his bag," Mingyu said, Jihoon still hiding behind the tall man.
"He can tell me," Seungcheol hissed, not angry by Mingyu's presence but there was something in everything that made him feel uneasy.
"Give my stuff back... please" Jihoon said, his voice broken.
"Jihoon."
"Oh fuck you," Jihoon said stepping from behind Mingyu, his face red as an strawberry. Seungcheol first spotted the messy hair, bed hair was his first thought but when he saw the red spots on his neck, he thought about it again.
"Oh god," Seungcheol muttered.
"Shut up," Mingyu and Jihoon said at the same, feeling ashamed. Betrayal was nothing to be proud of. Seungcheol entered his apartment and took Jihoon's backpack and gave it to him.
"Are we ever gonna talk about this?" Seungcheol asked to Jihoon, ignoring completely Mingyu's presence.
"Yeah, but not with you, thank you." Jihoon answered, his cheeks still red. He took Mingyu's hand and pulled him.
"Let's play another match soon," Mingyu said to Seungcheol as he walked behind Jihoon. "Are we gonna talk about this with Wonwoo?" Mingyu asked and Jihoon felt like his heart was breaking.
Weird.
"We have to," Jihoon simply answered. "We can even just tell him about it and never talk about it again."
"No, I want this," Mingyu said. "It's weird but it feels like it needs to be like this," Mingyu felt like his cheeks were burning. Jihoon took him by his face and kissed him. He places a full kiss on his lips. It felt good, he liked it. He liked him but he still felt like everything was wrong.
They didn't wanted to think about Wonwoo, about how hurt he might be because it will make everything so wrong, so empty. Full of regrets. They didn't wanted that. They wanted to live this at it's fullest, because at the end it felt like love, it felt like it COULD be love.
"I feel sorry for Wonwoo" Jihoon said.
"Why?"
"Because he really loves you, he told me yesterday and it didn't stopped me."
"It's my fault too," Mingyu said. "I loved him the same but even though I never did anything to be with him, I was a coward but also, it never felt like we should."
JiHoon smiled a little.
"The truth is that you two should be together," JiHoon said, a sad smile sourcing his lips.
"Maybe but I love his friendship and I like you now, weird doesn't it?" Mingyu let an awkward laugh out of his lips.
"This isn't love Mingyu," JiHoon said and his voice broke as he felt a knot on his throat.
"I know, but it could work either way."
"Maybe," JiHoon smiled, feeling as his heart raced and Mingy hugged him. Feeling overwhelmed.
6. Goodbye
JiHoon hit Mingyu's chest, the movement was soft full of love. He pulled Mingyu down to him and kissed him.
"Good luck," JiHoon said and Mingyu smiled back to him, something made him feel empty. Both of them felt empty I their own way.
"Thank you babe," Mingyu kissed him back and left, the sound of the door closing made Jihoon's heart tighten on his chest.
Mingyu walked slowly feeling as if his heart wanted to burst out his chest. He was completely afraid. What if if this made him lose Wonwoo, to lose his friendship.
Mingyu knocked the door, every time slower.
The door opened.
"Mingyu," Wonwoo said excitedly as he saw the younger, opening his arms to hug him. Mingyu hugged him."I missed you," Wonwoo said, tightening the grip on Mingyu.
"I missed you too, hyung," Mingyu said, smiling politely.
"Is something wrong?" Wonwoo asked, taking a few step away from Mingyu.
"No, nothing wrong," Mingyu answered, "but there's something I have to tell you," Mingyu started to play with his hands as he talked with him.
"What? You're scaring me Mingyu," Wonwoo said stepping close to Mingyu, to look at his face more closely.
"I'm dating someone," Mingyu said, feeling his heart fall into the floor. Wonwoo felt his heat sink, all his feelings bursting all of a sudden, but he couldn't find himself crying because of that. It was Mingyu's happiness after all. He looked at the younger and for a moment Wonwoo thought Mingyu felt the same. Was that relationship real? Were Mingyu's feelings real? He questioned as he examinated Mingyu's face, making the younger blush.
"Who's he?" It was everything that came from Wonwoo's mouth. , even when his thought were racing to tell Mingyu to stay, to never leave his side. Wonwoo was more afraid than he let the world see.
"Jihoon hyung" Mingyu said, unable to keep seeing Wonwoo to the eyes.
"Jihoon? For real?" Wonwoo said, dumbfounded and walked, trying to laugh everything of. "You were scared of him, what happened?"
"We..." Mingyu stopped midsentence, to think on what to say next.
"We?" Wonwoo repeated, feeling his heart shrink and hurt every second more and more.
"Yeah, we... we spent a night together," Mingyu said, rising his face to see Wonwoo, sitting on the couch.
"Yeah, you spent the night and you magically fell in love with him."
"Well, sex tends to do that sometimes," Mingyu said, not understanding the implication on Wonwoo's words. Wonwoo thought that by 'spent' he meant, talking, being friendly as they always did.
"You had sex with him?" Wonwoo asked and stood up again to punch Mingyu. "Jihoon already has a boyfriend." He said, recalling everything.
"Had, they broke up," Mingyu said. "The night we slept together."
"KIM MINGYU!" Wonwoo yelled.
"I'm sorry," Mingyu answered. "I love you like anyone else in the world but this never was about to work," Mingyu let himself be honest for a second. "I love you but he's everything I dreamed of, he's someone I can't feel to left behind."
"You... love me?"
"Yes, and I will always love you Wonwoo," Mingyu said and hugged Wonwoo. "But I'm sorry. We weren't meant to each other."
Wonwoo felt broken and he cried hugging Mingyu. They had been slow and so playful but they never felt their game was ending until it was finished and the players left.
"When?" Wonwoo asked, not wanting to know the answer.
"The night I was to confess to you."
6. Forgive me.
Jihoon walked alone on the hallways. The library was alone at that time and he loved being alone, as he walked down the fiction section to find a new book to read, he saw Wonwoo, before he could hide himself, Wonwoo looked back at him. Every person that knew Wonwoo, knew that he was a nice person, never doing a bad thing but that moment Jihoon knew he had fucked the things up. He walked getting closer.
"Hello," Jihoon said nervously.
"Hi," Wonwoo answered, looking back at the books and taking a couple of them. The awkward atmosphere was making everything more difficult.
"How have you been?" Jihoon let himself to say.
"Fine, really fine, the best," Wonwoo said.
"Don't be like that," Jihoon said sighing at the end. "Look I didn't meant to, it just happened, I'm sorry," he said taking a couple of books and tried to leave Wonwoo behind.
"I told you that I loved him," Wonwoo said.
"And I told you to confess," Jihoon said.
"Yeah, and it wouldn't matter anyways because you would fuck him either way," Wonwoo said.
"I'm pretty sure he would never slept with me if you had opened your legs first," Jihoon said, making Wonwoo blush.
"It's my fault now?"
"It has been always your fault Wonwoo," Jihoon said. "I'm sorry to have seen what you were missing and liking it," Jihoon felt his cheeks burn. "I told you, someone would look at him and take him, you made that relationship for granted."
"I never did such thing."
"Go and lie to yourself," Jihoon said leaving Wonwoo alone.
Jihoon felt bad because he did something wrong but at the same, he felt like the mistake he did was nice. He liked it, he liked Mingyu, he even started to love him, and even if he felt sorry for Wonwoo, that would never stop him from being with Mingyu.
Mingyu was now his and sorry for Wonwoo but he lost his oportunity long time ago. Not even when he welcomed Mingyu's embrace, he could forget that in the reality, Mingyu's heart wasn't his.
One day it will but on the present, Mingyu kept loving Wonwoo as his everything.