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“ What a Good Day,” said Heart from the hit album Chonny’s Charming Chaos Compendium Volume 1. It was a Good Day, but he was just guessing. He couldn’t actually see the day. Because he was blind. If he knew it was a sunny day, he’d probably say it was a bad day. This was because Heart hated the Sun.
“I love stealing things,” he continued, walking to a counter with a conveniently left-out bottle of pop. From a braille label, he could tell it was specifically for Mind and nobody else. Of course, Heart didn’t care at all whether or not it belonged to him. He was going to steal it anyway.
Little did he know, in regular, non-braille text, it was labeled as heart attack juice. This was so sad for Heart, who already drank it. It tasted like heart attack juice, but Heart didn’t know what that tasted like, so he decided it was blueberry flavoured. Heart evidently had not had blueberry juice before in his life, because the closest non-heart-attack-juice-flavoured flavour to the heart attack juice flavoured flavour was aubergine flavoured flavour. If this didn’t make sense, then it did, and the person who it didn’t make sense to didn’t make sense.
“Oof ouch owie my heart,” announced Heart, clutching his chest. “Is this heartburn?”
It was not heartburn. It was a heart attack. Obviously. It was almost like he couldn’t read the narration. But that would be ridiculous. What sort of creature couldn’t read the narration?
Heart flopped to the ground in the Family Guy Death Pose™, but if Peter Griffin had really stupid wings and a blindfold. Because Heart had really stupid wings and a blindfold.
Enter Mind, also from the hit album Chonny’s Charming Chaos Compendium Volume 1.
“ Oh no. Heart drank my heart attack juice.” He thought about this for a second and realised it meant Heart was dead.
“Yay. Heart drank my heart attack juice.” Mind dabbed because he was cool like that. He mechanical-handedly handed Heart a single flower, because dead people carried flowers. Then, Mind drank what was left of the heart attack juice and was perfectly fine, because he was a cool automaton and didn’t have a heart to have a heart attack.
Here came Soul, who, believe it or not, was from the hit album Chonny’s Charming Chaos Compendium Volume 1.
“Mind, why did you kill Heart?” Soul asked without pointing a trident at Mind. He asked this because Heart was very obviously dead on the ground, and Mind was the most likely suspect.
Mind shook his head rapidly. “Soul, my ami, my amigo, my associate, my auspistice, my breadslice, my chum, my comrade, my co-worker, my friend, my homeslice, my man, my mate, my pal. You’ve got it all wrong! Heart drank the clearly labeled heart attack juice! I am not at fault here.”
Soul looked at the bottle of heart attack juice and shrugged, not even noticing how Mind used alphabetical order. “Fair enough. Let’s get him in the pit in case he wakes up and tries to kill you. Wouldn’t be the first time.”
Mind lifted Heart by the legs, and Soul grabbed him by the arms. To the pit they went.
When they got there, they just sorta dropped Heart in. Mind kicked some dirt in after. It was sad. Soul even materialised a gravestone.
“Here lies Heart. We can tell it’s him ‘cause we put his name on the stone.”
Mind was a large fan of how it not only referenced Chonny’s Inferno, but also how it implied that Heart was going to hell.
“Rest in peace, Heart. It’s a rainy day with you gone.”
Despite Heart’s untimely death, it was actually still sunny.
“Rest in a piece. I’m not sure who I’m going to threaten and berate without you.” Mind checked his timepiece. “Can we go now? I have logic-stuff to do.”
“Shame on you. Heart’s dead, and all you care about is logic stuff? Come on, Darrel. We don’t need him anyway.” Darrel was not actually there, so Soul manifested him with the power of friendship. The newly-manifested Darrel clucked sadly.
Mind sighed and returned. “Whatever. One like equals one prayer. Repost to stop Heart from going to Hell.”
“Mind, are we even religious?” Soul squinted, since it was sus among us impostor of Mind to say.
Mind shook his head. “I thought you were.”
“I just do it for the bit. You’re the one with the ‘Whole created us on purpose’ conspiracy” anyway.”
He crossed his cool robot arms and decided staring at Darrel was better than looking anywhere near Soul. “Shut up. It has merit.”
“Wait a second… If I'm here and mourning Heart, and you're over there, next to the pit, and Heart’s dead, and we're both watching Darrel… Then who's pumping blood?”
Mind looked at Soul oddly, trying to decipher whatever it was that he was trying to say. It only took him 27, very awkward, seconds of staring blankly to realise.
“Oh sh-”
That was when the body collapsed, because that was what tended to happen when someone’s heart gave out. As in died. Because Heart was dead. Everyone was dead. That was as many as three ones. And that was terrible.