Chapter Text
STUPID DEATHS
MITCH
(????)
Stupid Deaths
Stupid Deaths
They’re funny ‘cause they’re true!
Stupid Deaths
Stupid Deaths
Hope next time it’s not you!
"Next!" Death called out as he and his skeleton judges were awaiting the arrival of their next entrant.
On his cue, the next entrant stepped out onto the stage. He was a man with a plaid shirt, a black undershirt, and jeans.
"And you are..?" Death asked.
"Mitch," the man introduced.
"Alright, go on then, entertain us," Death said, "How did you die?"
"Well, it all started when I woke up in an abandoned farm along with 4 other people," Mitch began, "Apparently, it was the work of the Jigsaw Killer, who was testing us because we all caused other people's deaths in the past."
"Ooh, Jigsaw strikes again, I see!" Death exclaimed, "This should be interesting. So what happened?"
"It was during my portion of the test where I died," Mitch explained, "I was there because Jigsaw's nephew died while riding a motorcycle with faulty brakes, which I sold to him without mentioning the brakes. For my test, I was suspended upside down above a metal cone with spinning, heated coils inside. There was a working motorcycle brake on the bottom, and if I squeezed it, the coils would stop, and I'd be safe."
"And since you're here, I'm assuming you failed, right?" Death asked.
"Yeah," Mitch confirmed, "One of the other victims jammed a rod into the trap's gears to stop it for a brief moment, and in my ensuing relief, I stopped trying to hit the brake. Then the rod broke, the coils started again, and in my ensuing panic, I accidentally swung into them. It wasn't pretty."
Hearing this sent Death into a fit of laughter over how stupid his death was. "I guess this is what happens when you lose focus on what you're meant to do!" he exclaimed before laughing again.
All Mitch did was roll his eyes at this while Death consulted with his fellow judges. Once he was done with that, he turned back to him and said, "That's 2 yesses, you're through to the afterlife!"
"Umm, alright, thanks," Mitch said before stepping through the portal to the afterlife.
"Oh, I love my job sometimes, I do, I really do," Death said to himself, "Next!"
Stupid Deaths
Stupid Deaths
Hope next time it’s not you!
Who would you like to see processed next? Let me know in the comments.