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“Did you always have that scar?”
Doug turns slightly and stares at his back before huffing.
“Yeah, you’re just too dull brained to notice.”
“You’re fucking with me.”
“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not, you don’t have any way to prove it.”
You sigh and watch as he stretches his arms up and then relaxes back onto the counter once more.
“Seriously, what happened?”
“Was trying to climb something, cut myself and decided it didn’t need to be wrapped.
“Doug.”
“What? It’s not my problem, it’ll heal. Besides, I cleaned it and I’m not even required to do that.”
“...have you always…had all those injuries?”
“Yeah, you just haven’t noticed. I’m distracting like that, you know, like how 9/11 was an inside job or-”
You laugh and give him a look, he rolls his eyes.
“Us traits can change our bodies, you know Nightmare? She doesn’t have to look like that, she just likes it too. It’s also based on how people see us so Nightmare will tend to have a more eerie disposition. I bet it’s just because she knows something we don’t.”
“So you choose to look like the most built man who wears the tackiest jeans and has the head of a bowling ball?”
He shrugs.
“More or less, usually I don’t present any injuries I may have though.”
“So why now?”
“Because I’m lazy and I don’t actually care, you should know this by now dork.”
You nod and watch as his skin ripples and the scar disappears.
“Tada, the other objects in this damned house choose their appearance how they like but they have to have aspects of what they are. Usually I stay blank because what’s better than to reminisce and ponder while staring at a hunk of a body that’s blanker than a canvas?”
“Do you have any other scars?”
“Plenty, none that you’d know of because you’re too dumb to realize any of them.”
“Rude.”
“Well obviously, I can’t be too sweet now can I? Especially when I bring up questions like ‘how much control do you have over your life’ or better yet ‘what if you aren’t living up to your potential’. Great questions huh?”
You hit his arm and he just stares at you as you lean back.
“You’re worrying way too much over me, it isn’t like I can die.”
“But still, your wounds are…scary.”
“To you maybe, I’ve been around for hundreds of thousands of years. Even if I was turned human and died I’d just come back to this smoking form and do what I do best, torment people with the good questions.”
“Well I just don’t like the concept of you getting injured, especially after you got sick.”
“I don’t get sick sweetcheeks.”
You give him a look and he huffs before patting your head.
“I’m not going to change for you, you know that right? It’s a pointless endeavor.”
You stay staring at him, a moment and then he groans.
“If I try to be just the tiniest bit amount safer will you be happy?”
You smile and nod, he just grunts and crosses his arms in clear annoyance. Gently you stare at him and then grab his arm, he lets you uncross his arms even though he just crossed them and watches you trace the little wounds that he usually didn’t let become visible. You tap one.
“Where did you get this?”
Doug seems to think before huffing.
“An ex, he was really kinky. Kinkier than you think is possible, he was willing and wanted to try everything.”
You point to another one.
“Probably from my younger years when humans were really starting to think.”
He says nothing more and so you point to another. Minutes tick by as you ask and he answers with either a few words or a few sentences. He doesn’t seem to put any care in most of them but you find them fascinating. He would outlive you, he was more than you could ever be. It made you question why he loved you, why he even gave you a chance. He flicked your head.
“You look like you’re about to blow up from overthinking.”
You rub your forehead and glare at him, he snorts and then pulls his arm away. He tilts your head up and presses his lips to yours. Your eyes widen as he holds you there, your eyes close as you lean into the kiss. He pulls away and then snorts at how much you’re blushing.
“You could try out to be a tomato, I bet you could win as well. You have about as much brains as one.”
You groan and try to turn away but he pulls you back and with the gentleness of a cat who loves you but knows it can kill you, kisses you once more. This one is shorter, he pulls away a bit sooner and then lets go of you. He pushes you and you watch as he walks off.
“Welp, I’m off, have a dad I need to torment on how his wife could be cheating on him at any point and he’d never know.”
You watch him disappear and sigh, what an asshole.