Chapter Text
Just another day... another day of Gushing Over Magical Girls (roll credits). You get to see that awesome spectacle of the three magical girls you admire battling it out with a clearly overmatched demon, but hey, he's not paid enough to get his ass kicked, and it looks cool for the introduction so, fuck you. Plus your boss is quite a strickler, good luck with that. The 3 colorful warriors engaging in combat are very familiar to you as a long time fan of them:
Magia Magenta, with a smile that could pierce the heavens and a determination that would put Undertale underground, her pink spear, her great cheer, ain't nothing that will stop her... Its no wonder she gets the pink motif, and is the leader of this troupe. Those twin-tails could end worlds... too soon? Her outfit practically screams a mixture of a Barista and a Maid all in one, but the Barista portion is pink and the Maid portion is all white, even has some pink gloves too, with matching pink boots, elite combo.
Landing a frosty attack on the demon is Azul! Same fit as her pink contemporary, just blue now. Thankfully the main difference is the calm, cool, collected mannerisms she seems to exhibit, and the elegance so clean it puts ASMR knives in a chokehold. Her blue hair really completes the cold vibe, all she needs is a coffin and we might turn this into a horror story instead. Not a bad idea for a future fic... Speaking of knives, her sword is made of ice, which is cool, and that's a fun pun to use so that's staying in. The freeze practically slows the demon, but doesn't stop it as it launches a flurry of lasers to free itself.
Unfortunately for this demon, the yellow bumblebee preps her shield to easily defend this attack. Sulfur! Almost just as elegant as her blue ice cube teammate, but in a different way: Straight fanciful, you can practically hear the Beethoven with every expression she makes. The fit is the typical strife, just yellow, you've seen the last two after all.
Oh and you? You're just some shy, sheltered, violet, short-haired, fangful Magical Girl otaku named Utena Hiiragi, who really likes magical girls. At least there's more than enough magical girl fanatics online to satiate you, so that shouldn't be a concern.
Okay demon, your job (and time on this earth) is finished, your paycheck will be delivered in 3-5 business days, be sure to check with HR (Satan) on that check, im sure he will play devil's advocate for you. Explosion!
...
Cool the demon is gone, and you get to glaze the magical girls again... okay, head to the vending machine while I do something. Ignore the suspicious floating creature with a cool looking star in its hands, I promise its all for plot development .
Meanwhile in the Konosuba verse...
A certain wacky cast of characters walk into a store. A blue-haired paperweight goddess, A red headed showoff, A yellow haired "knight", and Kazuma Kazuma! Yes i'm Kazuma.
Okay that aside... these 4 head into Vanir's store for business as per usual. Aqua (the paperweight) is having her usual spats with Vanir, Megumin (the red head paper tiger) looks awfully bashful, but still tries keeping a straight face while hanging to Kazuma, and the "knight", Darkness... yeah she's looking at that mace a little too favorably... right anyways, the main event is Kazuma and Megumin. Oh god I have to do speech... okay. Kazuma first.
"Well hello Vanir!" he says cheerily, the lecherous expression being hard to miss despite the masked menace and the jobber practically pulling at each other in front of him.
Vanir eventually manages to push off the blue gerboa and face Kazuma, despite the mask hiding his eyes, his smile makes it clear he keenly awaits another great business opportunity with Kazuma. "Ah hello there man that is concerningly oblivious to his surroundings..." he jeers, noting the red pinch hitter's obvious blush, of which she reddens and hides behind Kazuma. "What brings you back here? Perhaps you are interested in this... metal claw?" he says, showing off a nail clipper, truly the pinnacle of human technology.
"Not exactly... Mental note, need to sort my nails out after this... but I got something even better..." he states as he pulls out what seems like a small... toy? No wait that's... "A figurine!" Damn, beat me to it... The figurine looks like a figurine. A crude succubus figurine, but its a figurine nonetheless.
"This looks a bit strange... but could work as a strangle offering for a chess board..." Vanir notes, clearly unaware of the power of figurine sales. No seriously what the #@$* is up with Aqua when it comes to figurine sales? Speaking of which... the blue rat destroys the figurine. Dont worry though, she gets a free splinter for what its worth, fuck that blue arachnid.
While she rolls on the floor in pain, and the redheaded strikeout tends to her, Vanir continues. "Well... anything to help business while melons for brains keeps finding more useless wares... (Im sorry to the 2 Wiz fans, the R34 is down the hall and straight past go...) ill take... well... a preferably more intact and finely crafted masterpiece. Let us shake oh boy who is absolutely heading to the succubus pub for better references..."
Kazuma, guilty as charged, is not in the mood to fight this and shakes on the deal. The world will finally witness the greatness of figurines! Now ordinarily they should basically be on their way at this stage, but yall saw the title and the summary, so imma make like a Darkness kink and neglect logic. The cube from the gag chapter is back and (slightly) better than before! So how will it activate? I got this. Go, Blue Squirrel! Use Dumbassery!
Having recovered from the splinter, she immediately heads to the cube, and activates it again, no hesitation. Hello me from the past... I can do better than this...
*WHRRRRR*
-in anger, she picks up the cube, ready to toss it at Vanir, but before she gets the chance to toss it, it activates with a massive beam of light... Conveniently it only teleports the wacky squad because read the text above dumbass. Consider this my yin to the yang, the tang to the bang, and the transition into...
The Earth! nailed it... you're welcome past me.
Yes we just skipped over your transformation and your blackmail. Lol, lmao even. I bet you feel real embarrassed huh? With such a revealing outfit, yeah bro, close your DMs, please. But those magical girls you love so much will show up to save you any second! Right?
...Right?
Yeah, something ain't right. Well... a lot of things aren't currently, but this especially? Something aint right. When evil lurks, they're there faster than a moth to a flame, so its strange they aren't here yet... Dont worry though, close your eyes for a second, and ill send you some help. Okay are they closed?
Psst... the plot is this way... get your goofy, Luffy, Banjo Kazooie, Pacers in 5 asses over here...
Okay, you can open them now. What do you see?
"Uhh... a.. a... bunch of cosp..p...players? I-ill take any-anything... Please god anybody save me!"
...Honestly fair enough... but unfortunately... twitter.com is about to go dumb in a few seconds if you decide to walk over there. You remember who has the cards yeah?
...Thought so. They seem more confused over all else to their current predicament, so maybe this is your chance? The blue baby seems outraged and raring to go, and the others are strangely following suit, so you better act fast. Here's a conveniently spawned crop and a very distinct daisy. Get farming.
"H-h...how so?"
Hit the daisy like your homework is due the next hour.
*WHACK!**WHACK!*
...Damn you good? Should we check on that?