Chapter Text
“You need to get some sleep.”
Will looked up to find Deanna standing there, still and calm and professional, arms to her sides and concern in her eyes. He’d barely even registered that she entered the ready room, he didn’t even remember letting her in. But there she was.
She looked tired. More tired than he’d seen her in a long time. He probably looked just as bad - humans didn’t need as much sleep as Betazoids, but they certainly needed more than he was getting. “I can’t.”
Deanna shook her head softly and walked closer, grabbing his hand and pulling him up from the chair. “Commander Shelby has the bridge. Repairs are going to take a few hours. You need to try and get some sleep so you can be at your best when we…”
“...when we join the fight,” he finished for her, sighing. She was right, of course, because she was always right. And he really did want to sleep. But his heart and mind were racing at warp speed and he had no way to calm down enough to shut his eyes, let alone rest. There was no way he’d let Dr. Crusher help, either. He needed to be ready to go at any moment.
“Yes.” She stared into his eyes and placed her hand against his cheek, softly rubbing her thumb against his skin. “You don’t have to go back to your quarters. Just lay down in here.”
Will shook his head. “I really can’t, Deanna.”
“I’ll help you,” she mumbled, taking his hand again and pulling him towards the couch. She pushed against his arms to get him to sit down, and patted his chest when he finally relented.
He knew how she would normally help him fall asleep, and though a part of him was interested, a much larger part didn’t think the timing was appropriate. “If it was any other time, I’d appreciate the assistance, but I don’t know if we should-”
“That’s not what I was referring to,” she said quickly, cutting him off and smiling softly despite everything. She pushed at him a little more and made him lay down, then pressed a brief kiss to his cheek before kneeling on the floor next to the couch. She looked small and tired and sadder than she probably realized.
Will didn’t ask her to explain, knowing she’d get there soon. She kept one hand on his chest, the other holding one of his hands, and he tried to focus on the warmth of her skin. The feel and smell of Deanna Troi both did and didn’t inspire rest in him, though at that moment he was starting to feel like he could sleep for days.
He squeezed her hand and scrunched his eyebrows in realization. It wasn’t just the warmth of her skin or the smell of her hair that was making his eyelids feel heavier - she was in his head. Doing something to his mind, he was sure of it.
Without opening his eyes, Will mumbled a quiet, “What’re you doing…?”
“Helping you sleep,” she said matter-of-factly.
It almost felt like she was massaging his brain. Like every wrinkle of stress or fried nerve was suddenly smoothed out and calmed down. He didn’t know she could do that - had she ever done it to him before? Will wanted to ask. He wanted to ask her about the technique and about whether it was comfortable for her and about the slightly intoxicating feeling coming over him and relaxing the tension in his shoulders - but he couldn’t get a word out. He couldn’t even open his eyes. All he could do was sleep.
Before completely clocking out, he heard Deanna shuffle around on the floor and pull his dangling hand to her chest. He tried to react, squeeze her hand back or something, but he was too far gone to do much of anything.
And she was so warm.
It was all moving too fast.
Deanna sat in her quarters, choking down her third coffee of the day, and wondered how so many hours had gone by so quickly. Since they’d saved Captain Picard and put the Borg to sleep, she'd been on her feet nonstop - helping Beverly calm patients down, helping family members find one another, helping the captain relax and rest.
As close as she and Captain Picard had always been, Deanna felt closer to him now than ever before. After a night in sickbay, he'd demanded to be allowed back to his quarters and no one had the heart to tell him otherwise. The man needed normalcy more than anything else and Deanna was happy to help him get it. So she'd been spending a lot of time in his quarters with him - it was important that he open up to her about his experience being assimilated. Not just for his mental health, but for Starfleet’s records and research. Captain Picard knew more about the Borg than anyone else and Deanna had been tasked with assisting him in compiling together as much of that information as possible.
With all the time spent by the captain's side or with officers struggling to cope with the situation they'd endured, Deanna hadn't seen Will in days. He was still acting captain while Picard was in recovery, and while he and Commander Shelby were working hard to keep the Enterprise running as smoothly as possible, they were also noticeably exhausted.
Everyone was. The ship wasn't in good shape, no matter how much work the engineers put in. Many officers weren't in good shape, giving Beverly plenty of work to do. And morale was low.
Though they'd won, they'd made it out alive and defeated the Borg, everyone was aware that all the death and destruction they'd just witnessed was caused by one single Borg ship. There were likely many more where that came from and it was difficult to know how long it would be before they saw them again.
Deanna was trying to focus on the positives. She was alive, her friends were alive, Earth was unscathed.
Every time a new appointment popped up on her schedule, she had to close her eyes and take another deep breath. Mostly she needed to stay back and help the captain. But a lot of officers lost friends and family members and a lot of them were struggling to cope. It was understandable, but Deanna was becoming genuinely overwhelmed.
The only saving grace was knowing that, because of all the damage to the Enterprise, they'd have to dock for repairs for a while. A few weeks, at least, if she had to guess. So the crew would have access to an entire space dock and planet with all the counselors and mental health facilities they could need.
She wondered how many officers would resign from the Enterprise after this experience. Several had spoken to her about it already, and she couldn't ethically try to convince them to stay when the dangers of their job had never been more clear.
There was a sudden shrill beeping sound coming from her computer console, and Deanna walked over to find an incoming transmission from Betazed. With a sigh, she pushed her hair back and opened the channel.
“Little One! Thank the Gods you answered!”
“Hello, mother.”
“Don't hello, mother me! I've been worried absolutely sick! You wouldn't believe the things I've been hearing these past few days. Is everything alright? You're alright? Jean-Luc? William?”
Deanna smiled softly. She hadn't realized until that moment that she'd been craving some normalcy almost as much as the captain. “Yes, I'm fine. Will’s fine. The captain is…recovering. But he will be fine after he takes some time to rest properly.”
“Good. Now tell me, darling, when are you coming back to Betazed?”
“I was just there a few weeks ago,” Deanna answered quickly. “And we're near Earth at the moment, so I don't think I'll be coming by anytime soon.”
Lwaxana shook her head and sighed loudly. “You need your home, Little One! You won't rest properly without it!”
“I'll be able to rest on Earth.”
“Earth?! Please! Everything's so busy and loud there! And what's relaxing about freezing, snowy Alaska? You need sun and sand and sea!”
Deanna rolled her eyes, annoyed by her mother’s unsubtle implication that her time on Earth would be spent entirely with Will. Though it was true that she wanted to spend time with him, she also knew that after the destruction of the Melbourne and being acting captain of the ship that defeated the Borg, Will was going to get offers. Who wouldn't want him as a captain, after what he'd done? So his free time was likely going to be spent talking to High Command or thinking about his future. “There are plenty of sunny places on Earth, Mother.”
“Make sure to take some pictures, then, so I have proof that you're not working the entire time!”
She laughed at that and felt a warmth spread throughout her chest when Lwaxana laughed, too. As difficult as the last few days had been, seeing her mother and sensing how deeply she cared was a calming comfort.
Deanna opened her mouth to say something else when her door chime rang. She could sense the mind outside her door easily and smiled. “I should go. I'll call you later.”
“Tell William I said hello.”
She rolled her eyes and ended the call. “Come in,” she said quietly, angling the console away from her in its usual resting spot.
Will entered the room with his hands behind his back, looking uncharacteristically shy and extremely tired. The bags under his eyes were heavy, but he was smiling brightly at her as he kept walking closer, leaning his hand onto her desk.
“Hey.”
“Hi,” she answered, feeling lighter in his presence. Deanna stood up to match him, holding her hands together behind her as they locked eyes. “How's everything going?”
Will smiled. “It's fine. Good as it can be.” He took a small step closer to her and lifted a hand to rest the backs of his pointer and middle fingers against her cheek. “How's the captain?”
“He's improving.” She closed her eyes and focused on the warmth of his skin - only opening them when he moved his hand to cup her cheek. “But he's proud and has trouble recognizing his own limitations. As I'm sure you can understand.”
“Almost too well.” Will lifted his other hand to her other cheek, holding her face gently. He swallowed and exhaled slowly. “Deanna, I’d really love to say something cool or charming, but I don't think I can muster up anything right now.”
Deanna failed to hide the smile that came over her. “When's the last time you slept?”
He rubbed his thumbs over her cheeks and kissed her, holding their faces together for more than a few moments before pulling back. “No idea.”
“You need to sleep, Will,” she said sternly, torn between wanting him to kiss her again and wanting him to take better care of himself.
“Me?” he asked, smirking. “What about you?”
“I'm not the one in command.”
Will pecked her lips again and chuckled. “No, you're just the most requested senior officer right now and you've been in and out of appointments for days.”
Deanna sighed and reached her hands up, wrapping them around his wrists. She didn't try to pull him away, she just wanted to feel a bit more of him. She wanted him at that moment, as much as he clearly wanted her, but they were both so miserably tired.
Will leaned down and kissed her again, holding her face more firmly and deepening the kiss - she parted her lips for him as he moved his mouth slowly against hers, but their pace was gradually speeding up and he was unsubtly nudging her towards the bedroom.
She smiled against his lips and reluctantly moved her face away from his, though he misinterpreted her movement and immediately started kissing her neck. “Will, we should go to bed,” she muttered quietly.
“Working on it,” he responded against her skin, reaching around to her back to unzip her uniform.
But Deanna wasn't going to let him get away with foregoing sleep as long as he had. She may not have been his counselor, but she was still a counselor and knew that the tiredness would start to take its toll. “That’s not what I meant.”
To his credit, Will stopped immediately, though he kept his hands where they were - one pinching her zipper and the other creeping underneath her uniform and rubbing gently along her back. “No?”
“We should sleep.”
“Deanna,” he whined, pouting as he pulled back. “I feel like I haven't seen you in days.”
“We'll still spend time together,” she responded, ignoring the way her heart fluttered at his desperation. “And get a few hours sleep before you're inevitably called back to work.” Deanna stepped out of his grasp and motioned for him to follow her towards the bed. She hoped that they could fool around a bit after getting some sleep, but she didn't want to make any promises.
Will sighed and followed her, reaching out to grab her hand. “Shelby’s watching the bridge, so we do have time…” he grumbled, staring down at her pillows.
“Good.” Deanna reached back to finish unzipping her uniform, but Will noticed and finished it for her, letting his fingertips linger at the base of her spine. She stepped out of her jumpsuit and turned around to tug at his tunic, directing him to pull it over his head and toss it to the side. She kept her quarters much warmer than he did his. “Is this okay?” she asked as he started to work on his pants. “You don't have to-”
“Sleep sounds more than okay,” he answered, cutting her off and wrapping his arms around her. He held her close and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “But I won't promise to keep my hands to myself this time.”
She smiled into his chest. Naturally she had no expectation that he would. Instead of responding, she pulled him towards the bed and they both laid down, heads falling comfortably against the pillows.
Will scooted closer and kissed her again, then wrapped his arms around her back and started unhooking her bra. He knew she preferred to sleep naked, though the frequency of emergencies and sudden uninvited guests on the Enterprise led to her growing collection of nightgowns. He started to slide her bra straps down her arms, then stopped kissing her and mumbled, “No, Imzadi, don't do that sleep thing again, I want to stay awake-”
Deanna smirked and pecked his lips. “I'm not doing anything, you're just more tired than you realized,” she said quietly, tossing her bra somewhere across the room. “Go to sleep.”
He sighed and pulled her closer, shoved his face in her neck, and took a long, deep breath.
With a mumble that she couldn't quite make out, Deanna felt him fall asleep and she smiled.
“I love you. I missed you.” She felt his thoughts projected into her mind, likely unintentionally, and blushed a tiny bit at just how sincere they were. “I'm so glad you're alive.”
“I'm glad you're alive, too,” she responded out loud, holding him just as tightly as he held her.
Deanna woke to a chirping sound and a sudden chill down her spine when a pair of warm, strong arms pulled away. She whined sleepily, too tired to open her eyes and demand that he get back in bed.
He chuckled and smooched her on the head before he responded to the hail. “Commander Riker here.”
“We need you to sign for a few new changes in engineering, sir. As soon as possible.”
“On my way.”
Deanna opened her eyes finally, blinking rapidly as she adjusted to being awake again. Will’s back and his hair were highlighted by the starlight coming through her window, and for a brief moment she couldn't help but think that he was the most beautiful person in existence.
Then he turned to her and smiled softly - that same smile he always had when they locked eyes after an intimate moment - and she felt a waterfall of affection pouring off of him.
He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. “Duty calls. But I promise I'll come find you later, okay?”
She hummed softly and smiled up at him as he grabbed his clothes and walked out of the bedroom. He probably thought she was going right back to sleep. Part of her really did want to do just that, but another part was slightly overwhelmed by his feelings.
Again.
She stared up at the ceiling and listened to the quiet sounds of him getting dressed, smacking his shin into something, swearing, and then finally heading out the door. She was unsurprisingly attracted to the idea of them waking up together more often - of Will rushing out the door with promises to come back, or her hopping in the shower while he caught up on sleep after a long night. The domesticity of it all made her feel oddly giddy, though she knew her mood was being affected by the ordeal they’d just survived.
Obviously, Will wasn’t leaving the Enterprise for the Melbourne. The Melbourne was gone, along with all the crew members on board. And though she’d started to feel insecure about what his answer was going to be, a part of her was fairly confident that Will never really planned to leave.
But now he was receiving commendations left and right. He was interim captain of the Enterprise and was in charge of the team that stopped the Borg and saved countless lives.
He was going to get other captaincy offers. And soon, probably. How could he not? He’d proven himself as a captain so many times during his years as first officer - Starfleet High Command would be foolish not to offer him another ship. And he’d be a fool not to take it.
Before long, Captain Picard would be back on his feet. He was already pretending to be fine, though Deanna knew him better than that. And Commander Shelby had made it perfectly clear that she was ready to take over as first officer as soon as the position was open.
So Deanna took a long, deep breath, and tried to concede the fact that Will would probably be leaving soon.
She didn’t want him to go. But she wanted him to get the dream he’d worked so hard for. The dream he’d sacrificed so much for, as he’d so aptly put it. He deserved to be Captain Riker of the Starship…whatever. Anything. Something big and regal, with a crew as competent as the Enterprise’s. He deserved a first officer who’d challenge him and a counselor who’d be able to help him without bias. He deserved all of it.
And Deanna decided that if she was only going to have a few more weeks with her imzadi, then she deserved to fool around with him as much as she wanted to. Because, realistically, at the point they’d reached in their relationship, there was no reason to stop. She was going to be heartbroken whether they slept together nonstop for the next two weeks or they never saw each other again. Either way, she’d have to take a few days off to cry and feel sorry for herself, maybe even go back to Betazed to let her mother say ‘I told you so’ and hold her while she sobbed.
It was embarrassing, honestly, that Deanna had almost gone all-in with Will again. She knew better. She knew he’d prioritize his career, and she refused to hold that against him. He’d been very clear when they first met on Betazed - he wanted to be a captain more than anything, and until he reached that goal he didn’t plan on staying in one place for long. She knew that.
She knew that and she fell for him anyway. And then she fell for him again, still knowing that.
But after everything that happened to the captain, sensing his suffering and trying to help him feel human again - Deanna really did feel like her issues with Will were petty. So they were in love but the timing was wrong and it was always going to be wrong. At least they were alive. And at the moment, they were together, so she was going to keep having sex with him as long as he was nearby because it improved her mood and her days and as long as she kept things from getting too serious, she’d be fine.
They’d both be fine.
“Course to Station McKinley ready and laid in, sir.”
“Make it so, Number One.”
Will exited the ready room, still feeling a little unsure about the captain’s condition, but he knew that Deanna and Dr. Crusher wouldn’t have allowed him back to his desk unless they were absolutely sure that he was up for it.
He hadn’t had a chance to talk to Deanna since leaving her quarters that morning - both Picard and Shelby commenting on his career prospects had his nerves buzzing. He wanted to talk to Deanna. He wanted to explain himself, make sure she knew that he wasn’t going to leave again. For the foreseeable future, William T. Riker planned to remain first officer of the Enterprise, no matter what offers were thrown his way.
They hadn’t been able to chat on the bridge, but he’d been enjoying just sitting next to her while they worked. Unfortunately, he barely caught her attention at all - Deanna and Commander Shelby were chatting and almost as soon as Will sat down in the captain’s chair, Deanna stood up and followed Shelby to the turbolift with little more than an apologetic smile thrown his way.
“Counselor?” Will asked, unable to contain his curiosity.
She looked only slightly disapproving when she answered. “I have an appointment to get to.”
He nodded, frowning, and scrunched his eyebrows as he attempted to reach out to her telepathically. They’d fallen out of the habit lately - not just to comply with Starfleet regulations, but it was safer that way - so he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to reach her. Still, he wanted to try.
“Dinner?”
He wasn’t looking at her, but the sensation of shock and surprise projected back to him made it very clear that he’d succeeded in sending her the message. It was just one word, but he was proud of himself.
“Of course.”
Deanna’s response came with a wave of strange emotional sensations - Will wasn’t empathic by any means so he wasn’t able to interpret so many feelings at once. She’d said yes, which was good, but he wasn’t sure if he understood all the feelings around it. Insecurity? Nervousness? Happiness? He liked to think that having dinner together was always a good thing. Maybe she was worried about what he was going to say.
Right before Shelby and Hanson and the Borg, he’d been attempting to get serious with Deanna again. As always, his career distracted him from that goal - but things had settled. They were going to be at McKinley Station for weeks. He couldn’t imagine a better time to try again.
“Don’t you think so?”
Deanna took a deep breath as the turbolift doors closed - Commander Shelby was saying something to her, but she’d been so distracted by Will’s telepathic question that she missed every last word. It was embarrassing to be so thrown by something that used to be commonplace. “I, um. Sorry, what was your question?”
Shelby responded with a knowing smirk and tilted her head forward. “I said that Captain Riker is lucky to have such an excellent crew here,” she said softly. “Perhaps I should call him Commander Riker again. It sounds like he’s pretty set on staying here, though I imagine he’s going to get plenty of command offers after this.”
“Ah, um, yes, he probably will.”
“Do you think he’ll take one? I’ve been told that you know him better than anyone else.”
Deanna stared at Shelby, trying to imagine who would’ve said that. Did Will? Why would it have come up? It wasn’t untrue, of course, but it felt strange to imagine people going around suggesting that Deanna could answer anyone’s questions about Will Riker’s life choices. “I couldn’t say. He’s…it seems like he’s still deciding.”
“Of course.” Shelby linked her hands behind her back and shrugged. “And what will you do if he leaves? Go with him? Or stay with Captain Picard?”
“Hm?”
“Well, I’m aware that couples in Starfleet often work on separate ships, but many prefer to work together if they can. Have you talked about it?”
Deanna blinked slowly. It took her a moment to realize that Shelby was attempting to engage in some sort of work-appropriate girl talk, and it was completely reasonable of her to do so. But her cheeks suddenly felt hot at the question and she couldn’t look Commander Shelby in the eyes. Will definitely was not the person she’d talked to about their relationship. “I, uh, we’re not. Not a couple, I mean.”
“No?” Shelby raised an eyebrow, looking somewhere between confused and unconvinced.
But Deanna had to stand her ground. If an officer like Elizabeth Shelby - who was only on board for a few days, and they were in crisis mode for almost that entire time - managed to hear those types of rumors, then they must’ve been going around even more frequently than Deanna realized. “We’re just close friends.”
“Ah. Okay.” She tilted her head to the side. “I apologize for misinterpreting.”
“It’s alright.” Deanna almost added a comment that she’d heard it all before and she was going to hear it all again and again, but held back. She didn’t need to embarrass herself further.
Shelby was apparently not done with the subject, though. “It’s nice that your close friend is putting his career on hold to stay here with you,” she said casually, like it was a completely normal statement and not something both presumptuous and judgmental.
“...he has a lot of reasons,” Deanna countered, hoping to quell whatever thoughts were running through the commander’s head. She could sense a lot of curiosity and confidence - Shelby was obviously a person who didn’t back down when she believed she was right. Of course, Deanna understood that she was one of Will’s reasons to stay, but she wasn’t the only reason.
“Yes, I’m sure he does.” Shelby gave Deanna a disarmingly friendly smile as the turbolift door opened on Deck 8. “It was nice working with you.”
Deanna stepped into the hallway and turned around, hands poised together in front of her. “I hope the next time we meet is under much better circumstances, Commander Shelby.”
“Me, too, Counselor Troi. Maybe we’ll have time to chat a little more, get a drink,” she responded with a grin and a wink. “See you around.”
The turbolift doors closed and Deanna stood silently in the hallway, staring at the gray panelling. Though sometimes it was hard to tell, she was fairly confident that Elizabeth Shelby had just hit on her. She almost laughed at the thought - first Shelby came after Will’s job, then his imzadi? - and shook her head as she headed down the hallway towards her office.
She was already late for her next appointment, and Deanna knew it was going to be a difficult one. There was no time to be distracted by thoughts of Will or Shelby or the captain, who she’d be seeing later that day. She took a deep breath before walking through the door and found her patient already waiting inside. “Sonya, hi. Sorry I’m late.”
“It’s okay. I know you’ve got a million other people to talk to, I just…I just want to make sure I don’t sound completely insane when I say that I’m thinking of transferring.”
The journey to McKinley Station was simple. They had to move slower than usual because of the damage to the ship, but space was quiet as it’d ever been. Everyone was a little anxious, on their toes, still reeling from the ordeal they’d all been through, but realistically, they didn’t anticipate any interruptions on their short journey towards Earth.
Captain Picard occasionally poked his head out of the ready room and walked around the bridge, claiming it was an exercise that Counselor Troi ordered him to do every so often. He’d stop and chat with at least one crew member each time - never about anything serious. Just socializing.
So Will allowed his mind to wander a bit.
He wondered what Deanna and Shelby talked about in the turbolift. He wondered why Deanna had such mixed emotions about his telepathic message. And he wondered if he was overstepping with her again - what if he made her uncomfortable? What if he told her what he wanted and she sighed and gave him that ‘not while we’re serving on the same ship’ spiel again?
What if, indeed. He’d feel like a fool, was what would happen.
One of the downsides of being in love with an empath, he supposed, was the knowledge that she knew exactly how he felt at all times. She knew that he loved her, she had no choice but to be aware of it. He couldn’t really shield it from her, not without significant practice, and in all honestly, he didn’t really want to. He wanted her to know how he felt. His feelings being out in the open like that meant that the ball was in her court - and if she decided to change things, she knew he was ready and willing.
As the end of the day and dinner with Deanna approached, Will relinquished the conn to Data and briefly checked in on the captain before heading to the turbolift. He planned to go straight to her office and drag her to Ten Forward where he’d watch her stuff her face with chocolate until she was completely satisfied.
But, as it often happened on the Enterprise, life had other plans for him.
“Commander Riker, you have a priority one message from Vice Admiral Henry.”
Will frowned and smacked his comm badge after quickly changing the destination of the turbolift. “Send it to my quarters, I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Yes, sir.”
He rushed down the hallway of Deck 8 as soon as the doors opened again, not wanting to make the vice admiral wait. He'd received several high priority messages over the past few days, but Henry reaching out was unusual. As Chief of Starfleet Security, he usually had more pressing matters to attend to. A congratulatory call wasn't exactly something that'd be high on his to-do list.
So Will had to assume it was about something else. Maybe something to do with the repairs the Enterprise was about to undergo. Maybe something to do with the inevitable number of officers transferring off of the Enterprise - Deanna hadn't said anything yet, but Will was sure she'd approve of any and all transfer requests. No one deserved to stay somewhere that left them anxious and scared.
He entered his quarters and quickly walked over to his desk console, pressing a finger against the screen to turn it on. “Vice Admiral.”
“Captain Riker! It's good to see you,” Henry said with a pleasant smile, but he became more serious as he decided to skip the small talk and move right to his point. “The Enterprise is supposed to dock at McKinley soon, correct?”
“We should arrive within a few hours, sir.”
“Excellent. Your presence is requested for an informal meeting at the Security Office in Starfleet Headquarters. Two days from now at 0800 hours.”
Will tilted his head slightly to the side. “That shouldn't be a problem. May I know what this is about…?”
“It’s…highly confidential. You'll be meeting with myself and a small group of flag officers to answer some questions, is all.” Henry looked unsure for a moment, then added, “No need to prepare anything.”
“Alright.” Will sat down at his desk chair. “I'll see you in two days, then.”
“See you then. Henry out.”
Will stared at the blank console screen and ran his hand over his beard. He had a strong suspicion about what was going to be discussed in that so-called “informal meeting.” They were going to question the safety of having Captain Picard as captain still - question whether or not he was still partially assimilated, even if it didn't seem to be the case.
He wanted to talk to Deanna about that, get her full assessment of Picard’s mental state, but Will wasn't sure if it was right to get her involved. If he cited her and something went wrong, it'd be a terrible stain on her otherwise spotless Starfleet record.
Will sighed. He'd only bother Deanna if he wasn't able to convince the Vice Admiral himself.
He leaned further into his chair and tilted his head back to look at the ceiling. He still planned to meet Deanna for dinner, but now she was going to know that something was wrong. She could read him like an open book.
Technically he didn't know what the meeting was going to be about. It was confidential, after all, so he'd undoubtedly have to tell her just that.
Will wondered if that would worry her. Would she think he was going to a meeting to discuss his potential next command? Everyone was talking about how many offers he was going to get, though he hadn’t actually heard anything yet. And he was pretty sure he knew why - even though he'd worked hard to get where he was and even though he'd helped stop the Borg, Will had still turned down three captaincy offers in a row.
When he thought about the look on Deanna’s face the other day when they’d talked about the Melbourne, he didn't regret those rejections. He wanted to stay on the Enterprise.
But if he stayed, if he took a demotion back to commander and first officer, would he ever be offered a ship again?
If he stayed on as first officer, then what were all the sacrifices for? Why did he ruin things with Deanna if he was just going to settle? He'd promised himself as a young man to always strive for captaincy, that nothing else mattered as much as running his own ship. Didn't that mean anything anymore?
Will sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He didn't know what to think. Deanna was right - he was happier on the Enterprise than he'd ever been. The work was fulfilling and he had lots of close friends and their relationship was going somewhere, even if it was slow.
His mind drifted to Deanna - he thought about how it felt to wake up that morning with her in his arms. Will wished they could've made love last night, maybe a few times, but his heart started pounding just at the thought of spending all night next to her.
She'd be pissed if he told her how significant a factor she was in his decision to stay, but he genuinely couldn't imagine being on a ship without her anymore. The Potemkin and the Hood were great ships, but he'd missed her terribly while he was on them.
He never thought he'd be able to have her in his life again. How could he even think about giving that up?
God, he hoped he didn't screw things up permanently by considering the Melbourne. She didn't hold his consideration of the Aries against him, but their relationship had changed so much since then.
Will sighed and stood up from his chair, then glanced around his room at all the trinkets on his shelves. Souvenirs from Risa, books he hadn't touched in years, autographed photos of some of his favorite jazz musicians.
He spotted Ode to Psyche and thought about how that book would always be there to haunt him. Remind him of what he'd given up. Will stared at it for a minute and pouted.
Obviously Captain Picard would be taking a nice, long shore leave on Earth. But maybe Will could take a few days. Maybe Deanna could, too.
Shore leave on Betazed didn't work out, and their holodeck date ended disappointingly.
They hadn't been to Earth together in a very long time.
Will leaned against his desk and tilted his head in thought. They never actually saw the falls last time they were in Venezuela, did they?