Work Text:
Three months was a long time.
It took five days into their hiatus for Rumi to start getting restless.
Honestly, a new record for her.
She couldn’t help it - the constant feeling that there was something she needed to be doing had been hanging over her head for as long as she could remember. Whether that was related to singing, dancing, fighting, it didn’t matter. Celine had built this focus, this drive, into her, instilled it into her veins in the hopes that it would be enough to fix her. Rumi wasn’t made to sit idly.
She’d let herself be consumed by her goals - make the Honmoon gold, defeat Gwi-Ma, free herself from her patterns, atone for what she was - and yet she never stopped to consider what it would be like when it was over.
Except now it was, even if it looked a little different than it was supposed to. And Rumi didn’t know what to do with herself. With all of the restless energy that still thrummed through her veins.
She tried the gym first, working out and running combat drills on her own, ignoring the way Mira and Zoey looked at her like she was crazy whenever she was on her way out. She ran until she couldn’t anymore, swung her weapon until her arms felt numb (it was heavier than it used to be, both literally and metaphorically). She tried slipping out at night, racing and jumping across rooftops with her heart pounding in her ears. Nothing was enough. Not when there wasn’t anything to work towards.
She paced around her room like a caged animal, purples and pinks flickering through her patterns and echoing her frustration.
Rumi wondered, idly, whether she had ever been capable of being different. Human. Not a weapon, or an idol, or a demon. How much of herself was a product of her father, of her mother, of what Celine made her into? How much of herself was actually hers?
She doesn’t remember the girl she was before. Before the shame and fear and desperate longing to be someone - something - else. She’d shoved and buried herself somewhere so unreachable, carefully built walls and masks until they became impenetrable, and now she wasn’t sure if there had ever been anything else to begin with. Who was she, underneath all of that?
Rumi collapsed onto her bed, burying her face in a pillow to muffle the dramatic, drawn out groan she let out.
This was stupid.
This was why Rumi avoided any concept of free time. Her mind would always wander to dangerous places without having something to occupy it.
With a sigh, she reached over to grab her phone from the bedside table, clicking it on and squinting at the brightness. She scrolled listlessly through her apps until her thumb hovered over her social media folder.
She shouldn’t. They promised Bobby they wouldn’t. That they would ignore the media and appreciate the time off and let him deal with it. They had planned it out vaguely, told him what they were comfortable with him saying, and agreed that anything further would be addressed after the three months. But - well.
Three months was a long time.
And what happened at Namsan Tower was a lot for the fans to take in and for the media to spin.
Rumi hated not knowing. Especially when it came to her and the group’s image, something that Celine had taught her to be so conscious and careful with.
She’d rather know so that she could prepare properly. It was practically her job as leader, right?
With a resolute nod, Rumi opened up her Instagram.
+++++
As far as distractions went, it worked remarkably well. Without even meaning to, Rumi was scrolling through articles and posts and comments, mentally drafting up responses.
And then it stopped being mentally, and started being physically instead, and she spent more of her time sitting at her desk with a pen and paper, creating a list of everything they would need to address, outlining rough drafts for official statements, cycling through ideas to make their comeback as smooth as possible.
It was a relief, having something productive to do. Even if sometimes she’d read the more…critical posts on the internet. Posts about her and her new look and what it would do to Huntr/x’s reputation.
Not like it was anything she wasn’t already used to hearing.
It was almost scarily easy to detach herself from her feelings, letting the familiar numbness seep into her chest as she focused on the task at hand. Her brain went wonderfully silent, working with single minded focus.
She nearly jumped out of her chair when she was interrupted by a knock.
“Rumi? You in there?” Mira’s voice barely sounded like a question, and Rumi couldn’t help the amused smile that slipped free. She padded over and opened the door, finding both Mira and Zoey standing on the other side.
Mira had her arms crossed in front of her, eyes narrowed almost suspiciously as she studied Rumi. Zoey grinned brightly, but Rumi caught the way her gaze flitted over Rumi’s form with something that almost looked like concern.
“What’s up?” She tried not to sound wary, but an uneasy dark blue danced quickly from her shoulders to her fingertips, and she watched Mira and Zoey’s eyes trace the path. Rumi silently cursed her newfound inability to hide how she was feeling.
All those years learning how to carefully control her facial expressions, her voice, her mannerisms - useless now when her patterns broadcasted her emotions regardless.
She didn’t know if the other two had worked out exactly what the different colors meant yet - Rumi herself was still putting it together - but it didn’t matter. It was enough to be more revealing than Rumi was used to.
She took a steadying breath, trying to will the patterns into something a little calmer. It’s not that she was uncomfortable around Mira and Zoey, they just…made her nervous. They brought out a desperate sort of longing in her that Rumi had long since grown used to ignoring, but was only now starting to wonder whether she was allowed to feel.
They hadn’t talked much, really talked, beyond tear filled exhausted apologies and explanations and promises in the immediate aftermath. They still hung out together, eating their meals at the same time and binging movies and shows while snacking on junk food, but it still felt tentative. Like they hadn’t quite figured out how to exist around each other in the wake of all that happened. So they were all hesitant. Careful.
It was obvious in the way Zoey fidgeted with her hands, before tilting her head at Rumi with an uncertain smile. “We just wanted to check in. See what you wanted for dinner.”
“You’ve been holed up in there for the past two days,” Mira added bluntly.
“Oh,” Rumi blinked. “Sorry. Just - keeping busy, I guess.”
“Right.” Mira’s eyes narrowed further, but she let it go. “Zoey had an idea we wanted to talk about.”
“Can we come in?” Zoey grinned again, and Rumi couldn’t say no to them even if she tried.
Rumi nodded and opened the door wider for them, the response practically habit. She didn’t even think about her open laptop and the papers scattered over her desk.
“Rumi,” Mira started, her eyes flicking over the screen immediately. “What are you doing?”
Rumi stiffened as Zoey also took notice, moving closer to the desk and skimming over the page pulled up on her laptop, her brow furrowing.
“Um,” Rumi said, uselessly scrambling to try and organize her desk into something that looked less like a mess. It felt a little to reflective of the state of her mind. “Keeping busy?”
“We’re supposed to be on a break.” Mira reached out and shut the laptop with more force than was necessary. “Not reading this bullshit about us that Bobby said he would handle.”
“Mira,” Zoey cautioned, looking nervously at Rumi.
“It’s not a big deal!” Rumi defended, her patterns shifting under her skin and painting the room in color.
Mira pinched the bridge of her nose, clenching her jaw as she obviously restrained herself from her instinctual response. When she spoke again, her voice was quieter, more resigned, and erring too close to disappointment for Rumi’s comfort.
“Rumi. We’re on a break,” She repeated, stressing the word. “Which means taking a step back from the media and the public and just…taking a second to breathe.”
Rumi sighed, picking up her phone from the table and flipping it anxiously in her hands.
“I know,” she mumbled, looking away so she didn’t have to see the looks on their faces. She felt a little embarrassed, being caught doing something she shouldn’t be doing.
“Hey,” Zoey was closer now, and she ducked her head a little to catch Rumi’s eye, offering a reassuring smile. “We’re not mad. We just don’t want you reading stuff like that when we’re supposed to be recovering from…everything, I guess. These three months are for us to relax.”
“I know,” Rumi said again, mouth twisting into a frown. “It’s just - I don’t -” She huffed, struggling to find the right words. Zoey and Mira didn’t push.
“I don’t think I know how to do that,” she finally admitted. “I’ve never really…”
She trailed off, but it was enough. Rumi glanced up and caught something a little sad flash across both of their faces, before they shifted into something more determined. Mira reached forward and snatched Rumi’s phone out of her hands, and scooped her laptop up in the same movement.
“Wha - hey!”
“Come on. That’s kind of related to what we came here to talk about anyway.” Mira led them out towards the living room, ignoring Rumi’s attempt to steal her stuff back.
“Mira!”
“You lost your internet privileges.” Mira pushed Rumi to sit on the couch.
“You can’t do that!” Rumi moved to stand up again, but Zoey sat next to her and snagged the back of her shirt to tug her back down.
“Uh, yeah I can. I bet Bobby would agree. You can have it back when I know you aren’t gonna do anything stupid with it.”
Rumi sputtered indignantly, but she could recognize an argument she wasn’t going to win, and watched helplessly as Mira ducked into her own room to hide Rumi’s devices away. Whatever. She’d just steal them back later.
“Quit pouting,” Zoey giggled, poking lightly at her cheek.
“I am not -”
“Yeah you are,” Mira snickered, falling onto the couch on her other side. “Anyways. Zoey and I are getting bored too.”
“Wha - then why are you attacking me about it?” Rumi protested, crossing her arms (she was not pouting).
“Because we didn’t immediately start doing work.”
“It barely counts as work,” Rumi huffed. “Wait, does this mean you guys want to end our hiatus early?”
Mira and Zoey looked at her like she was insane, which felt a little unfair.
“Uh - no, definitely not. I think we just need to stop lazing around here before we all go crazy.” Zoey gently nudged her with an elbow. “I’d hate to lose my mind and accidentally murder one of you.”
“As if you could,” Mira mumbled under her breath. Zoey ignored her.
“Wait, so what does that mean? What do you want to do instead?” Rumi tilted her head, not following.
“Vacation, duh! We have over two months to do whatever we want!”
Rumi blinked. Mira made an amused noise beside her. “Don’t worry. Zoey has plenty of ideas. Let’s order dinner first before we figure anything out.”
Rumi felt a little off kilter as they decided on a place to eat, quietly setting the table as Mira headed downstairs to retrieve their order once it arrived. She could feel Zoey’s eyes on her, but thankfully she didn’t push. It wasn’t until they were nearly done with their meal that Zoey broke the silence.
“Okay so we definitely have to go to a beach right? Somewhere super chill and secluded, obviously, so we don’t get hounded, but I’m sure Bobby could find us something. Oh! We could make it a road trip, actually! And stop wherever we want since we’re definitely not really pressed for time. I heard there were new rides that opened at that theme park further south, and a water park!”
Zoey kept going, throwing out ideas with the same fervor she approached songwriting, and eventually her energy seemed to spread to Mira who started rattling off her own suggestions.
Rumi quickly lost track of the conversation.
She’d never done any of the things they were talking about. She couldn’t remember having even taken a vacation in her entire life. Her traveling was only ever related to tour, and while Mira and Zoey sometimes wandered off to explore the cities they visited, Celine’s voice would ring in Rumi’s head telling her not to lose focus, telling her not to let them get too close, and she would brush them off with an excuse.
And for what? What was the point of any of it, when in the end her patterns were revealed to the world anyway? When Mira and Zoey didn’t hate her for them at all? What were all those years of shame and hiding even for?
Who could she have been, if things were just a little different?
Rumi felt a sudden burst of resentment sprout to life in her chest, angry and burning and taking her completely by surprise.
“Rumi?”
Rumi snapped out of her thoughts at Zoey’s voice, and she blinked quickly, rearranging her face into something she hoped was neutral.
“Sorry, what?”
“I was just asking if you were okay?” Zoey’s voice lilted questioningingly at the end.
“Yeah, I’m fine, why?”
“Dude, we called your name like three times. And uh - “ Mira trailed off, looking pointedly down at where Rumi’s hands rested on the table.
Rumi glanced down, finally noticing the claws that had sprouted from her right hand and were currently gouging into the wood beneath them. She flinched, snatching her hands back and cradling them against her chest, willing the claws to go away.
“Sorry! Sorry, I didn’t - I didn’t mean - “
Mira reached out and placed a steady hand on her shoulder. “Rumi. It’s fine.”
Rumi took a breath, trying to push away the shame that seeped into her veins whenever any of her demonic quirks came out, trying to ignore the immediate urge to run and hide away.
Zoey and Mira didn’t mind, she reminded herself. They hardly even blinked, didn’t make any move to shift away from her. In fact, both of them seemed to have moved closer instead, shuffling around the table to be sitting nearer.
It contradicted everything she had been taught to fear. Which brought her back to where her thoughts had initially wandered, and her patterns flickered in response, darkening to a red that spread over her skin like blood.
“Rumi?” Zoey tried again, looking suddenly nervous and almost guilty. “I didn’t mean to spring so much on you. We don’t - we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want -”
“No,” Rumi’s hand shot out, gripping Zoey’s. She realized a split second too late that her claws hadn’t gone away, and almost pulled back out of reflex, but Zoey gripped her hand tighter. “That’s not what - you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Okay.” Zoey relaxed, her thumb gently tracing over the patterns on the back of Rumi’s hand, which were still flickering with angry shades of red. “So what’s up?”
Rumi clenched her jaw, using all her willpower to resist the instinctive urge to brush off their concern.
No more lying.
There was just - so much she could say, she didn’t know where to start. She took another breath, then looked up to find both of them staring at her with such open concern and care that it cracked her wide open.
“I’ve never done any of that stuff you mentioned. Like - like going to the beach or riding rollercoasters or - or anything. Celine - she always told me I needed to focus, that I couldn’t waste my time doing things like that when I was - am - this.” Rumi made a helpless noise, gesturing to herself in a way that had Zoey’s grip tightening even further and caused Mira to let out an angry huff. Mira shifted out from under the table, moving to sit in front of them so they formed a triangle.
Rumi glanced at the gouges she left behind in the wood, reaching her free hand out to trace them.
“I hate her,” Rumi choked out, looking away shamefully. “And it’s stupid. It doesn’t make sense. I hate her, but - but I love her, too, because for the longest time she was all I had, and sometimes I miss her so bad I’m tempted to just call her and beg her to tell me she’s proud of me. But I won’t because I know she won’t tell me that and - and that makes me so angry. Because I did everything she asked of me, I - I gave her my life. And now,” Rumi chuckled, but there was no humor in it, her voice fragile and shaking.
Her patterns were brighter, flaring dark hues of red and purple. Her eye burned for a moment, enough for her to know that it had shifted, had started glowing amber, and she ducked her head, her clawed hand twitching in Zoey’s hold.
“Now, I feel like I’ve wasted all this time - like I’ve let life pass me by completely because I’m 24 years old and I haven’t experienced anything. I’ve never done anything unless it was related to what she told me to do - what she promised would fix me and make it all worth it in the end, except she was wrong about everything, so where does that even leave me? What was the point in making me like this?”
Rumi’s outburst came with a demonic echo that made her flinch, the intensity of the emotion suddenly terrifying her. Had she ever been this angry before?
No - that wasn’t the right question.
Had she ever allowed herself to be this angry before? Had it always been a part of her, raging and dormant?
(How much of it was hers and how much of it was a demon’s?)
(Was there even a difference?)
Rumi pulled her clawed hand away from Zoey’s immediately, suddenly worried about hurting her. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth, instead, to hide the fangs she could feel digging into her bottom lip, nearly choking on air as she tried to bury the anger back to wherever it had emerged from.
She was going to scare them.
The thought had her vision blurring with panic, remembering the way the Honmoon had rippled the last time Rumi felt this sort of desperate anger, the last time she recklessly let her raw emotions slip.
I can still fix it!
Her eyes squeezed shut, trembling at the thought of seeing those expressions on their faces again. She could practically see the glow of their weapons against the dark of her eyelids.
But Zoey and Mira didn’t back away, like they had then. Instead, there were warm, careful hands against her back and shoulders, and someone gently tugged her hand away from her mouth.
“Rumi.” Mira’s voice, steady and grounding. “Rumi, don’t hide. Not with us.”
Rumi choked on a sob, cracking her eyes back open despite knowing that one of them was glowing unnaturally. As if reading her mind, Zoey reached up, her thumb stroking just underneath the demonic eye.
“There you are,” she murmured with an affectionate smile.
“You’re allowed to be angry, Rumi.” Mira’s fingertips traced a pattern from her forearm all the way down to the purple of her claws. “It’s not stupid. Emotions aren’t always black and white, and they don’t have to be. Especially not when it comes to the people who raised us. Whatever complicated feelings you have about Celine and your childhood are valid.”
Mira squeezed Rumi’s wrist gently, tilting her head to the side. “You taught me that, remember? When I was upset about my parents during our first year as a group?”
Rumi inhaled sharply. “Oh.”
Mira’s lip quirked. “Yeah - oh. I was a total bitch that year, too.”
“You weren’t that bad,” Zoey interjected.
“I totally was, don’t lie,” Mira huffed, rolling her eyes playfully at Zoey before looking at Rumi again. “But you guys put up with it and you told me it was okay. I think if we got through that, believe me, Zoey and I won’t be scared off by something like claws and fangs.”
Rumi let out a shuddering breath. Zoey brushed away the wetness that spilled down her face, and Rumi finally let herself lean into the touch.
“Okay,” She whispered, voice barely audible, and stopped trying to fight against her own head.
Her patterns seemed to glow brighter, those same dark reds and purples that betrayed her turmoil, but Mira and Zoey pressed in closer, tugging her fully into their arms, and the colors shifted, flowing just as frantically over her skin but flickering into lighter shades. Rumi unclenched her jaw, wincing at the slight sting of her teeth from where she had bit harshly into the skin of her lip. Rumi made a noise in the back of her throat, somewhere caught between a sob and something a little more feral - a little more angry.
“It’s just - it’s not fair!” Rumi snarled, spitting the word out in her anguish. “All those years, isolated and ashamed when if I had just - if I had just told you both earlier then maybe - I could’ve turned out normal. I wouldn’t have hurt anyone. Maybe we could have fixed the Honmoon earlier. Taken more vacations. I could’ve - I could’ve been happy and she took that from me!”
This time, when the words came with that echo, a rumble that felt like it was torn straight from her chest, Rumi didn’t flinch. Mira and Zoey held on tighter.
“You’re right, you’re right - it’s not fair,” Mira murmured, her lips pressed to the crown of Rumi’s head. “You deserved better, Ru.”
The words pulled another desperate sob from her throat, and she quickly tugged her hand free from the tangle of limbs to latch back onto the table instead, her claws shredding through the wood as she trembled and shook.
“I’m sorry,” Rumi gasped. “I just - I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Shh, it’s okay. We know you won’t.” Zoey’s voice was gentle in her ear. “It’s fine. I didn’t like that table that much anyway.”
Mira hummed her agreement. “We’re overdue for a new one.”
Rumi choked out a breathless laugh, some of the tension easing from her shoulders.
Mira reached up, tucking loose strands of hair behind Rumi’s ear. “Fuck ‘normal’, by the way. There’s nothing wrong with how you turned out, Rumi.”
Zoey nodded quickly. “In spite of everything you had to deal with.”
Rumi huffed a little disbelievingly. “I couldn’t even last a week into our break before I was losing it. I don’t know how to relax. I’m not - I don’t even know how to exist without feeling like - like there’s this dread. That if I ease up for even a second then something is going to go wrong and everything will fall apart and it’ll be my fault.”
She pressed her face into Mira’s neck, practically fully sitting in her lap now as Zoey wrapped steady arms around her waist, like they were the only thing holding her up.
“What if it’s too late?” Rumi’s anger drained nearly as fast as it came, leaving behind an exhaustion that she must have been carrying her entire life. “I can think about the what ifs all I want, but this is the version of myself I have to live with. And I just -“
Her voice broke with a whine, and she reached up to rub uselessly at the wetness that was still spilling down her face.
“I’m so tired,” She whispered, her voice barely audible. “I don’t want to be like this anymore. Why does the idea of being happy - of being whole - still seem so…far away? It shouldn’t. Things are good. For the first time in my life things are good, but I’m too busy mourning over the past to even appreciate it.”
“Oh, Rumi.” Zoey sounded on the verge of tears herself, and she clung even tighter.
From where she was tucked against Mira’s chest, Rumi could feel the way Mira’s breath stuttered for a moment.
“It’s not too late, okay? It’s never too late.” There was a rough edge to Mira’s voice, like she too was barely holding it together. “You deserve to be happy, Rumi. You will be. Your upbringing doesn’t define you. It just - it takes time.”
“And we’re here with you every step of the way,” Zoey added.
“I know,” Rumi sniffled, burying herself even deeper into their comfort, like she was trying to crawl into their very skin. “I know I just - forget sometimes, I guess. I’m so used to dealing with everything myself that I forget things are different now.”
“You’re not alone. Never again. We’ll remind you as many times as you need.” Zoey traced a hand slowly up and down her spine, and Rumi unconsciously started matching her breathing to it.
Rumi shifted, just barely lifting her face from where it was smushed against Mira’s neck so she could flash Zoey a grateful smile. Fragile and shaking, but there nonetheless.
“I wish I trusted you both enough to tell you earlier.”
“I’m sorry we can’t give you back all those years you spent hiding.” Mira placed a gentle kiss over a pattern along Rumi’s temple, and Rumi felt her eyes flutter shut, exhaling and melting against the touch. “But we’re here now.”
Zoey jolted so suddenly that both Rumi and Mira startled.
“I have an idea!”
“Zoey, is now really-?“ Mira started, but Zoey was already quickly disentangling herself and scrambling to her feet, rushing down the hallway towards her room.
Rumi blinked, looking at Mira with a bewildered expression.
Mira shrugged, a little exasperated. She took the brief lull to shift her legs from where they were half bent beneath Rumi. Rumi tensed a little, an apology on her tongue as she made to pull away, but Mira just moved so she was leaning against the table with her legs bracketing Rumi’s. She reached out to grab Rumi’s waist and lean her back against Mira’s chest with an insistent tug.
Rumi let out a shuddering breath, settling into the feeling of Mira wrapped fully around her.
Safe.
God, it couldn’t be wrong of her to want this, could it? To want them?
One of Mira’s arms remained around her waist, her palm splayed against her stomach. Her other traced slowly down her arm before cradling Rumi’s hand, turning it over to run along the patterns there. Rumi shivered, a reaction Mira definitely noticed judging by the little amused chuckle she heard in her ear.
“Your patterns calmed down,” She observed quietly. “You feeling at least a little better?”
She was right, Rumi’s patterns were less vibrant now, lighter shades pulsing gently over her skin in time with her heartbeat. Even her claws seemed to have gone away, and she flexed her fingers curiously.
“Yeah,” Rumi murmured, tilting her hand and watching the way the light reflected off of Mira’s skin. “I guess I am.”
Rumi poked at her teeth with her tongue. “Fangs are still there, though,” she added with a frown.
Mira hummed. “That’s not a bad thing.”
Rumi furrowed her brow a little at Mira’s tone, but before she could ask what she meant by that, Zoey came barreling back down the hallway. Her socked feet slid against their floor, and she landed in a heap across both their legs with a yelp.
Mira snorted behind her, and Rumi couldn’t help but giggle. Zoey’s face lit up at the sound as she sat up. She hardly blinked at the new position Mira and Rumi were in, just slung her legs across their laps and pressed in right alongside them.
“Sorry, it was harder than I thought to find an empty one.” Zoey held up one of her notebooks, a pen in her other hand.
“Zoey, if you disappeared to go write lyrics right now -” Mira grumbled, hooking her chin over Rumi’s shoulder to glare at the younger girl.
“I didn’t!” Zoey waved a hand to cut her off. “The notebook’s for Rumi.”
Rumi tilted her head, watching confused as Zoey flicked open to a blank page.
“You should make a list,” Zoey explained. “Of everything you want to do that you never got a chance to before. Like a bucket list.”
Mira and Rumi gave her a blank look.
“You know, it’s like, everything you want to do before you die? Before you kick the bucket?” Zoey huffed when their expressions didn’t change. “Whatever, that’s besides the point. There’s nothing stopping you now, not in the way there was before. You’ve kinda already started, actually.”
Zoey quickly wrote something out on the first page, then turned it so Mira and Rumi could see. Rumi smiled a little at the title she’d written (Rumi’s Incredibly Awesome List of FUN), and underneath Zoey had neatly written Go to the bathhouse with my favorite people, and crossed it out with a single line.
“Oh,” Rumi breathed, feeling something warm and affectionate curl in her chest.
“Look, we might not be able to give you those years back, but Rumi, you have so many years ahead of you. And everything you think you missed out on - well, we have time. You can still experience all of it.” Zoey’s expression was earnest, hopeful, as she gently guided the notebook into Rumi’s hands. “Mira’s right - it’s never too late. We can help you.”
Mira was quiet, letting Rumi process this, but she squeezed Rumi’s waist a little tighter in agreement. Rumi traced a finger over the words.
“It doesn’t even have to be places you wanna go,” Zoey added. “It can be simple stuff - stuff you just never let yourself do before. Like -”
“Buying a strapless dress?” Rumi asked quietly, shyly looking up and catching the way Zoey blinked a little before beaming.
“Yeah! Exactly!”
Rumi hesitated for a moment, then wrote it down, staring at how the words looked on the page.
“We’ll do a shopping trip,” Mira said, looking over her shoulder, her voice low in Rumi’s ear. “We need to buy swimsuits, too. If we go to the beach.”
“I’d need to learn how to swim first,” Rumi mumbled, flushing and looking away.
“That’s okay,” Zoey ducked her head to catch Rumi’s eyes with a reassuring smile. “We can teach you.”
“And you’re an annoyingly fast learner, I’m sure you’ll pick it up easily,” Mira added with a playful eyeroll.
Rumi exhaled slowly, the pen hovering over the page for a moment before she carefully added to the list. Learn how to swim. Buy swimsuits. Go to the beach.
Her hand was trembling a little when she pulled it back.
“Hey.” Mira wrapped her fingers gently around Rumi’s wrist. “You don’t have to finish this right now. It’s been a long day.”
“I just - I don’t know that I’ll ever finish it. There’s so much I haven’t done it’s -” Rumi’s patterns flickered a pale pink, betraying her emotions. “Some of it’s embarrassing.”
“You don’t have to ever finish it, that’s the best part. Mira and I still experience new stuff all the time, too. Besides, you don’t even have to show us the list, if you don’t want, it can be just for you. You can just tell us what you want us to help you with.” Zoey’s hand joined Mira’s on Rumi’s arm. “I promise, we’re not gonna judge you for anything, Ru.”
Rumi took in a few unsteady breaths, overwhelmed in the best way possible. Mira and Zoey didn’t say anything, just let Rumi process their words and bask in their comfort.
“Okay. Thank you. Both of you,” she finally said. “I’ll add more to it later tonight?”
It came out like a question, but Zoey nodded encouragingly and Mira pressed another kiss to her temple.
“Come on,” Mira said gently against Rumi’s skin. “Let’s go rot on the couch for a bit before heading to bed.”
Rumi nodded, carefully closing the notebook and clutching it to her chest like it was something sacred. “I’d like that.”
They disentangled themselves from each other, helping Rumi stand on unsteady legs, only to collapse right back together on the couch, as though there was a magnet drawing them towards one another.
Rumi felt some of her restless energy ease, her muscles gradually relaxing and her head going blissfully quiet.
Maybe this was what she needed all along.
+++++
The next morning, Rumi tentatively padded into the kitchen, trying to ignore the nerves coiling in her stomach.
“Hey,” she called out, watching the way both Mira and Zoey immediately turned towards her with matching smiles. Mira was making breakfast at the stovetop, while Zoey was sitting on the counter next to her, kicking her feet and sticking her fingers in the food to try it. She hopped off at the sight of Rumi, bounding over to wrap her in a warm hug.
“Good morning! How’d you sleep?”
“Fine. I - uh - added to my list,” Rumi winced at her own awkwardness, turning the notebook over in her hands. “Do you guys…want to see?”
Mira tilted her head a little curiously at Rumi’s obvious nervousness, turning the stove off and walking over to join them. “Do you want us to see?”
Rumi nodded wordlessly, her heart caught in her throat as she held it out.
Mira continued to eye her as Zoey carefully took the notebook from Rumi’s hands, but didn’t move to open it yet. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”
Zoey opened it slowly, giving Rumi plenty of time to change her mind, before finally holding it between her and Mira so they could both see. Rumi shuffled a little in place, watching their facial expressions as they read.
She could see their expressions soften almost immediately (Rumi had carefully written First kiss embarrassingly close to the top), and they stayed that way for nearly the entire time. She could tell Zoey got to the bottom first, because she blinked and her head tilted, her mouth dropping open. Mira got there a second later, going completely still before her eyes immediately flicked up to look at Rumi. Rumi tried not to squirm under her searching gaze.
Because there, at the very bottom, as though she was scared to even write it, Rumi had scrawled Tell Mira and Zoey how I feel about them.
“Rumi?” Mira’s voice was devastatingly soft, and she stepped a little closer. Zoey’s head snapped up to also look at Rumi as she set the notebook down on the closest countertop, something almost…hopeful shining in her eyes as she bit her lip to contain a smile.
Rumi fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, a lump already in her throat.
“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same,” she started. “Honestly, it is. But - I - we said no more secrets, and I’ve been keeping this one for years, so…”
“Rumi.” Mira repeated her name, barely a whisper, and reached out to just barely brush her fingers against Rumi’s. “Say it.”
Rumi inhaled sharply, steeling herself.
“I’m in love with you. Both of you. And I never said anything - I couldn’t, not when I was hiding so much of myself and I didn’t think I was allowed to want anything. But I do. Want you, I mean. As in - a more than friends way. You’re the most important people in the world to me, and you mean everything to me, and I want you both in every way imaginable for the rest of my life.”
She’d barely finished getting the words out before Zoey was throwing herself onto her, the smaller girl’s arms wrapping around Rumi’s neck. Rumi stumbled, catching Zoey around the waist with a quiet oof. She would’ve lost her balance, but Mira was there a moment later, steady and grounding and her grip just as tight as Zoey’s.
“You have no idea how long we’ve wanted to hear you say that,” Zoey said against her neck, her voice suspiciously watery.
Rumi’s eyes widened in surprise, and she tilted her head to look up at Mira.
“We?” Rumi repeated quietly, an edge of disbelief in her voice.
Mira just chuckled, her eyes also beginning to look glassy. “Yes, we, dumbass. Of course Zoey and I love you. How could we not?”
Rumi’s mouth hung open as she fumbled for a reply. “You - really?”
Zoey pulled back enough to be able to look at her, tears definitely running down her face. “Yes, Rumi. We’re literally obsessed with you and it drives us crazy and I don’t know how you haven’t noticed.”
“Oh.” Rumi apparently couldn’t find anything better to say than that. Mira and Zoey didn’t seem to mind, because they both laughed a little, fond and affectionate.
Zoey’s expression suddenly went serious, and she reached out to cup Rumi’s face in her hands.
“Rumi?”
“What?” Rumi mumbled, a little unnerved by her sudden shift in mood and flushing at the proximity.
“Can we knock something else off your list?”
Rumi’s brow furrowed for a moment, but she caught on when Zoey’s eyes flicked purposefully down to stare at her lips.
“Oh.”
Zoey leaned in a little closer, her expression twitching into a smile. She waited until Rumi gave a tiny nod before bridging the gap completely.
Rumi felt like every nerve ending in her body had suddenly woken up the moment Zoey’s mouth was on hers. Zoey was gentle, but she pressed fully into Rumi with an eagerness that immediately had Rumi melting against her, feeling her body thrum as Zoey kissed her like she had been starving for it.
They pulled away at the sound of Mira’s amused chuckle.
“Rumi. Your patterns.”
Rumi blinked, trying to clear some of the fog from her mind as she looked down, finding a vibrant gold dancing along every exposed pattern on her skin, thrumming and alive with movement like the light couldn’t bear to stay still.
“Woah.” Zoey reached out to run her fingertips over Rumi’s arm, her face delighted.
“I didn’t…know they could do that.” Rumi blinked, not sure how to feel about this newest development, but she barely had time to think before Mira’s hand was curling around the nape of her neck to tilt her head up.
Rumi inhaled sharply as Mira’s face was suddenly an inch away, and Mira’s lip quirked as she clocked the reaction.
But when Mira leaned in, she instead pressed careful kisses along the patterns flickering along Rumi’s face, across her forehead and cheeks and jaw, until Rumi felt as though she was going to dissolve right into a puddle in their kitchen.
“You’re beautiful.”
“Mira.” Rumi’s voice came out more like a whine, but she could barely be embarrassed about it when a split second later Mira was leaning in to kiss her properly and everything else promptly left her mind.
Mira was a little more careful than Zoey, sinking into Rumi with a sigh as she slid their lips together with all the tender softness in the world. Rumi’s patterns glowed so brightly she could see the gold even through her eyelids.
Rumi sucked in air when Mira finally pulled away, feeling like her world had tilted completely off its axis. There were tears gathered in the corner of her eyes, but Mira and Zoey weren’t faring much better.
“Be my girlfriends?” Rumi blurted out, then immediately flushed.
But Zoey was already nodding so vigorously Rumi was vaguely worried about her neck, and Mira was ducking in to press more kisses along the side of her face.
“Obviously, we’re saying yes,” Mira huffed, but the attitude lost it’s effect with the way her voice wobbled.
Zoey squealed, practically vibrating. “Yes, yes, yes -”
She was cut off when Mira reached out to grab the front of her shirt and tugged her into a kiss. Rumi stared, transfixed as they moved against each other. It took Zoey a moment to respond, but then she was pressing forward just as insistently and nearly squishing Rumi between the two of them.
It was everything she ever wanted.
Eventually, after many many more kisses, enough to make Rumi wonder how she’d ever survived this long without them, they managed to separate enough for Mira to finish with breakfast. As Zoey set the table, Rumi picked up her notebook again and drew careful lines through two of the bullet points. She ran her fingertips over the words, remembering the anxiety, the doubt that had creeped in as she wrote them last night. She couldn’t stop smiling now.
She wasn’t sure how long she was standing there staring, reveling in the warmth that had lit up her entire being, but she was pulled out of her thoughts by arms slipping around her waist.
“Honestly,” Mira said, tugging Rumi back against her - protective, careful, possessive. “Selfishly I’m a little excited that we get to watch you experience all this stuff for the first time. That we get to be the ones to introduce it to you. Show you how to live, the way you’ve always deserved to.”
Rumi shuddered at Mira’s low voice directly in her ear. A moment later Zoey moved to join them, a wide grin stretching across her face, just as delighted and every bit as dangerous.
“Honestly? Me too.” She joined them, pressing into Rumi’s front and reaching out to trace the patterns along her face and collarbone.
It was almost overwhelming, having their attention - their touch - on her like this, but Rumi’s patterns still hadn’t stopped flickering gold, bathing her and her girlfriends - her girlfriends! - in a warm light. She wanted to exist in this moment forever, to stay wrapped in them and never have to worry about anything else.
Three months wasn’t going to be enough.