Work Text:
With a calm smile and a relaxed gait, Pomni slowly walked down the dorm hall. She hummed to herself as she made her way to her bedroom. By this point she had long lost track of how long she had been trapped in the Digital Circus. It could have been five years, or even ten, but it wasn't like it made a difference. What mattered was that somewhere along the way, she had finally made peace with her life here.
Sure, there were some things she could never truly get used to. Caine's often erratic behavior and poorly thought out adventures even now could sometimes find new ways to traumatize her and her friends all over again. But over time she and the others had somehow convinced the eccentric ringmaster to at least ease up on the frequency of the adventures.
It helped that today's adventure had managed to be short and low key, leaving the group with plenty of energy and time afterwards to just hang around each other. She and Zooble had even convinced Gangle to start working on that manga she had dreamed of writing for so long. Sure, the only people who would ever read it were her fellow cast mates, but eventually she and Zooble convinced the girl to write for her own sake. Her stories still deserved to be told, even if it would only ever be shared between close friends.
Pomni's eyes wandered over to Ragatha's door. A pang of guilt ran through her. Today's adventure was also meant to be done in pairs. Pomni had gone ahead and paired off with Jax, despite knowing how much Ragatha had wanted to spend time with her that day; simply because he had managed to approach her first.
Even after the adventure, Pomni hadn't noticed Ragatha had left the group for a while. She frowned at herself for that, Ragatha was supposed to be her best friend. Yet she somehow hadn't even thought of inviting the rag doll to hang out with her, Zooble, and Gangle. The guilt grew as she realized something; she had begun making a habit of this.
Pomni knew better, she knew how much Ragatha valued being seen, being included. She was also very much aware of how easily the doll could feel lonely and isolated from the group at times. Yet, despite that, everyone, Pomni included, tended to take the older woman for granted.
Admittedly, Ragatha didn't make things easy. The constant upbeat attitude and overbearing protectiveness, for Pomni in particular, could oftentimes feel patronizing and fake. Even worse, however, was the way she would so easily dismiss anyone's concern for her, and the ardent refusal to open up to anyone. Pomni knew there were plenty of things Ragatha kept bottled up, yet that short stint in the bar had been the only time Ragatha had divulged anything substantial about herself. Pomni had hoped she could eventually chip at those walls Ragatha kept up; but even up to this day she still felt like she had barely made progress.
Pomni stopped in her tracks as she stared at Ragatha's picture on the door. She tried thinking back to the last time she and Ragatha had spent any time together, just the two of them. Her brow furrowed as she realized it had to have been weeks, maybe even a couple months since they had any real one on one time. She cursed herself under her breath, she had promised Ragatha long ago that they would hang out more often, but at this point that promise had been thoroughly broken.
No more, Pomni decided it was high time she made it up to her best friend. She walked up to the door and gave it a few sharp knocks.
"Ragatha!" Pomni called out, "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out a little while? I know I kinda blew you off during the adventure, and…I'm sorry about that. I hope you're not too mad at me."
Silence was all that answered the little jester. Pomni cocked her head, it wasn't like Ragatha at all to ignore her. Even at her angriest, Ragatha was always attentive and accommodating to her. Another aspect of the doll Pomni knew she needed to appreciate more.
"R-Ragatha?" Pomni called out again. "Are you okay? I'm really sorry about today. I should've at least invited you to hang out with Zooble, Gangle, and I. I want to make up for that."
Again, no answer. Pomni's heart rate began to spike. Ragatha was a light sleeper, so Pomni knew she would've been heard.
"Ragatha, seriously." She stammered, "You're starting to worry me, please answer the door!"
Nothing.
"Ragatha, open the door!" Pomni yelled, "This isn't funny, you're starting to scare me!"
Silence.
Pomni stepped forward and began pounding on the door. She called out Ragatha's name repeatedly, her voice becoming more shrill and frantic. Her mind desperately tried to rationalize what was happening. Perhaps Ragatha had finally had enough, and was angry with Pomni to the point the doll was content to just ignore her. Perhaps, she wasn't even in her room; maybe she was out on the grounds, watching the stars, or chatting with the moon.
Pomni tried to convince herself this was nothing, that it was just her anxiety spiking and there was nothing to worry about. The harder she pounded, and longer she called however, the more panic had begun to set in. Eventually Pomni tried the doorknob, and found that the door was unlocked. Alarm bells set off in her head, Ragatha never left her room without locking up. She had to be in there.
"Ragatha…" Pomni called out one more time. "I…I'm coming in, alright?"
Twisting the knob, Pomni threw the door open and quickly stepped inside. Ragatha's room was bright and clean as it always was; that much didn't surprise the jester. What did throw her off though, was what she saw in the middle of the floor.
Pomni squinted her eyes as she panted. There in the middle of the room on her knees sat Ragatha, still as stone. Her head was hung down and her arms sat limp at her sides. Pomni took a reluctant step forward.
"Ragatha?" She whispered, "W-what's going on?"
Pomni bent forward to try and get a better look at the rag doll. Lowering herself down on a knee, she craned her head to the side to look at Ragatha's face. In it, what she saw made her blood run cold.
Ragatha's face had gone completely blank. Her mouth hung slightly open, and showed no signs of breathing. What scared Pomni the most, was Ragatha's good eye. It was gone, replaced with an unfocused, unblinking, glowing orb that pulsated with yellow and blue strobing colors. Pomni covered her mouth with her hands as she came to a horrifying realization.
Ragatha was abstracting.
"No… no no no Ragatha!" Pomni cried out as she ran to the doll, sitting herself down in front of her.
Pomni cupped Ragatha's face in her hands and lifted her head. "Ragatha…Ragatha talk to me!"
Pomni continued pleading to the older woman, but silence was all that dared answer. Her eyes frantically scanned Ragatha's face for any sign of life. There was nothing, just a dead stare that bore into Pomni's soul.
"Raggy please." Pomni begged as tears began to well up. "Please don't leave me, come back please~."
Pomni hung her head, her eyes clamped shut as the tears threatened to spill over. Her breath hitched and she continued her pleading.
A tearing sound rang out through the room, and Pomni's head jerked back up as she looked for the source. Her pupils constricted as her gaze landed on Ragatha's forearm. The stitchings that ran across her plush skin had torn open. Inky black spikes spilled out from the tear, and a mass of multicolored eyes had begun to propagate. The jagged polygons began to quickly overtake Ragatha's arm, yet the woman hadn't reacted at all.
"Oh f@#%." Was all Pomni could mutter.
A sudden fiery pain overtook Pomni's hands, causing the jester to scream out. She released her grip on Ragatha's head and jumped back to her feet. Looking down at her hands, she was overcome with terror to find they had both begun glitching violently. Pomni gritted her teeth and moaned, it felt like her hands were being stabbed dozens of times over with each passing second.
Pomni looked back to Ragatha, her eyes growing wide. The eyes and black polygons had now spread over Ragatha's entire arm, and the rest of her body had begun to glitch out. Pomni's stomach twisted in knots as despair had begun to take hold. Every fiber of her being screamed that she had to run. No doubt, this shell that was once her best friend would soon turn into another rampaging monster.
Just like Kaufmo had, the day Pomni had first arrived
"Raggy no!" She cried out.
Ignoring her instincts, Pomni took a laborious step forward. Despite the terror that gripped her heart, she couldn't bear to leave Ragatha again. Pomni knew she was Ragatha's lifeline in this Hell, but she had completely failed her.
Ragatha had always given so much of herself to everyone in the circus. No matter how much it burned her out; Ragatha had dedicated herself to being the biggest source of comfort and support for any poor soul who had been entrapped in this digital prison. It was a role that was desperately needed in a place like this, but no one else had ever been willing to take on that burden; not as readily as she had. If only she would've let someone else be her pillar of support. If only she hadn't so stubbornly closed herself off…
No…that wasn't true. Ragatha had tried reaching out. They had all been made aware Ragatha had demons that haunted her for her entire life. They all knew the influence her mother had over her, yet everyone's reaction had only served to invalidate her trauma in her mind.
Pomni liked to believe that she had been trying to get the older woman to open up to her; but looking back, it was clear to her how little effort she truly had put in. In reality, despite calling Ragatha her best friend, Pomni never really treated her like it.
It may have been too late to save her, but Pomni wasn't going to run. She owed it to Ragatha to stick this out. To be there in the final moments of her best friend's existence, before she would inevitably be locked away in a cellar to rot for all eternity.
"Ragatha, I'm so sorry." Pomni cried as she knelt back down in front of the doll.
Despite every instinct telling her not to, Pomni grabbed a hold of Ragatha and pulled the older woman into a tight hug. Her whole body seized as the glitching effect began to spread. It felt as if she were being lit on fire whilst being flayed alive. She trembled in a mixture of intense fear and pain, but held fast to Ragatha. For a second, Pomni found herself almost thankful Ragatha's mind was too far gone to register this much pain. She couldn't imagine how much worse it would be if Ragatha had been lucid through this.
"Ragatha…" Pomni weeped as she pressed her face to the doll's. "Please don't go."
Still no response.
"I can't lose you!" Pomni cried out, "Oh God, please Raggy, come back!"
Only the sounds of Ragatha's glitching body answered her.
Pomni prayed to whatever higher being could possibly hear her in this realm. She desperately wished she could take Ragatha's place. This was a fate no one deserved, but with Ragatha it felt especially cruel.
Pomni's breath hitched as she sobbed. "Raggy, you're my best friend, please don't leave me. I need you."
Another tearing sound rang out, this time from Ragatha's back. Pomni watched in terror as more spikes and eyes began to emerge from within Ragatha's form. The polygons stretched far out to the sides of the two, hovering menacingly around them.
Pomni tightened her grip on Ragatha's body. At this point she no longer cared about her fate. Even if she wanted to leave, she was certain she would have been paralyzed by the fear anyway.
Suddenly, Pomni felt the spikes wrap around her like tendrils, squeezing down on her with immense force. Pomni threw her head back as a long agonized cry escaped her throat. The tendrils pressed her so hard onto Ragatha's body it felt like the very life was being squeezed out of her. Gritting her teeth, Pomni forced her head back down, resting it on Ragatha's shoulder.
"R-Ragatha," she huffed out between ragged breaths. "I'm sorry, I failed you. You…you deserved better than this."
Mustering all the strength she had left, Pomni slowly turned her head to face the lifeless doll. She softly pressed her lips to the side of Ragatha's head, tears streaming freely down her face. Lingering for only a second, Pomni pressed the side of her head against Ragatha's. In spite of everything, the jester managed to smile weakly.
"You really were my best friend, you know. I should have done a better job of showing you that." She whispered. "I love you Ragatha…"
Pomni closed her eyes. Despite all the pain, despite the deep seated terror, she had found a strange sense of peace. She had accepted her fate. If Ragatha was going abstract, if Ragatha was going to die, Pomni would go with her. If eternity in the cellar of The Amazing Digital Circus was what awaited them, they would at least share that eternity together.
…
"...Puh…"
Pomni's eyes shot open. Did she really hear that, or was it merely a hallucination? Her eyes darted around as she listened carefully for any more sounds beyond the violent glitching.
"...Puh…"
"Oh my God!" Pomni yelled.
Putting her hands on Ragatha's shoulders, Pomni pushed with all of her might against the abstraction tendrils. She groaned with ever more pain as they pushed back on her. Taking several sharp breaths, Pomni's mouth clenched as she fought back with all she had. In spite of the overwhelming agony, and the raw strength abstractions had; Pomni had managed to pull back enough to position her face in front of Ragatha's again. She stared into Ragatha's eye, and found a new sense of hope as she realized the eye was actually looking back at her.
"Ragatha!" Pomni called out.
The eye twitched, and Pomni prayed that meant it understood her.
"Puh..Puh…" Ragatha muttered repeatedly.
Pomni gasped and her eyes lit up. It was her name. Ragatha was trying to say her name!
"Yes…" Pomni nodded vigorously, taking Ragatha's face in her hands again. "That's right, Raggy. It's me, it's Pomni!"
"Puh, Puh." The doll began repeating faster.
"That's it!" Pomni smiled, "Keep fighting, please keep going!"
"Puh…nee" Ragatha finally uttered, the pulsating in her abstracted eye beginning to slow.
"Yes!" Pomni screamed. "You're still in there! That's right Raggy, it's Pomni. Pomni!"
"Puh nee…"
"You're doing great sweetheart!" Pomni sobbed as she hugged Ragatha tight. "Just stay with me, Ragatha. Stay with me!"
"Puh nee…s…tay…wi…me."
Pomni put a hand on the back of Ragatha's head, rocking her back and forth. "That's right, just stay with me Raggy, please."
"Puhnee, stay…wi me?"
Pomni let out a pained laugh. "Are you asking me that now?"
"Poni, stay…with me?"
"Of course I will." Pomni whispered gently. "For as long as it takes."
"Po...ni….Poni…Pomni!"
All at once, the immense pain that had engulfed Pomni's body vanished. Her head span as the glitching that had covered her had begun to fade away. Her breath still heavy, she slowly looked around. The eyes, the jagged polygons, the glitching, it was all gone. Pomni realized the tendrils that had surrounded her disappeared as well.
Instead she felt two soft, warm arms wrapped around her sides. Pomni could hear the sound of someone else crying, and became aware of a wet sensation on her chest. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, feeling her heart rate finally slow down.
"Pomni…I'm so sorry." She heard.
Pomni looked down to her best friend, smiling sadly as the older woman sobbed into her chest. She brought a hand to Ragatha's back and slowly began to massage it. She lowered her head and pressed her face in Ragatha's mess of yarn hair.
"Ragatha, thank God you're okay." She whispered shakily.
Ragatha pulled herself out of the hug, looking up at Pomni as she sobbed and sniffled. "Pomni, I…I'm sorry I-I almost killed you!"
"It's okay," Pomni whispered as she lifted a hand to Ragatha's face. In response, Ragatha yanked her head away from the touch, catching Pomni off guard.
"It's not okay!" The doll screamed at the top of her lungs. "I was abstracting, and I was gonna kill you in the process. How could that possibly be okay?"
"Ragatha." Pomni sighed.
"Pomni…" Ragatha whimpered, hanging her head low. "You almost died, and it's all my fault."
"Ragatha, no!" Pomni shouted sternly. She clasped Ragatha's face in her hands, forcing the older woman to meet her gaze.
"None of this is your fault." She began, "If anything, it's mine."
Ragatha stared at her with a look of perplexity. "Why on Earth would you think-"
"Because I've been a horrible friend to you!" Pomni yelled, her voice quivering.
"N-no you haven't." Ragatha whispered halfheartedly.
"You know as well as I do," Pomni began, her eyes gazing down at the floor with shame. "I have been terrible lately. You are the kindest, sweetest, most lovable woman here in the circus, and everybody takes that for granted."
"But for me to do that." Pomni hung her head, "That's unforgivable. I know how hard it is for you. You put everything into making everyone else feel loved and appreciated, and nobody else ever returns the favor. I call you my best friend, but I sure as Hell haven't been acting like it."
"Pomni…" Ragatha brought her hand up to Pomni's chin. "I…You, I don't-"
"Don't try to make excuses for me, Raggy." Pomni shook her head, making Ragatha retract her arm. "I took you for granted, and I will never forgive myself for that."
Pomni reached out and took both of Ragatha's hands in hers. She stared into the older woman's eyes, still glistening with fresh tears. Pomni swallowed the lump in her throat.
"But I promise you, I will never make that mistake again." She finally said, "I want you to feel as loved and appreciated as you make everyone else here, and I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen."
Ragatha's face scrunched, a sob escaping her throat as she clamped her eyes shut. She leaned her head forward and brought Pomni's hands to her face. Her body shook as she cried her eyes out. The sight broke Pomni's heart, and she brought her head down as she wept as well, the sounds of their grief and sorrow filling the room.
Pomni had no idea how long the two sat like that. Her body felt heavy, and her mind had grown oh so weary. Eventually she ran out of tears, but she refused to move. She kept her eyes glued to the plush hands she held in hers.
A part of her still couldn't believe this happened. She had come so close to losing her closest friend, the person she loved more than anyone else. If Pomni had found her even a second later, Ragatha would have been lost forever. Pomni didn't even want to think about life without the rag doll by her side.
On an impulse, Pomni brought Ragatha's hands up to her face, and gently kissed them. She heard Ragatha gasp in shock, the act knocking her out of stupor. Pomni simply pressed her forehead onto Ragatha's hands. Every moment with her needed to be cherished, Pomni had decided.
"Pomni, what are you doing?" She heard Ragatha ask.
Pomni chuckled as a bittersweet smile crossed her face. "I meant it when I said it earlier." She looked up to see Ragatha staring at her confused.
"Which part are you talking about?" She asked.
Pomni gave Ragatha's hands a gentle squeeze. "I love you."
Ragatha's eyes went wide, a bright red blush lighting her face. "W-what?"
"I haven't done well at showing it." Pomni chuckled, "But I really do love you."
Ragatha pulled her hands out of Pomni's grasp, bringing them up to her chest as she fidgeted. "I…I'll be honest Pomni, I don't know how to feel about that right now."
Pomni smiled sadly. She mentally slapped herself; after everything Ragatha had just gone through, this was not the right time for a love confession. She couldn't begin to imagine the storm of thoughts and emotions running through the woman's head right now.
Pomni figured perhaps it would be best to give her space now. As much as the idea of letting Ragatha out of her sight agonized her, Pomni wondered if maybe at this point she would only cause her more stress. Silently, Pomni stood up and turned for the door.
"Wait!"
Pomni turned her head to see Ragatha reaching out to her. Her breathing had picked up and her body had begun to shake. Tears again threatened to spill from the doll's eyes as she hiccuped.
"Don't go yet." Ragatha whimpered, "Please, stay with me, just for a little bit."
Pomni's lips quivered as she turned fully back around. She quickly closed the distance between them and got back down to her knees. The two stared into each other's eyes, crying from the stress of the day and the flurry of emotions that ran through them. Pomni's mouth opened and closed, her words failing her. Before they even realized it each of them reached out and embraced the other tightly.
Sniffling, Pomni pressed her head against Ragatha's and brought a hand up to her hair. Her other hand began to rub Ragatha's back slowly and gently. In response, Ragatha began rocking the pair back and forth. Neither wanted to ever let go of the other again. With a sharp, yet calming breath, Pomni finally found the words she wanted to say.
"I'll stay with you forever."