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“What’s wrong with you?!” Jax spat, his ears all bent out of shape whilst his chest heaved for air.
Pomni glared, from her spot on the ground, equally out of breath. “Why didn’t you fight back?”
“Oh here we go–” Jax shook his head, holding two fingers to his temple. “Here we go! Because I didn’t fight back, that means I secretly care about you?” he sneered, ducking lower near Pomni’s face with each enunciated word.
“You should have no problem hitting me if it wasn’t true!” Pomni got up from off the ground, glaring wide-eyed up at Jax. “You aren’t hitting me! You’re taking the time to argue with me! If you really didn’t care, you wouldn’t be getting this upset over me calling us friends!”
“I’m the one upset?” he scoffed, “that’s rich, coming from you.”
Pomni felt whatever string of patience she had left leave her body. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fist-fight you initiated not even ten seconds ago? The literal wrestling match you started like a rabid f-boink!-ing dog?!”
Jax’s chest heaved, his pupils barely visible from how shrunk they had become. Bit by bit, the mask was slipping more and more, and the anger was bubbling freely to the surface–free enough for him to swear.
“Yeah, you know what, Jax? I am angry! I am absolutely livid with you right now! Never once did I say that I wasn’t. You don’t see me denying it, or pretending I’m not affected by anything! I can easily admit that I’m feeling a natural f-boink!-ing human emotion!” Pomni spat, her voice slowly rising to a shout with each passing second, “Unlike you. You’re seething right now, because I’m right, and you know I’m right.”
“Oh spare me–”
“No, no, we’re not doing this!” Pomni interjected, “you’re gonna listen, because you wouldn’t be getting this defensive over something that wasn’t true! You may think–” Pomni pointed a finger at him, taking a step forward as he took a step back, “–that you’re some dull, emotionless, one-dimensional archetype of a character in a show, but you’re not!”
Jax’s fists clenched, his eyes darting around for a moment before locking back onto the Jester below, his expression wavering. Pomni kept walking forward, almost stomping with each word. Her teeth were visibly sharpening whilst her pinwheel pupils trembled, visibly angry.
“You’re a person. You’re human. You have emotions, you have fears, you have triggers, and you have feelings! And–and right now, you’re scared. You’re afraid because you’re feeling bothered by what I’m saying, and if you truly were the ‘funny archetype’,” she made quotations with her fingers, sarcastically drawling out the words, “then none of this should be getting to you! But since you’re a human with human feelings–”
“Shut up!”
Pomni barely flinched back at the rabbit’s outburst, gazing up at his now fearful expression.
“Stop– just–..” he trailed off, his ears pinned back against his head. “Stop. Saying that. Stop it.”
“Why?”
“Just stop doing it–”
“–Doing what exactly? Pointing out the truth?”
“For f-boink!-cks sake Pomni!” he shouted, “Why can’t you just screw off somewhere, huh? Do ya’ enjoy this? Great job, awesome detective work, I care! What a revelation! Shocker! The a-boink!-hole secretly cares, now what?” Jax spat, yelling in her face as he gestured wildly with his hands. “You think this automatically makes us good friends? That the world is all sunshine and rainbows now? All my problems are now magically solved with your sh-boink!-tty dollar-store therapy session?!”
He scoffed, shaking his head with an incredulous smile. He backed away, spreading his arms out, aggression visibly leaking out of his posture.
“Well, spoiler alert! It doesn’t! And, it never will! You people will sit here and go on and on about how it’s 'okay to be open and vulnerable!’ but the moment you actually show weakness in front of someone, well, guess what–You’re doomed!”
Pomni spoke, distraught, “But being vulnerable isn’t being weak. You aren’t doomed for opening up to someone–it doesn’t work like that!”
Jax rolled his eyes. “Maybe in the real world, but not here. We’re all gonna abstract one way or another–” he laughed, his voice wavering, “it’s just a matter of time before the next person goes down straight into the cellar. That beloved friend of yours? GONE!” he yelled out.
“Jax–”
“Why the hell would I ever choose to go through that again? It’s just stupid, it’s stupid, and dumb, and it doesn’t–” his voice cracked, “–make any sense at all! Every single day we’re trapped here, it’s just a constant reminder that we’ll never get to leave, and every single person is just gonna go crazy and then that STUPID red x is gonna appear on their door–”
“Jax, I–”
“–They all just abstract in the end! Why on earth would you ever want to get close with someone if they’re just gonna leave!? I–”
Jax choked on a sob, his chest heaving with every gasp of air through his tears.
Fucking. Damnit.
He aggressively wiped at his face, his voice attempting to stutter out the rest of his sentence. The lump of anxiety and stress in his throat was one he couldn’t swallow without feeling the muscles close up and restrict.
The tears just wouldn’t stop.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
Why won’t they stop?!
With his whole body trembling–a result of him desperately trying to keep himself from just straight up bawling his eyes out into his hands like a fucking toddler throwing a tantrum–he thought that none of this could get any worse.
He fucked up.
He was doing so well. And he fucked it all up.
A touch to his shoulder had startled him, his whole body jerking away in response. In front of him stood Pomni, now somewhat eye-level.
When did he get on the floor?
With her widened, trembling, glossy eyes, the jester looked like she was barely holding it together herself. Her lip wobbled, and she opened her mouth to say something, before she just pulled him into a hug.
Just a hug. A simple, careful, firm hug with her arms over his shoulders.
And that simple hug was all it took to break down his carefully crafted walls.
Jax wailed into her chest. Crying out with anger, frustration, everything–just all compacted into his tears. He ducked his head down, his ears pinned back against his head, not even having the strength to hug her back or do anything with his hands.
He felt Pomni’s arms tightening around him. Not constricting, but comforting.
Safe, even.
Her right arm moved up to cradle the back of his head, her left wrapping further around his back, pulling him impossibly closer.
She didn’t mock him, she didn’t leave, she didn’t whisper empty words of comfort either. She just. Held him.
Why did that make him so emotional? Why was he now crying harder once he realized that? Here Pomni was, right in front of him, just there. Another person in the circus. Another connection, just in front of him.
It would be so easy to just wrap his arms around her and hug her back. To cry into her lap about how unfair, how frustrating everything was. All his anger and sorrow could bubble to the surface. All these emotions he didn’t even know he was feeling, everything that was pushed to the back of his mind–it was now barging through every barrier he accidentally and purposefully put up.
How easy it could’ve been for Pomni to just push him away.
How easy it would be for him to abstract and possibly leave her with the same damage that they did.
..Fuck.
He didn’t want to think about any of that right now.
He buried his head further into the crook of her neck, hoping that the warmth he chased would push away the anxiety that was present from the currently-forming pit in his stomach. He didn’t want to think about what any of this meant. Getting close with someone again. He didn’t want to think about how it's gonna end.
The occasional hiccup or sob left his lips, but he wasn’t full on bawling anymore. He couldn’t even really be thankful for that. Whatever he had left of his dignity jumped out the window the moment he cried his eyes out from a simple hug.
As Pomni slowly rubbed circles into his back, her other hand petting his head, he went limp in her hold.
Maybe, just maybe, for the time being, he could pretend it was a friend comforting a friend. That there’d be no consequences for this. That everything was normal. He’ll deal with the heartbreak of abstraction sometime in the future, sure, but that was a problem for future Jax.
He’ll just soak all of this love and warmth up like a parasite, for now, in the meantime.