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“I know her.” Alex averted her view from the redhead displayed in the D.E.O. monitors. The framed glass walls of the lab contained the silence and tension even underground but not in Alex's mind. “That’s why I called you,” she said while Hank stood straighter, waiting for explanations or answers.
Damn it.
The young woman turned her back to him and the other alien present in the room. Facing her microscopes and scalpels was much easier, maybe, than watching her mentor to the eyes after such a stupid mistake. Or easier than look at her listening what she was about to tell.
“I knew that woman,” Alex begun. “No matter where. I just- I can’t remember what…” She exhaled a long breath and leaned with the palms of her hands on the steel table, her thoughts jumping between that morning and two nights ago. “If she knows something, it has to be because of me.”
All she heard after that was Hank’s disappointment and coldness. But he had the right.
“We’ll discuss this later,” he reasoned. “For now, I need to know exactly what they took: how many weapons they stole, what documents are missing.” He paused with the weight of his next words hanging dangerously upon Alex. “How much kryptonite they have.”
Alex closed her eyes at the word. How could she be so naive?
Although the situation was under control, the D.E.O. headquarters had been taken from the inside the night before. An unknown enemy until then had silently nurtured an army to end what several others had tried before with no success. The remnants of Astra's army, this time led by a superhuman with telepathic powers, had finally decided it was time to deploy their forces against Supergirl and her allies.
And so they did.
No collateral damage on their side, they used human soldiers to access the rich resources and information that the D.E.O. kept safe. Not knowing how, Hank’s most trustworthy agents were no more than just pawns playing for a Queen of Deceit. A spell that Alex knew too well.
She couldn't figure why exactly - until Hank explained the extent of that woman's powers - but her thoughts diluted minutes after knowing the red head. That night, it seemed like whisky and some Earthly noise would be an answer to a well-loaded day, but that was only what Alex told herself the morning after. She blamed the alcohol for the void her mind was, for the blank spaces and the missing pages between that sleazy bar and her apartment. The only certain facts were the hangover claiming her head and the bitter realization that, even after all that alcohol and ten months, she couldn’t let another woman enter her life. Her full-dressed awakening was evidence of that.
And everything was connected with the third person in the room.
Astra In-Ze.
Alex’s heart and stomach squeezed at the mental image of Astra listening this shameful truth. Different emotion, but Alex felt the same tightening when she saw Astra again almost a year ago, rising between the rubble of an old building, with her clothes torn after landing on Earth for the second time. No trace of her floating coffin or burial offerings, a return that even Astra didn't fully understand. A return, after a not-so-honorable death, and yes, maybe it was the same emotion after all. Guilt. And regret.
They crossed paths again, after Non, after Myriad and after all the mistakes Astra had committed… after all the battles where they were opponents, loser or winner, if there was one, with all that meant. Since Astra returned - kissed by the light of the yellow sun, reborn to her former soldiers’ beliefs, alive before Alex’s eyes - the younger woman's breathing leaped every time the Kryptonian prowled her mind.
There were bridges to build, of course. Not only with National City and the world in general, paradoxically, having in mind that Astra was only trying to save it. Alex knew that between them some things wouldn't be easy either.
Cracks on the concrete, hard to fill with apologizes and talks and weeks of detention. But the two of them tried. For Kara at first, the point of connection of these otherwise parallel lines. For the D.E.O. too, and for the time that had passed and that something they couldn’t name that was growing unstoppable between them: a link maybe, companionship, or affection, perhaps.
Who could find the proper word?
Alex’s own cracks were filling with every conspirational looks they shared, the knowing smiles, and those comforting squeezes after a bad day. Steel over concrete, layer by layer, until Alex was able to find a momentary peace and a pace to carry on with the conscience of her acts. She remembered everything, nevertheless, every time they touch, every time their bodies met in the sparring room, every time she loaded the kryptonite clips in her gun. The void of those moments dragged her tempestuously, but, even if she would never admit it, Astra’s fierce eyes made it all much more bearable. Alex could be falling; she with her ‘impractical human fragility’, but Astra was somehow with her… and steel was always harder to crack.
Muted in the air in the spaces between each interaction, that unnamed feeling spoke the first time Astra saved Alex’s life in the battleground, with tears in her eyes. It was enough even if she hadn’t said what Alex really heard. Most truth exists in silenced words. But who would be the first to say it?
And when? after all this misunderstanding…
“Danvers? Did you hear me?” Hank disrupted.
Alex's train of thought derailed. Her voice barely a whisper when she acknowledged the order and moved to face him, as a good subordinate would do.
And then silence again.
Hank stomped out of the room and marched towards the rest of his agents to impart new commands and instructions. The automatic door closed, they were finally alone, but Alex never met Astra's eyes. She took a deep breath instead, finding a distraction in the tiles of the floor of this place, where her heart always raced because of the other woman's closeness. Only this time everything was stained with a lose-like feeling.
Alex looked up, finally, when Astra spoke.
“We need to call Kara. She is in danger.” Her adamant posture gave Alex the impression that she owed some kind of explanation. Something that maybe they needed to talk when all of this was over, even when they owed nothing to each other.
“You are too. I’ll talk to Hank to keep you and my sister safe.”
“Director Henshaw sought for my services because he knows what this woman is capable of. You know too. Stay away from her.” The former General was a warrior first, and then the rest.
Alex folded her arms up against her chest and pinned Astra with her eyes, if that was somehow possible. The Kryptonian was a former General but she was not part of her army, she was not her soldier. “This is my fault,” she stated, unblinking, “I’ll take care of it.”
With determination and a wounded pride, Alex stormed toward the exit. She stopped short when Astra's hand held her forearm with more consideration and softness than an alien with super force would have. Alex tilted her head toward the other woman, turning at the contact, and Astra let go slightly.
“I have already betrayed my kind and lost them, Alexandra. I can't lose-”
“Please, Astra…” Alex said with closed eyes.
Astra took a step aside and let her go completely. Perhaps, in more than one sense, and it didn’t feel right.
It just felt like a deserved stab.
Alex opened her eyes and swallowed hard as if all the air on her lungs was pulled out by an unknown force, a non-terrestrial force. She hesitated, couldn’t leave the room. The automatic door slid open with a swoosh in front of her, and she tried to keep all that had happened in the back of her mind.
But it was impossible.
Pivoting on her heel, Alex turned around and shortened the distance.
“When this is over… There’s something I need to tell you,” Alex managed to say, trying to ignore those intense grey eyes brightening again, just for her.
“Say it now and we will not have to wait the best odds.”
Alex glanced downward. She was no coward but Astra wasn’t letting this go easily. So she found a way to be honest without oversharing something she could later regret.
“I wasn’t looking for anyone that night. I just had a bad day and needed a drink,” she clarified lightly.
Ok, good enough... But why isn't she saying anything?...
“I am aware there are several reasons to frequent a bar, Alex, other than finding company.”
Alex frowned at her own awkwardness and looked away, her cheeks blushing as if she was 14, so not fitting with her dark uniform and the gun hanging from her right thigh. She could wreak havoc in an enemy facility with maximum reinforcements; she took her father back from Cadmus against all odds and possibilities; she was ready to fight, waiting for the enemy troops anytime soon, and yet, Astra disarmed her in so many ways.
When Alex's lips parted to say something she hadn’t thought yet, Astra spoke.
“But I understand what you are trying to say.” Their eyes locked in silent understanding while the Kryptonian slid dangerously close. “When all this is over, if you allow me, I’d be honored to be your company in nights like that.”