Chapter Text
It was Ragatha who went to Zooble, first. Not immediately, of course, because Ragatha admittedly needed a couple days to lick her proverbial wounds, but as soon as she’d been able to stop seeing red (or more accurately the greenish of tints), she came to a realization. Her newcome understanding was harshly unpleasant, in the sense that it was a difficult truth to admit to, but Ragatha saw it with clear eyes now.
She was a bad friend.
Zooble looked away when Ragatha said this, closing their eyes and looking worryingly irritable.
“You're not a ‘bad friend’.”
With a shake of her head, Ragatha argued. She laughed, but it was a little ironic, and she said, “Oh, no no no, you don't have to–” a pause, and she barreled onward, “--I know I'm not… A good friend doesn't make people wonder if they mean what they say so, you don't… you don't have to pretend, Zooble… just to not hurt my feelings. I can take it! Promise!”
Ragatha showed double thumbs up to Zooble, who just stared, utterly confused.
“What’s happening here?” Zooble asked dryly.
Ragatha looked around. Did she– do something wrong? Were the thumbs-up not… thumby or up enough? Oh no, did she make them uncomfortable? “Nothing! Um, we don’t have to talk if you don’t want to or if you're busy– I can always come back later, or… not at all if that works better for you?”
Zooble shook their head and pointed at the other sofa. “no, Raggie, just, sit down.”
“Are you sure now is a good time, because I can–” Ragatha already started to move away from the communal sofas, kicking herself for being such a burden. She should just leave, stop making her problems everyone else’s too. After all, it’s not as if Zooble asked for– oh, wait, they’re… staring at her, but why?
Zooble raised their brow again, in a way that pretty clearly asked 'Are you stupid?’ Or... well, that's what Ragatha thinks their look said. They did already say to sit down, so she should, right? That meant they wanted to listen, and Ragatha was just making a fool of herself and wasting both of their times by arguing… Right?
Ragatha slunk back to the chair and sat down, fiddling with cloth thumbs as she tried to wrangle her thoughts. “Okay, it’s about Pomni, and Jax. I’m worried about her.”
“Mhm,” Zooble replied, then turned to stare when Ragatha didn’t continue. “Keep going, or is that it?”
“Pretty much– I mean, you saw them together…” Ragatha said, and she sorely wished her voice hadn't gone so high-pitched, almost whiny, in fact, but she was worried. Very, very worried.
Zooble, who was clearly far less worried, had to think on that briefly, but nodded. “Yeah,” They said, with a shrug, as if this was a shrugging matter. As if this wasn't life and death, or well, the Digital Circus equivalent, for Pomni– because surely after all that time with Jax she was bound to end up… Fine. She'd be fine.
Pomni would be fine, because Ragatha was going to help before she could end up down a wrong path, the spiraling kind that inevitably swallowed you up whole when you decided to become best friends with the one person who turned out to be the biggest jackass in the entire Circus and–
Ragatha shook her head rapidly, dislodging her own spiraling concerns already wracking at her stuffing, and turned her attention back to Zooble.
“Am I overreacting?” She asked, as a fact check, because her stitching felt like it was about to start fraying she was so anxious about this and Zooble was… as unflappable as ever. “Are– are you not concerned?”
“Why are you asking me?” Zooble countered, not a snap because it was a ridiculous question, no irritation behind the words like there would have been if they were asking Jax instead… Just genuine curiosity. They're legitimately confused.
“Oh,” Ragatha looked away, feeling very put on the spot, and rather confused herself. “Uh, I’m not sure what you mean?”
Zooble simply scoffed. “What about me says I’m the authority on what to be concerned about?”
“Well, I don’t think you give yourself enough credit, Zooble! I think you’re very dependable– er, sturdy too, y’know.”
Zooble looked confused yet again, as if no one had ever described them that way.
“Thanks, I guess.” Zooble leaned back, “Look, I haven’t really been paying attention to Jax and Pomni– mostly because I don’t give a f@#% what bunny boy’s doing… so long as he isn’t f$&#ing with Gangle.”
“Right, you two have been bonding. That’s great!”
“Mhm,” Zooble said again, very unconcerned with Ragatha’s approval if their lackluster response was any indicator (a state of being that was so foreign to Ragatha. Not for the first time, she wondered what it was like being them. It seemed… nice.) “Anyway, why are you so worried? Pretty sure Pomni can handle herself just fine.”
“Oh, I know. She’s really started to get her footing around here! It’s just Jax can be… a lot, for anybody, and I don’t want her to end up hurt.”
“Okay.” There was a heavy, persistent silence. Then Zooble asked. “So, what do you want me to do here?”
Ragatha hadn’t been expecting that question. She should have been, really, after all she was the one who came here, to Zooble, for help in the first place, but she wasn’t, and being left without an answer left a familiar but unpleasant dryness in her mouth. Eventually, Ragatha opened her mouth, and what might as well have been gobbledy-gook fell out. “Teach me your ways, Zooble.”
“Okay I am– so confused,” Zooble said.
Ragatha clarified, or tried to. “Teach me how to do friendship.”
Zooble laughed. “What the f#*% is going on,” Zooble said for the third time. “Teach you how to do friendship?”
Ragatha, feeling momentarily quite brave and sassy, replied, “Are we going to argue semantics, or are you going to teach me how to do friendship?”
Zooble shrugged. “F*&$ it, I guess we’re doing this. C'mon. Anything to get out of another one of those stupid adventures.”
Ragatha followed Zooble for about ten minutes or so. After such a long time there, Ragatha was familiar with almost every part of the Circus, but apparently the “almost” still held true. It was almost, because somehow Zooble had found a small area hidden away from everything that no one else was aware of. Honestly it was a little disconcerting, realizing that even once she’d finally thought she’d seen it all, there were still secrets and mysteries, and she had to stop herself from wondering if she really knew anything at all. Existential crises were a no-no, even minor league ones! Nope, there was nothing existentially disturbing here– no, this was just… new information, a chance to learn. Ragatha was learning already! Yay!
“Watch your step,” Zooble said, pointing off into some pitch-dark void space. “No idea where you end up if you fall through there… because I’ve made sure not to fall. Couldn’t be great though.”
“Right!” Ragatha called ahead, chipper as ever. “Watch my step! Got it!”
“I heard screaming from there once,” Zooble added. “Probably just an NPC… or something.”
“Haha, right…” Ragatha replied, far less chipper.
“This is one of the places I go when I want to avoid Caine,” Zooble explained. They take their time as they step across floating rocks suspended in the darkness, which shift and teeter slightly off-course with each jostle from the pair’s feet. Ragatha tried to think of it like hopping rocks across the streams she used to travel over with her horse as a kid, and she could even picture the comforting feel of reins in her left hand if she really focused, which helped considerably in allowing her to feel more in her element as she followed behind Zooble. For a short while, she could almost forget where she was… Almost!
“I don’t stay long though, because that just gives him a chance to find my one last, true hiding place,” Zooble added.
“Oh, well thank you for trusting me with this Zooble. It means a lot,” Ragatha offered a soft smile, which Zooble just happened to catch as they looked over their shoulder to see what she was saying.
Ragatha thought that maybe, just maybe, they smiled back. Maybe, but it was brief.
Zooble shrugged. “I know you won't tell anyone.”
“Right, because that's what good friends do!” Ragatha exclaimed, grabbing at her skirt so she could more easily step from rock to floating rock. “And I am definitely going to be good friend material from here on out!”
“Yeah. And also because I'll kill you.”
Ragatha's gaze snapped over to Zooble and she stared at them, wide-eyed. “Uh, huh?”
“Huh, what?” Zooble replied, unfazed.
“Did you just say… Uh…” Ragatha stammered.
Zooble ignored that, calling her over to their main goal. “C'mon, we're close.”
Up ahead, Ragatha could see a bright light, shining into what had before seemed like unending darkness. The light coming from within framed the outside walls of an open faced box which, as they got closer, grew larger– impossibly so, changing from a dice-sized sort of pinprick on the horizon to the full-size of one of their rooms within only two or three steps closer. Soon, Zooble stepped inside of the room through the open-face of the floating box, and Ragatha followed right behind.
The box shifted in the void as Ragatha’s foot landed on the edge of the threshold, but once she’d stepped completely inside the box steadied itself, then snapped into place with a slight shake Ragatha could feel throughout her whole body; Which was quite the odd feeling, but, on the plus side, the room stopped shifting around like a solid block floating in gelatin after that. And it was just a normal room, a normal room, in a massive, jelly void?
The room was, very, very nice. Unlike some of the other parts of the circus, it had a warm, homely feeling. The walls were wallpapered in the customary bright colors of the Digital Circus, reds and blues and neons, but there were a handful of posters, tacked up with whatever was at hand, and it… really made the space feel lived in. There was a massive block (the kind fashioned after kid toys) in the corner, and one of those office waiting room games with the loops and spheres and pegs attached permanently to the ceiling, but there were also bean bag chairs, a little faded but well used, and a coffee table, and even a little sofa, plaid and scratched but… loved. The mundanity of it, even if it clashed with the original setup of the room, was greatly comforting.
It was nothing like any of Ragatha’s previous homes –though there was a part of her who now wished it was, that she could have had belonging and warmth like this, mundanity aside– but it screamed Zooble in ways that even their own room failed to, in ways all of the inhabitants quarters paled in comparison to.
It took a moment, but Ragatha realized it was the human touch, deliberate but simple, which made this place make her feel comforted… At ease, even.
“Wowee, Zooble,” Ragatha marveled. “What is this place?”
“Void space,” Zooble replied, and the look on their face said they weren’t expecting quite such a strong reaction. “It's actually the Sun’s spot, for when she takes breaks, except it's always day, so she never actually takes any breaks. She lets me use it because she likes me, and she doesn't tell Caine because she hates him. So, it's mutually beneficial.”
“I had no idea this was here,” Ragatha exclaimed, still a little in awe.
Zooble looked away, then shrugged once more and walked over to the little sofa. They plop down into the leftmost cushion, crossing one ankle over their knee and throwing their arms behind them to lay flat across the back of the sofa. “The only other person I've shown this to is Gangle,” They say, and they sound… gentler, just at the mention of Gangle. “The bean bag chairs were her idea.”
“They look nice!” Ragatha cheered.
“She likes them, so I like them,” Zooble said with a shrug.
“…” Ragatha said nothing for a moment, genuinely unsure what to say, which prompted an immediate response from Zooble.
“What?" Zooble asked irritably.
“I'm just surprised,” Ragatha admitted, eventually.
“Seriously?” Zooble asked. “I'm not that much of a jerk, Ragatha.”
“Oh,” Ragatha laughed and shook her head, anything to distract from the discomfort flaring up. Golly… She didn’t want to make them upset. “I don't think you're a jerk at all!”
“Yeah, you do, and that's fine. What, do you think I’m going to go back on my word cause you offended me, or whatever?”
“No, of course not! Er, well, maybe.”
Zooble shook their head. “No, we're good. Like I said, I don't care.” They pointed at the bean bag chair closest to the sofa. “Sit. I'm supposed to meet Gangle in an hour so the clock's ticking.”
Ragatha sat down, before she took in a slow, steady breath, then presented her problem. “I need to be a better friend, that way Pomni can stop wanting to avoid me and, and so I can help her!”
“Okay…” Zooble paused. “You want advice from me on how to be a better friend to Pomni? Who I know… basically nothing about?”
Ragatha’s brow furrowed. That didn’t sound right... “She’s been here for over a month now. Haven’t you–?”
“Become best pals with her?” Zooble gave a dry laugh. “No. I’ve spoken to Pomni a total of like, oh let’s see… two whole times.”
Ragatha was… genuinely rather shocked by that. “Really?”
After all, Pomni was the newest member of the Circus’s Cast. Admittedly, Ragatha had been too preoccupied to think about what Zooble specifically would think about the situation, but she’d assumed that everyone would at least be intrigued by the novelty of getting to know their newest member. After all, not much changed around here. Wouldn’t Zooble try to interact just for the… novelty of it. Didn’t they get bored, at least?
“Yeah.” Zooble said, then mumbled at a volume low enough that Ragatha couldn't hear it, “Not all of us are obsessed with her like you are…”
“Well, I enjoy spending time with her…” Ragatha murmured.
A singular nod from Zooble, “I bet you do.”
“What do you mean by that, Zooble?”
“Nothing.” Zooble replied. “Look, you’re worried she’s mad at you, right? Why don’t you give her some… flowers or something.”
“That’s not very friend-like, Zooble.” Ragatha pointed out with an awkwardly frazzled laugh.
“C’mon, clowns love flowers, and Pomni’s a clown or whatever,” Zooble replied.
“She's actually a jester,” Ragatha countered, just a tiny bit offended on Pomni’s behalf, because there was a massive difference. Clowns were silly little creatures meant to be laughed at, and while Pomni was little, no doubt, so little and cute, there was nothing silly about her. She was no clown.
Jesters, on the other hand, were respected, their opinions valued– yes, they brought levity with skits or jokes, but they were also advisors, called upon in times of great need by kings and royals of great importance. Ragatha knows this, because it was something Kinger had mentioned once before… back when he was more lucid, before Queenie– left.
“Whatever,” Zooble answered, because it was all the same to them, wasn’t it? These sorts of things never mattered much to them. “Point is, you want her to choose to hang with you instead of Jax. So get her one of those water-spraying flower pins, or a charm bracelet or something, and, I don’t know, Rags… I’m not a mind reader and I don’t speak clown, or uh… jester.”
Ragatha’s eyes started to water, and she sunk into the fabric of the bean bag chair she was in with a tired little sigh. Yet another reminder of Jax, of Pomni’s choice that she’d rather be with him instead of Ragatha, stung. She’d been trying so hard not to think about it too hard, too much, too often, but the thoughts came rushing back as soon as Ragatha registered Zooble’s mention of it… Because Pomni did choose Jax. Ragatha still couldn’t wrap her head around exactly why, but the simple answer was obvious– Pomni liked Jax more than Ragatha. Pomni would rather have him as company, would rather laugh and joke with him, instead of her, and Ragatha didn’t understand it but she could see it, plain as day.
Pomni didn’t want her.
“Oh $#!@.” Zooble stayed silent for a moment. “Are… Are you crying?” They asked incredulously.
“You said I wasn’t a bad friend, earlier,” Ragatha whispered, wiping at her damp eyes. “But if I’m not… If I'm not a bad friend, then why would Pomni choose Jax over me?”
Zooble raised a brow, but stayed dead silent besides their visible judgement. Ragatha wilted beneath their penetrative stare, eyes still teary, but now fiddling with her thumbs to distract from the discomfort of surely knowing she's yet again done something wrong.
“What?” Ragatha asked.
“Nothing,” Zooble replied, shrugging, and then they looked away, breaking the odd tension of the moment. Whatever it was they noticed, whatever they were judging Ragatha for, they didn't mention, instead just moving right on. “For the record, it doesn't have to be either or– you or Jax. And, also for the record, she's probably hanging with him because she feels bad for him.”
So, not because of something Ragatha did wrong. She didn't… push her away by mistake? “You think so?” She asked, still blinking away the last of her tears.
“Uh, yeah. Pitiful little $#!| like him– she probably thinks she can fix him,” Zooble rolled their eyes as they said that, scoffing with a look of mild disgust on their face. Then, yet another nonchalant shrug followed. “She doesn’t know any better, but like the rest of us she’ll get with the program.”
“What does that mean?” Ragatha asked.
Zooble replied, “She’ll f@#!ing quit.” Zooble sort of mumbled the next part, “And then you can have her all to yourself, like you want.”
“Excuse me?” Ragatha exclaimed, face flushed and voice raising in pitch. “I’m not– I mean, I don’t– I don’t… haha, I don’t know what you mean, I–”
“Forget about it,” Zooble said, waving away her concern. “Before you pop your stitches, just… relax. Moving on; Friend $#!t. Go uh, go and talk to her, okay?”
Ragatha was so flushed, embarrassed and caught off guard by the previous interaction– specifically the implications, oh goodness!-- that it didn’t even occur to her to question if that was really all.
Instead, with her face still tomato pin-cushion red, Ragatha just nodded quickly, her new directive quickly noted: Talk to Pomni. Okay, she could do that.
~~°•~~
She couldn’t do it.
It took about half a day for Ragatha to build up the courage, and by the time she had, it still hadn’t mattered, because Pomni was still with him. Jax. Of course she was, what, after the way Ragatha had behaved! Falling apart like that… shouting at Pomni when she really hadn’t done anything wrong. Not for the first time, Ragatha wished she could go back in time, take it all back. She wished she could apologize again, as many times as it took, as many times as Pomni would willingly listen.
Ragatha couldn’t, however. She just couldn’t.
Jax was there. Ragatha had tried to get Pomni’s attention while she and Jax talked, but there came a moment where Jax turned around and saw Ragatha off on the sidelines, watching them. Shame colored her cheeks at being caught, though why, Ragatha wasn’t sure.
Everything got worse when Jax’s eyes widened with an understanding even Ragatha herself didn’t really have, and then the smarmiest smile in existence stretched wide across his face. Ragatha had been taunted by Jax many, many times; she knew what it looked like, and more importantly what it felt like, but this was different.
He was taunting her, but this time it was more… personal, somehow? Certainly more deliberate. He continued to talk to Pomni, but his eyes stayed on Ragatha– and continued to stay on Ragatha, even as he moved closer to Pomni, offering an apparently clever joke that Ragatha can’t hear but makes Pomni laugh.
It quickly became clear he was specifically trying to upset Ragatha, and it was working.
She awkwardly stumbled off to the sound of laughter behind her, and even knowing that they weren’t laughing at her does nothing to soothe her discomfort. A mixture of conflicted confusion, shame and frustration boiled in her gut, and as she got further away and started to wonder about the reasons why Jax might think this was the way to get under her skin, the shame only grew. Did he think…? Ragatha remembered what Zooble said about having Pomni all to herself, and her embarrassment spiked considerably, her face so hot it felt like her fabric was burning up.
She covered her face, letting out a pitiful little noise, mixed with an exhausted exhale. Ragatha was about to uncover said face (and eyes) when she ran into something. No, someone. She heard what was most definitely Gangle shout in shock, and Ragatha had just enough time to uncover her own eyes and reach toward Gangle before… shit. She grabbed hold of Gangle’s arm, which like any ribbon, is so limp in her grip that it doesn’t actually stop Gangle from falling. Thankfully, Gangle simply lands on her back with a small “ow.”
Regardless, Ragatha immediately backflipped into apology mode. “I am so, so sorry. Sorry! Sorry! Really, I am so… I didn’t mean to… Are you okay?”
Gangle made a small noise of discomfort as she stood, but nodded slowly. “Yeah, I’m okay.” Gangle blinked a few times as she watched Ragatha, her sad mask taking on a concerned look of its own. “Um, are you okay? You look like… you’re about to cry?”
Ragatha reached up to her own eye, and realized it was wet. “Oh, um, yeah, of course! I’m a-okay, peachy-keen, and dandy as uh, as candy! Yeah!... So Gangle, where are you headed to?”
Gangle gripped on tighter to her sketchpad. “I was just going to my room, but I wasn’t expecting to run into you…”
“Right. I am so sorry– clumsy me, huh? Haha.”
“It’s okay–” Gangle said.
Ragatha had to lay it on thicker, however, anything to try to get rid of that itching discomfort. “Really, it’s like I’ve got two left feet! I’m such a clutz. It’s no wonder Pomni’s been… avoiding me– anyway, I’m sorry, I think I interrupted you. Go ahead, please!”
“Zooble said I should talk to you.”
“Oh? What about? Did something happen?--”
Before Ragatha could ask any more questions, Gangle simply grabbed her hand with a shake of her own head. “No, they said you need help, and um, I have a sketchbook.”
“What?” Ragatha followed behind Gangle, having to bend over slightly because Gangle was a tad (but just a tad) shorter than Ragatha herself. “I’m sorry, Gangle, but I’m not understanding.”
Gangle hummed. “You will. You Will.” Gangle turned back to look behind her, whispering, “How would you rate my menacing tone, by the way?”
Ragatha, confused as ever but always happy to offer an encouraging proverbial pat on the back, said, “Oh, it was great, Gangle! Very Spooky!”
“Good. Okay, let’s go.” Gangle replied, and she continued to walk away with Ragatha in tow, who could have easily pulled her arm away but decided it would be nicer to just follow along.
Ragatha did wonder what Gangle might like to talk about, but honestly, she was just rather pleased that someone was talking to her. Period. That was... really nice, and was quickly turning into the first bright spot Ragatha has had in at least two days.
Maybe, just maybe, things would start looking up. Ragatha just needed to look forward, to the future! (And not behind her, where Pomni and Jax still stood, with the latter chatting up the former, becoming Pomni's bestest pal!) Just... Don't think about that, Ragatha. Focus!
Focus.