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Jax had sulked down a hallway in what he thought was an aimless manner, though a sarcastic and sick part of him knew he was just seeing where Pomni had slinked off to. Since their fight days ago, they hadn't talked much, and Pomni seemed to wander off on her own frequently. Probably processing. Maybe trying to give Jax a wide berth. Jax knew her better than that though; she probably needed space herself to lick her own wounds like he did. They were more similar than he was willing to admit aloud. He had followed after her with little to go on except for hearing her hat bells jangle in this general direction, and eventually, he found an unfamiliar door cracked ajar. It was an inky blue color and looked like it had crayon drawings of stars splotched over it. The doorknob was a sort of brushed yellow-gold color. He blinked blearily at it before stepping closer to inspect it further.
And as he did, Jax noticed he could smell a very foreign, nostalgic scent, what he remembered as fresh air and soil flowing from the door. The scent made his fur stand on end in a way that wasn’t unpleasant. The wind creaked it open a bit wider as if inviting him to check what was on the other side, and his curiosity was greeted by a lush grass field and a night sky full of stars. He gasped quietly, genuinely shocked to see something so painfully normal. Sure, they'd had the star-viewing adventure weeks ago, but that was on the outside part of the Circus grounds and it hadn’t had scents like this. Caine’s adventures sometimes lacked in that department, probably because he was AI and replicating odors or aromas probably got a little tricky. That thought made him wonder how he was smelling this now, but he pushed the thought away to focus on what was in front of him now.
He cautiously took a step into the space, soft blades of grass meeting his exposed toe pads. He flexed, digging into the texture. It… felt like grass. Or at least, he thought it felt like what he remembered grass feeling like. For a reason he couldn't quite pick apart, he felt some of the tension that had been rooting into his body evaporate from his spine. With another step, he passed fully past the door's threshold into the space, and the door closed behind him with a soft click. His heart did jump at that, but he was distracted almost immediately by a little, tiny thing floating across his vision.
A firefly, pulsing a soft orange glow, fluttering into his vision as if it was meant to catch his attention. It was close enough to land on his nose if he had one on his face, and it seemed to slow and pause to let his eyes fully focus on it. Was it looking back at him? He blinked once at it, and before he could think how silly he must've looked gawking at an insect, it flitted up and away from him like a speck of dust. His eyes followed after it and, as if guiding his sight to his true destination, he finally noticed the cabin that was a short ways off in the distance. He tilted his head, confused, one ear flicking as he processed what a cabin could be doing here in the middle of a digital field, until his eyes adjusted to the darkness enough to notice the figure sitting in front of it.
It was Pomni. Looking up at the sky as she sat in the grass, resting her weight on her hands behind her.
Jax felt his pulse quicken, nerves bleeding back into his limbs again. Well, the door was gone, so there was no leaving yet, he guessed. And he knew he’d look pretty stupid if Pomni found him just standing there to avoid being close to her. He sighed, his ear flicking again and tapping his foot. When he realized he was glaring at the ground, a string of shame trickled through him. She didn't deserve his bad attitude... even if he thought it was for her own good. And his own. They were stuck here, and while he wasn't ready to... confront, what happened... he certainly didn't want to make it worse. He really, really didn’t want to make it worse. He took a deep breath, chanced a glance up towards her, and when he saw she was still watching the sky, he swallowed his... pride? fear? down, and started the walk towards her.
As he made his way to her, the grass seemed to shift like water around him. He felt it brush along his ankles, and some bits had wildflowers tall enough for him to reach his hand out to. He didn’t resist the impulse to glide his hands over the taller blades, the clumps of petals at the tops of the wildflowers bumping his palm and fingers with little impact. They gave to his touch and even seemed like they were trying to reach for him before slipping beneath his fingertips easily. He told himself to not overthink that image.
It only took a minute or so for Jax to close the distance. As he did, Pomni must have heard him, because he saw her head tilt in his direction before swiveling around to see who or what was approaching her. An anxious habit of hers he could easily recognize. Were it any other day, he wouldn't have taken offense to it and instead would have teased her for it.
"It's just me," he said, tone careful and as unthreatening as he thought he could try to sound. Her shoulders relaxed as her pupils focused onto and took in his figure, and she pressed her hand to her chest to steady her own frantic heartbeat. Jax chided himself inwardly for feeling relieved by seeing that.
"Oh! Hey, Jax. Sorry, I wasn't sure if there was anyone else out here besides me. Caine didn't say if he'd added anything else, but you know how his stunts usually go," her voice was light enough, but it had a worried edge to it. She scratched at the back of her neck gently. Another nervous habit she seemed to have kept from outside the Circus.
‘Quit noting things about her. Knock it off,’ he thought to himself. He attempted to reign in his self-loathing off his face and forced a relaxed smile, "Well, you never know, he probably tucked some sort of surprise in here somewhere. Any creepy basement in the cabin?"
He saw her flinch as if she actually hadn't considered that possibility, and when she looked up at him, true worry flashing in her eyes, he felt his smile turn a little kinder and more genuine.
"Oh, god... wait, I didn't even think of that... Do you really think he–"
"I wouldn't worry too much about it, Pom," he said nonchalantly, taking the chance to sit down next to her, but not so close that they could touch. He didn't want to give the wrong idea.
She watched as he did this, making no move to inch away or give him space. That was probably a good sign... right? Though, if he was closer, maybe it would ease the gap so she could strangle him again if she'd been plotting to. He wouldn't blame her. To his surprise, her easy, conversational laughter floated to his ears,
"Yeah, well, I hope not. I don't think I could take something like that right now anyhow, so maybe I just. Won't think about it." The conversation died a bit then, and Jax felt like an awkward air hung over them now. He shifted, wrapping his arms around his knees casually and scanning the landscape. He tried to sound nonchalant again as he asked,
"S'cool if I sit here?" He definitely startled her when he piped up again–he could hear her voice crack a bit when she responded,
"Huh? Oh, sure. It's not a problem with me..." her voice trailed off. "Is it cool with you?..." She asked gingerly. Jax had to force himself to not scoff in response. That was not what this situation needed and he knew it. His bruised ego raged behind a dangerously breezy tone,
"Yep. If I wasn't okay with it, I'd move away." He mentally slapped himself for that one. Still too much bite. Too much like their argument. Shoving her away, kicking himself for the confused and betrayed look she'd pleaded to him with--
"Good. Then... It's cool with me." She didn't look at him as she said this, but there was a shift in her tone. Accepting. Her fingers fiddled nervously with her sleeve cuff, but other than that, she was a picture of serenity. A youthful nervousness that he'd sometimes caught her wearing and found extremely entrancing. How did she wear it like that? Was it that she wore it well, or maybe that relationship with her anxiety that she cared for herself with was something he valued seeing on her. Something he respected her for. It took courage to confront life when every part of you was telling you to run or hide, and she had courage in spades. It was maddening. It was amazing. It made him hate how awful he thought he was. It made him wonder if he’d ever be able to be better at it.
He realized he was staring at her. And probably freaking her out. Her large bright eyes flicked to meet his gaze, and he was too stubborn to look away.
"W-What?" she asked, a nervous laugh following her inquiry. He wondered if her nervousness would ever start to piss him off. Maybe it didn't because it never felt accusatory knitted into her tone. She sounded genuinely baffled.
"What.. what?" Jax asked, squinting at her suspiciously. She huffed out a laugh at his unintentionally petulant tone. Had he always felt so childish like this?
“What are you looking at me like that for? You look like you're trying to hear the inside of my brain or something," her smile at him still showed some anxiety, but it was also laced with a benign teasing. Another familiarity. One he'd come to rely on without noticing.
He covered his tracks quickly, feigning sass, "Well, maybe I am. I feel like I can hear the cogs whirling in that noggin of yours," he closed his eyes, cocking his head and eyebrows to really sell the act. It didn't work on her though.
Did it ever?
"Maybe my brain wouldn't have to think so loudly if you'd tell me what's on your mind," her tone sounded like it could've had a bit of an edge to it, but he could also tell she was trying to use teasing to ease the topic. Using his own tactics against him, huh?
Jax huffed comedically, "I think I told you plenty of what was on my mind enough for both of us, don't'cha think?" His grin felt a little self-deprecating, but before he could feel his heart sink low into his chest, he felt a playful shove to his shoulder from her.
"BS, you’ve always got more to say." She said confidently now, a wicked grin on her face. Her sharp teeth came into view, easily called on from her, and her eyes held that same glint of kinship from the other day. The more he saw those teeth and eyes, the more they felt like they were eyes she only showed for him. He felt his heart flutter at the idea, but then a fear of that loss made him turn in on himself. He tucked his limbs closer into himself and he darted his eyes away. Shame tried to trickle back in and his toes curled. Why couldn't he just apologize?
"Hey," Pomni’s gentle voice broke him from his thoughts. He froze, hating the way his eyes started to sting. He refused to look back at her and he felt like he was about to get up and bolt any second. She must have sensed it too, because her hand reached out and she wrapped her fingers around his arm. She spoke again, just as tenderly,
"Hey, it's okay. It's okay," Pomni's other hand came over to rest on his same arm, pleading him to stay. He felt his body shiver in response as he fought his own nervous system to just stay fucking put and keep his mouth shut for once.
‘Do Not run from her. Do Not Run From Her.’ There was literally no chance more perfect than now to salvage whatever was left of this.
"I'm sorry, Jax. I didn't mean it like that. I promise, I was truly only kidding around. I thought it would make talking easier since that's your usual go-to. But... that's clearly not what you need or want right now. And I'm sorry," she spoke carefully, choosing her words deliberately. He hated that it felt like she was walking on eggshells around him. Few things were worse than that feeling. He didn't respond right away, forcing himself to take the time to chew her words and process them. She took that as a sign that she could continue,
"Please don't go. Please st-..." He heard the way her breath shook in and then back out of her. He chanced looking over at her. "Please stay here with me." Her eyes glistened in the bright artificial moonlight, and the hurt she must have been trying to hide was clear as day on her face now. There was a weariness under her eyes that he hadn’t expected to see. He felt his eyes go wide at the realization that she was hurting just as much as he was, even if it was different from how he was hurting. He was further shocked to recognize that that mattered to him.
He was such a selfish jerk. And he knew he was, because he knew if she heard him think that about himself out loud, she'd tell him that he wasn't. And he had enough self-awareness to recognize that he definitely didn't deserve that sort of grace after what he'd said to her. He sniffed once, trying to shove his emotions back down under his metaphorical walls, and nodded shortly in response to her plea.
"... Okay." He shifted his legs so he had one folded under the other and could rest and bend his arm up on his knee. His head started to hurt as he came down from the crest of his own emotions. Pomni settled a little more too, but she kept her hands on his arm. He figured to keep him from hauling ass out of the situation. He allowed himself to feel grateful for it. For better or worse, it grounded him. It probably helped ground her, too. He heard her start to take a deep breath to get her own senses back under control, and he decided to follow her lead on it. She was slow and methodical on it, and focusing on her muddied his fears of everything else. Syncing up with her like this felt like some kind of magic. A silent agreement. Choosing each other without the expectation or responsibility of words. He knew in this moment there would be no one else he'd ever meet like Pomni, not in and not outside of the Circus.
Long moments of silence followed. It didn't feel so awkward this time though. They seemed to share sight in those moments; when one looked at the grass and horizon around them, so did the other. When one craned up to look at the stars, the other followed. Eventually, and mostly without Pomni seeming to realize, she had started fidgeting with his fingers through their gloves. Tracing the points of her fingers over the tendons at the back of his hand, over his palm and fingers. She seemed to be examining his hand, learning all she could while she had the chance to learn something no one else dared to do. And he let her. Why? Why did he let her get close to him like this? What was it about her? She was just some girl. She was supposed to just be another sucker who dropped their ass into this human flytrap of a digital hell.
He didn't see how close he had leaned into their proximity until he noticed how close her eyes were to his; he could see the dual-toned irises of her eyes without effort even in the silky night around them, the gentle human emotion in them as she studied his features in return. He didn't jerk away, which surprised him more than the proximity somehow, but he was calmed by the lack of romantic tension around them given the situation. There was this feeling of... comradery in their proximity like this. He felt like he was getting away with something together with her here, like being in this closed up little sandbox, they could remember and share their humanity together without getting caught. He liked it. He wanted to chase that feeling.
"Y'know..." when she spoke, her voice sounded like she was telling him a secret. "I had gloves like these, out there."
He blinked stupidly at her, and then a laugh caught in his throat, "... What?"
A tired but real smile started to crack through their calm atmosphere, and there was a coyness wrapped up into it that made his heart flutter. "Yeah, they were actually my favorite pair. I'm kind of jealous now that I think about it."
He quirked an eyebrow at her, his grin spreading wider and genuine. "You're kidding. You know how stupid that sounds right now, right?"
"Hey, don't underestimate a good pair of gloves!" She wrapped her fingers around his hand firmer, playful.
“What are you, 57? I have all of these outstanding qualities like my ears, tail, smile, and you're telling me you envy my GLOVES?? What is wrong with you?!" Jax couldn't help the string of laughter leaving him. How was she even real?
"Noo, you don't understand!" She went on, cackles bubbling from her chest in the way that it does when you're tired and the only thing that can break through your worries is unexpected laughter. He really really loved that sound on her. His own chest felt like it started to glow with her energy.
"Listen!! They're my favorite pair, they've fixed so many things in my apartment for me! And they're soft leather too, like the BEST work gloves you could ever–"
"You might actually be going insane. That's the thing you miss enough to think about while we're here?" Pomni was up on her knees now, still holding onto Jax's hand as he was leaning away in feigned disgust, and her laughter sounded like it could reach the stars. It was so contagious.
Jax flopped back onto the ground, no longer willing to sit up between the awkward position he had been in and his laughter taking his breath from him, and Pomni followed him easily, dropping down next to him on her side and still holding his hand. Her giggles subsided, but her smile lingered as she returned to examining his hand.
"I know it's weird, but it's just. I dunno, yours reminded me of them. And I guess, I wondered if my gloves would fit on your hands. If we'd be able to share them."
The implication there was not lost on Jax, but he glided over it smoothly, careful to not acknowledge it too seriously,
"So you'd lend me your most prized house utility gloves, huh? What an honor." A beat of understanding seemed to pass between them. She met his gaze, and he was certain she could read him like a book in that moment. He wasn't sure if she realized, though, when she brought his hand closer to her. Mere inches away from holding his hand tight to her chest.
"Only if you promised to take good care of them..." Her voice was distant again, the smile turning shy, and there was warmth flooding her gaze. He lost himself in her eyes, silently allowing himself for a brief moment. "... and return them when you're done using them properly."
"Alright, now you're asking too much," he said with a deadpan stare, and she shoved him again, keeping a tight grip on his hand still.
"NO! YOU CAN'T KEEP THEM, THEY'RE MINE–" she cackled as she tried to pull him back.
"YOU CAN'T HAVE MY HAND AS COLLATERAL, I DON'T EVEN HAVE YOUR GLOVES–"
This conversation was so stupid. It was so stupid and senseless. They were never getting out of the Circus. She would never lend him her favorite pair of stupid favorite work gloves. Why they were talking about stupid, nothing stuff like this was beyond him. But it felt good. It felt easy. Easier than talking about what they should. It felt like this could talk about useless crap like this forever. He knew a part of him wanted that so badly.
Eventually, their nonsense died down. Pomni continued holding his hand, fidgeting with his fingers again. He let her. He watched the sky as she did, and sometimes she'd pause her ministrations to look up at the sky with him. The silence turned comfortable again. He didn't know how much time had passed, and he decided to stop trying to keep track of it.
"So, why did Caine even make this room? Did you just happen to find it? Seems a little boring for a full adventure made by him." Jax mused aloud. He watched Pomni's fingers work around his own as he spoke.
"Oh, I, well? I asked him to, I guess? He said he was trying to practice his generative abilities, and I asked if he'd be willing to hear out a prompt idea. Surprisingly, he agreed to it, so here I was."
Jax blinked at her, "Seriously? That’s all?"
Pomni smiled, closing her eyes sheepishly, "I probably smoothed out my request by complimenting him a bit, but I don't think it was that hard to convince him." Her smile looked innocent enough, but they both knew she must've worked some kind of sweet talk that stroked Caine’s pride the right way. "Don't tell him though! Please? Our secret?" She smiled up at him, that easy warmth back in her gaze. He smirked at her.
"You're a piece of work, huh." He commented, a hint of respect in his tone. She threw a victory sign and grinned her sharp teeth at him again.
"So what made you want something like this?" He pressed again. Pomni's voice sounded distant when she answered. Had she started doing that recently or was she always somewhere else?
"I guess I just... needed somewhere to think, and clear my head." Her arms had hugged his hand to her chest fully now, and he felt her arms tighten around his, as if she feared he'd run again if she spoke too honestly. And she was right; normally, he would. He still could. He could get up and walk away whenever he wanted.
But he stayed put.
"... Did it work?" He asked, hesitantly. His free hand fingered with one of the buttons of his overalls, the matte sensation oddly smooth and comforting. He was too nervous to look at her as he waited for an answer.
"I think so..." Pomnipaused, and then Jax felt her eyes on him when she continued, "but it's better now that you're in it with me." He chanced looking over at her, and her small, nervous smile gave away her vulnerability. She was offering her raw, real self again.
Again... Again. Always again. Always willing to meet him where he was.
It was his turn to grip her hands tighter. And he did. Just enough. Just enough to make sure she could feel it back. She must have, because she stroked her thumb over the back of his hand in response. He smiled, and then lifted his free arm up to cover his eyes, incredulous. This girl was something else. He sighed in what felt like defeat, but said nothing. Just huffed out a laugh.
"What now?" Pomni asked, and he could hear the smile in her voice. "What, was it something I said?"
"It's nothing, drop it." He couldn't get the smile off his face.
"Absolutely no way am I dropping it. Now you have to tell me."
“I don’t got nothin’ to tell," He lifted his arm to try to shoot a half-hearted glare at her, but it came out all teasing and no bite at all. She had lifted herself up a bit so she was looking down at him, her brown locks of hair falling into her face above him with a halo of moonlight eclipsing behind her head and hat. She smiled down at him knowingly, and he groaned as he felt his facade fail.
"Admit iiit, you like meee, you like my companyyy–" she poked at his arm gently, nudging him again and again in her light teasing way that he desperately wanted all the time.
"Hey now, I didn’t say that–"
"That's okay, I don't need you to say it–"
"IN FACT, I didn't say anything–"
"I don't need you to, it's all over your face–"
"You don't see nothin’ on this beautiful mug," and at that Pomni burst out into laughter so contagious, Jax couldn't help but laugh again, too. She reached up to hold his face in her hands, and he felt heat spread over his cheeks quickly. He froze in her hands. This proximity is what he wasn't used to, but he didn't dare jerk away and ruin all of this.
"I've missed this..." she mused, scanning over his face. He swallowed, feeling particularly at mercy in her grasp.
"Missed... what...?" he chanced using his voice, and it was barely audible. He watched her eyes carefully. Her smile was sweet, kind. No–sweeter, kinder. Tender. Her thumbs stroked over his cheekbones fondly, smoothing the fur there.
"You, Jax." She said it like a prayer. He felt his heart thump once, hard, and his eyes stared up at her, ears drooping in shock. The weight of her response tripped him up so much, he couldn't think clearly enough to say anything back. He couldn’t even think to blink.
She must have figured she'd pushed her luck with him enough, because her fingers fell gently from their hold on him, and he was starkly aware of the pang of disappointment from the loss of contact. But it quickly washed away as she shifted close to him and guided him back down to lay on the grass with her. She rested her hands over her own body, but her head pressed against his shoulder. Jax watched her, eager and nervous all at once. What had gotten into him? What the heck was he letting happen?? What was all this supposed to be to him? To them? Was it anything? Did it have to be?
"Ooh, look," Pomni spoke up suddenly, voice hushed in awe. Jax followed her finger where it pointed and looked up. Flickers of orange glowing light drifted into his vision. Fireflies again, but this time, dozens of them, all floating over their view of the sky like a net of constellations. They blinked softly to Jax and Pomni below them, and to each other, as if speaking a quiet little Morse code. He heard Pomni sigh next to him and then shuffle closer to him. He noticed now, in a different way, how small she really was in her model. He wondered if she was this small compared to him in the real world. Wondered if he’d ever get the chance to find out. The grass was soft under their heads as they lay on the ground and watched the fireflies and stars together.
Jax watched as Pomni reached a hand up high between them, holding a finger out. As if on cue, a firefly landed on her finger and glowed, the pulse a slow beat as it rested there. Her voice drifted to Jax's ears,
"Yknow... I always wished I could turn into a firefly as a kid." Jax blinked. He wasn't expecting that at all.
"...Why would you wish for that?" He asked, watching the firefly's glow pulse on her finger tip as she turned her wrist. Why would anyone wish to be a bug?
"They're small and beautiful, don’t you think? And no one really bothers them? I think people treat them differently than they do other bugs. Instead of getting angry at them or trying to step on them to get them out of the way, like an ant or a wasp, people just watch them and find them pretty. No one ever tries to hurt them..."
In that moment, something invisible clicked into place in Jax's mind, heavy and silent, and he felt his heart sink. His ribs tightened around his heart and he felt rage and grief all at once from somewhere, some time, some thing he didn't know yet but knew he had made his mind up on. Jax looked at Pomni with new eyes, an understanding that made him want to indulge in changing himself in ways he’d never felt compelled to do before. That pregnant pause finally shattered delicately when Pomni realized Jax was just watching now. Dawning blossomed across her face as she took in the seriousness in his expression. She spoke again, but this time, sounding even smaller than she looked normally.
"S-sorry, I don't know why I brought up something weird like that. I keep bringing up weird things, huh? Forget I said anything," Pomni looked back up at the firefly on her finger, a faint blush creeping over her pale skin, but she could still feel Jax trying to study her. He saw as her blush grew further when he shifted, turning in towards Pomni and hesitantly curling around her meak frame. He took her free hand into his own and held it like it was the most fragile thing in the world. Because he was pretty sure that, in this moment, she was.
The firefly took its cue once again, lifting its outer wings before taking off back into the night-generated sky, and Pomni's other hand was free once more. But not for long, as Jax reached his other hand up to take hers into his own. She let him, and they watched their hands find their places in each other, fingers locking loosely and asymmetrically. Comfortably. She let Jax guide their hands back down together, to rest them between their bodies. Pomni's eyes followed the action, until they climbed their way back up to look into Jax’s again. And he studies her. Again. Taking in every detail he can. Every moment he can get here. He lets himself be greedy in this way. She looks to their hands, and back at his eyes. He feels her thumb stroke over his knuckles again, and he curls around her just a bit tighter, tucking her head under his chin just as she sniffs and her expression crumbles. She curls into him, and his arm is over her in a second, his hand protecting the back of her head. Her free hand and arm wrap around his middle to hug him back.
"I'm here, Pomni."
She sniffs again, her voice muffled, and tired, and worn when she speaks.
"Please... don't tell the others..." He hugs her tighter and presses his mouth to the top of her head.
"Yeah… Our secret."
~ * ~ * ~
Jax woke where they had fallen asleep, blinking his eyes blearily and dazed at his surroundings. He quickly became aware of the proximity between him and Pomni in the grass. In their sleep, they had cuddled even closer, so much that she was practically on top of him. When had they even fallen asleep? Did anyone find them? How much time had passed? He looked up towards the moon, and it was just barely reaching the center of the sky, which told him it had only been a few hours. He sighed in relief, but then looked down, surveying the situation.
Pomni was out like a light, curled in so tight against him that his knees were practically tucked underneath her legs. She had quite the grip on his overalls too. He wasn’t prying her off anytime soon. He clicked his tongue softly at his predicament and pinched the bridge of his nose.
‘This is what you get for giving in, Jax.’ His eyes rolled up as if Heaven still existed and praying to a god could help him at this point, but it was for naught. He figured that he could maybe lift her and carry her back to her room as long as he kept contact with her. He watched her for a moment longer, sensitive to the way his heart ached to stay there. If things were different, if things were easier… He shook the thought from his mind. Things weren’t different. And they weren’t easier. He steeled himself before pulling her close against him and trying to slowly, carefully lift them both up. As he did, she made a noise, tucking tight against him and snaking her hands around his neck to cling on.
“Jax…” Pomni’s voice called to him, somewhere in her sleep. All at once, his blood turned to ice and his face turned red-hot.
‘Don’t wake up, don’t wake up, don’t wake up!!’ Jax pleaded silently. After a moment, Pomni’s vice grip around his neck stilled and he heard her light snoring in his ear. He sighed, relieved, and wrapped his arm around her back to secure her middle against his torso and used his other arm as leverage to stand, bringing her with him as carefully as possible. When he stood fully onto his feet, he brought his other arm underneath her legs to support her weight, as little as there was, and she settled easily into his hold. His fur bristled up the back of his neck, and paused to give himself a moment.
Holy. Shit. What kind of sick joke was this? How was she even this small?! She seemed so innocent sleeping like this! Did he really deserve THIS kind of torture?! How was he supposed to deal with this not like a jerk if he couldn’t get Pomni’s koala grip off of him once he got her to her room?!
He pumped the mental brakes, taking a breath to steady himself. He’d just have to figure it out once he got there. First step was to get up, next was to get back to their rooms without anyone else catching them.
‘Or…’Jax worried to himself, ‘The real next step is to find our way out of here.’ His ear twitched when he recalled how the door had closed on him and then conveniently disappeared when he first entered the sandbox space. The cabin was still there, and he looked up at its roof, considering.
No, he shook his head to himself, that wasn’t the right call for this. He had to get her back to her room properly. He took a look around at everything one more time. The stars still twinkled down at them, the moon still shone bright over them and the lush grass fields, the smell and feel of wind still blew around them peacefully. He frowned at having to leave it. He’d probably never get this in this way ever again. He hugged Pomni tighter in an effort to soothe himself. When he did, she snuggled in more and sighed contently. He decidedly ignored the heat that bloomed over his face again and just looked down at her. Took in the sight of her snoozing form.
He grit his teeth, his brow furrowing, and he closed his eyes, trying to control himself. He leaned his head down and pressed his lips to the top of her head again like he had before they fell asleep. His throat felt tight and his eyes felt dry and tired.
“I’m sorry, Pom…” he mouthed, practically voiceless. He knew there was no way she heard him, but his heart rate quickened when he felt her head lean into his apology. Her fingers fidgeted at the back of his head, so close to something like offering comfort. His eyes went wide, but she didn’t stir further, at least, not in a way that suggested she was waking up or that she heard him. He blinked a few tears away quickly and hugged her tight. She snored gently in return, and he thanked whatever god was fucking around enough to watch them that she was still asleep.
He started the walk back towards where he’d seen the door last, unintentionally following the trails of a couple of fireflies who were weaving in and out of each other’s flight patterns. His hold on Pomni was firm the whole way, and he was careful where and how he stepped to keep from jostling her. He really really didn’t want to talk about any of this or have her wake up like this. Watching the fireflies helped ease his nerves. Feeling the warmth of Pomni’s breath at his neck and of her body wrapped around him helped, too.
Once the cabin was a ways off, the idea of a door seemed to fuzz into view ahead of them. Jax squinted in the dark, seeking the fireflies’ lights in the limited dark, and they landed easily on something unseen in front of him a few feet away. The two fireflies crawled together as Jax drew closer, and he watched them circle in opposite directions down and around one small space before a doorknob materialized into existence. Jax reached for the knob hesitantly, tapped where he imagined the knob would manifest, and with that, the door faded back into existence. He looked it up and down, a bit stupified, and wondered if it would’ve been that easy to leave before when he first stepped in. Somehow, though, he didn’t think it would have been, because what he saw on the door now that definitely hadn’t been there before was a childish, crayon-style drawing that looked like him and Pomni smiling at each other and holding hands.
Jax’s hands gripped at Pomni’s back, his arms wrapping protectively around her on reflex. Something about this whole thing just seemed… unnerving. He sighed out his frustrations as quietly as he could.
“Alright, Pom… let’s get you back to bed…” The door cracked open without Jax’s command, and he stepped through it carefully, glaring it to will itself closed once he and Pomni were fully through the threshold. The door closed again with a soft click, taking the fresh scent of soil, grass, night air, and stars with it, and then they were back in the dreadfully silent hall of the Circus.
It was almost pitch dark in the hall. The Circus was eerie in its own right, but Jax knew there was no stranger time in this place than when the lights were off and the program simulated “rest.” Caine would still be around somewhere, but he was usually good about leaving the humans alone during “night time” routines, so Jax wasn’t too concerned that they would run into him. And, luckily, Jax was good at sneaking around. He could get them back to their rooms easily so long as Pomni stayed asleep. He tested his grip on her for good measure again, and when she sighed softly into him, he took that as his sign that she was still out cold.
The walk would take a hot minute since he had to make his way back to the common area and then hang left to get to their living quarters’ hallway. He considered himself lucky that their rooms were right across the hall from each other; he could drop her off quickly and hop back into his room, then pretend like nothing even happened the next day. She probably won’t give him too much pressure about it either seeing as she’d been sneaking off to that sandbox on her own anyway.
‘Our secret, huh…?’ He shook himself from his thoughts, focusing instead on where he was and on walking as silently as possible. If there was anything he was grateful for this cartoon body of his, it was his big, soft rabbit feet, because it made it extremely easy to sneak around. Jax continued through the halls swiftly, using his stride to smooth their route to Pomni’s door. He tried for the knob, felt the familiar lock in place, and pulled the key to her room out of his pocket to work its magic.
Once unlocked, he slipped into the room with her tight against him, shut the door and locked it from the inside again, and waited to make sure it was still completely silent outside the room before relaxing. He slid down with his back to the door and sighed, resting on his haunches and listening to Pomni’s breathing against him. She was still warm, and he swore he could feel her heartbeat against his chest. In the low light of the room, it was all soothing and he felt himself drifting again dangerously. Begrudgingly, he stood himself up, carrying Pomni carefully over to her bed and pulling the covers back before trying to lower her down onto the pillows. She held on, of course, to his dismay, but despite his desire to get away easily, he found himself smiling sadly.
“C’mon, Pom…you’re not makin’ this easy for me. This is hard enough as it is, y’know,” he whispered tenderly against her head. She mumbled something in her sleep that he couldn’t make out and nuzzled closer into him. He pulled the covers up over her lower half and was forced to half lay down with her since her arms were still in a deadlock around his neck. He sighed again.
‘Seriously. A piece of work, this one.’ He smiled to himself fondly as he looked her over. The locks of hair at the side of her head were mussed, and he traced his finger through them to smooth them out against her cheek. He watched over her as she slowly settled into a restful sleep now that she was laying in the familiar comfort of her own bed. She didn’t move much while she was sleeping, but it was comforting to watch her chest rise and fall with her brain’s compulsive habit to breathe. Pomni’s chest inhaled and exhaled slowly in a way that made Jax feel drowsy again. He blinked hard a few times to wake himself and decided he needed to commit to trying to worm out of her arms. It was now or never. And it had to be now.
He tested her grip, making to pull away, and found quickly that she’d taken him for a teddy bear that no one could rip from her unless she was cold and dead. But he wasn’t surprised this time, and thinking in the dark gave him an idea he was willing to try. He reached around her shoulders and lightly began tracing aimless circles over her shoulders and upper back. Pomni let out a sigh so sweet it could probably move a mountain, and her arms went slack almost immediately.
‘Gotcha,’ Jax smiled to himself and at her. It was endearing for sure, but he couldn’t resist the feeling of victorious relief settling into him that this was working. He really had to get out of here to avoid confrontation he was not willing to address right now. He kept at his ministrations careful to set Pomni’s limbs down gently so she wouldn’t jostle herself away, and pulled the blankets up over her fully once he was totally free. He surrounded her with free pillows while he was at it for good measure in case she woke up looking for something to grab again.
Jax gazed down at her, lingering just a bit longer, and heard her whisper his name again while clamping her arms around a pillow. She brought it tight to her chest, and his ears fell as he watched a tear well in the corner of her eye and roll down her cheek.
“Jax… ‘m sorry…” Her voice was worn and tired. Clearly still unconscious, but fighting some dream in her head. He leaned in close, pressing the back of his fingers to her cheek and kissed the top of her head again. He tried his best to use a feather-light touch to smooth the furrow in her brow, and it seemed to work. Her expression relaxed with one final sigh, and then she seemed to settle.
Jax blinked a few times and, ignoring the sting in his eyes, let his fingers brush down Pomni’s cheek tenderly as he pulled away. “G’night, Pom…”
He checked the hall before opening the door enough to sneak out fully and, with one final look back at her, stepped out and closed the door silently behind her, making sure to lock it properly again.
Jax made it back into his room seconds later and, locking it quickly behind him, he let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding on to. He slid down to his haunches again as he had in Pomni’s room and dropped his face into his hands, pressing his fingertips into his fur to ease the ache he felt forming behind his eyes. He stayed there for a moment, just breathing and processing the night he had. He definitely hadn’t planned for his night to go like this at all. He was exhausted. And his heart ached. With any luck, Pomni would think it was all a dream and she wouldn’t remember a thing, and they wouldn’t have to talk about it at all ever.
He slid his hands down his cheeks and looked up at his ceiling. Glow-in-the-dark star stickers had always adorned his ceiling, but now he saw them differently. He smoothed his hands over his head to push his ears back and got up, walking over to his bed and properly flopped onto it. The springs squeaked in defiance when he lazily hauled his lower half onto the bed fully, and he dragged his blanket up and over him, relishing in its weight on top of him. He rolled onto his back to look up at his ceiling and the stars above him. His eyelids felt heavy the longer he looked at them and he hugged one of his pillows to his chest, imagining it was Pomni back in his arms.
If he whispered Pomni’s name before finally succumbing to sleep, he couldn’t remember.