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Jihoon has written lyrics for as long as he was able to hold a pencil. As a kid, he would write fun rhymes, mimicking the songs he heard on the radio. His parents would giggle as little Jihoon would sing his witty writings.
Over time, the rhymes evolved into poems, and Jihoon began to keep them to himself. He ignored the plea of his language teacher to submit one of those to a poetry competition. Jihoon wasn’t interested in recognition; that’s why he was most surprised when he found himself auditioning to join a music agency.
He didn’t audition with fame in mind, only to get better at what he liked. Jihoon passed with ease, with his raw talent for singing and his ability to play more instruments than all the interviewers combined.
Jihoon knew he was talented; that’s why he wanted to challenge himself. He didn’t expect anything from it; he just went because his parents thought it would be good for him to develop his musical talent. And Jihoon didn’t do any extracurricular activities, so he had the time.
What he didn’t expect was to stay so many years. The first year was rough and easy at the same time. There were a few kids, everyone around his age, but most of them would leave after barely a month. It was already hard to make friends, but luckily, there was a guy who entered at the same time and has still stuck around. Seungcheol was his only friend for a while, and Jihoon couldn’t complain. They got along.
After a few more months, there were new kids who stayed longer. Most were kind and eager to sing and dance, and respected Jihoon as he was one of the eldest and had been there the longest. They were funny, and they had made him chuckle more than once.
But there was someone Jihoon wished he could leave already. A trainee who shared his birth year but was too energetic for Jihoon’s likeness. The thing was that, as childish as that kid was, he was good, very good. A great dancer who helped everyone to get better at learning choreography, and was usually more patient than their dance teacher.
Jihoon never ignored Soonyoung, but he never looked for him either. It became annoying the times Soonyoung would look for him, sometimes to crack a joke or to hug him after they all had successfully finished a practice. At those times, Jihoon would put on a straight face and ask him to please not do that.
He knew he was being a bit of a killjoy, but Jihoon was never a fan of the class clowns when he was in school. There were more than ten people Soonyoung could go to, so there was no need to be close with every single one.
In Jihoon’s mind, it made sense. After so many people coming and going, it felt foolish to form strong bonds with everyone. Some would inevitably leave, maybe Soonyoung would too. Or him. Who knew.
“Do you really dislike Soonyoung?” Chan’s question took Jihoon by surprise. They were both sitting on the practice room’s floor, sharing their lunch. The boy looked concerned, and his voice was a bit shaky.
Jihoon sighed. That kid should be doing his maths homework instead of worrying about whether or not he hated one of the other trainees. He pushed his plate to Chan. There were two gimbap rolls left, and Jihoon signalled him to finish them.
“I don’t dislike him, I just think he’s too much sometimes,” Jihoon answered with full honesty.
Chan uttered a barely audible “Oh,” as he slowly ate the food. “He’s nice to me. The other day, he stayed late just to help me with a part of the choreography I was struggling with. And he… actually, he asked me to ask you that.”
“What?” That sudden confession left Jihoon confused. Why would Soonyoung ask such a thing? Wouldn’t it be better to just go to him directly than to worry one of their youngest? “What do you mean he asked you to do it?”
“Ah,” he hid his face. “I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry. It’s just… when we finished practising, we went for a late-night snack and he asked me what was worrying me. And I asked him, too. And he told me that the thing he was worried about the most was that we wouldn’t like him. He thinks he may be too strict when we practice dance, and maybe some people would have a problem with that.”
It was kinda ironic because that was one of Soonyoung’s traits Jihoon liked the most. The guy was strict and serious when it came to dancing. He could back up his words with his talent, and at the end of the day, thanks to him, they were all getting much better. It was tiring, yes, but necessary.
“I don’t dislike him because of that.”
“So you DO dislike him then?”
“Ah, Chan-ah.” Jihoon chuckled. “I don’t know. He jokes around too much sometimes, and his constant yelling and singing nonsensically distract me. We’re just not compatible, and that’s okay. You should not be worrying about those things. I don’t hate him; I prefer to hang out with other people. We don’t need to be friends.”
Chan looked sad at his answer. Jihoon wasn’t the type of person who would sugarcoat things, but Chan’s face made him reconsider what he had just said. Maybe lying would have been easier.
They were interrupted by loud steps coming through the hallway. It seemed the rest were slowly coming back to continue rehearsing. Lunch time was over, and his talk with Chan was too.
“You don’t have to worry about this, Chan,” Jihoon said while patting his head as he stood up from the floor. “I don’t think he’s a bad person or anything, I’m just not drawn to him.”
The younger looked up to him and nodded silently as he swallowed the last of the food. Jihoon felt bad for him, not that he was much older, just three years, but Chan looked so much younger than that in his eyes. It pained him that he was worrying about such things.
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It was a pain in the ass to go from sleeping alone in his bedroom to having to share his precious hours of sleep with four more people. Not any people, guys his age who had the energy to talk and laugh at ungodly hours of the night and others who would snore so loudly it made it impossible for anyone to rest well.
It sucked. But Jihoon had nowhere else to go, so he had to put up with it. These days, his favourite place was the little room attached to their practice room. It had an old but still-working computer and music equipment.
On nights like these, when Jihoon couldn’t get any sleep, he would silently leave, hoping not to step on any of his peers, and walk the few blocks that separated their dorm from their practice place.
It was a bit eerie for the room to be completely silent. No guys running around or dancing while music was playing loudly, no one laughing out loud or fighting. Jihoon had gotten used to those people. He could even call them friends, but not yet; he will when he is 100% sure that none of them will leave.
Jihoon sat on the chair and turned on the computer. He hummed a melody that had been stuck in his head since last week and took out his journal and pen from his backpack to continue writing down lyrics.
That’s when he heard a noise. He was sure it was the entrance door opening and closing. Jihoon froze in fear, trying to remember if he had locked the door or had forgotten. No, he had. He was not a careless person. Everyone knew that, that’s why he was given a copy of the key.
But still, he couldn't help but tremble. He turned off the lights and hid under the table. There was nothing he could use to defend himself, except for the old guitar a few meters from him.
As Jihoon heard that, in fact, someone was walking towards where he was, he crawled to get the guitar and grabbed it, ready to defend himself.
The lights turned on, and Jihoon just stood still, dumbfounded. In front of him was no other than Soonyoung.
“What are you doing here?”
“I…” he tilted his head. “Why are you with the guitar?”
For a moment, he had seen his short life flash before his eyes. Would he have been able to defend himself with that old guitar? Also, what was there to steal? The old computer and the old guitar? The most valuable item there was Jihoon’s journal.
He put the guitar down and let out a breath. “I thought someone had broken in. Can you blame me? Why are you here?” he may have sounded harsher than expected, but it was annoying that his precious alone time was interrupted. Even more because it was him.
Soonyoung looked around, a bit uncomfortable. “I saw you going out of the dorm and wanted to go with you. It’s very late, and I was worried. Sorry… for scaring you.”
Jihoon relaxed his shoulders and tried to change his face. For a moment, he felt bad for Soonyoung; he looked sincere. “Oh, I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me. I like to-”
“I worry about everyone. You’re included in that. We are a team.”
“I- I guess so. But we’re not officially a team yet.”
Soonyoung shrugged. “To me, we already are. And I know we’re going to be one for many years. So I want to look up for everyone. Even you. Even if you don’t want me to.”
“It’s not that I don’t want you to, but I-”
“I know that you don’t like me,” Soonyoung said as he sat on one of the chairs at the computer desk. “But I still want to look after you. You’ve been going out for a few nights already, and you look tired every day. What do you do here?”
Jihoon walked towards the computer and sat back in his chair. “I like to come here to compose songs. I’m getting tired of only doing covers. If we want to debut, we should start making our music. So I play around with the programs here, and sometimes something interesting comes up.”
Soonyoung’s eyes started to light up. He looked even happier than that time they were given a coupon to go eat at a restaurant a few blocks from their place. The guy was beaming and tightly hugged Jihoon.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his arms uncomfortably up, not knowing where to put them. A few seconds later, he used them to push Soonyoung away and break the hug. “Don’t do that.”
“Jihoon, you’re a genius! You know, I have been coming up with some choreography for us because I was also getting tired of doing covers. Making original music is so cool, you’re so cool!” Soonyoung said and suddenly got shy. “Sorry, I’m just excited.”
“I can see that,” Jihoon chuckled. He involuntarily smiled.
He had heard from people around him that said that it was impossible to talk to Soonyoung and not laugh or smile at least once. That he was funny and knew how to be charming. Until this very moment, Jihoon thought everyone was making that up.
Soonyoung clapped and asked Jihoon to show him some of the songs. They went over some of the demos Jihoon had; nothing was ready, but everything had potential. Just like them.
“This is where you write?” Soonyoung asked, holding Jihoon’s old notebook.
He nodded. That journal had seen better days, but it had been with Jihoon since he started this journey of being a trainee; it was both his diary and therapy, more than a composition book.
“Can I read it?”
Jihoon was taken aback by the delicacy that Soonyoung was displaying. He thought he would be like his old school classmates who would make fun of him and throw his notebooks away. But he asked softly and grabbed the journal as if it were something fragile that could break easily.
“Ummm, I would prefer not to. I can show you some pages, though.”
Soonyoung grinned, and Jihoon felt warmth.
There weren’t many lyrics after all. There were more words and phrases crossed out than anything that would resemble a hit song. But few of them made more sense than others. Soonyoung was reading out loud and nodding along.
“I can’t catch up to you yet, only a little while more. When I grow up, when I grow up.” He looked at Jihoon and smiled from ear to ear. “This is so good, Jihoon-ah. Wow. Really.”
Jihoon felt he was starting to blush. “It’s not that good, just some ideas,” he tried to get Soonyoung to give him his notebook back, but was ignored. “I was just trying some things.”
“You’re so good,” Soonyoung patted Jihoon’s shoulders. He laughed.
“Ah, stop it.”
“But I’m telling the truth! You have a gift. I think we could go very far with your lyricism.”
“You think?”
Soonyoung grinned, maybe from happiness that Jihoon was finally opening up a little. “I do. Your voice and lyrics. You’re a genius.”
Jihoon smiled shyly. Compliments were not rare, but they usually felt non-genuine. Except for where the guys would tell him how good he sang a ballad, it was genuine, but almost always followed with a “Could you please teach me how to do that?” which wasn’t an issue, but Soonyoung was earnestly in awe.
There was no funny face or laugh, Soonyoung was saying Jihoon was a genius as if it was a fact that everyone should know already. It was rare to see him be serious about something besides dancing. When interacting with others outside dance practice, his childish side would come out again. But here, tonight, Soonyoung was showing emotional intelligence beyond what Jihoon could have expected from him.
It was already too late, and they both had to be up early the following day. Some morning rehearsals and vocal lessons. Jihoon already felt tired just by thinking about it, but if they didn’t return to bed soon, they would be even more tired.
Soonyoung seemed to be thinking alike since he yawned and asked Jihoon softly if he wanted to walk with him to their dorms. Jihoon nodded and, after turning everything off and making sure that the door was locked, they both made their way back home.
Besides the neighbourhood stray cats, the streets were empty. Not many people were dumb enough to be walking at 3 a.m.
“Where do you get inspiration?” Soonyoung asked, breaking their somewhat comfortable silence.
No one had ever asked him that, Jihoon realised when Soonyoung’s words left his mouth. That’s why he remained silent for a few seconds before coming up with something that made sense.
“Just life, I guess. But mostly stories I read or watch. I don’t have many experiences with… well, anything.” Jihoon felt nervous at the strong gaze of Soonyoung. The guy was looking at him and nodding at every word he said; it was like he was paying attention when they were taught a new dance. Jihoon had never seen that strong gaze before. It was… interesting.
“Ah, same. It must be hard. I only ever danced, ever since I can remember. At school, I was the one in charge of the dance workshop, and here I have a similar role. Sometimes is hard to explain something that’s been within you all your life, right?”
Jihoon felt seen for the first time in his life. He smiled and agreed as they continued walking. That night, he realised maybe he had misjudged Soonyoung. The guy had more depth than he thought.
His tender smile that turned his eyes into a crescent, and his constant curiosity and awe, didn’t annoy Jihoon anymore.
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Even though the sun wasn’t even out yet, the thirteen boys were all up. Some were making breakfast, others were eating whatever snack they found, and a few were battling for a space in their bathroom so they could brush their teeth.
Jihoon had gotten used to it by now. He sighed as he stretched and slowly opened his eyes. He caught a glimpse of Mingyu rushing out of the bedroom while putting on his jacket and screaming at someone who was using his phone charger, and that his phone was about to die.
It was another regular day, except that Soonyoung came and sat on his bed. Jihoon stared at him, still waking up.
“I know you like rice, Jun made some, and I battled to keep this little bowl. Here,” Soonyoung said with a soft tone. It was rare to hear him like this, but after the previous night, it wasn’t new.
Jihoon sat straight up, almost hitting his head. “For me?”
Soonyoung nodded as he handed Jihoon the bowl and a spoon. “There was meat too, but it disappeared as soon as Shua said it was ready to eat.”
“Oh, I’m sure of that.” Jihoon chuckled as he received the food and ate a spoonful of rice. It was so simple, just white rice. Hot and well-cooked. It was perfect. “Thank you.”
The smile Soonyoung gave him wasn’t new, but it was the second time ever that made Jihoon smile back.
Chan, who was going around asking if anybody had seen his school bag, came into the room and saw the two of them sitting beside each other and smiling. The kid’s face lit up. “Oh, you’re friends now! That’s so cool.”
“We don’t-”
“We are!” Soonyoung spoke over him while smiling from ear to ear.
Jihoon continued eating. Maybe a night talk and a hot bowl of rice were enough to be friends nowadays. Maybe it was that simple sometimes. He didn’t want to erase that smile from Soonyoung’s face, so he let him gush about it while helping the youngest look around for his backpack.
Seungkwan and Hansol came into the room. The oldest of the pair was wearing his school uniform and was ready to go. It made Jihoon a little nostalgic about his days at school, which were over not so long ago. But his situation right now was not that different from school; he now had 12 classmates who not only shared classes but a home too. As well as the same dream.
“Chan-ah, I told you last night to keep your stuff ready. If you were going to be up late, you should at least have your things packed,” Seungkwan pouted.
Hansol giggled, which gained him a smack in the chest from Seungkwan. “Hey! What did I do?”
Seungkwan scuffed. “Do you think it’s funny? He’s going to make me be late again.”
“You need to calm down,” Hansol said as he brushed Seungkwan’s hair, who relaxed his face and sighed.
Suddenly, it seemed like those two were alone in there. Not in a room where Jihoon was eating his breakfast in bed, or Soonyoung and Chan were destroying it to find a bag. Not with so many different loud conversations around. It was the two of them and nothing else.
Seungkwan put his arms around Hansol and rested his face in his chest. Hansol hugged him tightly. Jihoon caught him smiling and felt like he was watching something he shouldn’t.
“Get a room!” Chan exclaimed, and as Seungkwan was about to curse him out, Soonyoung started screaming.
Jihoon couldn’t see the boy, but he was under the bed. He suddenly emerged, crawling with a black and dusty backpack that belonged to Chan.
“I deserve a hug, don’t I?” Soonyoung said, looking smug. “Aren’t I the best hyung Channie?”
“My favourite,” Chan admitted as he hugged Soonyoung. They both laughed, and a few seconds later, the youngest was rushing out of the room to look for his jacket, which he couldn’t recall where he had left it the day before.
Jihoon chuckled at the sight of the chaos. Soonyoung sat back down next to him with a smile on his face. “Isn’t this so fun?”
“What?”
“All of this. Although I would never tell her, I love my sister. But I always wanted brothers. Or at least to be the eldest brother. This is awesome. Don’t you think?”
Jihoon shrugged. He was not familiar with the concept of having siblings. It was always him, quiet mornings and quiet nights, just himself and his music and writings. No one to fight or play with, or talk to.
He heard some laughs coming from the other room, and Soonyoung was humming one of their favourite songs. “I think it is,” Jihoon admitted.
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“Are you like friends now?”
Jihoon looked up from his plate to see Jeonghan grinning. “You’re the third person to ask me the same question this week.”
“Who else asked?” Joshua wondered while exchanging a look with Jeonghan.
Maybe Jihoon should have predicted that something was going on when suddenly those evil twins asked him to go grab a meal together. They told him it was their treat, but of course, there was a catch; they wanted to know the rumours.
“I know we’re a lot of people, but not enough to be the little society you think we are. Ah, you’re just like old nosy ladies in a neighbourhood.” Jihoon felt the two pairs of eyes staring at him, waiting for a response, not a complaint. “Chan asked me the other day, and Mingyu too.”
“And what’s the answer?”
“We just get along now, I think. That’s all.”
Jeonghan booed him. Joshua chuckled and asked what had happened, what had changed.
To be completely honest, Jihoon was surprised that Soonyoung hadn’t already told them the whole thing. He was one of the first to break when those two decided to get the truth out of someone.
Once, there was a discussion about who had broken a glass in the middle of the night and didn’t clean it, making their oldest get a cut on his feet when he got up to drink some water. It ended up with Soonyoung being on cleaning duty for a whole week, besides having to carry Seungcheol’s belongings around, as well as washing his clothes for him. It was a pretty fun week for most of them, not for Soonyoung, though.
“Nothing changed, we just talked for a while. That’s it. He stopped being annoying.”
“Maybe you just needed to talk and realise how you work well together. It only took a few months or years. But here we are. Congrats,” Jeonghan said nonchalantly as he continued with his food.
Jihoon thought, yeah, maybe that was all it took. For it to be too late so Soonyoung wasn’t as energetic as always, and for Jihoon to be sleepy and a bit vulnerable to open up.
It was true that it took a long time, but they were already there, so who cares?
Now that Jeonghan and Joshua seemed satisfied by his answer, Jihoon could enjoy his free lunch as he listened to the older ones talk about how close Seungkwan and Hansol had been the other day.
“Do you think they have something going on?” Jihoon’s sudden interest surprised both of his friends, who turned their heads with a smirk on their faces.
Joshua laughed. “We think so, but we don’t want to intervene. Well, Jeonghan wants, but Seungcheol asked him not to.”
“And you do as he says? Interesting.” Jihoon chuckled.
For the few months that Jeonghan had been with them, just the first two, he was shy and reserved. Once that little devil had gained their trust, he showed his true face. Still a bit reserved, but was the main agent of chaos around there. Not the one you see screaming around, but the kind of person who throws a comment that could lead to either a fight or a kiss between some of them. He was really a genius when he proposed to. It was dangerous to be on his bad side.
And, he rarely listened to anyone. But always listened to Seungcheol, Jihoon had noticed lately.
Jeonghan smiled at him, not a kind and warm smile, but one that hid a curse behind his lips. “I’m just waiting for the right moment to say something to them.”
Joshua and Jihoon chuckled.
“Whatever you say.”
“I don’t think you will be laughing so much in a few weeks when you realise you have a crush on someone."
Jihoon tilted his head. “What are you talking about?”
Jeonghan shrugged. “Just eat. We’ll talk when it’s time.”
As if that wasn’t on an ominous level of a which, Jihoon decided not to get stuck on that comment and continued enjoying his food. Later, they had practice until midnight again; it was better not to dwell on matters that could distract you.
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For the past two weeks, it had become kind of an unspoken pact. Whenever they had finished with their daily activities before 11 pm, they would sneak out. Both Jihoon and Soonyoung would walk together to the studio where they had spent the whole day, and be there for a couple of hours, until their eyes closed by themselves and before the sun rose. And of course, before any of the rest could notice them going out in the middle of the night.
Jihoon learned a lot about Soonyoung between their nightly writing sessions. Even though he was very loud and loved by everyone, he used to be a very lonely kid. It seemed like he was making up for not having a group of friends before.
Additionally, Jihoon learned a lot about himself, too. He learned that writing didn’t have to be a solitary activity and that he very much enjoyed sharing ideas with a friend.
Nowadays, Jihoon calls Soonyoung his friend. It would be weird not to. They were the same age, they were in a team together, and they talked a lot and shared meals. That checked all the marks for friendship.
It was weird, Jihoon usually never changes his mind about a person. If he disliked someone from the start, it would be like that forever. If people like Wonwoo were considered reserved, he was far more than that. But somehow, Soonyoung was breaking those walls, little by little.
“We should debut with a pretty catchy song, don’t you think?”
“If we ever get to… Yeah.”
Soonyoung turned his head as fast as Jihoon uttered those words, and he looked distraught. “If? I’m making sure we do, I know we will.”
“Look, I know it’s all we want, but I don’t know. I’ve been here for years, and I think day by day that seems further away.”
“You gotta have trust! Or else all our sacrifices would have been for nothing.”
“I guess. I don’t… I don’t know.”
“You don’t know what?”
Jihoon shrugged. “Even if we do debut, what then? I never wanted fame, but I love composing. I was thinking that maybe I should focus on that and-”
“No,” Soonyoung grabbed Jihoon by his wrist. The grip was not strong enough to hurt him, but it wasn’t soft either. “You can’t leave. We won’t make it without you. I… I won’t.”
For a moment, it felt like the air was sucked out of that room. The distasteful green-painted walls seemed to be coming closer and closer to Jihoon, who couldn’t handle someone being this honest and straightforward with him.
He looked at Soonyoung, who seemed a bit desperate. Jihoon understood that feeling; he felt his heart drop that time Jeonghan told him he and Joshua were thinking that maybe they should leave. Or that time he found Minghao sitting alone after practice, and he whispered he was tired. It didn't seem he was talking only about the rehearsal.
There had been at least one instance when everyone there had thought about quitting. Some had left, and Jihoon was surprised when the first few left the ship, but then he became a bit used to it. Although he wouldn't admit that, if any of them were to leave, it would break him.
It's not that he was actually talking about leaving the team and going on his own; Jihoon was just… thinking out loud. But Soonyung's grip was enough to let him know he would not get away easily, even if he really wanted to.
"I don't… I won't…" Jihoon promised almost in a whisper, not being able to fully form a sentence with Soonyoung's eyes set on him. "Don't worry."
Soonyoung let him go, and as if he had been in a trance, his lips curled into his usual smile. "I'm so glad, Jihoonie. Let's get back to work, shall we?"
A bit weirded out by the sudden change in emotions in his friend, Jihoon nodded and continued working on a song.
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Lee Jihoon wasn't the type of person who would complain. Growing up, he was quiet, and his family was proud of him for being a well-behaved kid. He never threw tantrums or cried for too long. Jihoon tried to be as little of a nuisance as he could.
That's why he never complained about food he didn't like or about his dorm mates being too loud. He'd rather keep those complaints to himself or maybe write them in his journal and then cross those words out.
This tendency to try not to be a liability also meant Jihoon would never tell anyone if he was feeling down, whether it be mentally or physically. He would sneak to buy some medicine for the cold and wear a mask "just because" for a few days until he felt better.
This tactic had worked until this week. Jihoon started the day with a headache early in the morning, which never really went away. Then, his throat hurt a little when he drank cold water. He tried his best not to show it, but people around had noticed.
Seokmin offered him hot tea with honey and lemon. Wonwoo lent him his hoodie when they got out at night, even though Jihoon didn't accept it at first, but gave in to his friend's insistence. Jun made him a delicious soup while he slept a short nap after taking a shower as soon as he had come home for the day. Seungcheol even told him to take a day off, but was met with Jihoon's plain and simple "no".
The following day had been harder to hide his state, since Jihoon felt even worse. Once practice ended and their teacher had left, Jihoon sat on the floor, resting his back on the wall. He closed his eyes for a bit, still listening to the constant noise of twelve teenagers groaning and complaining about how tired they were. After a few seconds, those noises felt farther and farther away, until he didn't hear them anymore.
Jihoon doesn't know how much time passed; it could have been one minute or ten. Mingyu was calling out his name. He sounded concerned, but still, Jihoon didn't feel strong enough to open his eyes; the lights were too bright, they were frying his brain.
Then, he felt someone softly tapping his right shoulder. Jihoon wasn't proud to have guessed who it was based solely on the scent of the person and how his hand felt on his shoulder. "Soonyoung?" he whispered, frail.
There was no background noise anymore, Jihoon realised. They were all probably staring silently at him. And had just witnessed how Jihoon recognised Soonyoung by his touch alone. Luckily, Jihoon was too sick to care.
"Hey, I told you to rest," Seungcheol's voice came through.
"We all did. He's too stubborn," Seungkwan complained. "He's been feeling bad for a few days, but as always, he didn't say anything."
Jihoon smiled as he slowly opened his eyes. As he had expected, the twelve were looking at him, all but Soonyoung were standing up. His friend was sitting beside him, looking concerned.
"I didn't think you were this bad," Soonyoung almost whispered.
"It's not that bad. Probably just a cold."
"You should sleep more. I told you last night, maybe we should stop with-"
"With what?" Jeonghan asked with a grin. Right, there were more people in the room than just the two of them.
"Ah, my head hurts so much. I think I will go back to the dorm and sleep," Jihoon said, holding back a laugh. Although he wasn't lying, his headache was starting to annoy him. No one said anything. Jeonghan just chuckled, and Soonyoung avoided the confused stares.
"We will stay to practice a bit more. Don't you want someone to walk you to the dorm? I could go."
Seungcheol shook his head at Hansol's clever way out of extra practice. At least he tried, Jihoon thought. "Why don't you go with him, Soonyoung?"
Soonyoung looked startled at hearing his name coming from their leader's mouth. "Me?"
"Yeah, you. I think you're the only one who doesn't need the extra practice. You know this dance as if you had created it."
The proud smile on Soonyoung's face made Jihoon feel weird. He was cute, it was true. Before they were this close, he had caught glimpses of him that made Jihoon smile. The time Soonyoung's iPad broke, and he was sulking the whole day until Hansol fixed it. It wasn't annoying; he wasn't begging for someone to help him. He was just sad, and it was cute. Or that time when all of them gifted Soonyoung a T-shirt similar to one he had lost a few weeks prior. He looked like a kid running around and hugging everyone -including Jihoon, who let him have it that time, since it was a special occasion.
Yes, Kwon Soonyoung could be cute. But Jihoon had never had this cuteness' aggression before. It was like when he had seen a kitten on his way to school once, he wanted to hug it and kiss it and tell it how cute it was. But no, this was not the same.
Jihoon shook his head, trying to come back to reality and stop his thoughts that were going to places he would rather not go. "It's okay, I can go by myself."
"You almost passed out just now!" Mingyu exclaimed.
"I just closed my eyes, I will survive walking a few blocks. I promise."
Seungcheol, who was just on his phone, sighed. "I just talked to the manager, go to the pharmacy on the way home and buy something for your cold. And something good to eat. Soonyoung, you will go with him."
"But I-" Jihoon was about to complain. The last thing he wanted was for Soonyoung to lose practice since he was the one who enjoyed it the most, and it meant interfering with their dream of getting better and giving it all.
"I don't want to hear a complaint. Don't worry about the money, the manager will transfer what you need. So just go."
With a groan, Jihoon stood up from the floor. Soonyoung followed and looked at him as if he were afraid of talking. "You don't have to," Jihoon said to Soonyoung.
His friend shook his head. "I want to," he admitted as he shyly tapped Jihoon's shoulder twice. "C'mon, let's go. We can eat something delicious while these guys continue working. It'll be fun."
"Are we sure Soonyoung is the best one to take care of someone who is sick?" Jihoon heard Minghao ask, as he and Soonyoung were exiting the place.
To be completely honest, Jihoon doesn't remember much. Once he felt the cold air, contrasting the humid basement they had just been in, his body gave in. Soonyoung looked concerned but helped him walk home, slowly but steadily.
Then, Jihoon woke up in his bed. He looked for his phone but couldn't find it under his pillow, where it usually stays every night. The room was silent and dark, and by the complete lack of noise, Jihoon realised he was the only one there.
He then remembered that Soonyoung had gone with him. The plan was to stop by the pharmacy and also to get food, but there was no recollection of that. His head wasn't hurting as before, but he felt his body weak. When he tried to speak, his voice came out hoarse, and it hurt a lot more than it did that morning.
"Oh, are you awake, Jihoonie?" Soonyoung's voice came from outside the room. He slowly opened the door, and the lights from the hallway were enough to see his concerned face.
Jihoon just nodded. When Soonyoung got closer, he asked, in a whisper, what time it was and what had happened.
Soonyoung smiled. "You kind of fainted, I think," he let out a nervous laugh. "So I brought you here and got you to bed. Then I went to get you medication and some soup. I just came back, I'm heating the soup, so you will have to at least sit so you can eat."
The last thing Jihoon wanted was to eat. He just wanted to sleep. It seemed like Soonyoung could read his mind because then he said, "I won't accept a no. You can't even speak! You need something hot, and once you finish and take your medicine, I will let you sleep again. You were not asleep for long, though. Less than an hour, for sure. Oh, and your phone was dead, so now it's charging. Okay, will you sit, or do you want to come to the dining room? No one is here, just you and me."
Again, for some reason, Soonyoung looked cute saying that. It was annoying.
Jihoon sighed, it would be more annoying for something to happen and the soup falling in his precious bed. He slowly sat and then stood up. Soonyoung clapped happily and told him to follow him.
Soonyoung was right, Jihoon needed that soup. It was delicious, and hot and spicy enough to bring life back to him a little. He looked in front of him, Soonyoung was sitting just across, slowly drinking soup and staring at him happily.
"What?" Jihoon managed to utter.
"Nothing, you look cute."
Jihoon almost chokes on the soup. Let's blame his sore throat for that and not his sudden nervousness.
"You do! You should see yourself right now, wrapped around the blanket and hunching over your plate. Your eyes are barely open. It's cute!"
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
Soonyoung nodded with a smile. "Not fully because we're worried about you. But yeah. I got to skip extra practice, and instead I'm spending time with you. And eating and talking. It could be worse, couldn't it?"
It must be the chilli in the soup that made Jihoon suddenly feel like his insides were heating up. It was weird. He wondered if it was because he was sick that his heart palpitations were speeding up. "I thought you wouldn't want to skip any practice," he said.
"Usually I don't. But if this was the only way to make you take care of yourself, then I would gladly do it."
There were a few seconds of silence, both of them deep in thought, until Soonyoung suddenly stood up. "Well, you finished already, so I will let you go. Go get ready for bed, and I will give you your medicine. The guys won't come back for a while, I think, so you will be able to sleep well right now."
Jihoon smiled, "Thank you," he said with his weak voice, earning a smile back from Soonyoung.
"It's okay. You… you should take care of yourself, you know? That's part of training, too. Not only learning or making songs. You haven't been sleeping well, right?"
It's not that any of his other friends had cared about him; they all did in their own ways, but Soonyoung was the first one to directly say what he meant. Soonyoung has proven once again to be a guy who expresses love not only through actions but with words, too. He's direct and will not hesitate to tell Jihoon what he's lacking or what he needs to do.
Jihoon shook his head. "Too many noises and people," his voice came out weak, but he was still able to express himself.
"Mmm," he nodded. "What if we talk with the guys, and maybe we can change the sleeping arrangement? Minghao has complained about that too, and the other day Jeonghan told me Seungcheol's snores kept him awake all night."
They both shared a laugh. "No one's forcing that one to sleep next to Cheol."
Soonyoung smiled at him. "I think, besides the sparse snoring, Hannie sleeps very well." After a beat of silence, the fridge being the only source of noise, Soonyoung continued. "Do you think they…?"
The question was in the air, Soonyoung didn't finish his sentence, but Jihoon knew what he meant. He nodded, slowly.
His friend sat back in his chair, eyes lighting up, "Right? You and I have known Seungcheollie the longest. I've never seen him like this. Hannie-hyung has him in sort of a trance."
Jihoon laughed. "You think?"
"Yeah, he is like down bad for him. I've seen it in dance practices. Seungcheol takes every opportunity he gets to gaze at Jeonghan, and Jeonghan does too, when he thinks no one's watching."
"You notice a lot, don't you?" Jihoon could talk a bit more now; the soup was life-changing. Although he didn't want to talk too much, he should admit he was invested in whatever was happening between his friends.
Soonyoung nodded. "Mostly when we dance, but yeah. I like to observe people, to see what everyone struggles with, so I can help them. Or to see what everyone does best so we can polish those moves. And sometimes it's only to see some of them looking at each other with love in their eyes."
"How can you tell it's love?"
"You just do," he shrugged. "It could be platonic too, but there's something more. That longing and yearning, it's different. I don't know. You should pay attention to that."
Jihoon tilted his head. Soonyoung's cheeks seemed a bit more pinkish now, and he was avoiding his eyes.
"Well, let's get you to bed, okay? So you can sleep peacefully for a while before the guys return," he said while smiling at Jihoon.
It was different. It was the same smile as always, but Jihoon felt it was different somehow. Maybe it was because he was sick and a bit sleepy, and the tiredness made him daydream sometimes.
Soonyoung brought him his phone, and he sat on the side while Jihoon took his medicine. Once everything was done, Soonyoung stood up and caressed his head for a few seconds, smiling as he wished him goodnight.
If it weren't for the antibiotics that knocked him down immediately, Jihoon would have spent the entire night replaying that interaction. Again and again, trying to understand why it made his heart flutter like that.
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Jihoon decided to spend his afternoon off at a park, a bit far from the dorm. He needed some time away from everyone, but if he was being honest, he needed a few hours physically away from Soonyoung.
While sitting alone under a tree that was casting a shadow, protecting him from the hot sun, Jihoon wrote some thoughts down. A whole page of his journal was filled with questions and complaints to one person in particular. Things he would not dare to ever say, but maybe disguise as lyrics if they somehow made sense, or if someone read them and asked why, suddenly he was being so flustered at someone smiling at him, and so mad at himself for his heart racing for things as trivial as being in front of that person.
He sighed as he closed his journal. It had never happened to him before. Maybe some mild crushes that would go away after a week or so, but lately Jihoon has found it impossible to stop thinking about Soonyoung.
Ever since his friend took so good care of him when he got sick almost two weeks ago, Jihoon could not stop replaying in his mind how Soonyoung had caressed his head so warmly. He had tried to avoid that gaze during dance practice, but the older would always look for him through the mirror and smile. That typical Soonyoung smile, which made his eyes turn into moon crescents, made Jihoon's heart race and his mind forget what choreography they were doing.
Their late-night music sessions had been on a pause since Jihoon was recovering from his cold, and now that some sleeping arrangements were made - thanks to Soonyoung - he was sleeping so much better. Usually, the first one to go out and the last to wake up. Jihoon missed that special time but was also a bit relieved because being only with Soonyoung that late at night… he didn't know how he could manage to survive without his heart exploding.
"These days, these days… mmm" Jihoon said to himself, trying to come up with some music in his head and to finish his nonsense writing. "These days, I have a lot of thoughts. These days…"
He stopped. He deemed it better to stop working on his time off. Maybe to some lyricists it was cathartic to compose about their love life, but to Jihoon it was embarrassing. It was just a stupid crush that would probably, and hopefully, leave.
Jihoon put on his earphones and left his resting place. Maybe a walk would be better, he thought. But immediately, his attempt to clear his mind failed.
"Jihoon-ah, hi! You were here too?" Jeonghan asked, and he looked genuinely happy to see him.
"I needed fresh air, I think."
"That's good," Seungcheol said. The pair was in front of him, and Jihoon felt… small. They looked so relaxed and sure of themselves, even just standing there. They were both with an ice cream cone in their hands, and it looked like they were just walking around, just like him.
"The guys were looking for you; we're planning to go to a campsite later. What do you think?"
Jihoon nodded. "Ah, it's been a while. But why so suddenly?"
They shrugged. Apparently, some of the guys were organising a mini trip whenever they could have a day off, and it finally happened today, so they rushed to do everything. Jihoon wasn't very keen on spending the night in a tent, but since all of them were going, it could be an enjoyable experience.
Once the pair gave him the details of the place and were about to say goodbye, Jeonghan looked like he wanted to say something.
"What?"
Jeonghan shrugged, and Seungcheol looked at him, flinching his eyes, probably unaware of whatever conversation they had.
"What were you writing?
"Some lyrics," Jihoon replied. By now, they all knew he liked to write in his free time, and even some of them had tried to do so too, with very good and interesting results.
Seungcheol asked him what it was about and if he wanted any help. Jihoon's first thought was to say no, but if working with Soonyoung had taught him anything, it was that working with more people could be a good thing. Sometimes more than one brain is needed for things like this.
"Just a love song."
They both uttered surprised "Oh's" and chuckled. "What was your inspiration?"
Jihoon acted as if he was about to punch Jeonghan with his journal, but stopped right before, still making his older friend flinch. A loud cackle came out of Jihoon. "Someone not as annoying as you," he said.
Seungcheol looked confused, but still chuckled at Jeonghan's out-of-character flinch. Then, he looked at Jihoon "Well, if you ever need help with that song, let me know. Hansol, too, he told me the other day, he's been writing, but he needs help. Me too, to be honest."
"Will do," Jihoon nodded and then said goodbye to his friends. They insisted he stay, but he knew he would probably be interrupting something. Besides, he still needed his walk to clear his mind. Maybe he would even jog, so something else besides Soonyoung's pretty face would make his heart race.
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To be something organised with such short notice and so little money, this get-together was probably their best one yet. A rest from those green painted walls and those bedrooms filled with bunk beds.
Wonwoo, with the help of his dad, had rented a campsite with a beautiful view. Apparently, his dad knew the owner, so they got a discount, and once the total price was split into 13, they still had some money for the eldest to buy some alcohol too, besides food.
Jihoon went straight from his solo outing to the campsite. The ride on the bus was short thanks to his totally legal downloaded songs on his phone. While there, he got a call from Soonyoung.
It was unusual; they would never call each other. Living under the same roof, it was cheaper to shout their names if they wanted something, instead of using their phones. To this day, Jihoon isn't sure if he had the numbers of all of the people in the group.
"Hello?"
"Jihoon-ah! Where are you? Are you ignoring me?" Soonyoung asked the last question with a nervous chuckle. Probably joking, but a bit scared for it to be true.
To be honest, in addition to the suspension of their late-night working sessions due to Jihoon's cold, they haven't had much time together, just the two of them. And it was a bit intentional, because Jihoon had been trying to understand his feelings and maybe try to get rid of them before it was too late.
"I went on a walk, then I bumped into Cheol and Jeonghan. They told me about the campsite, so I'm on my way there."
"Ohhh," Soonyoung exclaimed, and after a few seconds of silence, he continued. "I called to ask you if you wanted a ride, but…"
"Oh, thanks. But this bus stops very near there. Well, if what I read online is true. So I should be arriving there soon, I think? I hope."
Soonyoung laughed. "Ah, alright. Let me know when you arrive, if you arrive before me. If you don't find the way, stay at the bus stop and I'll come get ya, Jihoon-ah."
"Okay," Jihoon giggled. Ah, since when has he become so weak to those charms? Before Soonyoung, Jihoon had never laughed so much.
It seemed like the driver had listened to Jihoon's conversation, and once the call ended, he told him to approach him. Jihoon was a bit confused but stood up and asked what the matter was. It turned out the driver asked him where he was going and then told him he would let Jihoon know when he had to get off the bus.
Sometimes it paid to look so young, even when he was not that young anymore. Jihoon looked at the view, now with only one earphone on, and thought about what he would be like now if he hadn't chosen this life. All the people he wouldn't have met and all the things he wouldn't have done. And part of him couldn't help but wonder what things he was missing by taking this path; maybe he would be taking a bus to go to university right now. And he would be worried about midterm exams instead of learning a new choreography or writing lyrics. Although he couldn't fathom a life without a pen in his hand and a page full of words.
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Most of his friends were already at the campsite. Jihoon didn't have any problem finding the spot; he just followed the laughs and music. Seokmin saw him first and ran to hug him.
"Ah, I missed you, hyung."
Jihoon let him hug him and put his arms around him. Maybe he should start being a bit more expressive; it really seemed like no one here was planning on leaving the team now. He should maybe let his guard down already.
Seokmin tried to hold in a gasp, but it was impossible.
"We saw each other this morning," Jihoon laughed and then broke the embrace to say hello to everyone there.
He couldn't help but notice that Soonyoung hadn't arrived yet. It would be weird to ask, so Jihoon started to help Mingyu and Jun prep the food. He sent a quick text to Soonyoung to let him know he had arrived, and was a bit disappointed that his friend didn't reply right away.
Hansol gave him a soda, and Jihoon nodded, thankful.
"It's pretty good, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it's been a while since we went out."
Hansol looked a bit nervous all of a sudden, "So… Seungcheol-hyung told me you were writing a song?"
Jihoon looked over at Seungcheol. He was sitting on the grass, laughing with Joshua, Jeonghan, and Wonwoo. "Yes, I am. But I've been struggling with this one."
"Why?"
Mingyu told Jihoon he could leave if he wanted, since Seokmin and Minghao had just offered to help. He nodded as he said "Sorry," and he and his younger friend sat together a few steps away from them.
"So, what's the song about?" Hansol asked, and he seemed cheerful. It made Jihoon smile.
"Oh, you know… just love, I guess. Crushes and that sort of thing."
Hansol hummed and nodded. Then, he took his phone out of his pocket. "I've been writing something about that, too. It may not be that good-"
"Why wouldn't it be that good?"
His friend shrugged. "From what I've heard, you are very good."
Jihood chuckled. "Who's been running their mouth like that about me?"
"Well, Soonyoung, duh."
Duh? Jihoon tilted his head. "Oh, him… Where's he by the way?" He tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but doubted that Hansol would believe his facade.
"Oh, he and Seungkwan are with Chan. Didn't he tell you?" When Jihoon shook his head, Hansol continued. "The other day Chan was sad because he would miss a school outing, so Soonyoung's been trying to organise something for him. When they told us that we would be free today and tomorrow morning, he thought of doing something like this. Seungkwan's been helping him today. I think the plan was to make Chan think he was going to a sleepover at hyung's house with Kwan, so his dad would drive them there, and then they would make something up for coming here. I don't know," he shrugged. "Seungkwan talks a lot. But I know they're on their way here right now."
Jihoon smiled. It wasn't new information, but Soonyoung was a really sweet person and very considerate. He remembered seeing Chan a bit down these days, but it didn't occur to ask the younger if something was going on or if he was just tired. Jihoon took a mental note to be a bit more considerate of his friends from now on.
"So… the song?" Hansol raised his eyebrows.
"Oh, right, right. Well, I wouldn't call it a song yet. It's just some phrases here and there that have been in my mind these days."
Hansol nodded, waiting for Jihoon to continue talking, so he did.
"Basically, like a love confession, I guess? Someone talking to their crush, telling them that they want to know more about this person and that they are pretty and all of that," he laughed nervously, realising how embarrassing all of this was. But Hansol was taking all of it seriously, asking if he had some melody already. "Not really. I've been repeating the same line over and over today. These days, I have a lot of thoughts. These days, I have so much to tell you."
"Oh! I like it."
Jihoon smiled. "I was thinking for the chorus to be like really, really cheesy, you know?" Hansol nodded.
"Have you written anything else?"
"Not much more." Jihoon tried to remember what made sense from all of what he had written down these past few days. "I was thinking of the title to be something like love you or adore you. Something very direct, you know?"
"Adore you sounds great. I think I get what the vibe is."
Hansol's genuine interest made Jihoon happy. They agreed to continue on it another day. Since the rest were telling them to stop working and enjoy the fresh air of that summer night.
"We know that you both are missing your persons, but they will arrive soon," Jeonghan raised his voice, with a grin on his face, making everyone laugh. Jihoon and Hansol looked at each other, both petrified. They decided to laugh it off because they didn't know how to respond.
A few minutes later, the missing three arrived. Chan and Soonyoung ran to their campsite, while Seungkwan screamed at them from meters back. He was walking slowly, carrying three backpacks.
Once Chan had thanked everyone for what they were doing, and when he stopped hugging Soonyoung tight, the food was ready.
Soonyoung sat next to Jihoon. "Hi!" he said with his mouth full of meat Mingyu had grilled.
"Hi", Jihoon giggled. "Eat before you speak, ah."
"What? I'm starving. And so tired."
Jihoon smiled at Soonyoung, who had theatrically collapsed on the floor for two seconds, earning laughs from their friends. "Hansol told me that you were planning this these days. Why didn't you tell me?"
Soonyoung shrugged. "I don't know, you seemed busy. I didn't want to bother you."
"You never bother me."
The widest smile appeared on Soonyoung's face. "Ah, Jihoon-ah. If someone had told me a few months ago that you would say that I don't bother you, I wouldn't have believed them."
"Shut up and eat your food," Jihoon laughed, avoiding his friend's gaze. His heart was doing that weird thing again, racing as if he were running a marathon.
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The sun was starting to set when they finished dinner. They decided to take some pictures with the beautiful sunset behind them. It was a nice change; they were used to being around cameras, their moves being observed most of the time. But now, they had the cameras and they will keep those memories just for themselves. Jihoon would have made it his phone wallpaper if there weren't so many of them it was impossible to fit them vertically. Maybe someday he would get a picture frame.
Seungkwan had brought a ball, and once the night had set, they started a mini foot volleyball tournament. The losing team would make breakfast in the morning. He, of course, wanted to be the team captain, and then Seungcheol offered himself as the other one.
After three sets, Seungcheol's team won. Hansol decided to be the referee and ended up siding with the winning team; smart boy. Jihoon was exhausted by the end of the second set, but he gave his all to get more minutes of sleep the next morning, and it paid off.
Some were ready to go to bed as soon as the game ended, exhausted by the long day and with their stomach full of delicious food. They had rented three tents, enough for thirteen teenagers who were used to sleeping all crumbled up. Before anyone went to sleep, they decided to play a little game to decide who would sleep where, to avoid any fights.
"How do we decide, then?" Wonwoo asked and then yawned. He was one of the people who wanted to go to sleep right now.
"What if we do it by ages?" Seungcheol suggested. Some agreed, others gave a retund "no".
Jun then leaned to Jihoon to ask if he had his journal with him. They ended up ripping a page and cutting 13 pieces of paper, and writing numbers 1 to 3 in them. It would be up to luck which tent, the third one having five people since it was slightly bigger than the other two. They complimented Jun for his idea, and the shy boy just nodded and smiled as he wrote the numbers.
Jihoon's roommates for the night were Minghao, Seungkwan and Soonyoung. His heart almost jumped out of his chest when he read the number 2, which Soonyoung had previously shouted out loud.
Some said goodbye and went to sleep. Most hadn't brought any change of clothes, so they just went into the tent and cuddled themselves in the sleeping bags. They were so tired, they were oblivious to the noise coming from outside.
The remaining guys sat next to the campfire, sharing stories and laughing while drinking more than they were used to, some for the first time.
Jihoon was never interested in alcohol, not even when he could purchase it legally. He was happy with his soda. Soonyoung, on the contrary, was drinking everything the older ones had brought. Jeonghan, Jun and Seokmin were drinking as well. The first two were quiet, only laughed a bit more than usual. But Seokmin and Soonyoung were a match made in heaven. They were both more energetic than ever and cracking jokes that comedians would be jealous of.
It was fun, so much fun. Jihoon felt buzzed in the moment, laughing along with his friends, having experiences he wouldn't have otherwise. Even though he was exhausted and would have been the first one to go to sleep, he didn't want the night to end.
One by one, they were leaving. Wonwoo, Hansol and Minghao were fast asleep even before Soonyoung drank the first sip of alcohol. Jun then said goodbye. After drinking for a bit, he got sleepy. Chan was falling asleep while sitting, and after a few times everyone caught him, he finally listened to his older brothers and went to sleep.
Joshua helped Seokmin to go to their tent, the younger one too drunk to even recognise who was guiding him. Seungkwan decided to go too when he remembered he and his team would have to wake up earlier than the others. Jeonghan followed, then Mingyu too.
It was only three of them left. The first ones to join the company were the last ones standing tonight. Seungcheol was in charge of the fire and didn't want to leave before any of the younger ones were already sleeping. Soonyung was recovering from his drinking, now drinking water and eating some leftovers, to avoid the hangover he would probably have in the morning.
"Ah, why did I drink so much?"
Jihoon giggled. He didn't know what he was still doing up; he should have gone to sleep a while ago. But it's been a while since it was just the three of them. They talked for a long time. Reminiscing about trainees who had left, and remembering anecdotes that happened before the rest had joined. They laughed, trying not to make too much noise.
"Do you think we will make it?" Jihoon asked, and both pairs of eyes were set on him.
"Yeah," Seungcheol answered. He looked so sure, as if he knew something he didn't. "We just have to wait a bit more. We have a great team. Everyone wants it."
Soonyoung nodded. "They all have that passion some lacked. We will do it. Then in a few years, we will be reminiscing about times like today and laughing about how we were even doubting it would happen."
Jihoon sighed.
"What are you thinking?" Seungcheol looked worried.
"For years, I thought it would never happen. But you two sound so confident about it. You're right. It will happen."
His friends smiled, and Seungceol leaned closer to mess with Jihoon's hair. "Of course it will."
Soonyoung stood up and started dancing and singing one of the songs they had been practising the day before. Seungcheol and Jihoon burst out laughing, wondering where all that energy came from.
"I'm just happy," Soonyoung said with a smile on his face, as he sat back again next to his friends.
"Alright," Seungcheol stood up and stretched. "I will get going. I woke up super early today. Jihoon, make sure the fire is out when you go to sleep."
Jihoon nodded as Seungcheol said goodbye and walked to his tent.
And now, there were two.
"Do you want to go to sleep? Aren't you tired?" Soonyoung asked as soon as Suengcheol stepped into his tent.
"To be honest? Not really. If you are, go. I think I will stay a bit more here. It's nice outside."
"It is nice," Soonyoung replied, looking at him.
Maybe it was the fire next to them, but Jihoon felt his cheeks burning. He broke eye contact as he chuckled nervously. "So are you still drunk, or has it passed?"
"I think I'm all good now. But I'm sure I'll regret having drunk tomorrow."
Jihoon laughed. Then, he looked at Soonyoung, who was silently staring at him. "What?"
He shook his head. "Nothing, it's just that you have a very loud and nice laugh, I love it. Have I ever told you that?"
"I don't think so."
"Well, you do."
"Thanks? I don't…"
"You really don't know how to take compliments, right? You should practice for when we're famous. I'm sure you will be showered in them."
"What are you even saying?" Jihoon was always so entertained by Soonyoung's antics. He could never get bored.
Soonyoung came to sit a bit closer to Jihoon. Both on the grass, in front of the fire and their backs to the tents and their sleeping friends. Jihoon's heart was about to jump out of his chest.
"Like, when we have fanmeetings and all of that. What will you respond to a fan saying they like you? Or that you're pretty?"
"I don't… I never thought about it."
His friend was shaking his head. "See? We need to be ready for everything, not only on stage but off stage too. Let's say, I'm a fan and I say: Jihoon, you're so handsome, I will faint!"
Jihoon burst out laughing at Soonyoung's attempt to sound like a teenage girl. Soonyoung smacked him on his arm "Hey, I'm serious. Will you laugh at her or what?"
"Laugh at who? My imaginary fan? I will probably say thanks and tell her to eat something to avoid fainting."
"Whoa, you suck at this. Let's switch roles, you be the fan now."
"What? No, I won't-"
"C'mon," Soonyoung was shaking him until Jihoon cracked a smile and agreed.
"Soonyoungie! You're so… handsome, I will faint."
"More emotion! Make me believe it."
This was ridiculous. Jihoon sighed and looked at Soonyoung's face, his stupid face so pretty, with his smile so wide and his beautiful eyes and…. "Soonyoung, you're so handsome, I will faint," he said earnestly.
Jihoon's tone took Soonyoung aback. He looked a bit surprised, and after a beat of silence, he stuttered, "Thank… you. Ummm."
"That's all you got? At least I told them not to faint," Jihoon chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood. He could tell Soonyoung was feeling a bit uneasy, too.
His friends chuckled, looking at the fire instead of Jihoon. "Ah, Jihoon-ah, you could be an actor too. That sounded very real."
Maybe it was the setting, the campfire, the starry summer night away from the city lights, the silence, the tiredness in Jihoon's body and mind from the long day. All of that combined made Jihoon more direct than he would ever be. "It was real."
Soonyoung turned his head fast to look at him. Jihoon was sure that at this point his cheeks and ears were bright red, but he didn't care much because Soonyoung was the same.
"Jihoon-ah," Soonyoug almost whispered. "You're so gentle, talented and pretty, it makes me crazy." Jihoon chuckled, then Soonyoung continued. "What would you do if someone said that to you?"
Jihoon looked at Soonyoung's eyes; the fire was reflecting in them. He was smiling shyly and playing with his hoodie's strings. His friend was barely a few months older than him, but now he looked so much younger. So shy and nervous, far from the enthusiastic and loud Soonyoung he had learned to love.
"I would… maybe ask that person what they plan to do about it."
Soonyoung was struggling to voice whatever he was thinking, and Jihoon couldn't take it anymore, so he grabbed Soonyoung's hands, stopping him from playing with the strings and distracting himself. This was new to him; he had never grabbed Soonyoung's or anyone's hands like this.
Jihoon continued talking, "Maybe grab their hands and tell them they're making me crazy, too. So much so that it's all I can think about lately."
"Really?" Soonyoung looked up from their hands to Jihoon, nodding shyly. "Wait, really?"
"Yeah, really," Jihoon let go of Soonyoung's hand as he answered. He sat still, refusing to take any more steps; in his books, he had done enough. The ball was on Soonyoung's court now. "What do you wanna do about it?"
Soonyoung leaned in so fast, it almost made Jihoon fall on his back. But Soonyoung was holding his back with one hand and the back of his head with the other one, as he kissed Jihoon.
As Jihoon had learned these past few months, Soonyoung had a softer and calmer side than what one could see from afar. Now, Jihoon learned that Soonyoung liked to kiss softly. A quick kiss followed by a "Is this alright?" almost immediately.
Jihoon whispered, "Yes," and then Soonyoung kissed him again. This time longer, and with more passion than before. Once their lips separated, Soonyoung was gently stroking Jihoon's hair, who could not hide how happy he was about it.
"Ah, I hope you don't plan on doing that with anyone who calls you pretty."
Soonyoung's joke erased all the nervousness that had settled in Jihoon. He laughed and felt only happiness, "No, I won't. Just you."
"How? When?" Soonyoung wanted to know everything to the last detail. "Whoa, I can't believe it. For a moment, I thought: maybe. But then I was like, no, he wouldn't. But then you… Whoa! Crazy."
Jihoon burst out laughing. There was something in the way Soonyoung looked that made him just laugh. He wanted to kiss him again and again and again. "I can't pinpoint exactly when; it was gradual, I suppose. Be it when you asked me about my writings and my inspiration, or when you brought me a bowl of rice in the morning, or all my sleepless nights when you showed me how great a work partner you can be. Or when you took care of me when I got sick and you put me to sleep while caressing my hair, just like you were doing just now. I… don't know, the next thing I knew I was writing a love song."
For every single thing Jihoon said, Soonyoung never stopped staring at him. Once he finished, Soonyoung hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. He could not stay still.
"Wait, wait, calm down."
"Can I be honest with you? I liked you from the beginning."
It felt so good to hear "I like you" that Jihoon didn't faze what his friend had meant from the beginning. "When we first started working on music?"
Soonyoung shook his head. "Since I first stepped into the company and I saw you on the corner playing the guitar. That same one you almost hit me with that night. But you hated me…"
"I never hated you, I just- Wait, what? How long? But we barely spoke back then!"
"But you were so cool. You sang so well and played so many instruments, and everyone respected you. I watched you from afar, I can't believe…"
"That's why you tried so hard to get close?"
Soonyoung nodded. "But right as I was about to give up, we started hanging out. Maybe the secret was not to try so hard."
Jihoon couldn't believe it. He was so stunned he managed to let go a laugh. "You're crazy, Kwon Soonyoung."
"So, do you like me now?"
"Of course I do," Jihoon replied. It felt weird to express his feelings like this. Not writing them and hoping that the words will take them away, but saying them out loud to the person that they were meant to. "I like you."
Soonyoung grinned, then sat closer to Jihoon as if it were humanly possible and rested his head on Jihoon's shoulder. For a moment, they were in silence, staring at the fire that was slowly dying.
"So, what's the song about? Is it any good?"
"It will be," Jihoon said confidently, like never before.