Work Text:
Low clouds rolled in as the afternoon passed. Turtle spent the day watching the sky gradually darken as they took guard in one of the shadowed corners of the Hokage’s office. The rumblings of thunder off in the distance made their way closer to Hokage tower, becoming as frequent as the sighs that escaped Rokudaime-sama's mouth.
After the twelfth sigh that hour, the door to the office opened with an accompanying murmur of “what a pain.” Shikamaru-san’s expression looked more annoyed than usual as he stepped into the room, his voice souring as he reported, “The elders are asking for you again.”
Hatake-sama let out his thirteenth sigh, “What do those vultures want this time?”
“Hmph. Same as always.”
The Hokage expelled a disapproving noise, setting his pen down roughly on his desk.
Very few reasons could make the man so irritable and dealing with the village elders made up most of that list. This must be about the marriage debacle, Turtle thought.
It had been almost two years since Turtle started taking guard duty shifts for the Hokage and this arranged marriage issue had been going on since before they started the job. Apparently, there was an old law that during a period of peace, the Hokage should be wed to a fitting partner–one of high rank and notable heritage. Moreover, if the Hokage was part of a well known clan, then marriage was almost unavoidable. Turtle didn’t know all the details but was it really that difficult to find a wife for the Hokage?
Turtle pondered. It wasn't their place to have opinions on matters way above their pay grade but after being in the Hokage’s circle for a while, it’s not the first time they’ve had their own independent thought about the issue.
For starters, Hatake-sama was so cool! He’s a legend in ANBU still to this day and was the Uzumaki Naruto’s teacher! There was an air of mystery and intrigue around the man, powerful and a natural born leader. Turtle nodded to themself, truly a man deserving the title of Hokage!
But despite those details, Turtle could admit that Kakashi-sama was insufferable at times, occasionally ill mannered, and had a penchant for reading porn around children (yikes). On a few of their shifts, there was not an ounce of respect for the elders (fair) and some foreign delegates were less than pleased with his direct (to a fault) choice of words.
Oh and how could Turtle forget…
Poor Umino-sensei seemed to be getting the worst of Hokage-sama these days. Turtle is usually ushered out of the room when the vice-principal visits for their Academy improvement/maintenance discussions. They could never hear what was going on inside, a silencing talisman of sorts probably, and perhaps that was for the best. Sometimes Umino-sensei left the room red-faced with a scowl, muttering “pervert” or “stupid jonin” underneath his breath. Other times Rokudaime-sama gets spacier and more irritable after those meetings.
If Umino-sensei, a relatively calm man with the patience of a saint (most times), couldn’t handle Hatake-sama then what poor woman could ever take him as a husband? Perhaps ignorance is bliss, Turtle shrugged mentally.
“Maa, Turtle-kun,” Hatake-sama addressed in the general direction of their station. “What do you think? Would a wife suit me?”
Turtle’s head sputtered at the impromptu question–they were usually never addressed especially when it came to personal matters like this. Besides, they had just completely deconstructed why any normal person would not want him for a life partner!
Truthfully…Turtle gulped and stepped to where the Hokage could see them shake their head. No.
Shikamaru guffawed and another quiet snicker could be heard from a different dim corner of the room. Turtle felt themself go red. Were they too direct? Did that count as insubordination?!
“Maa, I'm glad we can agree.” Hokage-sama looked amused, as much as his eye smile could reveal at least, and started his way towards the window. Turtle prepared to follow. “I’m heading out for a bit.”
“What should I tell the old hags?” Shikamaru asked.
“That I defected and decided to pursue a career in music alongside Killer-Bee. Then, I fell in love with a tanned beauty with the dreamiest singing voice and was–” Shikamaru-san looked at him unamusedly. If Turtle recalled correctly, Kakashi-sama already used that excuse a couple months ago. The Rokudaime leaned against the window and crossed his arms. “–Kidding. Well, what did I tell you to say last time?”
“Nothing. I gave them that letter you handed to me.” Shikamaru chuckled, “They were pissed as fuck after they read it.”
“Good. Ignore them for now. I’ll deal with them when I get back. You should take a break too.”
With those parting words, Kakashi-sama dashed out the window.
Shit!
The Anbu jumped to make chase, but felt a darkness tug at his feet. They whipped their head back towards the room, their neck cracked as it focused towards the source of the Shadow Possession.
Three meters from where they stood, the advisor had his hands clasped. Turtle felt their hackles rise towards the man despite their familiarity with each other. A pulse of killing intent. But before they could strike, Shikamaru released the jutsu with a grunt. Turtle body flickered centimeters behind Shikamaru, their wakizashi against the man’s throat.
“Sorry, sorry,” he drawled, putting his hands up as a non-threat. Turtle sheathed the sword beneath their cloak but remained vigilant. “Before you head out, I wanted to tell you to go to the academy.”
All the blood-lust dissipated in an instant. Turtle cocked their head to the side. Academy?
Hokage-sama clearly ran towards the opposite direction. Turtle hummed disapprovingly, every second they waste here, the further the slippery Rokudaime will get.
It was a fatal flaw of their beloved Hokage. If he really wanted, the man could let his Anbu guard chase after a clone for hours without them noticing. Between reconnaissance missions and keeping watch on Hatake-sama, sometimes the latter is much more troublesome than their long missions.
“Trust me, the other’s a clone. Just keep an eye out for him on the school grounds.”
Turtle forced themselves to reconsider their original path.
Fine.
If the Rokudaime wasn’t there, at least he could pay a visit to the Vice-Principal. As they stepped out onto the window sill, thunder clapped in their ears and a downpour assaulted their cloak.
Tch. Shikamaru better be right.
When the Academy came into view, Turtle checked a tree near the entrance of the academy. More than once had they seen Hatake-sama perched on one of the branches reading erotica; and some of those times an Iruka-sensei was there, ushering him down.
Unfortunately, neither men were there. Turtle really didn't want to go on another wild goose chase–that would make it the 4th time this month and that frankly would be four too many.
Turtle pulled the sides of their hood in frustration before taking a deep breath. Their eyes fell onto an open window with a perfect view of a teacher's desk, worn with scratches from stray shuriken and the occasional sparkle of glitter.A smile appeared behind Turtle’s mask as memories of their time in Umino-sensei’s classroom flooded in.
“Anbu-kun?”
Amidst their stupor, Turtle let themselves lose focus and nearly jumped at the voice.
U-Umino-sensei! Turtle managed to stick a landing just in front of their former teacher. Of course Sensei would be able to sense an Anbu in hiding, Turtle shouldn't have expected less! They could feel their cheeks flush as the older man smiled kindly at them from underneath his umbrella. Turtle bowed silently, I apologize for the intrusion, I was just–
“Are you looking for Kakashi-san?” Umino-sensei finished the thought.
Turtle nodded then tilted his head.
Umino-sensei tapped his chin in thought. “Unfortunately, I haven't seen him since this morning. Is he causing trouble for you?”
Turtle’s mask shook, making the rain droplets scatter around them. Not at all! He just… The Anbu’s knuckles cracked beneath the cloak and they visibly slumped forward.
“Hmm,” Umino-sensei's lips pursed, his brows furrowed in tandem. “Feel free to look around, just try not to interrupt any classes.” The man turned around hurriedly to leave but stopped to turn their gaze back to Turtle. “And stop by my office some time! It would be nice to see how one of my former students is doing.”
Turtle straightened and offered a salute as he watched Iruka-sensei retreat into the dry awning of the Academy entrance. With renewed vigor, after seeing his former sensei's refreshing smile, they took to the rooftops. How hard could it be to find one white haired Copy-Nin?
As it turned out, after seven minutes of searching (which was five minutes too much by Anbu standards), they concluded that it was pretty fucking difficult. Why did the man even want to go to the Academy? Hokage-sama did not have any children nor was in a relationship with any of the teachers, so why here?
Shikamaru was probably in on it and helped get Turtle off his scent!
There was one last room to check and Turtle highly doubted that the Hokage would be in there lest he desired the wrath of Umino Iruka. Turtle clung onto the outside wall of the Academy’s third floor. If he was right, Umino-sensei’s office should be right–
“–left without a jacket?”
“Maa, sensei, it was a quick trip here.”
Rokudaime-sama?! Turtle body-flickered his way to a nearby tree where he would be obscured. The storm had calmed considerablely, only a light shower persisted in the village. Through the leaves and pitter-patter of rain drops, Turtle focused their chakra to their eyes and ears, momentarily enhancing their senses to see into the Academy office.
The Hokage was seated on one of the blue couches in the office, slightly damp from the downpour right after they left the tower. His eyes were their usual bored expression, but the corners were upturned ever so slightly.
“I told you to bring an umbrella this morning!” A white towel smacked itself onto the Rokudaime’s face–w-what’s Iruka-sensei thinking?!
But the smack was overwhelmed by laughter, light and care-free emitting from their superior. Even more shocking was the sight of Umino-sensei’s deep brown hands pulling Hatake-sama’s face away from the window. A touch so casual, one would think they had known each other for years. The black mask was replaced by tanned fingers, then a white towel gently wiping away the rain that clung to the Rokudaime’s face. Umino-sensei draped the towel around Hatake-sama’s neck then leaned in to give what Turtle could conclude was a kiss.
I-Iruka-sensei and the Hokage are together?! Their jaw was unhinged behind the mask, their chakra unsteady at what they had just witnessed.
Dark uniformed sleeves wrapped around broad shoulders as white hair fell onto the side of the vice-principal’s neck. The motion of Umino-sensei’s hands stroking Kakashi-sama’s back looked gentle, his body sturdy as he held the most powerful man in the village.
Turtle couldn’t make out the hushed words of their voices, but they knew it was not meant for anyone’s ears. Shikamaru-san must have meant to keep an eye on this.
The hokage raised his head from its place and Umino-sensei grabbed a pale hand to kiss just past where the fingerless gloves met skin. “The elders want to give you a wife, but I think a husband would suit you better.”
“And you would volunteer yourself for such a burdensome role?”
Umino-sensei glared at the Hokage, only to grab the back of his neck and pull Hatake-sama in for a bruising kiss.
“The only burden is having to meet with those saggy flesh sacks more frequently than I have to.”
When silence filled the room, the teacher pecked at a space just to the bottom left of where Hatake-sama’s lips would be. “Being with you was never and will never be a chore.”
“Surely, there’s a high price for being with someone like me,” the man inquired.
“Of course,” Umino-sensei smiled playfully. Turtle doesn’t think they’ve seen the man so relaxed. “In return, I expect to be doted on, cooked for, and every once in a while I would like you to…”
The words started to trail off as Iruka-sensei switched to whisper into the Rokudaime’s reddening ear.
When the vice principal pulled away, Hatake-sama gulped. “Done. What else?”
Umino-sensei laughed heartily and kissed a flushed cheek. “Lastly, If it's not too much to ask from my Hokage…in public, I would finally like to refer to you as my husband...”
Another kiss on his nose “...my wife…”
A kiss on his forehead “...my love…”
And a final chaste kiss on the Hokage’s lips “...Anata.”
Turtle could almost feel themself warm at the romantic gestures. Clearly, they’re not the only one affected as their Hokage has turned into a human strawberry, red and vibrant, right before their eyes. Strawberry-sama let out a breathy sigh (number 14, Turtle noted). It was different from the exasperated huffs that echoed in the Hokage's office. This one wasn’t weighed down by responsibility nor boredom, only a brightness that could be achieved in the presence of someone you love.
“I wonder what the Village will think of me being referred to as the future Academy head's wife,” Hatake-sama teased.
“Jealous! All of them!” Iruka-sensei declared as he rested his head on the Hokage’s shoulder. “My partner is the complete package.”
“And you're not very good at sharing.”
“Hah! They're lucky you can get you out of bed most mornings.”
“Whose fault is that?”
Umino-sensei's face looked unperturbed at the teasing tone. “Don't forget about our audience, Kakashi.”
Turtle straightened imperceptibly, the branch beneath him let out the smallest creak.
“Maa, my Anbu are smart. Your former student, even smarter.”
“Good thing they’re both.”
Umino-sensei's hands traveled around the Rokudaime's waist, letting himself relax further on the uniformed shoulder. A shaky breath escaped the usually well composed man, “I'll be whatever they want. Your husband, wife, whatever that stupid law says. That should be the least of your worries.”
“You’re right.” Hatake-sama pressed his lips atop his lover’s head. “I have to get a ring first. We can shop for ours together, if you’d like.”
Iruka-sensei nervously laughed as he sat up and scratched his scar, “...I already had yours made.”
“What?!” Pale hands clasped tanned ones as Hokage-sama leaned into the Vice-Principal's face. “I knew it! Where did you hide it? I've looked all over the compound and I know it's not in any of the unpacked boxes.”
“As if I'd tell you!” The teacher stuck his tongue out, causing both men to laugh. “It's not on me either so don’t even try getting your pervert hands anywhere.”
Kakashi-sama pleaded, something Turtle would never have expected, but this afternoon already had Turtle’s security rank go up at least a couple levels. “Just one hint?”
“Nope,” Umino-sensei said, popping the ‘p.’
“Maa, you're no fun, sensei,” the Hokage pouted.
“The only fun you're going to have is the clean-up if you do manage to find the ring before it's time for me to propose.”
“Is that a challenge?”
“A promise.”
Oddly enough, the pair shook hands like a silent bet between them was made. Hokage-sama then wordlessly began to rearrange himself on the couch, shoving his lover to the far end.
“What are you doing now?” Umino-sensei huffed.
Kakashi-sama sprawled along the seat, his feet dangling over the arm rest of the couch and settled his head atop Umino-sensei's lap. His face was still unmasked but obscured from where Turtle could see.
“I have a meeting in thirty minutes, Kakashi.” The Vice-principal's voice scolded like he was about to shove the other, but the brush of his hand on Hatake-sama’s cheek showed otherwise.
“Mn. Can't you postpone it? Say that a stray dog jumped through your window and made a mess of your office.”
”I did postpone it,” the teacher sighed, stroking white hair out of Hatake-sama's face.
“What if,” Turtle could hear the grin creeping onto the Rokudaime's face, “I reenact chapter 5 of Icha-Icha: Tactics, hide under your desk and su–”
“–Oi.” Umino-sensei pinched the man's cheek. Kakashi-sama grabbed the teacher’s hand and kissed his wrist in retaliation. “Tch. Take a nap before I knock you out.”
“Yes, yes. Thirty-minutes, sensei.”
”Twenty. I don’t want Mori-kun to be waiting outside for too long.”
At the mention of their name, Turtle released the concentrated chakra flow from their eyes and ears and slumped against the tree. Never in all their years would they expect the friendly, kind, handsome Umino-sensei be with the fearsome, perverted Rokudaime-sama.
Truly a couple that rivaled Uzumaki-san and Uchiha-san.
Turtle shook their head, You can't talk about your superiors like that! Gods, does this mean they’ll get more guard shifts outside the office? On the bright side, at least they knew where to head to first if Hokage-sama decides to disappear for three hours. And seeing Iruka-sensei more often wouldn't all be too bad, they bargained.
Just as twenty minutes approached, a pulse of chakra prodded at Turtle's senses. They looked over at the source in the distance, through the window they spied through not too long ago. Umino-sensei smiled in their direction, one hand gently brushing through the still sleeping Hokage's hair as he mouthed Thank you.
From their perch, Turtle gave a two finger salute. They were right: A wife, at least in the traditional sense, would be unfitting for the Hokage.