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The rolling clouds began to darken, and rain slowly but steadily descended from the sky. It was a quiet evening, the still air creating a warm and inviting atmosphere as the animals of the night began to wake. And it was calm nights like this where Fenomeno found herself staring at the sky, expression blank and passive as she scowled up at the drifting clouds passing her by.
She flicked droplets off of her hands with a sigh, drawing her knees up to her chest. She was in a rather foul mood this particular evening; talking was the last thing that appealed to her right now.
Unfortunately, the world never seemed to like giving her the space she so desperately desired, and she began to hear movements behind her. Judging by the sound each step towards her made, she recognized it quickly to be her father, Stay Gold. As they got closer, Fenomeno felt the grass she sat upon rustle and dip, the warm body heat of another person growing present.
"Hey," came Gold's voice, a murmur barely able to be heard over the worsening rain.
Fenomeno sighed, already feeling a headache coming on. Her ears pinned the second she heard wet grass giving way and shifting, trying her best to continue staring at the sky – though her mind was still elsewhere. Gold's voice was enough to break her out of the thoughts that swam through her head.
She could feel Gold's warmth against her, and she frowned slightly, taking in the sight of them through the corner of her eye. They were drenched - had they been outside for longer than she had? But even as rain beat against the ground and cold air chilled around them both, they were still warm – like a radiant beam of light in the mist and darkness.
She couldn't tear her eyes off them, and the way the rain pounded down upon their fragile body with a relentless fury. They were unfazed by the weather, despite being more drenched than she was. She wasn't surprised; they were seldom affected by anything - a trait she had always secretly envied, but now, it was only an annoyance.
She instinctively leaned a bit closer to them, seeking solace in the heat that radiated out from their body. She felt her frown deepen, discomfort growing further at the feeling of wet fabric sticking to her skin. 'I hate the rain,' she thought bitterly.
"Hello," she finally replied in a murmur, arms folded over her legs as she lay her chin against her knees.
"You're sulking again." Gold's words were casual, but their tone was gentle. Even now, they had known their daughter long enough to be able to read her like an open book.
"Why are you always sitting in the rain?" They tilted their head to the side curiously, their fingers tugging absently at their ragged coat, whilst their other hand was laid out and brushed through the grass.
Fenomeno huffed in response, annoyed that her thoughts were so obvious. Fenomeno had never been good at hiding her emotions or intentions, but she wished that Gold would leave it alone. "Isn't it obvious?" she grumbled in return. She knew Gold wasn't going to accept the answer, but she didn't care. She was wet and irritable, her thoughts swimming as the rain continued hammering against the land.
Fenomeno didn't feel very talkative this evening - the rain had put her in a bad mood, just as it always did. She glanced at Gold beside her and noticed their lack of discomfort. No shivering, no attempts to get out of the rain. Just their usual odd self, completely unbothered by the weather. She couldn't help but envy that.
She realized she was staring.
The cold broke through her thoughts again, snapping her back to reality. Fenomeno had to bite the inside of her cheek, keeping the urge to sigh at bay. 'Not the time,' she reminded herself internally.
"I think the rain is nice," Gold said simply, their gaze trained up at the sky and the setting sun as their fingers continued to comb through the dewy grass. "The sound it makes on the leaves; the scent of dew amidst the air; the puddles... It's all a part of nature's beauty, but it all goes overlooked, because it's easier to focus on the negatives that come with it." They gave Fenomeno a knowing stare, their tail resting against her back like a comforting hand. "Sure, the skies get all gloomy, and the atmosphere is cold...but it could be worse, couldn't it? It's better than the harshness of winter, or the brutality of summer," they added, eliciting a small chuckle. They were never the type to get philosophical at all - in fact, they mostly just asked questions - so this was new.
It surprised Fenomeno to hear such a take on the weather, especially coming from Stay Gold. It was a welcome distraction from her gloomy mood, albeit a surprising one. She listened, her annoyance mostly replaced with curiosity. "I mean, sure," she began slowly, ears flicking at the sound of her own voice. She had to think for a moment, rain still dripping, "It could always be worse. You have a point there." She looked over at Gold once again. Their dark, dead eyes were focused on the sky, unflinching in the face of the cold.
"There's something so special about evening showers. The smell of soil and misty air is really nice if you think about it," said Gold, giving their daughter a small nudge. "Sure, the moonlight burns it all off later, but for now we get to enjoy it; it only happens at this time of day, and that's what makes it special." They fisted a handful of wet grass and dirt, lifting it up to look at. "It's a matter of perspective, really."
Fenomeno watched through gritted teeth as Gold played with the wet foliage, the words weighing heavily on her. It was like they were trying to make a point, or at least get her to see things differently - which was something they seldom did. Her heart felt heavy, and a pang of guilt washed over her. Fenomeno was suddenly struck with the fact that Stay Gold was right - It was a matter of perspective. It had never even occurred to her to look at things the way they did - or at all, really.
She found that she couldn't tear her eyes away, and she continued watching the water that slid off the grass Gold was holding. It dripped through their gloved fingers and onto the ground, a small part of her own mind focusing on how effortlessly Gold was taking all of this. Even being soaked by the rain, they didn't shiver or seem to mind the cold at all.
A small part of her wished she could just sit there without so much as a care. Not caring was a concept that she had never truly come to terms with. In fact, she had always been the exact opposite. Everything bothered her. It felt unusual to think any other way.
A moment of silence passed before she finally spoke up, voice quiet. "How do you do it?" She paused, finding the words difficult to vocalize. "How do you just… not care?"
It was a genuine question. Stay Gold's aloof attitude about everything often came as a shock to Fenomeno. Their unwavering interest in the mundane was something she could never really wrap her head around, but now, she wished more than anything that she could do the same. She suddenly felt anxious as she waited for their reply, curling in on herself a little more.
Finally, Gold spoke up. "Not care?" They repeated, turning to Fenomeno – there was clearly surprise in their movements, their tail sliding back down to the grass, twitching almost anxiously before they regained their composure. "You think I don't care?" It wasn't asked in an offended way - only with genuine curiosity, like a toddler asking a confusing question. "It's not about never caring," they began, the tone of their voice soft.
They let go of the grass in their fist, watching as the blades drooped at the absence of their grasp. "It's about prioritizing what to care about," they continued. "After all, feeling everything makes you heavy and leaves you broken, doesn't it?" Their gaze drifted back up to the clouds in the sky.
Fenomeno was struck silent by the unexpected depth of Gold's response. she hadn't thought about it that way before - that Gold was simply prioritizing what was "worth" caring about.
A comfortable silence fell over the two after that, one that was laden with unspoken thoughts and feelings. Stay Gold didn't mind it, surprisingly, leaning back a little and crossing their short legs. A soft song filled the cold air, warm like an embrace.
Fenomeno closed her eyes, taking in the soothing sound of Gold's humming. It was rather nostalgic. The rhythmic pattern that accompanied their constant motion, always moving, was oddly comforting. The rain continued its steady descent, but for some reason, she felt a sense of peace wash over her. Perhaps it was the conversation she'd shared before the silence, or maybe it was just being in Stay Gold's company. She had a habit of worrying, but she supposed Gold was right – though the fact wasn't all surprising. Caring about everything did get exhausting.
She sighed quietly, opening her eyes once more and glancing at the other. She watched Gold's hands, still absently toying with the wet grass. They were still just as restless as they used to be, like a butterfly fluttering around in some sort of endless search. Fenomeno had always found it both fascinating and a little concerning.
Suddenly, without thinking, she blurted out, "When did you become such a philosopher?" It wasn't mean-spirited; more out of shock at the turn the conversation had taken.
Stay Gold let out a little laugh, their head tilting back to look up at the darkening clouds. "I suppose I was always meant to be one," they said with a smile. They didn't think about it as being a philosopher, though; Fenomeno was being a little over-dramatic. For Gold, introspection was just... life. While they loved to talk and ramble and ask questions, there was an entire world of thoughts and emotions they kept to themself. This was just one of those rare occasions when said thoughts slipped out.
"Besides," they continued, rolling the grass in between their frail fingers, "I have to think about it, somewhere. Can't keep it to myself all the time, you know. Otherwise, I'd go insane."
"I know," Fenomeno replied quietly, watching them continue playing with the grass. "But I hope you don't forget that you can come to me, too. No matter what."
It was a rare moment of vulnerability from Fenomeno. She was not fond of emotional moments, but now and then, she was unable to stop herself. She didn't want her father to suffer in silence any more than they already had – though she knew they were rather good at hiding the pain from others. It wasn't fair that they felt the need to stay quiet.
But perhaps Gold had a point. It was nice to focus on the small things sometimes. But she had spent so much time worrying and preparing for disasters that she hadn't stopped to really appreciate the world.
"You can be oddly... perceptive at times," she continued after a short period of silence. "How come you never talk about how you feel?"
She knew Gold wasn't good at sharing their problems, but somehow it never failed to perplex her. Fenomeno felt that as her daughter, she should be able to help, but they weren't often keen on accepting the help she offered.
Stay Gold merely shrugged, running their delicate fingers through the dampened blades of grass beneath them; they doubted they'd ever grow tired of the tingly sensation of the dew beneath their palms.
"I'm not quite sure," they replied, their dark gaze still focused on the ground. "But you remember me well enough to see how I'm feeling, don't you? You're more in tune with emotions than you think," they added, their fragile, long nails starting to dig at the earth below their fingers. "I don't care that I'm always in pain. I can be happy even if there are negatives in this world."
Fenomeno observed as Gold's hands dug through the dirt. It was a rather odd sight; seeing someone as delicate as her father in terms of their health, digging at the ground that could so easily hurt them. She winced but didn't speak up, knowing that Stay Gold knew their limits as well.
"How do you do it?" She repeated the question she'd asked earlier. "How do you just... accept the pain?"
It wasn't something Fenomeno was capable of doing. She was protective of her father by nature, and the thought of them being hurt after what they'd been through made something in her ache. Fenomeno didn't want anything more to happen to them; hadn't they suffered enough?
A moment of silence passed before Gold let out a deep breath, slowly bringing their hands back to themself. They were a little dirty, a little wet, but they didn't seem to mind, staring at the tips of their slender fingers. The rain continued to fall, and they sighed, their digging ceasing as their small, bruised hands came to rest on their lap.
They finally looked up from the grass, turning to face Fenomeno. Even after all this time, they knew exactly what she was thinking, and they also knew that she would berate herself for it silently. They could sense it - as they were capable of sensing so many other things. "I suppose I know I have to," they finally said gently, their tail idly flicking to and fro – like a wave making its way to shore. "But it doesn't have a hold on me. Nothing does. I don't let it." They suddenly paused, their expression softening. "You shouldn't either."
They chuckled, their gaze rolling back to look up at the clouds once more. "You know, Fenomeno," they said, tilting their head to look at their daughter. "Sometimes, it's okay to hurt."
Fenomeno felt like something had twisted within her. It was a pain that she was unfamiliar with, but all too familiar at the same time. Gold's words had cut through her worry, hitting a spot in her heart that she tried to protect. She swallowed, feeling a lump forming in her throat, and she looked away from her father. It was becoming almost too much for her.
"It's not okay. I don't want to see you hurt," she mumbled, her voice unusually small. "Never again." She wasn't ashamed of the way she thought, the way she felt. But she didn't know where these intense emotions for Gold came from; she had always been rather stoic. Maybe her father simply tended to make her unravel, and she had no idea how to deal with it.
Stay Gold seemed to grow sympathetic, but it was devoid of pity. "You know, beneath that pain, if you learn to accept it and understand it..." They paused, a hand reaching out to the tiny hole they'd dug. After a moment, they withdrew it, clutching something gently in their palms; they brang it up closer and showed Fenomeno.
Within the dirt clinging to their hand, several little worms crawled around, their movements lively and practiced.
"Beneath it all, there's something so very beautiful," they finished.
Fenomeno watched silently as the little worms began to squirm around in Gold's hand, a mixture of fascination and discomfort in her eyes. She felt a strange tug at her heart, seeing the tiny creatures wriggling in the soil. She knew that Gold was making a point, but she wasn't sure she understood what it meant. It was all so symbolic, and all she could think of was how Stay Gold's hands should be protected from the mess. How their body should be protected from pain.
"Please be careful," Fenomeno urged, her eyes still on their hands. "You'll get dirty."
She had never been perceptive – not like Gold was convinced she was – but Stay Gold saw her concern, her worry, as clear as day. So to distract her from worrying about the worms or the dirt or them, they let out a small giggle and extended their hand, bringing the bugs closer to their daughter. They knew Fenomeno hated the feeling of dirt on her skin, but this was important, whether she saw it the way they did or not. "Here," they said, their tone gentle. "Hold out your hand."
Fenomeno froze, her eyes slowly drifting from the worms to the dirt to Gold's hand. She hesitated, clearly reluctant, but she knew that they were trying to teach her something, and she also knew that she could never truly refuse any of their requests.
"I... okay," she mumbled, holding out her hand like they’d asked, but the uncertainty in her eyes was clear. She silently cursed at herself, hating the fact that she was unable to say no to them.
Gold smiled warmly, gently transferring the worms from their hand into Fenomeno's. They knew she didn't enjoy the creeping sensations. Good, they thought. She needs to experience discomfort. They let the last of the worms drop into Fenomeno's open hand, and they tilted their head at the way Fenomeno pulled a face. They chuckled, a light, airy sound.
"Now, imagine this dirt as the pain you feel every day," they instructed gently, tapping a finger against the grime. "And these worms are the joy. The love."
Fenomeno's face was full of discomfort as the last worm wriggled from Gold's hand to hers. She hated every second, but she forced herself to listen and endure. The moment Gold began explaining, she looked confused, but she forced herself to try and understand. "Pain... and... joy," she repeated quietly, staring at the worms in her dirty hand. She slowly began to understand what they were trying to say. "So, the pain is here, in the dirt."
Gold nodded. "Yes. And you have to dig through the dirt to really find and appreciate the worms. They may be in smaller quantities, but that doesn't mean they are less important. Worms are a very overlooked part of nature, but they do so much more for us than we ever know. Just because they may look or feel a little gross doesn't mean they're bad or should be ignored."
They closed their eyes again, letting themself feel the drizzle of the rain. It was warm, the water slowly saturating their hair, but they found that they quite liked it. It was steady and regular - despite everything, the rainfall was always so steady. The sound of its pitter-patter was so constant, so mesmerizing.
Fenomeno was listening intently as she stared at the worms crawling around in the dirt. The whole thing felt a little ridiculous, but the way that Stay Gold explained it made sense. She glanced up at her father as they spoke, watching the raindrops falling gently on them, adding to their already damp appearance. She felt something in her chest, an odd tightness, as she watched them sit there with their eyes closed, simply enjoying the sound of the rain. Fenomeno swallowed, the dirt scratching at her skin.
"So... what you're trying to tell me," Fenomeno began slowly, her hand clenching around the worms, "is to accept that there's always going to be good and bad in this world? And to never ignore it or push it away." She watched the wriggling little creatures squirming around in her hand, and she made a face. “I don't know if I believe that.”
Gold couldn't help but elicit a small giggle, nodding along. "But you will. One day," they replied, finally reaching out to take the small mound of dirt and worms out of their daughter's hand, lowering it down into the grass. The worms slid through their gentle, fragile fingers and burrowed back underground, with Gold burying them to keep them nice and warm beneath the soil.
Fenomeno sighed as Gold took the dirt and worms off her hand, the relief on her face plain to see. She was glad to have it off, though she knew they'd only given it to her to make a point. She looked back at her father, her frown returning. "I guess part of me just doesn't want you to deal with the bad things," she mumbled.
Gold's gaze flicked up at Fenomeno's words, and they let out a light sigh. They knew that, deep down, Fenomeno hated the idea of them being in any sort of pain. It wasn't her fault, and they knew she worried for a good reason, but their heart ached for her regardless.
They looked down at the grass, their slender fingers tracing shapes in the damp blades of grass beneath them. "Why do you think that is?" They asked, their tone soft, but curious. "Why can't you let me handle my own pain?" Stay Gold understood that her protectiveness stemmed from their own past negligence. They always understood. "I know you don't like to acknowledge it, but pain... pain is part of life, too. Bad things happen, Fenomeno. They always will. It's what helps us grow. You can choose to let it consume you until it swallows you whole, or you can coexist with it."
Fenomeno's expression darkened, listening intently as Gold spoke. They were making sense, as usual. Fenomeno hated that they made sense.
"Why should you have to accept it?" She snapped, her voice unusually quiet. "It's not fair, especially for you. You've been through so much already." Fenomeno's hand reflexively tightened into a fist, her knuckles becoming white. "Why is it so wrong of me not to want you to hurt?" She hissed, her voice cracking slightly.
She was starting to feel a little vulnerable. It was a feeling that always made Fenomeno uncomfortable. The topic was hitting too close to home, and she knew that Stay Gold could sense it. Fenomeno's shoulders slumped, feeling helpless. "Why can't I just..." She trailed off, her words dying in her throat.
Fenomeno's worry was plain to see. Her expression and tone made it clear how she felt, but Stay Gold only smiled softly. They reached out to take her clenched hand, their slender fingers gently wrapping around her knuckle in a small, affectionate gesture.
"You always worry," they sighed, ignoring the way their fingers began to prick and redden at even the tiniest, most tender touch. They didn't mind Fenomeno's protectiveness towards them - quite the opposite, in fact. They found comfort in it, and they knew Fenomeno would never change that about herself. Still, they knew it bothered her.
Fenomeno stared at where Gold's hand wrapped around hers, a feeling of helplessness washing over her. Their touch felt like a mixture of comfort and pain; it was a strange, bittersweet sensation that she was all too familiar with. Her expression darkened, her grip on their hand tightening, albeit carefully. She didn't want to push them too far and risk hurting them. "I just... I don't want to see you in pain," she said quietly, her voice slightly choked up. "It hurts.”
Fenomeno's mind kept flitting back to the memories of the past – the ones she was so desperate to push away. The ones that reminded her of not just her failures but her father's. The ones that constantly made her doubt herself.
"How am I supposed to..." She began, her voice faltering for a moment. How was she supposed to make sure everyone was always happy when bad things always happened? Fenomeno didn't understand.
Stay Gold's gaze narrowed in sympathy, and they shifted closer, leaning their head against her shoulder. They weren't quite sure what to say to comfort her, to reassure her that her failures didn't define her. They couldn't understand why she always beat herself up so much over every little inconvenience, like it was the end of the world - or worse, the end of their friendship. They felt their natural curiosity and urge to learn more about their daughters growing more and more by the seconds, but they didn't pry. They refused to let her feel uncomfortable.
"I know," was all that Stay Gold said, and somehow it was enough.
Fenomeno's shoulders slumped, and she tensed up at Gold's touch. She wasn't used to feeling this vulnerable, especially around them. As much as she loved her father, there was an underlying fear of judgment there at all times, knowing they could see straight through her.
She tried to control herself, but her body felt strangely out of sync. Fenomeno was so used to being strong-willed, stoic, almost emotionless, to protect herself, but right now, the walls she'd built up felt so much weaker than usual.
She swallowed, feeling her throat tightening, the tension in her body almost unbearable. She struggled to find the words to say, her mouth feeling strangely dry. She took a breath, and when she spoke, her voice came out slightly shaky.
"How do you... How do you deal with the pain?" Fenomeno pressed on the topic further, turning her head to glance down at her father. "How do you make it stop hurting?"
Stay Gold sighed, shaking their head. Their fingers traced delicate lines over Fenomeno's own hand, their touch gentle.
"You don't. You can't," they said simply.
After a moment's hesitation, they realized their succinctness made her feel worse. "You can never make it stop, but you can choose not to let it affect you as much. You can linger on the ache and the emptiness and the helplessness, or you can try. You can try to move forward, to heal, to be seen as more than what you've been through," they amended, their voice as soft as their touch.
Fenomeno's heart sank at the words. They made sense, as usual, but she hated the idea of them even having to learn how to deal with pain. They didn't deserve it. "You shouldn't have to deal with it," she argued, her voice barely above a murmur. "You should never have to be strong. You shouldn't..." She trailed off, closing her eyes and swallowing back the wave of emotions that threatened to spill.
"Don't," Gold suddenly said. "I know what you're doing, and I'm telling you: don't hold it back. Let go," they murmured encouragingly.
As much as Fenomeno might have wanted to, she couldn't resist when Stay Gold told her not to hold back. They'd always known her better than she knew herself, and deep down, a part of her was relieved.
She opened her mouth slightly, her breath shuddering as she swallowed. The lump in her throat was uncomfortable, but she found herself unable to fight back. Fenomeno's form trembled like a leaf in a storm, her words unsteady.
"Everything hurts," she mumbled. She let out a bitter laugh at the sound of her own voice, her eyes stinging with tears she refused to let fall.
"I know it does." Stay Gold continued to gently trail their fingers against her hand, their nails now moving up and down her arm comfortingly. "But it'll be okay. It'll be okay if you let it be okay, and to do that, you need to let go," they purred, closing their eyes as she leaned against them.
Fenomeno shivered slightly at the touch of their cold fingers across her skin, a sharp contrast from the warm raindrops that were still trickling down her neck. She listened to their voice, the gentle encouragement that reassured her that it was okay to feel this way. And for the first time in... well, she wasn't sure how long, Fenomeno felt the walls she'd spent so long building up finally crumble, her grip on Gold's hand tightening.
"I don't know how," she whispered, her voice raw and hoarse. Fenomeno's voice was shaking; her usual steadfastness had cracked. She wasn't even sure when she'd started silently crying, but the tears felt so unfamiliar. She'd gotten so used to closing herself off to everything and everyone, even with Stay Gold, that being vulnerable was a strange sensation in itself.
She took a shaky breath, letting out a watery chuckle. "It... it hurts so much," she mumbled, leaning her head against her father's. She couldn't help but feel like she was breaking.
Stay Gold felt as though their heart was torn out of their chest. They hadn't actually expected Fenomeno to listen so easily, but they wasted no time leaping into action. They shifted a tad closer to her whilst keeping a fair distance out of respect, still unsure how close she wanted to be.
Fenomeno closed her eyes, letting her sorrow slide down her cheeks in rivers, though she made no sound. She'd spent so long bottling up her emotions that it felt foreign, letting herself feel so vulnerable. Her body trembled as she tried in vain to restrain herself. She didn't want to let go; she didn't know if she could pick herself up if she broke now.
The rain was falling heavily, and Stay Gold felt like they should have moved by now. But the thought of leaving this moment, of their daughter having to face the pain by herself as she always did, was overwhelming. Instead, they let the rain trickle down and cool their body, using themself as a protective shield against the harsh weather.
Sure, Stay Gold hadn't been there for the first half of Fenomeno’s – or any of their daughters, for that matter – life, but that didn't mean they couldn't start now. She was stuck with them now, whether she liked it or not.